Do you play games when dating?

November 7, 2010

Shure they can work, but it's unneccesary to follow those rules and play games. Because if a guy liked you, you wouldn't need to play hard to get... Infact most guys hate it when women play hard to get and follows those rules.

Playing games doesn't increse your chances with a guy, it decreases them because so many guys hate it or take it as a sign of disintrest.

But how to i know if a guy really likes me or not?When i dont know for sure i dont show him that i care even when i do care..I try to show the same amount of interest the other shows me.There is nothing wrong in that right? You can never reach a 50/50 slipt in terms of how much you care.There is always one that cares more than the other does.I guess most people dont want to be the one that care more.Maybe that's why people feel they have to play a little mind games from the start to avoid getting into that situation...it's like you lose some control and power the minute you let the other see that you care more.

November 7, 2010

Women never show affection to men, ever. Women only want the man to show affection to them but they do not want to do it back. Women would rather play games and listen to ridicilous rules on how to act like you are not intrested instead of doing that.

That is not true.I show affections when i feel it's ok to show them;Maybe it's just some women are more careful about showing them

November 7, 2010

Now I wouldn't say that's entirely true! My gf shows me lots of affection. She bought me a rather expensive bday present, and most of our early dates were dutch actually. She likes kissing me, and stroking my face, and it makes me so

But she prefers I do stuff like driving, or ordering food, and iniating sex and holding her. She said it makes her feel all warm and cuddly and feminine when I act all manly

You sounds a really cute and sweet couple:love: Keep it up and good luck on

November 7, 2010

Maybe that's why people feel they have to play a little mind games from the start to avoid getting into that situation...it's like you lose some control and power the minute you let the other see that you care more.

So lets go on a date, but both of us are going to pretend we dont really like each other too much.

According to your thought process, we keep seeing each other, and we keep acting like our interests in each other are not as high as they are.

When is it ok, in your mind, to take down the wall, and show honest emotion?

November 7, 2010

So lets go on a date, but both of us are going to pretend we dont really like each other too much.

According to your thought process, we keep seeing each other, and we keep acting like our interests in each other are not as high as they are.

When is it ok, in your mind, to take down the wall, and show honest emotion?

when i feel it's safe to do so with the guy who is able to show me first he cares:p Does that sound ok?

November 7, 2010

when i feel it's safe to do so with the guy who is able to show me first he cares:p Does that sound ok?

Of course the female always has to make sure the guy goes out on a limb first.

November 7, 2010

I've been reading some dating self help books recently. Have always know about the concept of playing hard to get but never exactly how to play it.And then i found what it teaches you in this book"The Rules"
-always be the first to end a date;
-dont extend the date;
-no date arrangement on weekends after wednesday;
-dont sleep with him during the first three dates;

i can go on with more but you get the idea-they all share the same spirit of making him think you have a life(even when you dont) and you are not needy or clingy.There were a few times i was like"wow, i should have done that ,no wonder he..." or" cant believe i did that, that's so against the rules.." But after finished the whole book,i couldnt help but wondering if i'm to follow each and single rule written in there unmistakably in each occasion,how can i be sure that the guy fall in love with me not those bunch of rules i play? I've always think if you cant even be yourself, what is the point of being with someone?If they are the ones for us, shouldnt they like us for who we are no matter what?

That also remind me of another book i once read called"Why men marry bitches" where i recalled principles like dont always agree with a man;dont react too emotionally etc..It is a good book but still if i have to play by those principles instead of following my gut reaction in certain situations,wouldnt that be a little manipulative and all are just to get a guy more interested?

Girls,do you play those games? What games do you play?Guys,how do you think about those games?Can you tell if they are playing?I have a guy friend who said the minute the women talk about other guys to him, he knows they like him..Maybe you should take some time to read those books and let us women know you take on them. And anyone who's enjoying a happy and successful relationship,what are your serects?

Ok, gonna answer before I read all the replies.

I think a lot of that advice is gimicky and I'm not sure how much it actually applies to real relationships.

At the same time it sort of makes sense, no one agrees with another person all the time . . . so agreeing with a guy you like is silly. Sex early in relationships is generally accepted to be a bad idea if you want to have a long term relationship, so that makes sense too.

I personally don't think I play games. I tend to say whats on my mind and if I don't like something a guy says or does, I let him know.

I am also not very successful at the dating thing.

November 7, 2010

To answer the OP, I do not find myself thinking of specific methodologies when desiring to meet and greet ladies. I'm more of a go with the flow dater. This is evidenced by many actions and/or words which contradict typical effective and successful dating 'styles' for men, simply because I don't agree that they reflect who I am.

Tuam sequere naturam

November 7, 2010

No. I don't like games, but people can accuse you of playing games if you have a life, or if you don't go by generally accepted societal norms, like "if a girl doesn't sleep with you after 3 dates, she's not interested". That is not true for me. Its more like, if I don't sleep with you after 3 dates, I am not interested in casual sex. I don't do casual sex. I am vetting you for a possible relationship and seeing if we are a match. Hell, even an employer has a 90 day probationary period, but you want to jump into bed/a relationship after 3 dates? Pft. However, guys have dealt with women in their past that think this way, so they think you're playing hard to get, when you just move slower.

November 7, 2010

Alright, I've read the replies to this and I'll give you my 2 cents.

First of all, anyone who goes to interview for a job, doesn't try to research the company/wear a nice suit/be selective about just what they say and do is not going to get the job. I'm sure there are cases where someone can blow the interview and still get the job but it's rare. This is what the 'rules' are really about. We go into the dating world without trying to research how to day, dress appropriately, and we say and do whatever feels 'right'. The problem is, way too often for girls we get to a point where the right thing is probably too fast for the guy. Guys seem to want to take a girl out and see if she's a good fit. Girls tend to read too much into it.

Every time I was with a guy and I rearranged my schedule for him, answered him whenever he called, did whatever he wanted to do, had sex with him quick, blamed myself for our problems...it just never worked out. I did these things because I wanted to be nice and understanding. But instead of making guys appreciate me more, they always seemed to appreciate me LESS. If I rearranged my schedule and always answered his calls, he got the idea I was always available to him and he never tried too hard to be available to me. We always did whatever he wanted to do and instead of seeing my sacrifice he thought I never wanted to do anything but what he wanted. He ended up using me for sex, even long after our breakup. And when there were issues he always blamed me for them and never tried to change anything he was doing. I always ended up LOSING the respect of my boyfriends. Guys want someone who is desirable, who has goals, who is independent and social. When you find a girl who puts herself first it makes the guy want to put her first too.

Conversely, while the guys I really wanted never seemed to want me, the guys I DIDN'T want pursued me relentlessly. The guy I am seeing now is someone who I didn't really want to date. I insisted we be casual. I didn't spend every day at his place. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I refused. At every turn I thwarted his attempts to hold me down and the result has been that he has desired me more than any other woman, he wants to do anything he can for me, he would marry me in a heartbeat. I had been using 'the rules' with him without realizing it.

I HATED the fact that there are rules for dating, and I never wanted to follow them. I am a very open and honest person, but it never really got me anywhere in the beginning of a relationship. Using the rules not only makes me seem more attractive to a guy, it also makes me remember that I am worth it. It reminds me not to put the guy first, and I think we women need that reminder. Of course, you need to also make sure the guy knows that you are interested. This is not about pretending you don't care. It's all about showing that some guy you JUST met isn't more important than yourself, your family, and your own friends. As your relationship develops, THEN you can start getting more comfortable.

One more thing. I really believe that sex is something that needs to come waaay after you meet someone. Think about it...you go to the store once a week, and there's a new cashier. Would you have sex with the cashier the 3rd time you met him? Uh...no. You would with some guy you just met because there are emotions and lust involved, but let's be honest...you have no idea who this person really is or if they want a relationship with you. You don't need to have sex with a guy on the 3rd date, or even the 3rd month. You don't even need to KISS a guy on the first date (I usually don't). Stop giving it up so easily, girls. I can't tell you how many times the guys I slept with stopped calling me while the guys who I NEVER slept with would pursue me. It doesn't matter how good at sex you are. There is no hard and fast rule as to when you should sleep with a guy, but I am beginning to think that the right time is when he shows he would like an exclusive relationship with you. And if he dumps you because he wasn't getting sex...then honestly he didn't like you enough in the first place, and sex just wasn't going to change that. I have male friends who were all about the sex, and if they dated someone they liked who didn't give it up, they NEVER dumped her. Unless they were already in an established relationship and the woman still wouldn't give it up, then they would wonder.

Keep reading these relationship books. You can be in a relationship without playing by the rules obviously...I mean, I spent 10 years in and out of relationships. And I am single now. Obviously what I was doing wasn't working, so I'm giving this a try.

Edited November 7, 2010 by SilverLining

November 8, 2010

Alright, I've read the replies to this and I'll give you my 2 cents.

First of all, anyone who goes to interview for a job, doesn't try to research the company/wear a nice suit/be selective about just what they say and do is not going to get the job. I'm sure there are cases where someone can blow the interview and still get the job but it's rare. This is what the 'rules' are really about. We go into the dating world without trying to research how to day, dress appropriately, and we say and do whatever feels 'right'. The problem is, way too often for girls we get to a point where the right thing is probably too fast for the guy. Guys seem to want to take a girl out and see if she's a good fit. Girls tend to read too much into it.

Every time I was with a guy and I rearranged my schedule for him, answered him whenever he called, did whatever he wanted to do, had sex with him quick, blamed myself for our problems...it just never worked out. I did these things because I wanted to be nice and understanding. But instead of making guys appreciate me more, they always seemed to appreciate me LESS. If I rearranged my schedule and always answered his calls, he got the idea I was always available to him and he never tried too hard to be available to me. We always did whatever he wanted to do and instead of seeing my sacrifice he thought I never wanted to do anything but what he wanted. He ended up using me for sex, even long after our breakup. And when there were issues he always blamed me for them and never tried to change anything he was doing. I always ended up LOSING the respect of my boyfriends. Guys want someone who is desirable, who has goals, who is independent and social. When you find a girl who puts herself first it makes the guy want to put her first too.

Conversely, while the guys I really wanted never seemed to want me, the guys I DIDN'T want pursued me relentlessly. The guy I am seeing now is someone who I didn't really want to date. I insisted we be casual. I didn't spend every day at his place. When he asked me to be his girlfriend, I refused. At every turn I thwarted his attempts to hold me down and the result has been that he has desired me more than any other woman, he wants to do anything he can for me, he would marry me in a heartbeat. I had been using 'the rules' with him without realizing it.

I HATED the fact that there are rules for dating, and I never wanted to follow them. I am a very open and honest person, but it never really got me anywhere in the beginning of a relationship. Using the rules not only makes me seem more attractive to a guy, it also makes me remember that I am worth it. It reminds me not to put the guy first, and I think we women need that reminder. Of course, you need to also make sure the guy knows that you are interested. This is not about pretending you don't care. It's all about showing that some guy you JUST met isn't more important than yourself, your family, and your own friends. As your relationship develops, THEN you can start getting more comfortable.

One more thing. I really believe that sex is something that needs to come waaay after you meet someone. Think about it...you go to the store once a week, and there's a new cashier. Would you have sex with the cashier the 3rd time you met him? Uh...no. You would with some guy you just met because there are emotions and lust involved, but let's be honest...you have no idea who this person really is or if they want a relationship with you. You don't need to have sex with a guy on the 3rd date, or even the 3rd month. You don't even need to KISS a guy on the first date (I usually don't). Stop giving it up so easily, girls. I can't tell you how many times the guys I slept with stopped calling me while the guys who I NEVER slept with would pursue me. It doesn't matter how good at sex you are. There is no hard and fast rule as to when you should sleep with a guy, but I am beginning to think that the right time is when he shows he would like an exclusive relationship with you. And if he dumps you because he wasn't getting sex...then honestly he didn't like you enough in the first place, and sex just wasn't going to change that. I have male friends who were all about the sex, and if they dated someone they liked who didn't give it up, they NEVER dumped her. Unless they were already in an established relationship and the woman still wouldn't give it up, then they would wonder.

Keep reading these relationship books. You can be in a relationship without playing by the rules obviously...I mean, I spent 10 years in and out of relationships. And I am single now. Obviously what I was doing wasn't working, so I'm giving this a try.

Thanks for sharing.I found what you said about putting you and your life first really makes great sense.What i want to add in is the concept of self love.You have to love yourself first before others can love you;You have to think you are worthy before others can.Unlimately it's all about you.You decide what you want in a partner;You decide what kind of relationship you want to be in;When you have enough love and self respect,you put yourself and your life first and wont put up with any bs.The mind set i'm in now is that i try to focus more on getting to know the person and see if we are compatible before jump in too quick.I try to see it as it is intead of being under any illusion and only see what i want to see.Follow your heart is over stated,what we need is a cool head.As long as i dont lose my head, i know i'll be good.You really have a choice to be in control.

November 8, 2010

I swear if one more person mentions "The Rules" or anything remotely similar, I'm going to snap. They are counter-productive and the authors of such books make money off the insecurities of women. I don't play games simply because 1)That's not how you find a quality mate and 2)Life is too short.

If you are someone that swears by such material, you are not high quality, you are easily influenced, gullible, and naive. Reality does not come in paperback.

November 8, 2010

I swear if one more person mentions "The Rules" or anything remotely similar, I'm going to snap. They are counter-productive and the authors of such books make money off the insecurities of women. I don't play games simply because 1)That's not how you find a quality mate and 2)Life is too short.

If you are someone that swears by such material, you are not high quality, you are easily influenced, gullible, and naive. Reality does not come in paperback.

That's a real book?

I don't follow anyone's rule but my own, and I'm single . . . .

November 8, 2010

That's a real book?

I don't follow anyone's rule but my own, and I'm single . . . .

"The Rules", "He's Just Not That Into You", etc are indeed rule books. Yes, the authors made a sh*t load of money feeding of the insecurities of women. Back to what I said, reality does not come in paperback. If someone has to preach something in a book that makes them lots of money, the content is misleading at best and a flat out lie at worst.

November 8, 2010

I had an encounter with a girl that must have read the same book. She was ridiculous, cutting great conversations off at the knee's just to make it appear that she was busy. After the 3rd or 4th time I got out of there....it was pathetic.

November 8, 2010

Women never show affection to men, ever.Women only want the man to show affection to them but they do not want to do it back.

am i the only one doing this or something?

i say this is not true. we do show, just in different ways.

to OP, the book is fun to read. i laugh at some of the parts but to abide by it is just pathetic. those teach you how to get a guy but as time goes by, the mask will drop, your true self will reveal...and you're left with wondering why he doesn't stay with you (and you can't buy the "why men marry bitches" because you're not married.)

Edited November 8, 2010 by 810

November 8, 2010

As a woman, I dislike "playing the game" or abiding by some unwritten scripted set of rules. I'm of the firm belief that a relationship should be built on a sense of mutual trust and that means not having it tainted by guile and conniving at the onset.

If you're available for a date on Saturday and the person asks on Thursday, why not say yes? Why pretend that you're busier than you really are to promote an image that you're more self-important than you really are. Why cut off a conversation if it's going really well simply because you want to pretend that you're busy?

I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend who found it refreshing that I didn't play any of those games. Interestingly enough, he admitted to me that men also played such games. "You don't want the girl to think you're a loser," he told me when I asked him why some men might pretend to be busy.

Frankly, you should just be who you are. If the other person is interested enough, you alone and not who you pretend to be, should be enough to entice him/her back. Why pretend otherwise?

November 9, 2010

am i the only one doing this or something?
i say this is not true. we do show, just in different ways.

In what way do women show affection to men then? Isn't it a part of the game to never show affection and be aloof basicly....

November 9, 2010

I'm sick of those rules and game playing. However, in my last relationship, I did it unintentionally... when my ex started doing it, I caught up on it and thought it was the "norm" to. Little did I know what I was doing until I started to hurt from it. It just went back and forth. It's so stupid.

Do not be too available, wait before you call, do not pick up the phone straight away, pretend to be busy, cut the conversation off short so she/he wants more, etc. It is so absurd, IMO.

Rules as well. Now, everytime I hear a discussion about rules, I just shut it out and move on. It's just embarrassing having to listen to some of the "rules" of dating.

November 9, 2010

I'm sick of those rules and game playing. However, in my last relationship, I did it unintentionally... when my ex started doing it, I caught up on it and thought it was the "norm" to. Little did I know what I was doing until I started to hurt from it. It just went back and forth. It's so stupid.

Do not be too available, wait before you call, do not pick up the phone straight away, pretend to be busy, cut the conversation off short so she/he wants more, etc. It is so absurd, IMO.

Rules as well. Now, everytime I hear a discussion about rules, I just shut it out and move on. It's just embarrassing having to listen to some of the "rules" of dating.

Rule #1- there are no rules.

November 9, 2010

Rule #1- there are no rules.

Ditto.

I tried hard getting through to my friend who made up these ridiculous "rules". It's not the conventional stuff you here around these threads either. It's the stupidest stuff I've ever heard.

1. If you really like a girl, you will wait for her even if she's uninterested

2. You should really get to know a girl first and become her friend before asking her out

3. The guy should say I love you about 3 months into the relationship

4. I would give a girl up to a year to make-up her mind about me

However, I just don't bother talking about it. Life is much better not getting worked up over small things

November 9, 2010

I play games when I want one thing and one thing only.

But for a serious relationship, I leave no stone unturned. I let her see me the way I am.

1. If you really like a girl, you will wait for her even if she's uninterested

2. You should really get to know a girl first and become her friend before asking her out

3. The guy should say I love you about 3 months into the relationship

4. I would give a girl up to a year to make-up her mind about me

Lol, no matter how much I like someone, Im not gonna beg her to return my love. Im not desperate.

Besides, from experience if the attraction is lop-sided, the relationship is not going to be healthy because the girl usually see herself doing you a favor for being with you.

No thanks.

For me mutual attraction is ABSOLUTELY important.

Edited November 9, 2010 by musemaj11

November 9, 2010

I think as humans we are all capable of playing games in all aspects of life, but I'm priddy real and have been told that by most everyone I know.

So my answer would be that I play few games, it is what it is, and I am what I am:)

November 9, 2010

Ditto.

I tried hard getting through to my friend who made up these ridiculous "rules". It's not the conventional stuff you here around these threads either. It's the stupidest stuff I've ever heard.

1. If you really like a girl, you will wait for her even if she's uninterested

2. You should really get to know a girl first and become her friend before asking her out

3. The guy should say I love you about 3 months into the relationship

4. I would give a girl up to a year to make-up her mind about me

However, I just don't bother talking about it. Life is much better not getting worked up over small things

Whoa, this rang a bell. I feel like I've seen this list somewhere. Have you mentioned this guy before?

November 9, 2010

I have enough experience in dating to know that rules don't mean diddly squat. What is important, from the man's perspective at least, are decency, honest and patience. In other words, being a gentleman. On every single occasion where I've had successful dates, i.e. where it led to a relationship, I've been under no illusions that there was interest from her side, and I would hope vice versa. There was never any game playing, things just took their natural course.

Edited November 9, 2010 by Tim The Enchanter

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