maravilla Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I 'broke up' with separated MM on Tuesday night, as in, told him not to contact me until we can have a real out in the open relationship. (His wife thought they were on a trial separation and didn't know he was still with me and I was mainly a secret still relationship still.) We've been NC since then. I was feeling pretty good about not being with MM but today is really hard. It's my first weekend without him and I really miss him. I'm just posting b/c I'm sad. I get mad at him for not doing what he said he wanted to do and mad at myself for going along with it and then I start really missing him and feeling love for him. It doesn't even make sense, all the different feelings I'm having at once. Weekends suck!
newpriorities Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I understand you're sadness; this is really tough stuff we're going through. How about one step at a time today. Can you do something you enjoy and will keep you busy? Go to a movie? Head to the bookstore and pick out something interesting, fun and mindless to read? Take a walk in the forest preserve? Meet a friend for coffee? Do you have any hobbies? Go listen to some music you haven't tried before? Rent a pile of dvds curl up and read! Cook something new! Anything to keep you active for the day! It's also ok to curl up into a ball and cry for a bit. Then wash your face and go out for a bit. The bottom line is really, really take care of yourself. I started nc last week and maybe you remember that he and I work together so it can't be true nc. And it is rough!!! Keep posting....take it one day at a time and really take care of yourself--spoil yourself, you deserve it. You have done the right thing. Who knows what the future will hold, but you need to keep on living life to its fullest! Take care:)
Author maravilla Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Yes, he was with me all the time. I think it's just that on the weekends I don't have work to distract me/ keep my mind off him. The long days feel lonely and I can't stop thinking of all the things we used to do together.
desertIslandCactus Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I've noticed OW's will seem to say or feel that it's a far better life for them to have just a piece or scrap of the MM - than to not have him in her life at all.. It would be a vision of a man enjoying a double life while the OW is down on the ground scooting along holding on firmly to his coattails .. Mostly likely you were emotionally fine before the MM/OW relationship. Look at it like this: Don't you want your own life, being your own whole person - rather than the putty for someone else's marriage .. The vanity in these guys will make them risk everything.. And as long as you give him part of you, that's all he needs to fulfill his double life. ..
BB07 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I'm sorry Maravilla that you are blue. Feeling that pain and the loneliness is a necessary evil and you have to walk through it to get to the other side. Also.......it's OK to say you still love him, it's what you feel, but it's also OK to remind yourself that the way things were is not what you wanted. Can you call a friend, go out and do something you enjoy? Big hugs.......to you and hang on, this will pass. I promise!
BB07 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I've noticed OW's will seem to say or feel that it's a far better life for them to have just a piece or scrap of the MM - than to not have him in her life at all.. She isn't saying that DIC.......obviously that is why she ended it, it wasn't enough. It would be a vision of a man enjoying a double life while the OW is down on the ground scooting along holding on firmly to his coattails .. Mostly likely you were emotionally fine before the MM/OW relationship. Look at it like this: Don't you want your own life, being your own whole person - rather than the putty for someone else's marriage .. The vanity in these guys will make them risk everything.. And as long as you give him part of you, that's all he needs to fulfill his double life. .. She will find herself again and she has already stood up and said.....enough! Maravilla is strong and smart, I have complete confidence that she is going to come out of this, wiser and stronger and not much worse for the wear.
Author maravilla Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Thanks, newpriorities (good name!). I was productive yesterday so I guess today I just need to get off my butt and do something to keep busy. LOL. I can't believe you have to work with him, that would really suck!
Author maravilla Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 desertislandcactus and bb07, I know what both of you mean. I had been thinking that maybe it was better to have him in my life than miss him. Like maybe I should have just been happy with what I had. But then I remember that I wasn't happy and couldn't accept the situation as it was, even though I tried. So I know NC is best but sometimes it just feels really hard! Thank you for the support. I already feel better just being reminded of why this best and why I went NC.
4321sn Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Maravilla- I've been NC since Wednesday night. The first day I literally thought I would die from the pain. Next day it got a little better. Then I realized something... I realized that nothing had changed. When we were "together I missed him". towards the end when we were "together" I cried all the time wondering if he will follow through with promises...and if so when that would be. What is missing now are all things I can live without. The anxiety-Gone The waiting for phone calls or texts- Gone The rushed phone calls-Gone all of that sadness for a man I saw twice a week for a few hours. I know you had much more time with your MM but when you miss him try to think about all the times you were upset. Makes it easier. I kept a journal and read it yesterday to remind myself how awful I felt. I hope you are feeling better soon
Author maravilla Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Thanks for sharing that perspective, 4321sn. That's very true. I had actually been reading my journal missing the good times and dates that MM and I had. But there was also a lot of confusion and pain in there too. Yes I saw MM all the time but I started to realize he was kind of using me to escape dealing with his own issues and doing what he needed to do. I started to wonder how he could spend so much time with me and profess his undying love for me, yet not take the necessary steps to give me the full-time relationship he said he knew I deserved and that he wanted too. So now I am free from that confusion and frustration, although I do wonder if he's still separated or what his status is and whether he misses me etc.
Carrot2000 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Have you thought about volunteering on the weekends? Helping others is a great way to get some perspective on your life and this situation. Keep ya head up!
Author maravilla Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Thanks for the suggestion, Carrot.
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