How to flirt with a girl when she is with her friends?

[TouchedByViolet]

So tonight I was at a local restaurant and I sat down next to 4 girls at the bar like this....

 

(girl 4) --BAR----------

(girl 3) --BAR----------

(girl 2)(girl 1)(Me)

 

After sitting down ordering a drink and food I decided that girls 1-3 I wanted to talk to. Girl 4 cursed in every sentence she spoke, and that is a complete turn off even though she was attractive.

 

Naturally, I decided to start with the girl closest to me. She was attractive but not dressed up as as well as girl 2 and girl 3. Either way I made small talk found out that her and her friends are pediatricians, and learned some more about her. She was cute, and attracting, sadly after chatting for about 5 min she seemed not interested. Little eye contact, never gave me a good smile or gave me the look that says "i like you" or "i want to bang". Meh ok... so now I wanted to make conversation with girl 2 or 3 and have no clue how to proceed.

 

Girl 2 (she was the most dressed up and looked stunning). her position at the bar made it hard for me to see her or for her to see me which was unfortunate. Girl 3 was also attractive and made eye contact with me.

 

I wasn't sure how to break into their conversation or introduce myself especially since the girl sitting next to me was not interested. I felt like the girls in the middle were shielded. There conversations mostly involved gossip about people they know, nothing I could casually jump in on. Ugh. I wish I was smooth when it comes to talking with women.

 

What should I have done to start conversation with the other girls?

[ReturnToSender]

Ive been the girl in the middle with my loud friend on one end and my friend who has the "dont even try it" glare on the other LoL! So yeah, I can say its frustrating from that angle too.

 

Best I can say is to just speak up and say anything.... like the other night when my friend and i went out, ways that guys started convo was taking about the place we were at, like asking if wed been there before and whats good there, asking if we were local or visiting (which is a pretty common question here since its a huge touristy place) another guy was bold enough to just tell me he thought I was stunning and if he could get my name...he was the least interesting at first sight but I really liked his boldness and hes the one who ended up making me giggle

 

Of course, the friend I was out with had to be the "dont even try it" glare girl Aye! But she didnt really ruin anything since most of the guys who were coming up to us looked like they just turned drinking age yesterday.. hah! in any case, theres a few ideas for ya!

[mogul]

Depends on how confident you are. Usually what works is just walk by, slowly grab her fingers with your fingers, smile and compliment that you think shes beautiful and lead her to the dance floor.

 

If there isn't a dance floor, just say that you think she is beautiful and jokingly ask if its ok with her friends to let you borrow her for a minute to go somewhere quiet so you can get to know her. If you seem nice and genuine enough, assuming the girl is single, it should work.

[Green]

Its really hard to A) hit on girls at a BAR B) Hit on girs who are with some one C) hit on girls who are with multiple other girls D) are in the midle of a conversation E) and have uninterested girls.

 

Well I really recomend you focus on hitting on girls durring the day like girls in line infront of you at the bank, supermarket or just at the park what ever./.. avoid bar type scenes and clubs.

 

BUt of course when you find yourself hitting on a group of girls at a club my tactic when single was to just be Agressive and talk to the entire group of girls at first, then if a girl in the group I liked seemed interested I would focus on her... maybe try to seperate her from her friends and then ask her out for later get her number.

 

To write a little play for you. Hey ladies I couldn't help but overhear what you guys do for a living... And I wanted to tell you guys a secret about medicine. I don't want every one in the bar to over hear so let me wisper it to your frien number 3. hey number 3 come over here for a moment, great I just wanted to get you away from your friends, nice group of girls but I find myself most interested in you....... (look just make it flirty talk about the rainstorm or some ****,,, but have fun with it and then ask her out away from ear shot of her friends)

[welikeincrowds]

And I wanted to tell you guys a secret about medicine. I don't want every one in the bar to over hear so let me wisper it to your frien number 3. hey number 3 come over here for a moment, great I just wanted to get you away from your friends, nice group of girls but I find myself most interested in you....... (look just make it flirty talk about the rainstorm or some ****,,, but have fun with it and then ask her out away from ear shot of her friends)

 

Hahaha oh wow. That's clever. That'll also backfire big time if she's not interested. Not anything you couldn't play off, I'm sure.

[ReturnToSender]

Depends on how confident you are. Usually what works is just walk by, slowly grab her fingers with your fingers, smile and compliment that you think shes beautiful and lead her to the dance floor.

 

If there isn't a dance floor, just say that you think she is beautiful and jokingly ask if its ok with her friends to let you borrow her for a minute to go somewhere quiet so you can get to know her. If you seem nice and genuine enough, assuming the girl is single, it should work.

 

Take this with a grain of salt cause I value my personal space quite a bit, but it would FREAK ME OUT to have some strange guy reach out and touch/grab onto me me, and/or try to lead me to the dance floor. That definitely pulls out the Do I know you? look on my face and a definite dont even look my way for the rest of the night.

 

If a guy wants to talk to me, then talk, if he wants to dance with me, then just ask... Ive never said no to a guy who wants to dance LoL! But Ive come close to decking the ones who try to hold my hand or pull me out.

[mogul]

Take this with a grain of salt cause I value my personal space quite a bit, but it would FREAK ME OUT to have some strange guy reach out and touch/grab onto me me, and/or try to lead me to the dance floor. That definitely pulls out the Do I know you? look on my face and a definite dont even look my way for the rest of the night.

 

If a guy wants to talk to me, then talk, if he wants to dance with me, then just ask... Ive never said no to a guy who wants to dance LoL! But Ive come close to decking the ones who try to hold my hand or pull me out.

 

I don't grab or do anything appropriate. I'm super respectful, and I just hold their hand (more fingers to fingers hold) as I walk by and make eye contact and smile. I don't pull them anywhere. If she smiles back, seems receptive and interested is when I lead them to the dance floor and they follow.

 

This almost always worked for me, and has always led to dancing/kissing/ and numbers and so on. On a weekly basis, this works 8 out of 10 times. The worst that happens is they just smile but let go of my hand and I take the hint and just say it was nice to meet them and walk away.

 

btw.. Trust me, this is better than what most guys do at clubs. All I see is creepers and guys that randomly go behind a girl and grind/dance with her.

Edited November 7, 2010 by mogul

[ReturnToSender]

I don't grab or do anything appropriate. I'm super respectful, and I just hold their hand (more fingers to fingers hold) as I walk by and make eye contact and smile. I don't pull them anywhere. If she smiles back, seems receptive and interested is when I lead them to the dance floor and they follow.

 

This almost always worked for me, and has always led to dancing/kissing/ and numbers and so on. On a weekly basis, this works 8 out of 10 times. The worst that happens is they just smile but let go of my hand and I take the hint and just say it was nice to meet them and walk away.

 

btw.. Trust me, this is better than what most guys do at clubs. All I see is creepers and guys that randomly go behind a girl and grind/dance with her.

 

Yeah like I said, take what I say with a grain of salt LoL Cause I really dont like a strange guy touching me in any way...grazing my fingers, my arm, any part of me... I just dont like it.

 

Interestingly, its sort of why I stay close to home if i go out...here in Miami the guys never touch me as a way of getting my attention, they always ask to dance before leading me out on the dancefloor or just talk to me. When I go up to Lauderdale though, the guys are a lot more forward, and will do that thing of touching my arm or hand, up to pulling me out to dance. I dont like that, so I stopped going out around that area. I say interstingly, cause some people are surprised when I talk about how the guys are in Miami, they expect worse I guess? But they are super courteous around here.

 

But! Im sure there are women who like that...Im just me lol

[mogul]

I would imagine Miami to be full of direct/aggressive guys in their approach? Where i'm at, most people are the laid-back easy going but fun party type. Most of the time, its that approach or i'll just joking back up on them instead of the other way around. What do you suggest is a good approach return?

[FilthMerchant]

Engage the whole group, put them at ease, and flirt with ALL of them. Then look for an opportunity to get the girl you're interested in alone.

[angielove]

I don't like how you just went from one girl to the next once you felt rejected! Way to make a girl feel special... NOT. I think that is your problem. If a girl wants to talk to you, she will break away from her group of friends to do so. But if you are just trying your luck with every and any girl, then no one will take you seriously and no one will be interested. I would NEVER go home with someone who tried to chat up (and subsequently got rejected by) each one of my friends first.

 

Sorry I'm being so harsh!

 

Now for some advice:

When you are out at a bar, have a scan for the potential. Pick ONE girl who you are interested in. Go straight up to her, regardless of who she is with, and introduce yourself. Ask a few questions... get her talking about herself - eg. why are you out tonight? celebrating? what did you do today? etc etc. But only chat for a few minutes. Then say to her "Well, it was nice meeting you. I might see you around." Smile and walk away.

 

This makes you known to her. You now have her attention. SO LEAVE HER ALONE. Try to occasionally distance yourself from your friends, like going to get drinks by yourself. If she is interested she will come and talk to you. If not, let it go. The End.

 

x

[D-Jam]

Call me a coward, but I never approach women in a pack like that. My observations of women in their packs is no matter how much they claim they want to meet guys, they are all insecure to a degree and thus cling to one another for protection. Plus they compete...so suddenly when you're yacking with one girl, the one who isn't getting attention will then try to pull her away from you in an effort to "not let any of the girls find anyone".

 

Best times I've found to yack with women in these groups is when you see a real opening. So if girl 1 or 2 suddenly makes eye contact with you and smiles, then say "hi" and go from there. But if they're all yacking, gossiping, and oblivious to what's happening around them, then in my book I'd move on and call it near-impossibility. They're there for each other then, and not to meet anyone.

 

I'd also toss out though that if you get into conversation...talk to the WHOLE GROUP. You'll get the usual "bitch" of the crowd wanting to get rid of you because she knows she's not the one the guy or guys want initially or even at all. So rather than see if her friends can find someone or even step up her own impressions to get the guys checking her out...she'll be the cockblock.

 

Best thing is to talk to the whole group and let them all see you are welcoming them. Eventually if you keep a good convo then the ones who really are interested in you will find themselves talking to you more, while the others might break away into other conversations with other people.

[ReturnToSender]

Only thing about that D-Jam is as a woman its uncomfortable to go out for drinks or out anywhere social...by yourself. Ive done it yeah, but thats not common...its not traveling in a pack out of insecurity, its going out with friends to have a good night. Yeah, youll run into the one in the group who is a c*ckblock, or maybe attached and not interested in meeting someone, just out to spend time with friends and maybe be a wingwoman...the rest of us are hoping to meet someone and would like it if a guy approached us.

 

I will say its *much* easier in a group of two or three and theyre are open to meeting someone, but if theres more, its not a sign of a man-hating, insecure, socially challeged convention LoL Its just girls out to have fun. And hey, I do have my nights when I just want to go out with the girls and not to meet anyone. Girls nite out in a literal sense.

 

I have seen it though...girls looking amazing, laughing talking a guy walks up to them and they all turn cold. I dont see the point or even the need for that...even if they arent interested they could be nice about it. But not all groups of women are like that... Its all a game of chance.

 

Personally, Ive found it happen where as soon as the "diva" of the group leaves to go to the bathroom or something, thats when men will approach the group...you can tell they were watching and waiting til the most threatening one stepped away LoL And personally, Ill make an excuse to step away from the group and just walk around the place on my own, especially if Ive locked eyes with someone... thats usually when a guy will come up to me and talk or ask me to dance. I notice a lot of my friends do the same thing too...one second a friend disappears and we're like..wait whered she go?! adn a few min later she reappears again

[TouchedByViolet]

Thanks for the replies, experiences and suggestions.

 

I will definitely try to chat with the whole group of girls the next time. Sounds like an ideal ice breaker and introduction.

 

I don't expect to meet a women at a bar but I keep all my options open. If an opportunity presents itself I want to try to make the best of it.

 

I'll try the touch her hand/fingers idea next time too. Sounds kinda risky but whats the worst that can happen.

 

I would not choose just one girl before actually having a conversation with her. Seems like I'm narrowing my options for no reason.

 

The only girl who gave me a green light was girl 3. She was next to the girl who liked cursing. Getting through her seemed quite impossible. She had an aggressive way of talking and really enjoyed gossiping. I think if I started a conversation with girl 3 she would have stifled my attempt in a heartbeat and probably enjoyed it too. If girl 3 had come next to me to chat well that would have been great.

[Insanitylater]

Ive been the girl in the middle with my loud friend on one end and my friend who has the "dont even try it" glare on the other LoL! So yeah, I can say its frustrating from that angle too.

 

Your an adult and you actually let your friends influence such subtle situations in your life?

[BobSacamento]

I think you have to look at it this way - sometimes a woman's friend is their own worst enemy.

[Insanitylater]

I think you have to look at it this way - sometimes a woman's friend is their own worst enemy.

 

 

Sometimes? more like 99% male or female

[D-Jam]

Only thing about that D-Jam is as a woman its uncomfortable to go out for drinks or out anywhere social...by yourself. Ive done it yeah, but thats not common...its not traveling in a pack out of insecurity, its going out with friends to have a good night. Yeah, youll run into the one in the group who is a c*ckblock, or maybe attached and not interested in meeting someone, just out to spend time with friends and maybe be a wingwoman...the rest of us are hoping to meet someone and would like it if a guy approached us.

 

I will say its *much* easier in a group of two or three and theyre are open to meeting someone, but if theres more, its not a sign of a man-hating, insecure, socially challeged convention LoL Its just girls out to have fun. And hey, I do have my nights when I just want to go out with the girls and not to meet anyone. Girls nite out in a literal sense.

 

I have seen it though...girls looking amazing, laughing talking a guy walks up to them and they all turn cold. I dont see the point or even the need for that...even if they arent interested they could be nice about it. But not all groups of women are like that... Its all a game of chance.

 

Personally, Ive found it happen where as soon as the "diva" of the group leaves to go to the bathroom or something, thats when men will approach the group...you can tell they were watching and waiting til the most threatening one stepped away LoL And personally, Ill make an excuse to step away from the group and just walk around the place on my own, especially if Ive locked eyes with someone... thats usually when a guy will come up to me and talk or ask me to dance. I notice a lot of my friends do the same thing too...one second a friend disappears and we're like..wait whered she go?! adn a few min later she reappears again

I agree with you to be honest.

 

I won't not approach the group of 2-3 chicks if I can see an opening and they seem positive to me. I just wouldn't have bothered with a group more than 2-3 women.

 

I also tell guys this is why they need to bring friends out. As one "expert" said...bring a guy who isn't butt-ugly, but won't be better looking than you.