Gattica Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I have issues with anxiety and as of late, I am allowing the fella I dated at work really get to me. I will notice that he is walking towards my desk in order to get to the door to exit the room. The door is before my desk and to the left. Most people don't pay attention to me at all while exiting the room. Well, I can see him looking right at me and I want to ignore him, but I land up looking up several times because I know he is going to say something to me. I get anxious because I don't want to speak to him. I wonder if I didn't look up, if he would even bother saying anything to me. He makes it a point to tell me how great he is doing. I don't say anything to him unless he initiates. What has me all flustered is that I am concerned that he thinks I am still interested in him because he sees me looking up and gauging where he is at in proximity to me. I am not interested, but anxiety ridden. I have no respect for him and I would love it if we didn't even bother with the general pleasantries of "hi" and "how are you?". He is dating/possibly living with someone and I recently found out that he is seeing the woman that he lied to me about NOT seeing at the same time we were dating. Admittedly, that pissed me off, but there is nothing to do or say on the matter. Since things have ended, I have found out a lot of things about him. No one knew we were dating at work, so I land up hearing a lot of things around the water cooler about him. I can't believe I fell for his lines in the first place! I know I shouldn't be at all concerned with what he thinks of me and my feelings towards him. I don't understand why I am and it is taking up too my head space! I need to find a way to control my anxiety when he is around. Sorry folks, I just needed to get that crap off of my chest!
Insanitylater Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Nothing you can do but ignore him. You are feeding his ego anytime you give a sign that you notice him. You have the choice whether or not he gets in your head not him.
Author Gattica Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 I do know it is about me and not him. As stated, I am allowing my anxiety to take control. I have been successful at ignoring him, but when my anxiety level peaks...I tend to do the opposite. I am going to have to be more conscious of my anxiety and how I respond when it reaches a certain level and not allow it to happen. Easier said than done. I don't ignore him if he speaks to me...I just want to ignore him so he doesn't speak to me! God, I hope I am not feeding his ego! It is big enough as it is.
Author Gattica Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Any tips on controlling the anxiety and putting myself in full ignore mode? I guess I don't want it to be obvious that I am ignoring him...but that probably is the best thing...that he is aware that I am, in fact, ignoring him?
Insanitylater Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 lol why does it have to be such a game, he notices doesnt notice, what if he knows im doing this what if he doesnt, WHO CARES just go about your business. type " controlling my anxiety " into google, there are plenty of help sites
Author Gattica Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Apparently, I care. I am always concerned about what people think of me, even when it is someone whose opinion of me shouldn't count. I am not trying to play a game. I am trying to not be so uncomfortable in certain situations with a certain person. I was looking for tips from people on this forum. I know how to do a google search. I am sure there are people that have been in similar situations and was looking for their opinion. You don't actually have to respond to my thread/posts. There is no point with your smart allelic attitude.
Insanitylater Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 The problem is you are not strong willed, and you want someone to pamper, and sugar coat the way they talk to you. I am to the point and direct in my delivery. When you learn to pull yourself up by your boot straps and stop looking for someone else to solve your problems, only then will you learn what you need to learn. Just the mere existence of this guy is bothering you. You may need more help than what can be given here. Any advice that you get on here is nothing more than a jump start to ambition that you already had in you to begin with. Only you can help yourself, and only you can prevent forest fires
Author Gattica Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 You paint with a broad stroke and it is incorrect to boot. You, I can easily ignore.
Insanitylater Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Than use me as a stepping stone to the next, and rid yourself of the guy at the office. Think of me when you think of him, dont empower him the way you have been doing.
ScreamingTrees Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) Honestly, we're our worst enemy most of the time.. You say you don't care, yet you're still worried over him thinking you still care. Why even worry about that? Just stop thinking about it, he can think what he wants, it doesn't really affect your life, does it? He's not hitting on you, and if he tried anything, just shoot him down so he knows better. Why should you suffer in your own private little hell? If he feels he's doing much better with you and enjoys rubbing it in your face, say something. Put him in his place, stick up for yourself. I used to have horrible anxiety. Similar situations such as the one you describe were common for me.. they weren't related to dating specifically, but I had lots of problems with what other people thought of me.. I'd even be concerned with total strangers' thoughts of me in public places.. To the point where I never wanted to go anywhere.. I was also very paranoid, thinking other young folk were talking at my expense, even if it was irrational.. I got over it by just living my life and not thinking so much.. over thinking will lead to you considering every possible outcome for every situation, including the highly unlikely. Edited November 7, 2010 by ScreamingTrees
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