tykira Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, especially when you've been wronged so many times in your life either it's from your boyfriend/girlfriend, so-called friends or family members. My issue right now is learning how to forgive and deal with my parents. I still have a long way to go before I can move out of the house, so I have to learn how to put up with their selfishness and warped mindset and parenting. I wish I could just go the next couple of years NOT talking to them, but i know that's not going to happen. -sighs- My father's still a hateful jerk, and my mother's too stuck up on herself. I gotta learn to deal with that for a while. What do you guys do when you have to deal with the difficult people in your life?
jean-luc sisko Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I think forgiveness should be for you, and your own wellbeing. I think telling yourself that you won't hurt yourself by harbouring on to past hates/grudges. This does not mean that the past hurt was justified, it just means that we are in control of our emotions, and that life should be spent productively.
BambooLand Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 It's to hard to keep grudges and non-forgiveness. Forgiving releases so much tension including that of the person you are trying to forgive(they may want to forgive too, but not able as easily) Be the one to forgive and release the tension and you will see improvements from everyone. A sorry and a hug do wonders in bad situations.
Nemicron Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Sounds like my friend. Her parents are stupid and always calling the cops on her and screwing up her life. I've met them they are seriously the most hateful and mentally off people I've ever met in my life. As for me I'm not all that great at forgiving yet. MY ex cheated on me 4 times atleast. I know there was more. And caused a hell of alot of problems in my life. I'm still dealing with them. Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, especially when you've been wronged so many times in your life either it's from your boyfriend/girlfriend, so-called friends or family members. My issue right now is learning how to forgive and deal with my parents. I still have a long way to go before I can move out of the house, so I have to learn how to put up with their selfishness and warped mindset and parenting. I wish I could just go the next couple of years NOT talking to them, but i know that's not going to happen. -sighs- My father's still a hateful jerk, and my mother's too stuck up on herself. I gotta learn to deal with that for a while. What do you guys do when you have to deal with the difficult people in your life?
Author tykira Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 I think forgiveness should be for you, and your own wellbeing. I think telling yourself that you won't hurt yourself by harbouring on to past hates/grudges. This does not mean that the past hurt was justified, it just means that we are in control of our emotions, and that life should be spent productively. I'm not trying to control or hold onto anything, I'm just learning how to deal with with difficult people, in this case my family. Since I can't seem to talk or say anything to them without causing an argument or worse, I think it'll be a good idea to just NOT talk back at all. If they say something, I'll keep my opinions to myself and just nod and agree. If my little brother says something to me or harasses me, I will keep my mouth shut and move on. I'm going to be more submissive and let them have their way. At least that way, there will be no more arguments or problems right? Oh, btw I'm still on venting mode right now so please don't take my harsh tone literally I really want to hear your advice :-), I'm just letting out some thoughts.
Author tykira Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Sounds like my friend. Her parents are stupid and always calling the cops on her and screwing up her life. I've met them they are seriously the most hateful and mentally off people I've ever met in my life. As for me I'm not all that great at forgiving yet. MY ex cheated on me 4 times at least. I know there was more. And caused a hell of a lot of problems in my life. I'm still dealing with them. That stinks :-( Honestly I think parents want to do one thing and one thing ONLY, and that thing is CONTROL! No matter what, they have to control somebody because they were once controlled by their parents and now they're getting their turn. Don't worry, this doesn't apply to ALL parents out there! xD
Nemicron Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 How old are you if you dont mind me asking? I think alot of parents get into a mold and forget to listen. That stinks :-( Honestly I think parents want to do one thing and one thing ONLY, and that thing is CONTROL! No matter what, they have to control somebody because they were once controlled by their parents and now they're getting their turn. Don't worry, this doesn't apply to ALL parents out there! xD
Author tykira Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 How old are you if you dont mind me asking? I think alot of parents get into a mold and forget to listen. 22. I'm currently in college, so I can't afford to move out right now. I really want things to be for the better between my dad and family, but every single day they make it harder and harder. I learned that if I'm going to be an adult, I have to put up with everybody's behaviors, including my parents. So if being quiet, keeping my thoughts to myself and avoiding any possible fights between my bro and them is what it takes to make life better and easier for everybody, then so be it I'm going to keep my mouth shut.
Truthseeker-John Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 ^^^ That's right, be mainly an observer to avoid conflict. You have people to talk to at college and it might be a good idea to go out more.
You Go Girl Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Your family has fallen into predictable behavior patterns, as most families do. Unfortunately for angry families, that involves purposely pushing each other's buttons. Try being different yourself. Walk past your parent, say Hi with a nice tone of voice. Then keep walking to your room. I know, it's a tiny thing. But tiny little improvements add up to eventually big improvements. So you be the bigger nicer more generous person. It will come back to you tenfold, if you keep it up. The rewards won't come immediately, so don't expect them to. Next, try doing the dishes or cleaning something without being asked. Just help out. Don't expect a thankyou. Don't expect anything, but do things like this on a regular basis. In time, your family will start to notice the change in YOUR behavior. And this little miracle is going to happen. They will decide to change to. Here's the warning though--if you lose your temper even one time, they will believe that YOU haven't changed one iota, and you will be back to square one, with nothing gained.
Mary_Jane Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) The biggest punishment for a back-stabbing is "Forgiveness". Forgive the people whomever back-stabbed you. By doing this, you could make them feel ashamed as well as you could regain your peace of mind. This is very important to move forward in your life. Edited November 8, 2010 by Mary_Jane Spelling Error
Trinity2 Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, especially when you've been wronged so many times in your life either it's from your boyfriend/girlfriend, so-called friends or family members. My issue right now is learning how to forgive and deal with my parents. I still have a long way to go before I can move out of the house, so I have to learn how to put up with their selfishness and warped mindset and parenting. I wish I could just go the next couple of years NOT talking to them, but i know that's not going to happen. -sighs- My father's still a hateful jerk, and my mother's too stuck up on herself. I gotta learn to deal with that for a while. What do you guys do when you have to deal with the difficult people in your life? I try to forget they exist.
Author tykira Posted November 9, 2010 Author Posted November 9, 2010 My father is definitely going to be the real challenge. Even when I speak in a real friendly tone, he gets quiet and not respond (which I think is a pretty good thing? ). I'm not looking for a relationship with him anymore, I just want to be able to deal with his crap until I'm able to move out of the house. I feel bad for my lil bro though, he has to take ten more years of the same crap I went through. Our dad practically smacked his things to the ground in order to dress him properly. Our mom just wants us to forget about it and move on. Yeah, great parenting Well, anyway I'm gonna get back to my school work. Oh and thanks for the great advice! Don't worry, I've forgiven him for what he did to the past. All that really matters in our household is that we're able to live under the same roof in one peace.
Trinity2 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 (edited) Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, especially when you've been wronged so many times in your life either it's from your boyfriend/girlfriend, so-called friends or family members. My issue right now is learning how to forgive and deal with my parents. I still have a long way to go before I can move out of the house, so I have to learn how to put up with their selfishness and warped mindset and parenting. I wish I could just go the next couple of years NOT talking to them, but i know that's not going to happen. -sighs- My father's still a hateful jerk, and my mother's too stuck up on herself. I gotta learn to deal with that for a while. What do you guys do when you have to deal with the difficult people in your life? Well, I have to learn a different way to deal because at the moment I get angry. Even though some will be a challenge, you can do it! Edited November 9, 2010 by Trinity2
User No 9 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, especially when you've been wronged so many times in your life either it's from your boyfriend/girlfriend, so-called friends or family members. My issue right now is learning how to forgive and deal with my parents. I still have a long way to go before I can move out of the house, so I have to learn how to put up with their selfishness and warped mindset and parenting. I wish I could just go the next couple of years NOT talking to them, but i know that's not going to happen. -sighs- My father's still a hateful jerk, and my mother's too stuck up on herself. I gotta learn to deal with that for a while. What do you guys do when you have to deal with the difficult people in your life? Hey I feel ya. I'm on the same boat. Sometimes, it's the obvious... Just like with a girl. Forgive means SHOWING it to them. Not saying it. Show it. Yeah I'm getting all grandfatherly here, but I knew I had to SHOW it and I didn't. I know I can't preach what I don't practice, but for me to forgive them means to go see them, and just say.. mmm smells good. And start acting like that nice son again... Simple.. yet so hard. I think for now, it's good to know others who feel the same. Support...
User No 9 Posted November 9, 2010 Posted November 9, 2010 BTW I gone years w/o talking to mine either and I feel like a jerk too. Let's hope both you and I eventually get in touch before we don't have that chance. I bet you will before I do I am so stubborn. Don't worry though.. it'll happen. Let it come naturally. Just go out, have fun and do good for yourself first. Cause you got to be happy first.. all that corny stuff about you got to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Surrealist Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I dont know about being 'submissive' as this can cause inner resentment. If I was going to take a passive approach, I would do my best to 'avoid' them altogether. Now easier said than done, but if you're not around them, then they cannot possibly download their toxic rubbish on to you. I have found parents who do this, are those that have major issues in themselves. Maybe they should be pittied more than anything. Difficult situation for you, I sincerely wish you the best.
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