Unfamiliar Territory (pretty long)

[ATX713]

So I started hanging out/texting with this girl over summer...I'd say Julyish? We boht go to the same University and our homes are also only 20-25 minutes away.

 

We started out just getting a bite to eat/coffee a couple times a week then later it became studying together in the library as summer school progressed.

 

Hung out a couple times alone (nothing too heavy, mini golf and lunch) during the last couple weeks of summer then the fall term started. So after school starts I take her out a couple times, once for ice skating and early dinner...then a week later for sushi. After the sushi dinner we went back to her place watched a couple tv shows and stayed up talking on the couch for about 3-4 hours.

 

All of this stuff had me feeling really good because I obviously like her but I have never had a girlfriend and this girl seems to be everything I want. So the next week comes by and she invites me out to the bar/club scene with her friends. It's a small group and we all coupled off so it was me and the girl alone in the middle of the club. We danced, shared drinks, held hands everywhere we went in the club, and whenever we weren't dancing we were sitting down at a table cuddling with each other. She'd be wrapped around my arm or I'd have my arm around her and she'd press up against me and we'd play with each other's hands. Night goes on we meet up with her friends after the club closes and her and I are still holding hands and cupcaking each other.

 

Everyone crashed at her place and we went for brunch the next day...it was obvious her and I were again giving each other more attention and waht not. Then we went home, she walked me to my car, hugged, and I drove off.

 

Fastforward 2 more weeks of meeting for coffee or lunch b/w classes...not alwyas my initiation either. She'll ask if "she gets to see me today", etc.

 

I go out with her and her friends to the clubs/bars again and it's the same routine as last time, holding hands, cuddling, giving each other special attention. She falls asleep in my arm on the car ride home while clutching my hand against her face. Everythings great.

 

So I ask her out for a dinner and walk on the beach a couple days later...it all goes absolutely perfectly..we hit the beach and start holding hands and then I tell her that I want to talk about us and that I really like her. She reciprocates and says she likes me too. I ask her for her thoughts/feelings on getting into a relationship with me and she says she'd like that but she'd like to take it really slow. Which is fine with me, this girl is 100% worth it to me and I was on cloud 9 after hearing this. So we keep walking and find a spot to chill...and we sat there watching the ocean, cuddling, holding hands sometimes both hands...I did not kiss her but it wasn't a big deal we were both having a great time.

 

So we walk back to my car while all over each other. I drop her off at home and hug her goodnight saying I'll call her tomorrow.

 

Then I go home and an hour later she calls me saying she has this gut feeling that she might be misreading her feelings for me. That she might be confusing these feelings she gets while around me with those she gets from someone she's jsut friends with and she can't get into a relationship with me. I ask her if we can talk a bit later and she agrees but I cave in and called her in 20 minutes and told her exactly how I felt about her...that I really like her and that she's everything I'm looking for. She even reciprocates that saying that she'd been getting those same feelings for me. She tells me that I'm nothing short of amazing and that she really enjoys her time with me and that I'm a keeper. But she can't ignore her gut feeling right now because it might become a bigger problem later on if she dismisses it.

 

 

So I get sad about this for a couple days because I've never been this far into the chase with a girl so I'm a bit shellshocked from hearing she likes me and wants to get into a relationship then hearing she can't. But I picked myself up and re-realized that she didn't reject me...but it seems more so that she's put me "on hold". So my outlook has become way more positive and I've realized now that all our feelings are on the table and the ball is more or less in her court. My thought process is that we we held hands, cuddled quite a bit, and she's been all over me when we go out...there's no doubt there are mutual feelings here if not strong mutual feelings. Also she's a great, honest girl...I ahve no reason to think she's playing me or anything like that. So don't think that.

 

We've texted a bit since then and got coffee/lunch once and she also took me to the airport a couple days ago before I flew back home for the weekend. Her texts have gotten a little more concise and shorter but her demeanor in person and on IM's is the same. It's not awkward or weird at all in person or on the internet

 

This is completely unfamiliar territory and I know that giving her space and time is my next move. But I've never done this before...How do I do this by still hinting that I like her? And is it natural to be afraid that If I give her space that her feelings for me will start to fade? (Sorry about the length)

[jdean76]

I don't really have any advice or anything but I just want to wish you good luck!

[welikeincrowds]

This is completely unfamiliar territory and I know that giving her space and time is my next move.

 

How did you reach this conclusion?

 

I read through your story waiting for the moment where you described your first kiss with her and how amazing it was.

 

Don't you think the reason she's telling you that she's conflating her passion for you with that of a friendship is not because there might be some deeply hidden incompatibility, but because you are not communicating your sexual attraction to her?

 

You seem to make her feel pretty wonderful about herself in most regards, but apparently you aren't making her feel sexy, too. Wouldn't you like to feel sexy?

 

What, exactly, are you waiting for? Next time you see her, kiss her.

[ATX713]

I didn't do it before because I wanted to respect her space and wait until I made her my girlfriend.

 

Maybe I could have gone for that beforehand but I didn't. Now I feel she's gone into a point of uncertainty and she needs some time/space.

 

Any advice on how to go about this while still hinting that I like her?

[ATX713]

Bump for advice

[BrianK]

Go read my thread to see where your situation could possibly be headed...