Control loss

[IvoArch]

First of all I want to excuse me for mi English in advance, because English is not my mother tongue, but French; nevertheless I´ll do my best in order to make my case clear.

I meet this gilr a year ago, She has a BF....HAVE a BF. So, the first time I saw her I said to myself. "This is the girl from my dreams, but .....Forget it...there is no way I could know her... ". But destiny put us together one day at a fast food restaurant, we recognize each other and started a chat... she asked for my e-mail adress so I can send her some of my drawings. She was very friendly....but...hey!!! I know you can't take this as a sign of attraction; I had a lot of bad results and endings when triying to pick up girls in the past...so I decided NO TO PICK UP THIS ONE, and just be her friend...believe it or not..

We started to talk on a almost daily basis, bye chat, and text messages. I helped her with her college thesis, I send her warm messages in Christmas eve and New Year´s Day. She was very receptive.

Three months after we became friends, we arranged to meet each other so I can give her some basic Math lessons on a weekly basis. The first time she arrived with her boyfriend, but he leave after a few minutes. The moments with her where very pleasurable, we get along quite well, everything was unforced and we felt totally comfortable with each other. I started to notice little things about her: she used to touch me in the arm, she smiled a lot when we talked, our hand touched a lot and neither she nor I seemed to be annoyed or disturbed by that, she talked all the time about future plans with me...you know, hanging out to this or that place (some day I´ll invite you to the beach and show you how to make a sand castle)... and most important of all, I noticed that she was all the time the one who started any kind of contact. She text-message me about 3-4 times a week, and most of the time I didn´t reply in order to not let my mind running wild with crazy ideas of both of us getting together.

Sometimes we talked by chat or text messages almost every day of a week, until 3:00 am.

She cared for me a lot...a lot...if I was sick, she cared, If I lost my house´s keys and have to sleep on somebody else's house, she wrote me even at 2:00 am saying: I´M WORRIED ABOUT YOU...PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU´RE OK...and if she didn´t get any notices about me the next day, she texted me: ARE YOU STILL ALIVE??? So I started to develop a sincere feeling of tenderness and yes...a little love towards her.

Our encounters extended in time, and she open herself to me...she told me about past relationships, her family problems, her fears and dreams. We were the best of best friends. She told me that she has no friends at all, because men always confused things and tried to pick up her and girls simply hate her -I know what you must be thinking right now, but she behaved quite differently with me... or so I tough.

She told me that she has occasional friends who called her from time to time, but not a friend she can call every night so she can tell her-him about her day... she make me know later that I became that friend... her best friend, the only real friend in her life...

She wrote me things like: YOU ARE A GOOD FRIEND, YOU ARE MY ONLY FRIEND, YOU ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME...

So, one day I asked to go to the movies. Look, where I live, hang out to the movies with a female friend is not always a date thing. Of course, by the time I could tell there were signs of a possible mutual attraction, but after that day at the movies there were little doubts about it.

You see, this girl -lonely, friendless, all shyness, sweet voice, just two relationships in her file and ZERO one night stands- started to said things like: AND WHAT IF YOU LIKE SOMEBODY BUT YOU DON´T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL HIM-HER??? I was wondering all the time: IS SHE TALKING ABOUT ME??? COULD IT BE POSSIBLE? WITHOUT EVEN TRIYING??? SHE LIKES ME???... then I started talking about this friend of mine that have a girlfriend but besides that have anooother FEMALE FRIEND he sees when the official one is not around....to my surprise, the shy lonely gilr I like said in exclamation: YES!!!!! I´VE ALWAYS BELIVED THAT....YOU COUL LOVE MORE THAN ONE AT A TIME, BECAUSE YOU KNOW, HUMAN MIND IS SOOO COMPLEX....PEOPLE SAY I´M CRAZY BY THINKING THAT WAY BUT...I BELIEVE IN THAT...THE PROBLEM IS, HOW DO YOU DO WHEN YOU LIKE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE? YOU SAID YOU HAVE TO SEE THE SECOND ONE BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, SO NOBODY ELSE COULD KNOW ABOUT HIM...RIGHT??? OH MY GOD, BUT I DON´T THINK I COULD BE CAPABLE OF DOING SUCH A THING....

And I was like: MMM WHAT??? IS THIS SHY LITLE LOVELY GIRL SENDING ME A SUGESTION??? THAT WE BE TOGHETER WITHOUT SHE HAVING TO BREAKUP WITH HER BF????

I was shocked....not only she seemed to like me, she even were proposing me to have intimacy with her without dealing with a breakup with her BF...

Could you believe it???

That week things rushed faster than I can handle....

We talked by text messages, chat and phone every day until 4:00 am, If I were to leave, she send me faces sooo baad you have to leaveeeee.....and things like that...

She said a lot of things!!!: EVERYTHING IS PERFECT EVERTY TIME YOU TALK TO ME... I WISH I COULD DESSINTEGRATE AND TRAVEL BY WIRE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR ROOM SO YOU COULD PUT ME TO SLEEP WITH YOUR TENDER VOICE... so one of those days she texted me: OK, I HAVE TO CONFESS, WE ARE ADULTS....BUT, YOU KNOW....I FEEL SOMETHING WHEN I´M WITH YOU....

That same night she told me in a kind of playful way: IF YOU WERE MY BF I WOULD HAVE TO BREAKUP WITH YOU, BECAUSE YOU NEVER HAVE TIME FOR ME, I KNOW YOU´RE WORKING VERY HARD, BUT ...YOU KNOW, I HAVE MY WEEKENDS FULL BECAUSE IT´S WHEN I´M WITH MY BF, BUT I´M FREE THE REST OF THE WEEK...

Good lordddd!!!! I couldn´t believe my luck!!!!!! and without even trying to pick up her...

And after that day...things ran out of control...

She disappeared... seemed scared... if I called her, she didn´t pick up the phone, but from time to time, she send me text messages....

It took me about five weeks bring her back to our "friendship". We talked...I talked...she didn´t say anything but "yes, yes, you´re right"... y said: I KNOW YOU GET SCARED..BUT WE CAN GO SLOWER, OF WE CAN BE FRIENDS DESPITE THE STRONG FEELINGS WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER...BLA BLA...

We became friends again...

I helped her every time she needed... with money, support, advices...

she keep talking about HOW A GOOD AND BEST FRIEND I WAS....etc etc etc

I know, you are thinking....THIS GUY TURNED INTO A WUSS AND SURELY HE LOST HER AFTER DOING THIS KIND OF STUFF...

Yes, but no!!!

She started to show interest once again.

One day she told me HEY!!! HOW ABOUT RESTART OUR MATH LESSONS...AND COULD IT BE IN YOUR HOME???

I said OK..

Ok, she went about five times to my place...she took the lessons...but stayed a whole afternoon at my place...we lay down on my bed, listening music, playing all sort of games with our hands, our faces separate by no more than a inch...I played with her hair, her hands, her feet, she played games with my legs....and I told her about the girls I kissed before...and she replied: Oh...you´re a bad boy, lucky me I don´t belong to that club!!!!

I know, I know...this must be read as OK SO IT´S MY TURN, KISS ME RIGHT NOW!!! TAKE ME... but I was paralyzed the way things were developing, so easy....and because SHE NEVER STOPED TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE LOVED HER BF AND HOW SHE COULDN´T CHEAT ON HIM...

Ok maybe I am the stupidest stupid on Earth, but I believed her...I believe in her angel face, her shyness and the truth from her words...so I never make THE MOVE...

She embraced me, played with her eyelashes on my face...YES!!!! she rubbed my hair...

Nevertheless she kept texting me almost every single day of the week...If I didn´t replied, she used to write: SOOOO ARE YOU LEAVING MEEEE??? YOU DON´T WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ANYMORE OR WHAT??

And then...one day, from one week to another...everything changed...

After 9 months of having this strange SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP -as she used to put it- the last three months have been a real hell...

She changed the way she spoke to me, the kindness, the sweet smile...the playful things she wrote me every night...her GOOD NIGT, LITTLE BOY...HAVE CHOCOLATE DREAMS...all that stuff ended..

She began to behave in a more.....mmmm... regular, average way...

You know, we were doing some work together (a job thing)... and she canceled the remaining appointments without any explanation, she even -I discovered- decided not to answer a couple of text messages I send her..when she realized I discovered her...she started to send me messages....giving me all kind of excuses, every new excuse contradicting sometimes the former one...I never replied any of those messages...at the end, she said: OK, DON´T WRITE ME!!

I started to behave kind of cold towards her...and for some weeks we get very distant...she cooled almost to zero, y then I tried to be friendly again and regained a little bit of our good old mood. But things were clearly deteriorating… She went to my place a few more times, and every time she did, things were always the same: hand games, me touching her hair….things like that. One day she called me at 3:00 pm. She told me she was about to break up with her BF, she was sad as never….because they talked about their future and he seemed to have no interest in it… I did what I always did: helped her. Yes I´m noble, but stupid. They have their reconciliation and after that, she went back to the old ways of HEY DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING??? I HAVE NEVER HAVE A FRIEND LIKE YOU, I LOVE YOU….THANKS FOR BEING THERE…I COULD´T HAVE TELL MY PROBLEM TO ANYONE BUT YOU… but soon, things kept getting worse and worse. You know, part of the I HAVE NO FRIENDS problem of her, was the fact that she seemed like no ordinary girl: she disliked parties, crowded places, groups of more than five people, dancing, drinking, going to clubs… for her, the perfecta date was going to the movies, maybe have a little meal, and return home early so she can see TV movies with a dish full of popcorns until 3:00 am… she even likes rock and rock pop, and brit pop and indie music, and she loves almost every kind of movie: indie films, French, Asian, Hollywood garbage or Hollywood best stuff, animated, science fiction…. My kind of lady!!!! So, she has no friends amongst other things because she don´t like to go out with a bunch of people to a noisy place and she feel disconnected from people in general…I tough she was comfortable with herself and the way she is, but…

The lowest point of our relationship was at a public transport unit… her erratic, crazy and unexpected behavior was making me sick, she started to make “new friends”…of course, she have friends from college and high school, but…. Rather than to try to rescue the old friends…she just started make –MALE friends- giving them her number here and there…of course, this guys were not friends at all, they were just waiting for the opportunity to get her, some of these guys very suspicious guys with strange and kind of illegal occupations; I was genuinely worried about her, she seemed to not realize that some of them could be really dangerous people. I felt jealous, I must admit it, because she texted them as mad… the things she used to tell me about her current affairs she was telling now to every one of these NEW FRIENDS… I confronted her at the public transportation unit…I couldn’t believe what my ears hear: YOU KNOW, I REALIZED I HAVE PROBLEMS BECAUSE I HAVE NO SOCIAL CIRCLE AT ALL, SO IN ORDER TO BE SOMEONE I HAVE TO MAKE ONE AND MAKE IT GROW….yeah, tell me about PROM QUEENS reasoning. We forced… she put her headphones and I took them from their ears….because I told her she was insincere…false …insecure… not capable of knowing what to want and the good things she have….blinded by some stupid idea of belonging to some BIG group of friends. She told me while laughing: HAHA yes, you WERE (WERE) MY BEST FRIEND, BUT SUDDELY A BEGAN TO SEE YOU TOO MUCH HAHAHA…At this moment I stood up and leave her while speaking…

I tough it was the end of all, but….for my surprise she started texting me again!!! And the next days she continue texting me as if nothing has happened. I try to disappear. But then she began to increase the intensity of her messages….WHERE ARE YOU???? HIIII…..ANSWER ME…I HATE YOU!!!! ARE YOU ALIVE??? Until one day I simply replied again…she asked me what was happening and why I wasn´t replying her messages. So, I started to answer….and she stopped looking for me again….and the I stopped the answers, and she started to look for me again , and I started the messages again and so on, and so on….

I´d like to emphasize that along these 12 months, she is the one sending the firs message, or writing the first, or calling me the first in 99% of the cases… and that is still the case, even when our communication is less than a pale remain of what it used to be… A few months ago, I was her best friend ever, and now…just a guy she sends her texts from time to time.

A few days ago, I started to send her messages of a more explicit way….because I ´m thinking that maybe she never had it clear about my feelings, although we confessed it in the past months…

After some I MISS YOU messages, she texted me and started a strange conversation about THE INVISBLE THING THAT WE FEEL BUT DON´T SEE; she engaged me, and suddenly out of the blue she asked me if I love her!!! Y replied YES thinking it was the prelude of her confession, but the only thing she wrote was a question: WHAT IS PLATONIC LOVE? And she never wrote anything else…until the next day when she texted me “Hi, how are youuuu???? Hahaha” as if nothing of significance happened the other night.

SO….

IS THERE ANYBODY HERE WHO CAN EXPLAIN ME WHAT´S HAPENNING HERE, AND IF I HAVE ANY CHANCE TO GET HER ONCE FOR ALL???? BECAUSE THAT´S WHAT I REALLY WANT….BUT I NEED TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF THE BEAST…AND MANAGE TO REGAIN CONTROL AND HER… IF IT IS POSSIBLE…IT’S BEEN LIKE 6 WEEKS FROM THE LAST TIME I SEE HER….SHE IS WORKING AND STUDYING VERY HARD AND SO IT´S DIFFICULT FOR ME TO SEE HER NOW…BUT I WANT….HELP!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO????

 

 

 

PS: sorry for the lengt

[Valie]

Oh boy that's the exact same situation im in....she went agressiveon me with hints and stuff.....for a week then i ask her out she got confused....doesnt know...then got awkard then never spoke....then she was like i dont like u anymore even thought i felt she was lying....because she told me earlier she has baggage "She got abused in the past among otehr things" took me 4 weeks now we friends again and now she worries about me if i get sick among other things.....so yes you have a confused girl mate.....

 

1) Either confused really...

 

2) Likes the attention

 

3) Is a friend but a really flrity one....yes some of them actually like that drama going on....

 

so ye that's all i can give you i dont want to misslead you or whatever

[xpaperxcutx]

Can you please get out of your high school phase and focus on significant things aside from a girl who plays mind games?

 

You're the boy she goes for ego boosting. She has no intention of making you her boyfriend, because guess what? She had a bf but you're the emotional backup.

 

Why do you think you're so frustrated and emotionally drained?

 

This girl is as selfish as they come. All sweet and innocent yet totally self- absorbed.

[Valie]

Well that's one way to put it....Sometimes they are actually that messed up like really that messed up... my girl warned me about her like 3x when i asked her out and told me im bad with relationships and i miht fail you..and not sure which she did....but i understand she wasnt playin games and that's her....and at times i think she is......But ye you could say she is "Selfish" in this case unless there's somethin else going on that cant be put into words or that he forgot to mention

[IvoArch]

...that for the first 6-5 months she seemed to be really interested in me....she said things like: I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU ALL MY HAPINESS SO YOU NEVER BE SAD... I WILL DO EVERYTHING I COULD SO WE NEVER LOST CONTACT, NEVER, I REMEMBER YOUR HAPPY FACE AND YOUR SMILE...AND I LIKE IT.. I DON´T KNOW HOW A GIRLFRIEDN COULD HAVE DUMP YOU, YOU ARE AN EXCELLENT FRIEND SO I GUESS YOU MUST BE A WONDERFULL, WONDERFULL BF!!!! and that she made clear that we could see each other between weekends...don forget that she said I LIKE YOU ....even before I said anything about her...and that this and that she was the one looking for me most of the time... just that...I don´t know what´s going on in her head right now...

[IvoArch]

she once told me if I had have luck in my life since I meet her, because she thinks she only brings problems and headache to those she knew... so, I think in a way she´s sometimes a litle bit aware of her behavior and her deeds....