Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I went to the movies last night. I met some friends there, and they were running late, so I went into the theater and saved our seats in a long row by myself. This couple walked in, and the guy started leading them into my row. He walked all the way across it and sat one seat away from me. The woman gives me a dirty look, and in a kind of shrill voice, she immediately says to him, "Um, can we switch seats?" He scoffs a little, then goes "Sure", and switches with her. He knows exactly what's going on, and so do I. Then she puts her foot up on the seat in front of her, as if to create a barrier between me and the guy that neither of us is allowed to cross! It was pretty hilarious. And at that moment, I felt extremely happy to be me and not her. That she is so threatened and jealous she can't let her man even sit near another woman is pretty absurd. And why did he bend to her stupid request? By the way, the seat she wanted wasn't better or closer to the center -- just in between him and me. Then another couple comes in, and when the guy goes to sit down, the woman barks at him as if he's a complete idiot, "DON'T SIT IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE!" And he obeys and waits for her to pick the seats she wants. Man, lady, just go ahead and cut off his balls and put 'em in your purse! I felt sorry for and embarrassed for these men, and I don't even know them. In both cases, the men seemed pretty laid back and cool, and the women seemed controlling and bitchy. At the same time, I wondered why the men were so passive and allowed their women to talk to them like that. I would never talk to my guy that way, and I wouldn't let a guy talk to me like that. Guys, why do you/would you put up with this kind of treatment?
strength-abounds Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 My response is a big h*** no! Men are supposed to be leaders by default. No matter how attracted to a woman I am, I would never relinquish my position of leader. Sounds primative, I know. Confidence is a big turn on to women. When a man succumbs to frivolous demands by a woman, he is telling her he has no confindence. Sorry, not this dude.
carhill Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Guys, why do you/would you put up with this kind of treatment? LOL, I didn't, and pushed back publicly so now am divorced
Feelin Frisky Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I won't have it. That's a big reason why I'm single. Two of my brothers caved like that and neither wife makes it worthwhile for my bros to be submissive. I told my last relationship who came off dominant with me right away to "unstrap that dick, bitch" and I couldn't have meant it more. I just won't have it--even if it means going it alone.
durkadurka Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Uhm, I didn't. I told my ex-girlfriend she made me feel emasculated. For the longest time she blamed me for the misery in her life when ultimately it was her choices in our relationship (to not get a job, to not try and make friends... at one point I even was setting up 'play dates' for her) that made her upset. Granted, I was LESS than pleased with who she was turning into, and the ultimatums she was giving me, so I acted out in some awful ways. Rather than fix our problems, she jetted and 2 weeks later was out hooking up with someone else.
sally4sara Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I don't care what gender a person is; someone who always has to have their way no matter how it pans out for others is tedious to be around. Leader by default my ass. A natural leader doesn't look for unearned reasons (like what gender they happen to be born with) to be in that role. It is so natural to them that they don't often have to justify why they are leading. A natural leader doesn't give others reasons to challenge their position because the choices and decisions they make are in the best interest of all and not just them. If you find people are constantly questioning your judgment, its likely your actions tell others that you are only out for yourself. They can sense it and won't trust you. You can't be a leader of anyone if no one trusts you. Maybe these two women have experienced, with these two men, reasons to regret following their lead in the past and now they question everything the guys do? And maybe the two guys eat it now because they have some "making it up to her" time to put in?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Maybe these two women have experienced, with these two men, reasons to regret following their lead in the past and now they question everything the guys do? I found myself in that position before -- well, not questioning everything, but a lot. And maybe the two guys eat it now because they have some "making it up to her" time to put in? And we tried that, but it sucked. So I broke up with him. To me, it's far better to be alone and free than with someone, shackled, and full of resentment. And this is true whether you're the prisoner or the jailer.
sally4sara Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I found myself in that position before -- well, not questioning everything, but a lot. And we tried that, but it sucked. So I broke up with him. To me, it's far better to be alone and free than with someone, shackled, and full of resentment. And this is true whether you're the prisoner or the jailer. I totally agree, but I still see some couples dragging it out despite the futility in the attempt.
carhill Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Nah, some people are just rude in public. It's completely their choice, regardless of their marital or relationship dynamics.
sally4sara Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Nah, some people are just rude in public. It's completely their choice, regardless of their marital or relationship dynamics. And you'll have that out of some people too. What I try to do when I see something play out in public like what Ruby Slippers saw, I try to resist the impulse to judge immediately and instead, wonder what could be going on that I didn't witness that lead up to the behavior I did witness. "What would cause a person to behave that way?" Rather than "Wow, what a crappy person they MUST be!"
MrNate Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Nope, nope, nope. Never handled being ordered around. I don't mind being politely requested to do something by my girlfriend, but you can bet it will be in a respectful tone, because I demand/deserve it.
threebyfate Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Imbalanced relationships are asking for sad endings.
carhill Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I have no interest in the background. Each of us is in control of our words and actions. Someone who is rude and/or demeaning to a loved one, or anyone else, in public is rude and/or demeaning and I will adjudicate them as rude and /or demeaning. Repetitively, they are bullies. Bullies know no gender and I do not tolerate them equally. Male bullies sometimes get harsher judgment, if I or a loved one happen to be the target. People on LS often speak of healthy boundaries. Intolerance of rude and demeaning public behavior by or to a loved one is one of mine. Those men in the OP have their own boundaries and they disagree with mine. Hope it works out for them
Star Gazer Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I don't think you can take either even in isolation. The lady who created a barrier may be dealing with a cheating husband, who cheated with a woman who looks just like you. The lady who barked not to sit in front of you may be dealing with a man who's socially inept and doesn't think about how his actions affect others, and she's growing tired of it. I guess I just don't think you're in a place to judge these women, or their men, without living a day in their shoes.
carhill Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Well, let me be more precise. *I* won't tolerate that kind of behavior from anyone *I* give of myself, my time, or my love to. IOW, in those men's shoes, the wife/GF would be out on her azz. 'Nuff said... I really don't care what rationalizations females use for their actions. Not anymore. One toxic M cured me of that disease.
Stung Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I went to the movies last night. I met some friends there, and they were running late, so I went into the theater and saved our seats in a long row by myself. This couple walked in, and the guy started leading them into my row. He walked all the way across it and sat one seat away from me. The woman gives me a dirty look, and in a kind of shrill voice, she immediately says to him, "Um, can we switch seats?" He scoffs a little, then goes "Sure", and switches with her. He knows exactly what's going on, and so do I. Then she puts her foot up on the seat in front of her, as if to create a barrier between me and the guy that neither of us is allowed to cross! It was pretty hilarious. And at that moment, I felt extremely happy to be me and not her. That she is so threatened and jealous she can't let her man even sit near another woman is pretty absurd. And why did he bend to her stupid request? By the way, the seat she wanted wasn't better or closer to the center -- just in between him and me. Then another couple comes in, and when the guy goes to sit down, the woman barks at him as if he's a complete idiot, "DON'T SIT IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE!" And he obeys and waits for her to pick the seats she wants. Man, lady, just go ahead and cut off his balls and put 'em in your purse! I felt sorry for and embarrassed for these men, and I don't even know them. In both cases, the men seemed pretty laid back and cool, and the women seemed controlling and bitchy. At the same time, I wondered why the men were so passive and allowed their women to talk to them like that. I would never talk to my guy that way, and I wouldn't let a guy talk to me like that. Guys, why do you/would you put up with this kind of treatment? I always hesitate to make judgments about people/relationships based on such small sample data. Every human being on earth has instances in which they come across negatively to others, and every relationship has underlying influences invisible to casual onlookers. That being said, on the surface the behavior in #1 strikes me as kind of silly and overly contentious. #2, doesn't necessarily seem like a big deal to me. Usually when I go to a movie or a show with my husband, we halt for a second on the landing as our eyes adjust to dimmer light and we confer quietly and with gestures as to where we'd both like to go, which seems to work great for both of us. I had a boyfriend in the past however who would charge ahead and park his butt wherever he felt like it, with zero regard for anyone else situated around him or the preferences of anyone else with him. He was also slightly hard-of-hearing in one ear and bullheaded to boot so if I didn't want to sit in the first place he was zeroing in on, I'd have to speak up louder than I normally might. I guess I don't see how a woman wanting her preferences to be taken into consideration also is emasculating, but maybe her tone of voice was really condescending or something, idk. I don't care what gender a person is; someone who always has to have their way no matter how it pans out for others is tedious to be around. : A natural leader doesn't look for unearned reasons (like what gender they happen to be born with) to be in that role. It is so natural to them that they don't often have to justify why they are leading. A natural leader doesn't give others reasons to challenge their position because the choices and decisions they make are in the best interest of all and not just them. Agreed.
Woggle Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 This is what men have become. I would say the overwhelming majority of relationships and marriages I know are like this. Men are so desperate to please women that we give up our self respect to do and it is sad. You will never catch me in that position.
welikeincrowds Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 the woman barks at him as if he's a complete idiot, "DON'T SIT IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE!" And he obeys and waits for her to pick the seats she wants. I laughed fondly at this, because it reminds me of my aunt and uncle. The thing is, my aunt is as sharp as a whip and a little anxiety-prone, and my uncle is a straight buffoon and really sweet. They both know this about each other, and laugh at each other for it, and they've been married for, ****, I don't know. As long as I've been alive, maybe. I'm still laughing, by the way. I can just picture her snapping at him "DON'T SIT IN FRONT OF THOSE PEOPLE, YOU MORON." "What people?" You have to understand, my uncle is in on the joke. I know I'm not explaining this right. God, I love them.
dispatch3d Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 she's just insecure and has low self esteem. Probably likes giving abuse, hard to say why. Some people just love to spread hate, and she's part of the club.
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) I don't think you can take either even in isolation. The lady who created a barrier may be dealing with a cheating husband, who cheated with a woman who looks just like you. So insisting they trade seats and throwing her leg up between us is a solution? All it did was make her look sad and desperate to keep her man, who grumbled at the prospect. Gee, sounds really satisfying. How can this be going anywhere good for either of them? The lady who barked not to sit in front of you may be dealing with a man who's socially inept and doesn't think about how his actions affect others, and she's growing tired of it. This was stadium seating, so sitting in front of people does not hinder their experience in any way. And she said this LOUDLY in front of a quiet crowd of people. I agree with carhill that that is extremely rude, no matter what's going on in their lives. And Stung, if I were in that situation, I would have quietly said something like, "Can we sit here instead so we're not right in front of those people?" She practically hollered an order, with a tone suggesting he was the biggest idiot on earth, for everyone to hear. He strode into the room with purpose and excitement and bounded toward that chair, but after her comment, he slouched over and slumped into the seat she wanted. Sounds like a real fun Saturday night. Both women were treating their men as if they were children, or dogs. Edited November 7, 2010 by Ruby Slippers
musemaj11 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I think that people should respect one another, but still I think its sexist to say that just because someone is a man, he has to lead and he cannot take order from a woman. I mean where are you from? Afghanistan? If the guy enjoys being submissive and has no problem with it, why are you the one being all worked up about it?
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 If the guy enjoys being submissive and has no problem with it, why are you the one being all worked up about it? Well, they didn't seem to be enjoying it. And I'm not all worked up about it. It just really stood out to me. I don't think the man should automatically make the decision about where to sit. When I'm on a date, or seeing a movie with friends, we always consider everyone's preferences and make the decision together. The men's reactions to the rude treatment suggested to me they were not happy about it. If they were, more power to them! And I think they are just as much at fault in the situation, for letting these mean women steamroll over them.
Woggle Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Both women were treating their men as if they were children, or dogs. Sadly that is how some women view men these days.
theBrokenMuse Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) I felt sorry for and embarrassed for these men, and I don't even know them. In both cases, the men seemed pretty laid back and cool, and the women seemed controlling and bitchy. Now and again I feel sorry for such guys but a lot of the time, I do not because those types of guys often want to be mindlessly led and told what to do by a totalitarian mother figure who will keep them in line. They also commonly will try and go against their 'rules' from time to time like you would see with a teenager challenging his overbearing parent but even if these guys eventually get sick enough of it to leave when "Mommy" gets mad enough they normally go back with their tails between their legs. It's sick but it's a lot more common then you'd imagine. Edited November 7, 2010 by theBrokenMuse
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Now and again I feel sorry for such guys but a lot of the time, I do not because those types of guys often want to be mindlessly led and told what to do by a totalitarian mother figure who will keep them in line. They also commonly will try and go against their 'rules' from time to time like you would see with a teenager challenging his overbearing parent but even if these guys eventually get sick enough of it to leave when "Mommy" gets mad enough they normally go back with their tails between their legs. It's sick but it's a lot more common then you'd imagine. Yes, and since I'm fairly strong, capable, and nurturing, men seeking direction and a mother figure come to me like moths to a flame! And I'm sure that many, many women seek a daddy figure to take care of them, forming relationships that can also look a little creepy and strange from the outside.
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