iheartsuki Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) I mentioned in an earlier post that I moved across the country to be near my bf and am currently staying with him at his apartment w/ his 2 other roommates while I try to find work. One roommate is extremely laid back and the other is....NOT! But the one who is not, is a LOT like my bf and they are best friends. I've always felt that his friend/roommate does not like me. I am a very forgetful person and I lack a long attention span (ADD) and they are both very big on being extremely responsible and showing appreciation, etc. It is a daily struggle for me to keep up with their expectations, especially when the expectations feel a little bit unreasonable to me, but I try to keep up anyway and not complain....and if I ever complain or protest, it's to my bf ONLY and never to the roommate. Anyway....long story short....the roommate issued some complaints about me via email to the boyfriend...and included in these complaints was that my bf never talked to him before I moved up there about the fact that I would be living there indefinitely.....even though I asked SEVERAL times before I came up if it would be ok w/ this particular roommate. Bf claims, however, that he DID talk to him and doesn't know what that's about... But...my main concern isn't the roommate. It's his house, he pays to live there, so I have no room to complain about him not wanting random hairs in his sink or a light left on for 3 seconds longer than it should be. That's his right, as ridiculous and uptight as it is (to me). But...he was pretty harsh about it in the email, saying "it makes me want to explode!" at least a couple of times and calling me selfish, etc. How do I know this? B/c my bf showed it to me. We had been fighting already and b/c I joking said I didn't believe something (unrelated to all this) before that, he responded with "you're f*cking crazy"...which REALLY hurt and seemed out of line. I told him that but he refused to apologize (then said "I apologize, I should have said you're a nutjob")....so that left me crying and crying. I was REALLY hurt and cried for a long time...and as I was still crying later he said "come over here, I want to show you something"...so I asked what and went over to where he was sitting with his laptop and he said "I want to show you how someone else sees things" and then showed me that email. I didn't say anything and just went into the bathroom and sobbed my eyes out. He came in and tried to hug me (I was crying REALLY hard) and said he didn't think I would react like that and when I didn't stop crying...he just left me in there. Since we've been fighting a lot and he JUST got his first job and is really excited, I held it in for a couple of days. I knew it wouldn't get us anywhere except fighting...again...and as much as I really just don't like him these days, I didn't want to rain on his parade. But I couldn't hold it in anymore and told him a couple days later how I thought that was really cruel and it really felt like he was TRYING to hurt me by showing me that. He denied that, got mad at ME for accusing him of such a thing, and then apologized IF it was "bad judgement". Something just doesn't feel right though. I told MY best friend about this and she said "that's pretty damn cruel". So my questions is....IS that cruel of him? I feel like I don't even know him anymore. He says and does whatever he wants and keeps hurting me and hurting me and when I make it known, he rarely apologizes. I am hurting so much. Edited November 7, 2010 by iheartsuki
cozenedindigo Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Yep. Get out of there, girl. Salvage your dignity and walk away from this idiot.
karaann07 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 It sure sounds cruel. More importantly, it sounds immature. Painfully immature. And it seems as if your boyfriend lacks apathy. My husband and I can definitely get mean when we fight- we're working on that- but, once the heat of the moment is over, for him not to be able to see that he hurt you and have remorse for that, whether he INTENDED to hurt you or not, whether he THINKS you're overreacting or not- that is telling. If you stepped on a puppy's paw, wouldn't you feel bad? You didn't do it on purpose, but your action caused pain, and that makes you feel bad. It doesn't seem like your boyfriend operates that way. He just wants to be "right" or "make a point". Which can be done without pain.
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