Carpe diem

[alwayshoping]

Im upset with myself.

 

Why cant i let it go? 2 months 1 week.

 

it feels like it happened last week.

 

I have work to do but need to vent. I miss her.

 

Why did she hurt me? I know she didnt intend for it to be this way.

 

i have come to realise my failings. I didnt speak to her enough in the last month. I wanted her to try and so held back. She didnt make the effort back. God I wish she did.

 

Once she broke up with me (I found out by reading a text she got whilst getting our plates for dinner, it was from her ex telling her to do it soon). I did things all wrong. Begged for her back, got angry etc. 2 days after I went to see her and it was like old times. She hadnt changed her mind and admitted she had to delete a lot of texts prior to my arrival.

 

I got angry and went home (6hrs away). She hadnt changed her fb relationship status and so I did it for her. Yep mistake. She was angry as she didnt want people to know. Then I read the 1st message she got on FB, some player begging her to meet him as he hadnt seen her in nearly 3 years (the length of our relationship!).

 

I decided to text her and tell her I knew him and he had cheated on his gf many many times and was proud of it! I knew him at uni. She didnt care and got angry I read it. She said he was ugly and wouldnt reply but it was time to get over and after 2 weeks I should be over her.

 

I did things wrong. I made these mistakes and dont know why. I was so angry and emotional and just wanted to get back at her. God how immature was that. I literally threw my toys out of the pram. Afterwards we both changed all our passwords. I guess she didnt want me seeing the other things people sent her.

 

I dont get why she broke up with me. I wasnt amazing at everything but I really tried and I always just wanted her to be happy..

 

 

So lately my friend said shes out alot, and doing new things. He thinks she has a new man already (since last month!). I hope shes happy. Im not angry anymore and want her to be happy.

 

I just thought I meant more to her. More than a crappy break up. More than her finding someone new quickly! More than her going from nearly 3 years of texting and speaking to me everyday to nothing in 2 months!.

 

Her last text hurt the most. I told her I couldnt stop loving her and listed my favourite things about her (theres alot!).

 

She replied with you should go out with your friends and call me when your ready to be friends.

 

I know i messed things up with her. I tried to break up with her a month before she did it with me. She wasnt loving anymore and seemed to just stop caring about me. She never thought about my feelings. She didnt mind flirting with guys etc. So i told her if things didnt change it was over.

 

She cried so much and begged for another chance. I was so happy she even cared! I didnt want to break up with her! I just wanted her to see I wanted alittle more! She told me I was the first guy she ever planned her life with and couldnt wait to marry.

 

Then a month later she broke up with me. I dont get it! But it doesnt matter if I get it or not. Im slowley moving on. I wont ever text or talk to her again as tbh she is better in memory than in person and I dont want to let her think she can break me and then expect us to be friends.

 

The thing that hurts the most is, we were best friends for 2 years before going out for nearly 3 years. Ive lost my best friend.

 

Also my best girl mate (not her) has decided to stay friends with both of us! I told her to just be friends with my ex as I didnt want to hear about her and tbh you kinda have to pick sides after something like this. So thats another friend lost!

 

The cherry on the cake is nobody at uni seems to be nice! Okay there are but its so hard to make friends years in. I thought I had all the freinds I needed! Oh well I guess I just need to make more of an effort.

 

I know I have asked no questions. I guess Im just annoyed that shes all I think of. Everything here reminds me of her! Everything. She is still the first thought on my mind when I wake and sleep! luckily revision is all I have to get my mind off her.

 

I hope your happy baby. I really do. I promised you if I ever thought someone could treat you better than me then I would be gone without a moments notice. Clearly someone can make you feel better than I did. So I promise you Im gone and wont be back.

 

Thanks for listioning guys, this will probably be my last post for a while (exams in Jan) but I hope to be back soon and let you guys know how it goes.

 

Good luck everyone. I hope we can all realise we are good as individuals and that people would be lucky to have us as their partners. love is out there and if we didnt have bad experiences than we wouldnt be able to fully appreciate the girl that does do everything right.

 

Im taking a break from women until feb just so I can find my true self again. The guy people love being around. Time to move forward and not look back, Carp Diem (Seize the day).

 

Thanks for reading guys/girls.

 

Always Hoping x

[Ajax]

It's been about two and a half months for me too. I go through a lot of the same feelings and have the same thoughts. I was good to my ex too, wanted her to be happy... why wasn't it enough? There aren't really any helpful answers.

 

I decided to text her and tell her I knew him and he had cheated on his gf many many times and was proud of it! I knew him at uni. She didnt care and got angry I read it. She said he was ugly and wouldnt reply but it was time to get over and after 2 weeks I should be over her.

 

 

I hate how they think that it's so easy to get over them. It's a lack of empathy. Some people just assume that if they're feeling a particular way that everyone else does too. "Well I'm not in love anymore so how can he be?" That's why NC is important. They'll have no way of knowing how we're handling things and won't be able to remind us of how weak and emotional we are... at least directly.

[alwayshoping]

I think that's what hurts the most! That someone who knew you so well doesn't understand the pain they have caused. They don't understand you can't just be over it that quickly! Yet for nearly 3 years she really knew me inside out! A lack of empathy or maybe just wishful thinking that they didn't hurt you as bad as they did.

 

I've been nc for 8weeks 2m. I'm so glad I have. I know I made mistakes once she dumped me. But before that I really would have done anything, even stepping aside if a better man came along. I know realise someone clearly did. I just never thought I would see the day and it would hurt this much! I just want her to be happy as I know good things come to me in so many ways and eventually I will wake up and smile that we parted and someone can make me

Happier. I just need to find the boy that was happy no matter what, gf or no gf.

 

Thanks for your reply Ajax, I love reading your posts, our gfs could have been best friends by the sounds of things! Bless them. How are you doing? Good I hope x

[swfc_77]

firstly always you aint going nowhere, doesn't hurt to come on here for 5 mins every couple of days and it is helping you to talk to us instead of her.

 

from what i have read -

 

you dont want a GF that fu..cks about on facebook sending message's to other bloke.

 

you dont want a GF that sends and recieves txs messages off other bloke.

 

my ex was naive to the fact that most blokes that got in touch via facebook or tx only wanted 1 thing from her, she thought they were being friendly. how stupid can some people be.

 

when you threatened to break up with her and she was crying and begging you to stay you made an error.

 

from my experience when that happens it gives women strenght, they get upset and worried and then when things go back to normal they wonder what the fuss was about. maybe after her crying and begging she actually started to get over you and after the initial pain stayed with you to slowly break away from you.

 

i bet in the last few weeks of your relationship she became very distant.

 

just like mine she went out nearly everynight for our last 2 weeks together, this after she told me she wanted to move back to her fathers. they distance themselves from you at the end, they know they have doubts weeks in advance and sub-conciously do these things.

 

i should have seen what was coming but i was blind, and couldn't face the truth.

 

say you broke up with her when you did threaten too, she would have had a couple of weeks away from you then come back only to do what she has done but a lot more slowly and a lot more painfully, just like what has happened with me.

 

my mother said to me weeks ago and this is a good one

 

"you always get bored of something thats always available"

 

for example you and me

[alwayshoping]

Swfc77, the voice of reason in my torn apart world.

Your right 5 mins wouldnt hurt.

 

Just to set the record straight though, I didnt mind her texting other guys, going out with them, fb'ing them etc.

 

What I do mind is her sitting on a guys lap in a bathtup in her bikini as her profile pic whislt she's with me. My friends and hers all text me asking WTF.

 

I dont mind her harmlessly texting other guys etc because she know what shes doing and she liked the attention- but texts at 3am telling her how much the guy fancies her. Her deleting texts and turning her phone off when with me, is just not on. i told her about all the crazy girls that thought they had a chance with me.

 

I just wanted honesty tbh. I thought she could do the same.

But a text telling her to break up with me from her ex was really the straw that broke this camals back and proved she was cheating (if not physically then emotionally) on me.

 

Your right she did get distant during the final month. Went to france etc and tbh I only saw her for 2 days in that entire month. She always said I was too good for her from the start of our relationship and eventually I think she believed it so much that she had to leave.

 

Women. you give them what they want and they are not happy. You dont give them what they want and you get the same rsponce. I think me, swfc77, ajax, bl22 etc we need to find a happy intermediate and not give 100% to soon and too constantly. For some reason that doesnt work. Haha I say this but I know the next relationship I will be exactly the same, I cant help but want to treat my girl like a princess and make her happier than any other girl on the planet.

 

So what if she leaves. (Don Ho will be thinking fine then p ussy, lose another gf, be a woman). I disagree. A lovely girl will appreciate it someday. She will, and when she tells her gfs about me, they will all be jelous that a woman can be treated so well for no other reason than Love.

 

Swfc77 Hows Nc going? are you glad you spoke to her?

I was close to calling her last night but decided after 8 wks nc my pride would crumble at the thought of hearing her voice.

 

Anyways time for a 10mile Run before I get back to revision. Thanks for the reply, sometimes I think no one will and then you guys always reply and make me feel like my problems are shared with you guys.

 

Always Hoping x

Edited November 7, 2010 by alwayshoping

[swfc_77]

i wish i hadn't spoke to her or told our mutual friend that she tx, she knows whats happening in my life and that makes me uncomfortable.

 

there is a very fine line between friendly txin the opposite sex when your in a relationship , my ex was txtin a male friend at just before 6am 1 morning and i asked what she was playing at, but i know the kid and we use to go football together he wasn't a threat.

 

other times i saw messages on her facebook from a guy at college that said,

 

i tx you earlier, why you not tx back

 

she replied " i was in the shower"

 

he said " i could easily fall in love with you"

 

i saw this and went mad, she gave her number out too easily to any1 who wanted it, she will be laid in bed at night (not when she was with me) txting anybody and anyone who cares.

 

on the other hand i have 1 really good female friend who i'v known for 8-9 yrs and my ex was jealous of her. i wasn't allowed to tx other women (i wouldn't anyway out of respect for my partner) she even went on my facebook and deleted every girl she didn't know.

 

i wish i had have 8 weeks NC, but honestly its knocked me back slightly txtin her. but i just keep telling myself i dont want to be with a girl that thinks its ok to converse with anyman that shows intrest because 99% want 1 thing.

 

i found messages of facebook while she was away back in aug and she had 3 conversations privately going off with 3 men nothing bad but still slightly flirty i could help do this sum in my head

 

3 blokes messaging per week

 

over a year or 52 weeks thats 3 x 52 = 156 blokes

 

i know it wouldn't be that high but the chances of it being over 100 was quite realistic and really shook me up a bit.

 

im sorry if that sounds slightly strange, but thats not what i expect from a young girl who i open my home up too.

 

i dont want that and niether do you always

[alwayshoping]

Your right swfc77. I dont want that. I guess I just let it slide because I loved her so much. But in the end it was always playing on my mind.

 

We can both do better you will see. I bet in a year we are on here with amazing stories of girls that make us feel amazing.

 

we just need to think positively from now on!

 

You with me? lets try smile and really show people we are as nice as we seem!

 

ps your mums saying really hits home.

[Billie The Puppet]

It's hard to believe for me but by the end of January I'll be half a year without my EX, Now I know she has moved on (every right too) but I'm failing to see why so fast even though I defend her right to move on fast too. The break up wasn't bad but it wasn't good. I trusted her, placed her in a Male oriented Job, Let her do what she wanted etc. She told me she'd never look for a relationship while she is with someone we are discussing engagement to the point we looked at rings, The next week she went cold on me a week later I find an email and confront her because I am always honest, lead to break up. She is now with a co-worker not the one in the email but is one I knew she was talking to online, in fact she used me to contact him one day for her. My ex is so self-centered yet I too am not over her, I want what I had and I am now starting to feel I should stop trying to get dates, etc and just let the feelings all settle.

 

Watch 500 days of summer, - I did it was painful to watch brought up all sorts of emotions but it may give you a whole new outlook. I watched it last night it all felt all so good.

Edited November 7, 2010 by Billie The Puppet

[Ajax]

Women. you give them what they want and they are not happy. You dont give them what they want and you get the same rsponce. I think me, swfc77, ajax, bl22 etc we need to find a happy intermediate and not give 100% to soon and too constantly. For some reason that doesnt work. Haha I say this but I know the next relationship I will be exactly the same, I cant help but want to treat my girl like a princess and make her happier than any other girl on the planet.

 

 

I've come to the same conclusion. The thing is that before my last ex I didn't give 100% to soon to girls I was with. I knew what would happen. But with this one I just couldn't help myself. Passion took over reason. C'est la vi. I did enjoy treating her like a princess though, so we're going to have to find tha balance.

 

on the other hand i have 1 really good female friend who i'v known for 8-9 yrs and my ex was jealous of her. i wasn't allowed to tx other women (i wouldn't anyway out of respect for my partner) she even went on my facebook and deleted every girl she didn't know.

 

YIKES! Red flag huh? My cousin's going through some post-breakup strife and though he blocked his ex on Facebook it turned out she had his password so she was spying on him through that. Any time a girl posted on his wall or he became friends with one she would call and ask who she was and if they were together. It was driving him crazy. Now he changed his password and I'm looking forward to hearing about what she does now.

[Billie The Puppet]

I've come to the same conclusion. The thing is that before my last ex I didn't give 100% to soon to girls I was with. I knew what would happen. But with this one I just couldn't help myself. Passion took over reason. C'est la vi. I did enjoy treating her like a princess though, so we're going to have to find tha balance.

 

 

 

YIKES! Red flag huh? My cousin's going through some post-breakup strife and though he blocked his ex on Facebook it turned out she had his password so she was spying on him through that. Any time a girl posted on his wall or he became friends with one she would call and ask who she was and if they were together. It was driving him crazy. Now he changed his password and I'm looking forward to hearing about what she does now.

 

Have mutual friends check, create a fake person to friend on FB, I hate FB in terms of Relationships etc, I think this world needs to go back to contacting people by phone.

[swfc_77]

txting and facebook have put a real strain on relationships in my opinion.

 

too easy to flirt, chat, see and spy on people you hardly even know, i mean come on with facebook someone only needs to know your name and they can message you.

[Ajax]

Have mutual friends check, create a fake person to friend on FB, I hate FB in terms of Relationships etc, I think this world needs to go back to contacting people by phone.

 

Billie my man, good to see you back. How are things going for you?

[alwayshoping]

Good old fb! It really did put a strain on our LDR.

 

Oh well all is said and done now. No more Fb for me, really whats the point?

 

Yeah billie how have you been? its been ages since i saw you post a comment!

[Billie The Puppet]

To explain my absence it was a trial to see if I can cope without LS and I have been doing fairly well. Things are better than when it first happened and time is healing. Knowing she is with another somewhat helps as I was holding onto hope before then. My brain is starting to over power my heart but I still find my self missing her especially on weekends. I'm no longer counting NC days etc in fact NC is second nature now. Her msn, email, fb, phone number etc have all been deleted. All pictures are on a cd and put away and I burried the promise ring I gave her in a vase full of deco stone and Candles.

 

Like I said watching 500 days of summer is an emotional heart breaker but may give a new light on the situation.

 

I'm just going to stay single for now, as dates have all been awkward my last one was really strange as the girl brought up my ex from years ago and said she didn't know what I ever saw in her. We were reminding catching up as it's been like 10 years or so we havent seen each other. I then brought up a guy she apparently dated and she was like you should have slapped some fence into me. This was a coffee date that went too long and was boring to be honest. My current ex was not a topic but the fact that others were made it less about getting to know each other and more of hey what if we got together then.

 

My current ex came into my life when I wasn't looking we lasted awhile and I believe I got comfortable with her and that's what I am missing the comfortability as I will be the first to admit I'm afraid of change.

 

We will all make it through this.

 

On another note / fantasy world on a forum I go to dedicated to the SAW movies a talk in a thread turned into a web threesome, I know it's just text and jokes as we all dont know each other etc and I refuse todo LDRs but it was funny that a few simple jokes got not 1 but 2 females going along with it.

 

Certainly not a confidence booster but great for entertaing a smile.

[alwayshoping]

So Lately I have been doing so much better!

 

Then the last two days hit me. Ive felt so crappy and alone.

 

I miss her so much. I really cant stop saying the word snuggles.

 

I loved saying it when I was with her. I just read her last email to me and it really did make me cry.

 

Ive just felt so alone lately even when with freinds. I recently did a comedy show and made lots of people laugh. Flirted with a girl who later told me she had a bf! haha she even tried to kiss me infront of him! WTF!

 

I just let her be. Thats the type of girl I dont like.

 

But why do I feel so alone? I hate to admit it but I was so alone last night that I called the samaritans for a chat! SOOOOO SAD! but whats a guy to do when he misses the only thing that was amazing in his life?

 

I dont even care about all the crap she pulled with me. Really I dont.

 

I really wanted to have my first child with this girl. Oh whats the point! 70days NC today.

 

I really want this rollacoaster to stop. Im sick and tired of missing her.

 

I just want to move on. Why does she command such a strong place in my heart?

 

I just cant beleive im back in this crap feeling again. I really thought I was past it. I just pray to God that I can move on. She clearly has. Why do I still keep checking my phone hoping she still loves me and wants me back?

 

Im either an idiot or im seriously demented. It should be easier by now surely???

[bl22]

I know the feelings alwayshoping, doing alot better myself but I stil have major ups and downs. The only thing thats helped me is I'm feeling better about myself. Recently bought myself a ton of new clothes, and at the gym everyday now, its great.

 

Hmmm, been thinking alot myself also. I'd love to know if there are any moments where shes missed me...i dont see how there cant be to be honest?!

 

You got to rememebr also, if they even tried to come back now, it wouldnt work in a million years...way too soon. The only chance we got is long term, many many months even years from now when they have matured.

 

Its funny, all our ex's have all acted in pretty much exactly the same way. Stil cant help feeling mega disapointed from time to time, my image n view of her is completely destroyed, when original I had nothing but admiration for her.

 

I do honestly believe theyl realise theyve made a mistake and a time will come when they miss us, maybe its already happened every now and again but we dont know. Its my ex's birthday in 2 weeks and Im stil in doubt over what to do, everyone says dont acknowledge it and at the moment thats what im going to do. But on my good days i think a simple text wouldnt hurt and if i ignore her ill seem immature, on my bad days i think 'backstabber, noway im txting her'

 

havent seen her since start of october, i do really wonder if she misses me, misses my voice, my hugs, our little sayings, my kisses etc. hmmmmm