shayan Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Look, they didn't like us fine. There were things about us they found unatrractive and repulisve fine. They got up and left even though we loved them fine. Jesus they aren't murderers just people leaving and coming. Even if they cheated ok, ok, ok why be so angry so vengent. Why in the **** want them back? let them go become indifferent, when I think of my ex I say, "who was that again" consciously to myself to remind myself it doesn't matter anymore. Man it's not about them anymore once they leave I think that's what most people miss.
TaraMaiden Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I quite agree. In fact, I've been saying this a long time. But a perusal of this forum will tell you that people love - nay, need - to 'vent' and somehow try to get it out of their system. In whichever way they feel is right. And it takes time for the penny to drop, to accept that the burning anger comes from within, not without. Some people get it. Straight away, or eventually. Others - don't, and never will, despite the stirling efforts of others to support, guide, advise, whatever..... You get it. I get it. That's all we can say, really.
durkadurka Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Er, yes, while that's easy in theory, I was a hair away from marrying the girl. It's hard not to be resentful when it only took 2 weeks for her to start blowing someone else.
TaraMaiden Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Every theory is a breeze. That's why they are - or stay - theories. The practice is the bummer. But as with anything, you know what practice makes...... The simple question is, how far, or where is your anger getting you?
Sivok Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Love is a physical addiction. Chemicals and endorphins are released akin to some of the hardest drugs on the market. You can self talk all you want and yes, it will help, but the withdrawals will still exist. No one wants to return to something that causes them so much pain. But love simply isn't a battle of logic Easiest way to get over it is to replace the substance - find someone else. Which it looks like your fiance did, durka. It doesn't mean she's over you at all, no, but it helps in spades.
Ajax Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Look, they didn't like us fine. There were things about us they found unatrractive and repulisve fine. They got up and left even though we loved them fine. Jesus they aren't murderers just people leaving and coming. Even if they cheated ok, ok, ok why be so angry so vengent. Why in the **** want them back? let them go become indifferent, when I think of my ex I say, "who was that again" consciously to myself to remind myself it doesn't matter anymore. Man it's not about them anymore once they leave I think that's what most people miss. I agree that eventually you have to let go of the anger in order to move on. But I don't think it's as simple as just wanting it. Anger is a natural response to fear and change, and when someone has hurt us. It takes time to get over. I don't know all of your story Shayan, but I'd be willing to bet that there was a time that you were angry with your ex. It took time and effort to get beyond that. I'm still working on it. I know that I need to let go of the pain and anger, but it doesn't happen overnight. It's an ongoing process, and I for one am so much better than I was a month ago, and will be that much better a month from now.
thatsonlyme Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 as everybody else said, it takes time... I got to the point where I'm not angry anymore, I don't hate her anymore and I see her for who she really is. at this point I'm still giving her support because I know she's going through tough period, I still love her and I'm sacrificing my own sanity for her. I know it's slowing down my recovery process and making it harder for me to move on but I'm fine with that. She's moving out of state soon and then I'm planning to go NC. I've already told her that and explained why. I wish we could be friends because we both care for each other, but it's not working for me right now. if I ever completely get over her maybe we can work something out.
reknown29 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 anger is necessary to relieve depression. if there is no anger a person just sulks. we cant be passive and just blame it on ourselves or except the breakup. its healthy to get the anger out since it is there. a person we loved left us. they said they would be there for us and then they left. it doesnt get more personal than that... be angry the anger eventually goes away.
Tiredguy Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Er, yes, while that's easy in theory, I was a hair away from marrying the girl. It's hard not to be resentful when it only took 2 weeks for her to start blowing someone else. This right here.
Author shayan Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 I'm glad for this insighy, it took me 8 months to let go 100 percent. And yes I experienced anger. So yes I agree However, I am saying you get nothing out of focusing on it. Nothing. You're much better off re-investing your old love in to yourself and new people and activities, and not dwelling on it. However, it is nessecary to think about it and learn the mistakes you made. GL
TaraMaiden Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 anger is necessary to relieve depression. if there is no anger a person just sulks. Not so. Research suggests that focussing on Anger, and manifesting it, rather than transforming it and channelling it, can do more harm than good. if you give in to anger, you give in to a self-destructive energy. It's best to face it, acknowledge it - but then do something with it. we cant be passive and just blame it on ourselves or except the breakup. its healthy to get the anger out since it is there. a person we loved left us. they said they would be there for us and then they left. it doesnt get more personal than that... be angry the anger eventually goes away. It could go a lot more quickly than 'eventually', if you recognise it for what it is: The Pain and Fear of Losing control of a situation.
reknown29 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Good article. It explains how to properly vent anger. It starts by saying that you should not unconscioiusly vent anger. It still is an emotion that we feel. It definitely helps with depression but it also really depends on the person. I'm generally a passive person and anger was the only thing that helped me relieve depression from the break up. Everyone is different and I see now how anger is a dangerous recommendation for a violent person... So in conclusion I agree that it should be vented/ channeled properly but I still feel it can be helpful to the right personality type.
homebrew Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 let's stop being angry at our exes I had to quit posting in the forums and I pretty much quit coming here at all due to 4 - 5 people on here. A lot of anger and hatred towards their exs and since most of them are male... all women in general. I understand there is an anger phase that we all must go through but if someone is praying and wishing for physical or emoitional harm upon their ex... I question, 1. Did they even love the person to begin with. 2. They have some deep seated issues and were not "healthy" before relationship, much less afterwards. These 4 - 5 people seem to have a lot more in common with Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction.. "If I can't have you, nobody can" mind set / thought process than with most others on here. They ruin it for the rest of us because not ALL of are exs are evil, twisted, sick, demented, cruel, immoral, vicious, spiteful, wicked, loathsome, malicous, etc.
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