I have idiot written all over my face...

[ReturnToSender]

Yeah, I think Im going to leave the second chances forum alone now...

 

Things seemed to be going alright...we had plans to see each other tomorrow night, and have been texting back and forth the past cpl days. Everything seemed really chill, very nice.

 

Tonight he was working and we were texting back and forth, really fun convo actually. He had a long drive home and I said he can call me on his way home cause lll be up late. We went back and forth texting some more, and I asked him when he gets off of work and to ring me up. He told me hes too tired to talk...he always blows me off with "Im too tired" and I didnt want to get upset, so I just said okay have a gnite. later.

 

He texts me back asking me not to be mad at him, and I said Im not...he doesnt call anyway, all we ever do is text, so no big. Thats when he calls me. He said I had an upset tone in my message so he figured hed call, and that irks me, because I didnt want him to call cause he feels like he has to, I wanted to just have a nice convo.

 

He immediately starts asking me ridiculous questions like if I have my heater on and if Im okay. We live in Florida, Im not going to freeze to death cause its 70 degrees out okay! WTF is wrong with you? ... Well, thats what I wanted to say, but I just said yeah, and that it sucks he only called cause he thinks Im mad. At that point he pretended he had another call that he absolutely had to take (I know its a lie...his phone does that thing where your voice disappears as a call is ringing through...that wasnt happening) and then hangs up on me.

 

I sent him a message saying I wish I never mentioned him calling, that I thought things were fine between us but not as fine as I thought if that how he is about talking to me. He replied saying things are fine between us, he just only talks on the phone to people in the business.

 

And thats when I really did get mad, seeing how who he had cheated on me was in the business, and we went though this whole round about this in the past... Yeah I slipped into my passive-aggressive bs, told him I dont care if he calls now. Yeah, I guess since Im not in the business (tactfully left out "like all your biatchins you dote on"...though I came close to saying it) Im not worth a phone call and we have nothing to talk about then. That I thought things were going better with us but apparently theyre not and now I know thats not going to happen. And let him know if Im not worth talking to, then Im not worth seeing either and to cancel seeing me tomorrow night.

 

No response... Eh.

 

I curled up on the couch and was *this* close to tears when someone called about work stuff and yeah, this guy goes on and on about nothing, usually I cant wait to get him off the phone LoL! But this time it calmed me down and by the time I got off the phone with him I was over it.

 

Only thing left is how annoyed I am with myself. I really thought things had taken an upswing between us but no. Im an idiot....everyone else who knows him really was 100% right about him...hes a jerk, only thing that matters to him is whatever is going to get him ahead in the business, Im not of much use there, and so of no use to him. I thought more of him, and of us for nothing.

 

Return to sender indeed...I feel pretty defective right about now.

Edited November 7, 2010 by ReturnToSender

[TaraMaiden]

What you need is a good laugh.

 

So, go take a look in the mirror.

No really, I'm serious.

 

Look at your reflection, and do a Dr Phil on yourself.

"What were you thinking?!"

How's that working for you?!"

"Do you get it now?!"

 

(Go for the bald head, moustache, Texas drawl, suit, the lot. )

 

Hell, it worked for me.

I don't look good, bald.... but the moustache was an inspiration.....

[anne1707]

.... but the moustache was an inspiration.....

 

 

I would always recommend going for the moustache

[ReturnToSender]

What you need is a good laugh.

 

So, go take a look in the mirror.

No really, I'm serious.

 

Look at your reflection, and do a Dr Phil on yourself.

"What were you thinking?!"

How's that working for you?!"

"Do you get it now?!"

 

(Go for the bald head, moustache, Texas drawl, suit, the lot. )

 

Hell, it worked for me.

I don't look good, bald.... but the moustache was an inspiration.....

 

LoL Tara!! Okay yeah, you did make me laugh... I can even hear that accent of his. Aye!! Yeah, its definitely not working for me. And it wont work if I keep trying for love from a guy who just doesnt have it in him to give to me...

[ReturnToSender]

Yannow Tara, I caught sight of caliguys NC thread in your sig and read it again... And now I am in tears, cause I know thats what its really come to. Like, its finally sunk it that its really over between us. If Im not worth his time, then how can I possibly expect anything to be nice, or fun, or anything wonderful to come of this. I cant.

 

After everything Ive been through this past year with him, Ive still loved him, and Ive still hoped for the best...but we had our best times and yeah, that really is done with. Being in touch with him, seeing him, being friendly, keeping my chin up, all that has done nothing for me but sit here a year later still crying over the same guy who broke my heart a year ago, over letting him make me feel this way tonight.

 

I dont want another year to pass, I dont want any more time to pass and still be no further ahead than I am now. I no longer feel less of myself, which I guess is a good thing. I just feel less to him, which is probably also a good thing, cause all this time I hoped I meant more to him than I did...at least Ive come closer to the reality of the situation and not my dreamy fantasy ideal of the situation.

 

But it still hurts...I really wish I hadnt wasted my time...but I dont want to waste any more of my time on him. Im going to try really hard here...though at this very second it feels like it'll be easy, I dont want to talk to him or see him now. But I know myself...and i know him...hes going to act sweet and charming and complain that he doesnt want me out of his life and how he still loves me...but then I also know him well enough to realize as soon as I fall for it he backs off and blows me off again.

 

Or maybe Ill get lucky this time, and he'll make it easier on me and not do any of that.

 

I just wanna stop crying over what is essentially nothing.

[TaraMaiden]

Look, I won't deny it.

It's a I3itch.

It bloody hurts, but it bloody hurts because we've been had, and we're intelligent, coherent, articulate and really quite nice people.

 

So, OK, have a damn good cry.

Get it out of your system.

And when he does come back all sweetness and light, and says he wants you back in his life, ask him -

"What's in it for me? What is my reward for the risk? What do you propose to give me that will benefit me, or give me an advantage? Come on, Mr sweet-talk, sell me the plan.

Whatcha got that could possibly persuade me this is the best thing I could do?

Because if all you have is batting eyelashes, and 'I'm such a catch, I'm worth hanging on to', then let me tell you, buddy - on last year's results, you ain't all that. In fact, you're nothing at all.

You're not worth my time, my tears and my hopes.

So until you can come up with an all-inclusive ground-breaking package that I'd be a fool to turn down - you ain't fooling me.

Call me when I'd be the one you want to die with. Otherwise, I think it's far better for both of us if we stop this idiotic fooling around and get on with our lives, don't you?"

 

And slam the phone down.

Hard.

If it rings within 10 seconds, let it go.

 

And Then -

Let it Go.

[ReturnToSender]

Thanks... I guess it just hit me afterall, but I really do feel better now. Im back to just feeling annoyed. He did me a favor actually...I have nothing to hope for or hold onto anymore.

 

I like what you said, yeah...I tell him not to contact me again unless ... Im not even sure how to word it? I want to keep it short, curt and to the point. I dont want room for discussion.