Want my ex back...need advice from men

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by Vivid_29

Qgal - Don't take it personal. Befuddled11 is very direct in her posts.

 

~V

 

Okay, nevermind me.....you're a guy, what do you think of Shanny's situation and how she handled it?

 

How would you feel if after talking to a girl (complete stranger) for a week on the phone, she met you for the first time and professed her "love" to you......what would you think?

 

What would you think if your girl told you that on a designated day of the week (as Shanny did), that you're not allowed to mention your ex's name?

 

How would you feel if you had been in the situation that Shanny's ex had been in...separated, then divorced.....if your ex girlfriend (or soon to be ex) had a few to drink and then phoned up your ex wife to "swap stories about you" (as she put it)?

 

How would you feel if your ex obsessively text messaged you, emailed you, phoned you, showed up at your workplace to talk to you merely because you were ignoring her for your own reasons and didn't WANT to communicate with you........(as her guy did).....

 

Shanny wants to know guy's opinions on her situation and how she handled it......so please, you're a cool dude who's got experience w/ women......I'd be curious to know what you think of all this.

[Vivid_29]

Hi Befuddled - How are you, darling? So, you're speaking to me now. Not mad at me anymore?

 

How would you feel if after talking to a girl (complete stranger) for a week on the phone, she met you for the first time and professed her "love" to you......what would you think?

 

I would think that it was too soon and if I did want to continue seeing Shanny, I would end up cheating on her, early in the relationship, out of boredom and lack of challenge.

 

What would you think if your girl told you that on a designated day of the week (as Shanny did), that you're not allowed to mention your ex's name?

 

I would think that she was a total weirdo and an idiot. This would prompt me to go back to my ex and cheat on Shanny even more.

 

How would you feel if you had been in the situation that Shanny's ex had been in...separated, then divorced.....if your ex girlfriend (or soon to be ex) had a few to drink and then phoned up your ex wife to "swap stories about you" (as she put it)?

 

Gossip gossip gossip -- I would definately chew BOTH of them a new a**h***. This is one thing I cannot stand and she better have a damn good explanation as to why she did something like that.

 

How would you feel if your ex obsessively text messaged you, emailed you, phoned you, showed up at your workplace to talk to you merely because you were ignoring her for your own reasons and didn't WANT to communicate with you........(as her guy did).....

 

I would think that she was an obsessive, clingy, woman that has the movies 'swimfan', 'malicious intent', and 'fatal attraction', in her DVD library. This would really piss me off and push me away. I've had women do that s**t to me!

 

Shanny wants to know guy's opinions on her situation and how she handled it......so please, you're a cool dude who's got experience w/ women......I'd be curious to know what you think of all this.

 

Shanny - I must say that you really screwed up and need to learn how to not be so clingy and obsessive. Hang in there. We all screw up from time to time.

 

you're a cool dude who's got experience w/ women

 

Thank you, darling.

 

~V

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=olive][/color] I agree with just about everything said. Although I still do not agree with the complete and total lack of consideration for her feelings. Its not the times that you were nice that concern us but the way you treated this one specific poster. The fact of the matter is...You were cruel, and noone should be cruel on these forums unless the other person is blatantly being a total moron and saying nasty and terrible things about people. Shanny was not, she was asking for help, not someone to blow her away and speak to her as if she were 16 and just told you she was sleeping with your father. Now that would deserve your cruelty. Obviously it doesnt get your point across to the person who was asking for help. It only serves to further drive them away from any advice that may be helpful. I am not trying to argue or offend you. Just telling what I saw. When I read her post and then read yours, I felt totally sorry for you and her and I was even offended and you were not even speaking to me...

 

Anyway....I do agree that she was being obsessive. It happens to us all. I do agree that it moved to quickly, but we were not there...I have told somone that I loved him after two weeks of very long and intimate conversation on the phone. We are great friends to this day. He in no way believed me to be psycho and in fact told me Jessica, I love you too. Yes I understand that thiers was different in the fact that they were in a relationship but WE still were NOT there. (looks like more than one person uses all caps to emphasize...who knew) I understand that she was pushing him away being clingy. I told her this in a comforting I want to help you kind of way. But, the one thing I dont understand Is this. Why the big deal out of telling him not to say her name on thursday. This is not a big deal or psycho. As a matter of fact I think I will designate a day that me and my guy can just be us and not deal with outside problems. It seems like a great idea. You dont talk about your work, your problems with your friends, or your thoughts on any exes, ect. and I will not even mention anything negative including my ex husbands name, my work, my lack of whatever, my concerns with coworkers, ect, soforthandsoforthandsoforth.

 

We are here for you Shanny. We understand what you are going through. We all have been through it. Heck I remember this one time when my ex broke up with me, back in college. Man I was a total fruitcake. We dated for about 7 month and then he said he just wanted to be single. I called him and wrote him letters and 'stalked' him after classes and everything. I just thought If I could just get him to see me and hear me then maybe he will realize that he does love me' NOT. That has been years ago and now I am soooo glad that he did not change his mind. Because we would have gotten back together, went through same thing and broken up anyway. We were not supposed to be together. We just were not the right people for each other.

 

Now on the other hand, the guy that just broke up with me on Vday, I think that maybe if I write him letters and email him and try to get him to see me and hear me then maybe......

[Iamhappy]

Shanny, I really think you're in serious need of a chill pill and some serious psychological help. Your behaviour isn't bordering on obsessive, it IS obsessive and downright crazy.

 

In defense of Befuddled, I think she did an excellent job of parsing out the real story from the melodrama you called a relationship. From my own experience, it's not always easy to accept that people have our number despite the fact that we want them to think otherwise. The truth is difficult to swallow when it's laid down on paper and all it is is just cold hard facts.

 

It's probably easier to attack other posters than it is to confront your own behaviour which is really what this thread is about. You could go on and on and complain about how some posters are less sympathetic to you than others, but what would that accomplish? Do you want sympathy or do you want actual help? Sure, I could just as easily go along with what you say and follow up every "his ex-wife is a b*tch" comment with an "Amen, sister," but that would be a lie not to mention unproductive.

 

You've asked men for advice and you got some really great input from a few regulars here, particularly from Vivid29. If HE thinks that kind of behaviour is psycho, then it's time to look in the mirror and maybe acknowledge the fact that perhaps you have gone a bit mad.

 

Please seek help. You're clearly in need of it.

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color] I do not see a single post on this thread that was saying Amen sister. I do see everypost on here telling her that she was being Obsessive and clingy. Looks to me like you can be sympathetic and tell her the truth at the same time. Yes she is in need of a chill pill. But so are alot of other people on here. HELLO people, this is what this forum is about. Nearly every person on here has been at that point in thier life. Does anyone see this or is it just me. THIS woman is reacting just like everyone of us want to react at time. She just did not have as much self control as others. But let me tell you I have read many other post that came across the same way to me. Did anyone belittle them. Not that I saw. Yes she needs help. But so does everyone else going through this time in thier life. Help is a good thing. You guys are making it sound cruel and intimidating. As if getting help is something she needs because she is psychologically demented or something. She just happened to word her post in a very frantic way and all anyone can do now is tell her she needs help.

 

Maybe Im the one who needs help. Understanding Why in the world I thought that this was about being kind and considerate. Not demeaning people. I Hate to be Demeaned. I guess we should wait to post until AFTER the hurt and pain and confusion has worn off, After we already feel better, and THEN we can type in a more sane way and tell the story from a perspective that wont have people telling us that we are crazy and need help. Shanny was attacked first and she only attacked back, as you call it.

 

Get a clue people. This whole forum is nothing but a bunch of nutcases who have just lost what is to then the best thing in thier life, be it right or wrong they loved them. I include myself. Right now I can not think straight and every other thought I have concerns my ex. "should I call him, do I have a reason, and if not can i come up with one real quick. No, I wont call...wait yes I will, I can say....but then if I call will he not like me more, will it push him away, or maybe he will realize he has missed me, okay im gonna call....no if I dont call now he will miss me more...." Ya know, something kinda like that.

 

I guess everyone on here "needs to seek help, because clearly we are all in need of it"

[jenny]

hey ladybug,

 

i think the most important thing is that there are a variety of tones and persepctives for any given poster to respond to. different people listen well to different tones - in this case, you'll notice the original poster only really responded to befuddled - even her post to another poster was aimed at befuddled, indirectly. in this regard, befuddled got through somehow, if you see what i mean? there are other threads where polite directness works, but in this case direct directness seemed to rattle the poster out of her thinking pattern best.

 

you might have a friend like befuddled - i do. i also have a friend like shanny - and i know when shanny-friend went off the deep end, the rest of us more or less politely dumped her whereas the befuddled friend stood by her and yelled at her until she let the insert guy go.

 

i really hope you stay on forum - you're not alone, at all, to be alarmed by it - but i'm betting in time you'll see where she is coming from; and see your duty as adding a gentler voice, in case that is what is needed. in this case, it's doubtful that your post or mine were even read carefully, as we are not men, nor were we confrontational. mais c'est la vie, sweety. you were kind and responsible to respond at all, hang on to that.

[Iamhappy]

I can't believe I'm taking the bait, but I guess I am.

 

As if getting help is something she needs because she is psychologically demented or something.

 

First of all, there is no shame in getting help. You do not need to be "psychologically demented" as you so eloquently put it to seek the help of a competent therapist. But perhaps I should tell that to my co-worker who's in therapy because she lost her son in a tragic accident.

 

I understand that this woman is looking for sympathy, but the nature of her problem requires more than that. She is engaging in behaviour that is not only detrimental to herself, but to others as well. Cue ex-boyfriend who finds her sitting on his driveway and making calls to his "ex" wife. Do you think that for one moment he might find her behaviour just a tad bit scary not just to him but to his young son as well?

 

It's not as if this woman is a 15 year old girl making prank calls to get back at her equally immature high school boyfriend. This is a grown woman who sold her house to be with a guy she fell in love with in just one minute. Her behaviour is not just childish, it is scarily extreme.

 

How helpful can it be to tell her to just back off from the phone and take some time to herself? That is obviously not working since she seems to devote every waking moment thinking about this.

 

She is engaging in self-destructive behaviour. Do you let her wallow in it as she seems to want to do and you seem to encourage or do you empower her and help her find a way out of it?

[ldybg51]

[color=green][/color]I do understand needing to be direct to get a point across. But I also think that direct is different than cruel. Yes I saw her post on the other thread about Befuddled. I tend to agree with the directness in cases. Just not the total cruelty.

 

HOLY CRAP!! It's really a wonder the guy didn't head for the hills. Sorry to say it, but a stable, balanced woman doesn't profess her "love" for a guy, the first night she meets him, after only talking on the phone with him for a week. Girl, you seriously need some therapy

 

Sounds like 2 people trying to instantly make some happy lil' home...way too quickly, way too intense. Yuck.

 

On Thursdays? What? You actually mean you asked him to devote one day of the week to not saying her name? If so, that is freakin' bizarre.

 

No, you need some professional help.

 

These were all unnecessarily mean.

 

 

 

 

Oh puhlease. You don't fall in love with someone that quickly, someone you've never yet met in person or spent REAL TIME WITH. No offense, but you sound very intense and like you don't know much about what love is. You sound like you are very clingy and somewhat needy.

 

Somehow I don't really believe that, because if you were TRULY independent, you wouldn't have quickly turned into someone who was soooooo dependant.

 

WELL DUH! Of course she told him everything....that shouldn't be any surprise. In your eyes, you were probably the lil' mistress who was bagging her husband while they were separated, while she did want him back. Why would she have any loyalty to you?

 

For the love of Peter, Paul and Mary, stop contacting him !!!!! He's going to think you're a lunatic, and he could end up calling the cops or having you charged with stalking. Have some dignity. This man isn't the center of the universe. He's not worth losing your mind over, your job, etc. Focus on yourself..and get yourself some counselling, ASAP

 

These on the other hand are what you like to call direct and to the point. These would have worked just fine to snap her out of her self pity and obsessing. But then the other was thrown in to make her pissed and not listen to anything else anyone else had to say. I dont see that she has been back on here. Is she even caring now what we have to say.

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=olive][/color]

 

First of all, there is no shame in getting help. You do not need to be "psychologically demented" as you so eloquently put it to seek the help of a competent therapist. But perhaps I should tell that to my co-worker who's in therapy because she lost her son in a tragic accident.

DID you tell her to seek help in such a inconsiderate way. The reason I used my eloquence was because that is how you guys are making her think that is how you see her. (did that come out right )

 

Okay...let me try this one..

 

Honey it looks like you are headed down the wrong path. Get yourself a competent therapist who can help you get back to the woman you used to be.

 

Please seek help. You're clearly in need of it.

 

This would make me run for the hills away from this forum. Certainly not believe anything else that you had to say.

 

My whole point is that we all agree on what she is going through and that she had been obsessive and clingy and a little crazy. But tell her in a way that will do her some good, not that will make her look at you all as if your the ones who have lost your minds for being so freakin' mean.

 

BTW, I myself had therapy when I was in high school because my foster parents believed that with my childhood that a therapist could tell if thier were any lingering effects. See if I was crazy, if you will

Did they say, we are getting you help because you seriously need it. NOooooo, they said they wanted me to try to talk to a psychologist to see if there were any lingering effects from my childhood. I said Ya know, that is a good idea. I would hate to be in a relationship with someone and just go bonkers on them and not know why.

 

They got my attention without being mean.

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by ldybg51

Get a clue people. This whole forum is nothing but a bunch of nutcases who have just lost what is to then the best thing in thier life, be it right or wrong they loved them.

 

I totally disagree. Maybe your definition of a 'nutcase' and mine are different. I see a nutcase as someone who's way off on another planet, not living in reality....though really, nutcase is a pretty derogatory word.

 

I have NO idea why you're going on and on and on here, defending Shanny, and making your point over and over again, about how cruel and uncompassionate I was, in YOUR opinion. What is the point?

 

These forums here are MILD compared to most other relationship forums online. At least here, the moderators censor to some degree.

 

It never ceases to amaze me. People seek "Free advice" through forums such as these......advice given freely by people who choose to take their time and respond......yet they get their panties in a bunch when they aren't coddled and patted on the head and everything isn't sugarcoated. I myself would rather have someone give me the straight goods than kiss my arse and be all sucky sweet and "there, there now, it's going to be okay."

 

There is a huge difference between someone struggling with the loss of a relationship, and stalking someone, and being overtly obsessed with them.

 

There is "something going on" in a person who can fall in love with someone the moment they pull into their driveway for the first time. God, that doesn't even make sense!

 

There's something bizarre, about a grown woman up and selling her home and quitting her job, all for a man....all to be closer to him, when good GAWD..he only lives 1.5 HOURS AWAY! Most people who live in large cities, who may live at opposite ends of that city...it can take them that long to drive to see their Sig. Other. There is something very needy about a woman who will uproot herself from her home and career, all for a man she fell in love with instantly. I'm confident a psychologist or relationship therapist would agree.

 

There's something unhealthy about any couple spending "every spare minute together" as Shanny indicated was the case with her guy...a guy who was not even yet divorced...who LOGICALLY still had lots of baggage to work through......who also had a child to get through it.

 

There's something controlling and insecure and nutty about someone who tells her partner that a particular day of the week is going to be designated a day that the ex isn't mentioned. God, if it's that bad, the bringing up of the ex, THEN LEAVE!!! Why put up with discontent?

 

There's something to be said for a woman who is very pushy and in a guy's face.......not even waiting for the point where he's ready to interject her into his child's life and child's events.

 

There's something to be said for sitting in a guy's driveway, after he's packed his stuff and left, sitting there after drinking (drinking and driving?), and calling up the guy's EX WIFE for crying out loud....to "swap stories" as she put it. That's totally inappropriate. A stable woman wouldn't resort to that. What on earth would the ex wife have to say that would help the ex girlfriend? That's someone who's desperate.

 

There's something not "all there" with someone who can't take a hint that their ex doesn't want to talk/isn't ready to talk..........and is ignoring their attempts at communication......but instead of respecting their wishes, they blow into the guy's workplace..a place where he has to stay focused on what he does for a living......where he has to be a professional and do his work.........and puts him into a position where he is forced to talk. If an ex of mine ever showed up at my workplace, in a similar situation, I'd call security and have them removed.

 

There's something to be said for someone who gets all in a panic when they drive by their ex's home and he's not there...and they are like, "OH MY GOD, where could he be? He has no friends, he must be out looking for someone else!!" First of all, driving by an ex's house to see if he's there is bordering on stalking. WOMEN! Have some self respect. Don't chase a guy. If he's not returning your calls or voicemails or text messages, get some control and gather up your dignity and don't make yourself look desperate.....like your world is going to end without him!

 

It's been a very very long time since I came across a post that contained so many wild admissions. Now I know why there's a website out there called psychoexgirlfriend.com

 

I am no stranger to a relationship that's gone down the tubes..or one that I didn't want to end.....but I would rather have my left kidney removed than to stalk a guy. who wants to invest time in someone who doesn't want to reciprocate?

 

And considering she met him this past September (only 6 months ago), things moved very very quickly......well duh, she professed her love to him the first night she met him! LOL Most men I know, if a woman did that on the first date, regardless of how long they'd talked on the phone prior, would think she was psycho and they'd head for the door, never to return. If *I* dated a guy and he professed his love to me on the first date, I'd get up and leave and thank God I found out what a nut he was, early on.

 

You can harp all you want, LdyBg....about how rude and wrong you think I was, but I've been around long enough to know when I read that someone is totally out of control. And sugarcoating the truth to someone who's out of control does nothing but further enable them to continue being out of control. Nobody said the truth was always easy to take.

[befuddled11]

My wording was poor. I do NOT think that those who suffer from mental illness are "nutcases." They are no different than those who suffer from physical illnesses and diseases, like diabetes or what have you.

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color]

 

Now that was well put. That is probably how you should have responded to her in the first place. Maybe she will read that one and then she will see where you were coming from. Nicely done. Nicely done. Thats the way things should be said.

 

*clap**clap**clap*

[ldybg51]

[font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color]

 

One more thing. My use of the term nutcase is very loose. I would never call someone who was truly ill and mentally unstable a nutcase. I have always reserved that term for myself and my friends who were acting immature or doing someother silly stupid unreasonable thing at the time.

 

Please forgive me if it was offensive to anyone. Hopefully you understood what I was trying to say.

[my2cents]

This post has gotten completly off subject. It went from someone asking for advice....to a knock down drag out fight.....to reply posting "etiquite". How is any of this actually helping?

 

I know it is easy to get caught up in the moment, but come on people. Try to stick to the original intent of these posts. If I were the original poster, I'd be upset that after filtering through all of these replies there are only a few legitament ones that are giving advise. Personally, I would seek out a more caring audiance somewhere else. Just my opinion.

 

If we are here to help each other, let do that. Arguing doesn't help anyone.

[shanny5555]

Thank you, Ladybug, for trying to stick up for me. I was reading post after post yesterday for hours trying to help myself. I thought how nice everybody was, and I would feel comfortable writing a long detailed post, and maybe get some help. There are many things people did not understand, and did not care to understand. We were mutually moving too fast. He was what my friends called controlling. There were "men's" roles and "women's" roles. Neither of us were perfect. But I have dated some great guys, and some not so great guys. He was the first one that actually made me feel special. I had never felt equal with anybody, and I did with him.

 

I thought my "clingy" behavior sounded familiar, a ton of people on here were going through the same thing and they were not called obsessive or a stalker. I take much offense to befuddled, but she has some obvious control problems of her own, at least I admit my faults. I just wanted a little advice without cruelty attached.

 

I did not sell my house and move here ONLY for him. He and I had discussed it, and i was unhappy with my job in Daytona, and I knew my firm was getting bought out and the other firm was not hiring. I had looked into moving to Orlando prior to us meeting. The timing just seemed right, and I went for it. I knew full well that I would be here alone if we didn't work, and that was fine because I already worked with 8 of my 12 coworkers in Daytona, and I went to college here, and I worked for attys here so I am not lonely and desperate. I just wanted some help from this site becuase all your friends just say, oh, get over it. Move on and start going out.

 

Going out is not appealing to me. My friends are married or single mothers and we really have no weekend activities in common. It is easy to tell people to move on, etc., but other people who are as devistated as I am over my breakup were not treated so poorly. He and I had a mutual love for each other. Maybe it was not love, per se, but whatever it was, it was nice. We did everything together, and I am merely writing to try to find out how to cope with being alone all of a sudden when everything in this place reminds me of him. That's all.

 

I got condemned for being honest, and was treated like a psycho when I was just telling my side. His ex had called me several times before, and I chose, unfortunately, that night to return her call. It was a mistake, I get that. But they have a child together, and we needed to know about each other. She had called Todd very upset that he took a bath at my house, and he thought that was funny. I don't think it's funny that she's upset about that and wanted to meet me. I called her initially to let her know that I was 33 and not 18, and that I had their son's best intentions at heart. I gave her all my numbers to call me anytime she wanted because I did not want her asking their son every time he came home a hundred questions. I didnt' think that was fair to a 3-year-old. Then she started asking a million questions, and I screwed up and answered her. I don't know what my problem was, but my intentions were not what you are portrying them to be befuddled. You have a very negative attitude. For some reason some people on this site have tried to act like you have a direct appoach.....well, yes, on some posts you do. But you were very cruel to me, and I dont' know why, and I don't even care.

 

I actually don't feel like I have as many issues to deal with after seeing how much time you have on your hands, and how mean and negative you are. I feel a lot better now, and I have realized that Todd had a lot of faults too. He alienated all of my friends, and he dared me to go out. He would say, go ahead and go out and we'll just see how long I'll put up with that." This whole relationship wasn't fantastic by any means, but I just wanted a little guidance on some issues. I guess I think I want him back because we were so compatible and I never felt "nervous" around him. We never had that first dating jitter thing. I don't know how to explain it, but I'm sure somebody on here will find some fault with how I love and tell me I am psycho, obsessive, controlling, and he is just perfect and i need to chill and leave him alone.

 

Bring it on, today I feel empowered.

[shanny55555]

By the way, befuddled, if you truly read my post correctly, you would have seen that I went to his house a month or so ago when I called his wife in the driveway. It was not after he packed and moved his stuff out of here. You are so obsessed with me for some reason. I said our normal pattern was he was stubborn and would get mad and we wouldn't talk for a couple hours, or maybe a night or so. It was normal for us to go to EACH OTHER'S house during a little tiff. I fully expected him to be there as usual. You have it all wrong.

[Shanny5554]

Because EVERY day he would come home, or call me throughout the day, and tell me that she called, and what she was calling about and I was sick of hearing it. I told him to call his father or brother or somebody else if he wanted to discuss how horrible his ex was, because I was not the right person to discuss it with. Then he'd say, okay. But then the next day he would say she called, but, oh, you don't want to hear it, but it's kinda important. I said he didn't have friends so I guess he thought I was interested in hearing every day how dumb she was. For instance, one day she called needing their realtor's number. It was on the sign in the front yard, and she was at home. Every day for 60 days I had to hear some new story. So I was trying to compromise and ask him to just not say it one day of the week. It happened to be a Wedneday that I suggested for one day I'd just like a break on hearing her name, so how about Thursdays we don't discuss it? You guys are reading way too much into all of this. Geeze.

[A_GUY]

SHannny:

 

It appears youre now changing your story to make you not look so crazy. You originally said you moved your house and quit your job to be closer to him. Now today youre saying you did so for career reasons. Back-peddling.

 

You said you called up his exwife from his driveway to trade stories about him and now you say you were really just returning her previous call. that's BS back-peddling.

 

And i find it interesting that you've only focused on befuddled's on-target responses to you, yet you came here asking for advice from "men", but you've not even acknowledged any of the guys responses. You've just focused on befuddled. What's up with that?

 

And you seemed in a total panic yesterday, wanting guys' advice on how to get your ex back but today you're painting a much different picture of him.

[lost_in_chgo]

Perhaps the fact that you've used 6 different handles to post and that you come asking for advice and go nuts on anyone who says anything you don't want to hear has something to do with that?

 

You didn't indicate a timeframe in the first post between meeting and moving, but it certainly sounded like it was a very short time and that you were being obsessive.

 

When I read that message I just moved on to the next thread because it sounded completely obsessed to me and I've learned that the only thing the obsessive respond to is strong talk and I just wasn't up to it on that day.

 

The behavior you described was way over the top. Befuddled may not have been as nice as you wanted, but made some excellent points.

 

Responding to everyone who gives advice by calling them names and attacking them is counter-productive behavior. You are here for help, consider that the help you receive might actually be in the form of something you don't want to hear.

 

If you are here for handholding and sympathy, say so, don't ask for advice or solutions.

[reasontosigh]

You guys are reading way too much into all of this. Geeze.

 

I wasn't reading anything into it - I did ask for some assistance in locating the post that explained it, or so I thought. You could have simply told me which numbered post it was. I apologize if I wasn't clear enough there.

 

Thank you - I have the clarification now, i believe.

[kippy]

Folks, I think it is time to let the spirit of this discussion rest in peace. I have followed through the dialogue to this point. At the start, I had wanted to contribute to the discussion, but I couldn't help but go through the rollercoster that I am sure all of those who contributed or kept reading felt. I think looking at the whole picture, despite the feelings we might have come out with, it has all served to bring out the greator good both in our friend, the contributors and the readers. Cheers! to everyone who contributed.

[amerikajin]

I'd say most people at one point or another have gone cookoo for someone they like. That doesn't mean they're crazy. It means they feel distraught over the fact that their relationship didn't work out.

 

In Shanny's case, yes, I think she was a little too clingy and she probably does have issues with self-confidence. But I think we're going a bit overboard with some of the implications that have been made about her state of mental health. First of all, to my knowledge, NOBODY ON THIS BOARD is qualified to dispense that kind of advice so flippantly. And second of all, the sarcastic tone of some of these remarks is, quite frankly, appalling.

 

To shanny's antagonists, the substance of your remarks is basically correct, but your tone is perhaps a bit out of line. Not taking a shot at you, just a kind reminder.

 

Peace.

[A_GUY]

you lost me dude. you said that nobody on this site is qualified to dispense that kind of advice. what the hell are you talking about? what kind of qualifications does a person have to have in order to suggest someone seek help?

 

what advice are you taking such great offense to?

 

people advise people here to seek professional help daily. afterall, this place isn't a substitute for professional help.

[ldybg51]

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Amerikajin, I dont even think that one should be responded to. Someone obviously thought that you meant that noone had the right to give that advice. Although it is quite obvious that what you meant was noone is qualified to inform someone that they definitely are crazy.

[amerikajin]

>>>what advice are you taking such great offense to?<<<

 

I understand that some of the times comments are going to be direct. I've been direct myself on occasion.

 

In this particular case, I think that the person in question clearly needs a boost in her self esteem, and who knows...maybe she does need professional help. The fact that people were advising her to get help wasn't so much what struck me; it was the sarcastic, inflammatory tone of the remarks.