BaconBits Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I really don't know how to do this, but let me start by saying that I'm glad this place exists and to thank you all for listening. Hope this is the right place to post this. It's nothing that hasn't been posted before by others, but I'm in a situation (self-created) and I'm really hurting, so I hope it's ok to start a first post like this. Same old story, I'm afraid. I have a bad crush on a married woman at work. We are colleagues and have worked in close proximity for the past year and a half. We have a normal working relationship and are friends (although at work only, no outside contact except for emails- normal friendly kind, no inappropriate stuff). She is a very nice and caring woman, a couple of years older than me. Very sweet, nice, and smart person. She's happily married (from what I can tell) for 20 years, and has no interest in me romantically (rightly so). I'm very stupid for feeling the way I do, falling for her like that. I know that part of it is just proximity and being unfulfilled in certain areas of my own like. I will never act upon my feelings. Anyhow, I don't think she knows that I am in love with her, although she knows I care about her as a person. I will never reveal the extent of my feelings, of course. I really do care for this woman, and I respect her too much to do anything to jeopardize our friendship and working relationship. So here's the thing. How do I deal with my own heartbreak and unhappiness? I really envy her husband- he has everything that I never will have. Namely her. It really eats me up. I know it's wrong, but I wish I were him. I would give anything to trade places with him. Before anyone berates me, I am such a dumb a$%, I know. I know that if I tough it out, sooner or later I will come to my senses and get over it (Logically I know I shall, although it sure doesn't feel like it now). But in the meantime, it sure sucks to be in this dark place. It really does. I think about him being with her, and it kills me. He's with her right now, the lucky so and so. Thanks for letting me get this out.
Cuchara2 Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 You're not a dumbass for the simple reason of she's married so she made someone very happy, so she must be a great woman. It's normal for you to feel this way around a great woman. What you need to do is go find another woman just like her but better which is single and interested in you romantically
Author BaconBits Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 You're not a dumbass for the simple reason of she's married so she made someone very happy, so she must be a great woman. It's normal for you to feel this way around a great woman. What you need to do is go find another woman just like her but better which is single and interested in you romantically Thank you. rationally I know all this, yet I'm missing her so badly now. I guess the bright side of all this is that it's forcing me to throw all my energies into my work. I bring work home in the evenings and on weekends. It's the only way I can push her out of my mind somewhat, and not to hurt so badly. It works to a certain extent. Weekends are the worst. Occasionally I'll get an email from her asking me how I am doing, and I'll get stupidly happy just to get a little note from her. Of course it's just a friendly note; she'll tell me about stuff she's doing etc. I hang on to that note like it's gold. Then I'll come to my senses and remind myself not to make more of it than it is. And so on. Work is not a 100% effective, obviously, but it's the only thing I can do right now. Some people drink; I work. If I could drink, I'd be drunk right now. Unfortunately I can't handle the stuff. Oh well. Pathetic fool that I am, I know that I am prolonging the hurt and wanting the impossible; yet I would give anything to be her husband. He's with her right now, will be for the rest of his life. And all I'm doing is stupidly pining away like a darn schoolboy, wasting my energies beating my head against the wall. I know, I know all this. Why can't I snap out of it? Back to work....
alwayshoping Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Don't worry you will find someone. Try going out etc. Imagine if you were married to her and some guy liked her! Understandable but how hurt would you be if she left you for him? That should be reason enough to try find someone else. She maybe amazing but if you truly love her (which isn't possible btw as it takes alot of time to love someone for who they are, and people are not 100% themselves at work whatever you may think) then you will want her to be happy and let her be happy with her husband. I know it's hard but you need to try looking for a lovely girl that will make you feel like the Ony guy in the world. Good luck and keep posting as it really does help x
alwayshoping Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Don't worry you will find someone. Try going out etc. Imagine if you were married to her and some guy liked her! Understandable but how hurt would you be if she left you for him? That should be reason enough to try find someone else. She maybe amazing but if you truly love her (which isn't possible btw as it takes alot of time to love someone for who they are, and people are not 100% themselves at work whatever you may think) then you will want her to be happy and let her be happy with her husband. I know it's hard but you need to try looking for a lovely girl that will make you feel like the Ony guy in the world. Good luck and keep posting as it really does help x
Author BaconBits Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Don't worry you will find someone. Try going out etc. Imagine if you were married to her and some guy liked her! Understandable but how hurt would you be if she left you for him? That should be reason enough to try find someone else. She maybe amazing but if you truly love her (which isn't possible btw as it takes alot of time to love someone for who they are, and people are not 100% themselves at work whatever you may think) then you will want her to be happy and let her be happy with her husband. I know it's hard but you need to try looking for a lovely girl that will make you feel like the Ony guy in the world. Good luck and keep posting as it really does help x I appreciate the words. I agree with you. I have no intention of interfering with her marriage. I know that I can never have anything with this woman. I hope no one misunderstands. I'm not trying to figure out how I can "get" this woman (I know I can't). I'm just trying learn to live with the pain of not having her.
alwayshoping Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I didnt misunderstand, sorry if it appeared I was being harsh. Dont worry, you will find someone, the point is though that you must want to! Otherwise this infatuation will last until you or her get a new job! I know its hard, but sometimes the best things in life are the things you cannot see right away. Take your time trying to get over her. And make sure you try going out and meeting some nice new people x
swfc_77 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 dont even be temtpet tho mate. 3 things - you dont mess with another mans wages you dont mess with another mans beer you dont mess with another mans women
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