Author 9Lives Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 I think that maybe 9Lives is in the anger stage of grieving! Maybe there is a stage when your heart is so broken and you are so tired of feeling sad that you just get PISSED OFF and that anger moves you forward in life. My brother was really obssessed and heartbroken with a girl he drove away because he was pretty dysfunctional. And he ended his life over it this July. It wasn't just that though - it was the combination of the loss of love, which he told himself again and again was a FAILURE of his, and his own lack of being able to keep a job because of his emotional pain and depression. Right before he died, I started having dreams about a guy from college nearly 20 years ago. They hurt so badly. I wake up crying. That's how I found this post by 9Lives - I needed to know if I was alone in feeling so much pain over failed relationships. I think I know the answer to getting over these types of things, which is to move forward and build new experiences and the danger is to remain STILL and brood over things. I'm sure my own dreams are coming up because I am not doing anything positive in my life right now. I'm not working, feeling depressed, and basically have no life. So since the present is so boring and unfulfilled, what is left to dwell on? The past! I personally like the energy and determination of 9Lives to say, "F--- it! I'm moving on" but at the same time it seems like there are issues beneath these things. For me, the college guy didn't work out because he was a super Christian and I was totally messed up from an abusive home. I totally couldn't relate to him and felt like a lesser person. It still haunts me for some reason. That feeling of failure and being mean to myself in my own mind is a pattern and it won't just go away. I have to actively choose different thoughts. Life sure isn't fair. Some of us honestly do have more to overcome emotionally and psychologically just like some of us have physical disease or handicaps. But this much I know. It's painful to have a relationship not work. If you don't come to grips with it you can wake up dreaming about a person who made you feel badly 20 years later! And you can't really control your dreams! Now I look at this thing like...the bad movie is over! The bad movie is over! no happiness is "in" the past and the bad movie is over! People can say whatever they want but those "thoughts" in your head can make you go crazy:mad: I thought about killing myself cause i couldnt stop thinking about him. It was like a bad movie that kept playing itself out in my brain and I wanted to stop but it would. I was like if I kill myself, it will go away. the pain, the thoughts....alll that crazy sht!!! but at the end of the day....my ex aint nothing but a ***ing man! So now, the bad movie is over. no happine is "in" the future. Stop going there. remind yourself. the movie is over! now do you
Author 9Lives Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 I think that maybe 9Lives is in the anger stage of grieving! Maybe there is a stage when your heart is so broken and you are so tired of feeling sad that you just get PISSED OFF and that anger moves you forward in life. My brother was really obssessed and heartbroken with a girl he drove away because he was pretty dysfunctional. And he ended his life over it this July. It wasn't just that though - it was the combination of the loss of love, which he told himself again and again was a FAILURE of his, and his own lack of being able to keep a job because of his emotional pain and depression. Right before he died, I started having dreams about a guy from college nearly 20 years ago. They hurt so badly. I wake up crying. That's how I found this post by 9Lives - I needed to know if I was alone in feeling so much pain over failed relationships. I think I know the answer to getting over these types of things, which is to move forward and build new experiences and the danger is to remain STILL and brood over things. I'm sure my own dreams are coming up because I am not doing anything positive in my life right now. I'm not working, feeling depressed, and basically have no life. So since the present is so boring and unfulfilled, what is left to dwell on? The past! I personally like the energy and determination of 9Lives to say, "F--- it! I'm moving on" but at the same time it seems like there are issues beneath these things. For me, the college guy didn't work out because he was a super Christian and I was totally messed up from an abusive home. I totally couldn't relate to him and felt like a lesser person. It still haunts me for some reason. That feeling of failure and being mean to myself in my own mind is a pattern and it won't just go away. I have to actively choose different thoughts. Life sure isn't fair. Some of us honestly do have more to overcome emotionally and psychologically just like some of us have physical disease or handicaps. But this much I know. It's painful to have a relationship not work. If you don't come to grips with it you can wake up dreaming about a person who made you feel badly 20 years later! And you can't really control your dreams! oh and dont get it twisted....I will NEVER FORGET THAT NIGHTMARE!!!! So it good to escape that bullcrap!! Thank God. I wanted to be free. Who wants to live in bondage of your own mind, your own pain....bondage???? No thank you. if people dont get it...i really dont care. I hope they dont suffer that agony!
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