gizbug Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Quick background. Met a girl on eHARMONY about 5 1/2 weeks ago. Very strong so far, very. We are 100% open, honest, and ourselves around each other. Things have just been unbelievable, never really met someone who I can be myself completely, and the same with her. So she's spent the night a handful of times at my place (it's easier for her in the morning with work, then me going to her place). Last night, was the first time I spent the night at her place. I walked into her bedroom, and saw this huge painting of a naked lady over the bed. I asked "What is that?" and she said "That's me." I was immediately creeped out. I just saw Titanic the movie a few weeks ago, and it reminded me of that. A little background: She was with a guy 5 years, they were engaged, and he is an artist. I am not sure how long ago that ended, I want to say maybe 2 years ago. But I guess he painted that picture of her, and to be honest, I can't recall being that uncomfortable in a long time. Why? I don't really know. I never really brought this up to her yet. I told her when I woke up this morning that I had a horrible night sleep, bad dreams, and today was an off day. She made me breakfast, comforted me, and I told her if I can organize and rationalize whats on my mind, I might share. I don't like holding anything back, as that is not me. But I am not sure what to think. Some would look at it as an innocent painting I am sure. Any input? This being blown out of proportion?
Art_Critic Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I don't think you are blowing this out of proportion as any guy would feel uneasy.... But..... The painting is a piece of art that means something to her and it is isn't a naked picture of her ex.. it is a naked picture of her.. I feel like until you are in more of a committed relationship then you don't have a right to decide what art she can hang on her walls but that doesn't mean you cannot ask or mention it to her.. just don't expect her to take it down. Just being open and honest about it with her may achieve huge results if she was into you and she was looking forward in the future. When you get to a comfortable point in a conversation one day you might mention it to her.. maybe she will move it to another room... Good luck....
Author gizbug Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Thanks. I know I said 5 1/2 weeks, but it is definitely a committed / open relationship. She is 33, im 32, and we both know we want to be with each other for a long time. We both agree it feels more like a year we've been dating than 5 1/2 weeks. Odd, I know, but the comfort level, as a whole, is just there, nothing being rushed, just the normal pace is having that feeling and effect. We both are in aggreence with that. But I appreciate your advice.
LittleTiger Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I can imagine something like this making me uncomfortable too. I'd be uneasy if I'd found a huge painting of my new man on his bedroom wall - naked or not! It strikes me as a little narcissistic but I'm sure you know her well enough to make a call on whether or not that's the case. If your relationship is completely open and honest then she won't mind at all if you ask her about it. If you're already close and she has strong feelings for you I suspect she'll even take it down.
allina Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I told her when I woke up this morning that I had a horrible night sleep, bad dreams, and today was an off day. She made me breakfast, comforted me, and I told her if I can organize and rationalize whats on my mind, I might share. I don't want to be harsh but if a guy told me the above, especially due to a painting I would be so put off and think "what a p*ssy." I would feel like a relationship with this man would be difficult because he was too insecure, jealous or emotional. Are you uncomfortable because this is her past being showcased on her wall? Is it the nudity? I would wait a while before bringing this up to her. Again, I didn't want to seem harsh, and she may have a completely different reaction but for me this would be a huge downer.
Valie Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 What ARt critic mentioned is what you should expect/do. You cant expect her to take it down and dont force it..but at the same tiem it has been 5 weeks and if you both think it's a serious thing goin on you can ask her by all means and see whats' up how she feels to that pic and how she relates to it now seeing that he is now her ex...but dont expect much or expect an answer like the one you are probably wishing...
Jannah Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I would feel very uneasy if a guy had a nude picture of himself over his bed, especially if his ex painted it. I am not sure what a "committed/open relationship" is exactly, but, if the picture made you feel uncomfortable, you should def communicate that to her.
make me believe Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I can imagine something like this making me uncomfortable too. I'd be uneasy if I'd found a huge painting of my new man on his bedroom wall - naked or not! It strikes me as a little narcissistic but I'm sure you know her well enough to make a call on whether or not that's the case. Word! I would feel very uncomfortable that someone had a huge painting of himself/herself on the wall, especially if they were naked in the painting! That is really weird to me. gizbug, I think you should figure out what exactly bothers you about the painting (I'm guessing it's that her past is displayed on the wall, like allina said), and then communicate that to her. Don't demand she takes it down or get all crazy, but just tell her that you're uncomfortable with it & why. If I had a huge naked picture of myself hanging up that an ex painted of me, I would totally understand new love interests finding that to be a little off-putting.
Author gizbug Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Thanks. I am not a demanding person at all. And I would never do that. I will contemplate on bringing it up to her though, in a non-threatening way of course. I talked to my buddy who is an artist, and he told me that maybe she just enjoys the picture, and is no reflection of the person who painted it. He told me to "Ask myself why am I uncomfortable....is it because its her naked, or because her ex painted it." Again, thanks for the advice.
sally4sara Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 An ex roomie of mine is a photographer and I sat in for a shoot when one of his models no showed. It is a nude but very modest. It was in a gallery show and later became a tattoo. I have a copy of this photo because it is beautiful. The story it tells is beautiful and I don't even see it as a photo of me anymore. Its just a pretty photo with more to it than just my naked ass going on in it. Husband (then BF) and I were together when I sat for it. He was not bothered at all. It is art; he appreciates art and it is now one of his desktop wall papers. He did not assume it meant I had some connection with my roomate. I'm sure you are right in assuming the painter was her artist ex BF. But it doesn't mean she has it up ONLY because that guy painted it. She could just like the painting, like the way she was painted and knows that one day, she won't look like that anymore. It sounds to me like a standard boudoir painting; something many many women use to have made to preserve their youth well after their youth slipped away.
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