irc333 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 ....what is it with some women, even when they have free time...when they go to a dinner event or a BBQ or whatever, they HAVE to come WITH someone? I was talking to this late 30's single lady, that was new to our group of friends....she was a +1, and will probably will always be a +1 to her friend. She said that she never likes to go ANYWHERE unless she has her friend with her. Is that a problem that she can't handle going to an event by herself, even though she's somewhat familiar with the people from the group? I've known other women to say this, too.
Els Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Because people tend to judge lone women more so than lone men.
Author irc333 Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Because people tend to judge lone women more so than lone men. Judge them based on what?
phineas Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 My experience: The only time a single woman shows up at an event alone (without platonic guy friend) is when there will be a guy there she is interested in. Unless she is interested in the "just a friend" she is having tag along.
Author irc333 Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 My experience: The only time a single woman shows up at an event alone (without platonic guy friend) is when there will be a guy there she is interested in. Unless she is interested in the "just a friend" she is having tag along. Well, this was another female friend she came with.....she kind of joked and said it's similar to when women go to the bathroom together. They're joined at the hip.
You'reasian Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Going alone anywhere looks bad because people think that the lone person isn't sociable, friendly, creepy, weird etc. At the same time, it takes alot of courage for someone to go somewhere alone these days, especially a woman because of safety issues. Going with her friend makes her more sociable/friendly and makes her feel more confident.
EasyHeart Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I've wondered this same thing. Whenever I've asked women about it, they seem really shocked and puzzled at the question. Usually, they give some variation of "I would look like a loser if I went by myself". These same women constantly complain about how hard it is to meet men and wonder why men never approach them, yet they are blind to the connection.
Els Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Judge them based on what? As loners, 'weird', 'unpopular', 'unattractive', etc?
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 What everyone else said. And some people have a lot of difficulty opening up without someone there who they are already comfortable around. I think women are more self conscious about looking like a loser and unsociable.
Woggle Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 As loners, 'weird', 'unpopular', 'unattractive', etc? Why would you care what random strangers think about you?
Akherousia Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 ....what is it with some women, even when they have free time...when they go to a dinner event or a BBQ or whatever, they HAVE to come WITH someone? I was talking to this late 30's single lady, that was new to our group of friends....she was a +1, and will probably will always be a +1 to her friend. She said that she never likes to go ANYWHERE unless she has her friend with her. Is that a problem that she can't handle going to an event by herself, even though she's somewhat familiar with the people from the group? I've known other women to say this, too. It might be due to the fact that most people don't enjoy going alone to places filled with people they don't know that well. I know that it's hard for you to understand as a man, but we have to take caution. How do I know I won't be approached by a creep? How do I know something bad is not going to happen? That's why I bring a girlfriend or more to such events.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Why would you care what random strangers think about you? I've never understood people who say 'I don't care what other people think about me.' If that's really true, I envy them. I always thought it was natural for people to care about what other people think. We're all emotional beings, maybe women more so, and we are all interdependent on eachother. I want other people, (it doesn't matter who) to see me in the best light possible.
Akherousia Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) I've never understood people who say 'I don't care what other people think about me.' If that's really true, I envy them. I always thought it was natural for people to care about what other people think. We're all emotional beings, maybe women more so, and we are all interdependent on eachother. I want other people, (it doesn't matter who) to see me in the best light possible. Not really. Not all let feelings and emotions dominate ourselves. For example, I'm not interested in what other people think of me or how they react to me. I get what I want, whenever I want it. The rest is of no importance. I don't get the interdependent part. My aunt has been living alone since she came out of her Mother's house(age 18) and she's been doing fine. She doesn't need no man and she doesn't need no friendship. She's not asexual. Are you a Libra? Edited November 7, 2010 by Akherousia
Woggle Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I've never understood people who say 'I don't care what other people think about me.' If that's really true, I envy them. I always thought it was natural for people to care about what other people think. We're all emotional beings, maybe women more so, and we are all interdependent on eachother. I want other people, (it doesn't matter who) to see me in the best light possible. I go out to enjoy myself and not impress others. I have a core group of loyal people and my life and that is why I need. If anybody wants to be added they need to prove themselves.
Author irc333 Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 I was about to segway into that....this thread could go into the possibly of why women wind up being single for so long....THESE are one of those reasons. I've wondered this same thing. Whenever I've asked women about it, they seem really shocked and puzzled at the question. Usually, they give some variation of "I would look like a loser if I went by myself". These same women constantly complain about how hard it is to meet men and wonder why men never approach them, yet they are blind to the connection.
Els Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Why would you care what random strangers think about you? Would you go to a formal dinner in pyjamas then (assuming there isn't a strict formal-dress rule)? Why not do so unless you care what random strangers think about you? Pyjamas sure are a helluva lot more comfy than formal attire, and cheaper too.
loverofloveandstuff Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Not really. Not all let feelings and emotions dominate ourselves. For example, I'm not interested in what other people think of me or how they react to me. I get what I want, whenever I want it. The rest is of no importance. I don't get the interdependent part. My aunt has been living alone since she came out of her Mother's house(age 18) and she's been doing fine. She doesn't need no man and she doesn't need no friendship. She's not asexual. Are you a Libra? Can you honestly say that your Aunty doesn't want any friendships and relationships? It is natural to want to love and want to be loved. It is natural to want to succeed in our relationships. Isn't that why we're all here? Because we care about other people and we want advice on situations regarding our relationships with them? Be our family, friends or our partner, the human race is interdependent on eachother and without these relationships and close bondings, it would fade into oblivion. Not all of us let our emotions rule our decisions, but you can't deny that we are all emotional beings. We love, we hate, we want to feel good. A lot of people make choices, driven by emotion because they believe these choices will make them feel the way they want. In the best times, the most positive decision will be both simultaneously the one that we desire and the one that is logically sound. Things become tricky when what we logically believe and what we emotionally feel are totally different. I'm a gemini btw.
hadess07 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 ....what is it with some women, even when they have free time...when they go to a dinner event or a BBQ or whatever, they HAVE to come WITH someone? I was talking to this late 30's single lady, that was new to our group of friends....she was a +1, and will probably will always be a +1 to her friend. She said that she never likes to go ANYWHERE unless she has her friend with her. Is that a problem that she can't handle going to an event by herself, even though she's somewhat familiar with the people from the group? I've known other women to say this, too. i guess they just wanna be with some1 who they are comfortable with..question is how can we make the girl feel comfortable with you?
Akherousia Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Can you honestly say that your Aunty doesn't want any friendships and relationships? It is natural to want to love and want to be loved. It is natural to want to succeed in our relationships. Isn't that why we're all here? Because we care about other people and we want advice on situations regarding our relationships with them? Be our family, friends or our partner, the human race is interdependent on eachother and without these relationships and close bondings, it would fade into oblivion. Not all of us let our emotions rule our decisions, but you can't deny that we are all emotional beings. We love, we hate, we want to feel good. A lot of people make choices, driven by emotion because they believe these choices will make them feel the way they want. In the best times, the most positive decision will be both simultaneously the one that we desire and the one that is logically sound. Things become tricky when what we logically believe and what we emotionally feel are totally different. I'm a gemini btw. My aunt has girlfriends. But she can easily drop them. There's a big difference between needing and enjoying. The problem with so many human beings is that they allow themselves to be ruled by emotions and feelings. Those things are leftovers of a primitive time. We don't need them anymore, at the very least they aren't that good for our health. I can easily turn off my emotions. It's a very useful trait. And I actually prefer a clean state. No good feelings nor bad feelings. I prefer the balance. Good feelings and bad feelings are very enjoyable because of the chemicals/reactions they provoke(or the chemicals are responsible for the emotions). Eating chocolate in high quantities result in such release of said chemicals. Much more cheaper and safer than getting those good feelings from other human beings. Art and Literature can also create those emotions(the artists, writers etc receive a high dose of dopamine when they are doing their thing).
Akherousia Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 i guess they just wanna be with some1 who they are comfortable with..question is how can we make the girl feel comfortable with you? Depends. First date? Take her to a place filled with people. Don't cross into sexual matters too soon. Show her that you respect her. How? By not being pushy. By not forcing things. Spend a lot of time with the woman. Don't take her to romantic places; you don't want her to feel pressured.
D-Jam Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I will agree the men or women who can't go anywhere alone are insecure, but society is part of the blame. A lone women is suddenly seen as vulnerable and even "easy". Many predators will jump on it to see if they can get her into bed. Think about it...she walks into the bar or club or other social engagement ALONE. That means she's got no friends with her to cockblock, and no one she has to give a ride home to. Even better she's got no friend to stop her from drinking too much and leaving with some guy she just met. A lone man is seen as a loser most of the time. Unless he comes in and suddenly meets up with many people he knows, most people see a big "whatever" to the lone guy. Yet come in with a hot girl (even if she's just a friend) and some will think he has value. Social proofing. I know when I went to clubs with hot female friends, other women suddenly found interest in me.
Els Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I will agree the men or women who can't go anywhere alone are insecure, but society is part of the blame. A lone women is suddenly seen as vulnerable and even "easy". Many predators will jump on it to see if they can get her into bed. Think about it...she walks into the bar or club or other social engagement ALONE. That means she's got no friends with her to cockblock, and no one she has to give a ride home to. Even better she's got no friend to stop her from drinking too much and leaving with some guy she just met. A lone man is seen as a loser most of the time. Unless he comes in and suddenly meets up with many people he knows, most people see a big "whatever" to the lone guy. Yet come in with a hot girl (even if she's just a friend) and some will think he has value. Social proofing. I know when I went to clubs with hot female friends, other women suddenly found interest in me. Precisely. I love going places alone, I really do, but I don't do it as much as I'd like to. People's reactions tend to vacillate between the 'OMG is she actually eating alone? she's so weird' stares, and hitting on me while they leave other women alone because they came with a friend. I've had guys twice my age hit on me, guys make dumb perverted jokes to me... there was the slight benefit of having a few guys approach me and talk to me nicely, but it really didn't outweigh all the creeps.
brainygirl Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I don't like to go to social functions like bbqs or parties unless someone I know will be there, so I tend to arrive with that person. I am introverted anyway (probably my biggest issue in dating) and its very nerve wraking to walk into a social event alone.
Cee Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I'm a loner- always have been and always will. I go to most events alone, including things people would never dream of going alone to like weddings, vacations, concerts, and clubbing. I like the freedom of coming and going as I please. I feel suffocated when I'm attached to the hip to someone. I'd rather mingle within a crowd. I'd rather go to events where I know people and we chit chat and so forth. But if I want to do something and nobody wants to go, I go anyway. Going out alone has not made it easier to meet a man. In fact, it's had the opposite effect. I enjoy being alone a little too much. And when I go out alone, I'm never looking to meet someone. Usually people are in their little friend clusters and don't talk to me. And the guys who do talk to me tend to see my aloneness as a signal that I'm an easy mark. At clubs, I try very hard to act as if I'm not alone because I hate being aggressively hit on. These guys don't chat with me- they grab my hands or grind up against me. Maybe I'm too old fashioned, but I don't like total strangers touching me at clubs.
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