If she cheated and you broke up with her, didn't she actually broke up with you?

[fun2bewith]

If she cheated and had guilt...You broke up with her and she didn't stop you...Who actually did the break up? You or her?

[Fern]

My ex did this to me. He made it impossible for me to stay, so although I was the one who left, I feel like he ended it.

[tobydog]

Once they cheat, then they have broken it off, IMO.

[carhill]

An interesting dynamic is when the cheating is non-disclosed, as is often the case. Who breaks up when there is no D-day? Who has left? What happens if the betrayed party leaves due to other relationship issues, ignorant of the betrayal, even if the dynamic of the betrayal affected the relationship issues they left over. Who broke up?

 

Perhaps the relevant effect is that both parties are free to pursue healthier relationships

Edited November 7, 2010 by carhill
effect and affect

[fun2bewith]

My ex did this to me. He made it impossible for me to stay, so although I was the one who left, I feel like he ended it.

 

 

You kept your dignity! How are you doing now?

[fun2bewith]

An interesting dynamic is when the cheating is non-disclosed, as is often the case. Who breaks up when there is no D-day? Who has left? What happens if the betrayed party leaves due to other relationship issues, ignorant of the betrayal, even if the dynamic of the betrayal affected the relationship issues they left over. Who broke up?

 

Perhaps the relevant effect is that both parties are free to pursue healthier relationships

 

 

Thank you for that thought. I am still in denial, because I do not think we had an unhealthy relationship...except that it was a LDR with a lot of communication but not enough physical presence...Maybe just because of the later said, it was an unhealthy relationship...

[eminembnja]

Breakups are usually like that. One person may say the words, while another (or both) contribute by action. But what does it really matter "who broke up with who(m)" and "who's fault it is"? Would it make you feel better or worse to be the one who did the breaking? It doesn't change the fact that you're both probably hurting. I'm not really trying to be all philosophical, I guess I'd really like to know what difference it makes to you.

[fun2bewith]

Breakups are usually like that. One person may say the words, while another (or both) contribute by action. But what does it really matter "who broke up with who(m)" and "who's fault it is"? Would it make you feel better or worse to be the one who did the breaking? It doesn't change the fact that you're both probably hurting. I'm not really trying to be all philosophical, I guess I'd really like to know what difference it makes to you.

 

 

It will hurt more if she broke it off cause she will be healed already. When I broke it off I wasn't prepared for it....But your words: " you're both probbly hurting" makes me think that, yes both of us are hurting not just me...You said the words I need to hear! Thank you...

[iamawesome]

I've cheated before (due to GIGS). Guess what, turned out grass really wasn't greener and after a fling or two I realized cheating is stupid, immature, and selfish. Also, it turns you into a liar because you have to constantly sneak around. Not really my style.

 

I never disclosed it to my partner, because I wanted to keep her. If your partner discloses it to you and allows you to leave, then IMO she ended it. There's just simply nothing good that can come out of disclosing that.

 

Even if I did disclose it to my partner, if she tried to leave, I would have begged, kicked and screamed to keep her.

 

Most importantly, I realized that if you want multiple partners and flings, be single. I never cheated on her again.

 

So, IMO, the fact that she's not trying to convince you to stay means she acted on her own intentions to break up the relationship.

[Fern]

You kept your dignity! How are you doing now?

 

I'm doing much better, thank you. :-D

 

I have to agree with Iamawesome though. My ex wanted out of our relationship but he didn't have the balls to do the actual dumping, that's all. If he'd tried to make me stay or wanted to work on things - I probably would have given it a shot (pathetic, I know). He stopped trying YEARS ago. In a few months I know I'll look back on him cheating as a blessing in disguise. If he hadn't cheated I'd still be in that miserable relationship trying to make it work with someone who doesn't deserve me and isn't capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone.