Looking for dating experiences from older folk on the forum

[Surrealist]

Hi all....

 

I'm looking for people who are older (over 35 or so) and your experiences with dating? There's lots of threads on the forum from younger people but seldom see much from older guys n gals.

 

I'm 40 years old and never really done a whole lot of dating my entire life. I was married for 8 years (yes of course I dated my then wife prior to a serious LTR and marriage) and have been separated for 5 years since, now pending divorce. The divorce is completely amicable. In that 5 years I have only been on one date.

 

The reasons I haven't dated since separation are pretty much the same as when I was young. Typically shy and reserved, very introverted and generally find people to be energy draining rather than enhancing for me personally. I also find that my life is rather replete with work, gym training and diet and I enjoy these things and don't want anything to interfere with this as well . I guess this is why I look for girls in my gym, particularly a couple of girls who work there, as I think for the most part, they may have some understanding of my lifestyle.

 

I should also mention that I am not into partying hard or anything like that - I completely wasted my younger years with a reckless lifestyle and as such, took me a long time just to get my life half sorted (eg didn't get my highers school cert equivalent until I was 25). So I understand that I would not be the most entertaining of sorts and given my lifestyle, my pool of potentials is dramatically reduced. I do like to go out to a restaurant and have a few drinks on the weekend so certainly not a hermit.

 

Anyone else like to share? I really find it interesting reading of the posts that people around my age group make re their dating experiences, either good or not so.

 

EDIT: I should ask as well to anyone who may respond, are you satisfied or unsatisfied with your dating or relationship life as you've gotten older, compared with your younger experiences?

 

Cheers

Edited November 7, 2010 by Surrealist

[bac]

IMO, people can date at any age if they have enough sexual/other drive to do that.

When a person desperately wants something, they go and get it.

If your mind finds excuses why not to date, you probably do not want it enough.

[SunsetRed]

Something in your post hit a nerve with me, but it has to do with my recent personal experience. Why have you been separated for 5 years and not gotten divorced? If you're really going to get divorced then why not do it? A lot of women have been burned bad by separated men and are terrified of dating another one.

 

In my situation, my guy had been separated 3-4 years. I truly believed the divorce would happen as they'd been separated for so long. In the end, when the papers were ready to be filed and the ex wife realized someone else was going to have him, she begged him to come back and he did.

 

Well, sorry, that's my issue. As for your question, dating when you're older (I'm 42) just gets sadder. There are less people to choose from and when something doesn't work out, you're left feeling like you missed your last chance. I'm still going to be brave and try to get out there. I'm doing the online thing, but so far all they guys I've met online want me to "come over" to their place at 10pm for our first date. Either that or they want to shove their tongue down my throat after a coffee date. My separated guy was probably the last train to pass through this station.

[LittleTiger]

I'm 45, female, physically separated from my ex nearly 2 1/2 yrs, marriage 'officially over' 18 months ago and divorce final 4 months ago. Now in the best relationship of my life (12 months in) and, despite being long distance, we both consider ourselves the luckiest people on the planet. He's 45 too.

 

I think perhaps my experience of dating post separation has been coloured by the fact that I got so lucky but if I go back to pre-Mr Wonderful I'd say it could be summed up as 'slim pickings'.

 

I got hit on by quite a few guys my age and younger who were mostly looking for an easy lay which, I hasten to add, they didn't get! I also met lots of great people as I took up new hobbies etc but nobody available of the right age group who was looking for a partner.

 

So I decided to do the online thing. I wasn't really looking for a partner at that time, I just wanted to get back 'out there'. I chatted to quite a few guys online and I arranged to meet two of them. The first one fell for a girl in a bar the night before we were due to meet and cancelled. The second one had an old flame suddenly become available and also cried off. I cancelled one meeting myself because we were supposed to be rock climbing and I hurt my wrist a few days before.

 

Some guys were definitely a little strange (I think one of them had a wetsuit fetish and was attracted to my scuba diving pics!) and just about everybody had emotional baggage of some sort - obviously some more than others. I 'met' guys, like yourself Surrealist, who'd been separated for years but not divorced, which I have to admit I did find a little off-putting (despite not being divorced myself at the time). One or two I found to be quite aggressive when I turned them down and others came across as very decent guys but there just wasn't any spark between us, even online. I probably would have met them anyway if I hadn't lucked out.

 

I got a message from my kiwi man just a few weeks in to my 'online dating' and the rest is history, as they say. You'll probably think I'm crazy if I tell you I now believe in fate.

 

So that's my experience of dating in middle-age. On the plus side, while the dating pool of decent people is definitely smaller, having a lifetime of experience and a whole lot more confidence than when I was younger made a big difference to how I approached it. I was fairly easy going and chatted to everybody who made an effort and I replied to every single email I got. Oh and I didn't post a picture of my face because I like people who value others based on more than looks.

 

Phew, that was long, sorry - you did ask.

[alexlakeman]

I am in that age bracket and have pretty much dated from online pool of women for several years... I get turned off a bit if they say seperated... Does it mean they are thinking of going back? Does it mean ???? Etc... NOT insecurity, but I just don't want to invest my time if they themselves can't finalize a divorce...

 

As for the dieting and gym... there are plenty of women who are into that as well... I recently met one that was a gym rat, and if I would've been as well it probably would've worked out...