Confusing Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I don't know what to do. I'm hoping someone out there can give me an answer because this is just eating me up inside. I've never dated before until I met this guy from an online date site. He has a great personality, treats me well, and is willing to take things slow. The problem is that I don't find him all that attractive physically. His personality shines through but the physical attraction is minimal. We hold hands and cuddle sometimes, which feels nice but also, at times, it can feel quite awkward. Everything physical we do feels awkward and I don't know if it's because I've never done those things before and I'm just nervous and afraid, or if it's because I'm not super attracted to him in the physical sense. Last night he kissed me but it felt super weird. It's was my first kiss ever, so I don't know if that's why it felt weird or again, if it has something to do with being only slightly attracted physically. I want to give this whole thing a chance because it's he is so great. He makes me feel beautiful which is something nobody has ever done before and I can tell he is falling for me. So what do I do? Do I continue to date him and see if over time things stop feeling strange and awkward? Or do I simply accept that perhaps there has to be a lot of physical attraction in order for things to work between us? I don't want to date for months and then suddenly realize I'm not all that attracted and break up, that wouldn't be fair to him. But I also don't want to throw away what could potentially be a really great thing simply because I'm not dying to jump his bones. Any advice,opinions, anything would be greatly appreciated!
Valie Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I wrote this in haste so there's no organization but you can get what im trying to say Okay from what i can tell is that you like the guy he makes you feel great..when he talks to you it's like he looks through you..you are the only girl....makes you laugh....you really liking him much.....It all comes down to weighin things you think "physical attractiveness" triumphs personality? Regarding the kiss im sure you know the answer but you are lying to yourself whether it's cuz it's "Frist kiss" or because he isnt attractive. you got to see that. Im the kind of guy that would go for a girl for her personality sure i would like her to be hto and all but what if that isnt an option would i ditch her? i dont think i would . One thing regarding what you said last.... NEVER GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP OUT OF GUILT OR CUZ U FEEL BAD....Not fair for both sides....Sure it might hurt you seeing that you lead him into liking you and hanging on to you while you finding out whether you lke him or not...it's somethin that you have to deal with it because it's ur fault....you should of told him im not sure or something at first but if you didnt then that's ur fault and you should take the blame for it not saying you are bad person sometimes it happens but never get into a relationship out of guilt...
HeartOnSleeve Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I have dated men where their personality is so amazing that it makes them attractive even if they normally wouldn't be "my type", but I still did find them somewhat attractive physically. There personality bumped them from an 8 to a 10. But there is nothing more magical then meeting someone that you are A. attracted to and B. has an amazing personality. You are new to dating. Don't feel rushed on guilty. He he doesn't meet your needs then it's best to not go through the akwardness and confusion. Keep your head up and your eyes open. Everyone needs something diffrent. Just have fun meeting new people. Go with your gut!
JaneK Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 When I first met my boyfriend I didn't fancy him whatsoever! I even saw his friend for a bit even though I knew he liked me. He smoked, he drank excessively and was soo not the fittest but since we started seeing eachother he's now changed completely..he goes the gym, hes got a hotter bod, and his friends and family are so amazing they love him so much for who he is it made me have to get to know him more and found out there was a guy who was really cool and that I really love...even though were having a rough patch at the moment..but its definately worth giving it a shot. Plus the hot guys are so over-rated..my last boyfriend took longer than me to get ready and in a way thats what made him so unattractive in the end. Go for it with this guy, if u don't you'll one day wonder what if?
Author Confusing Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 I haven't led him on in any way. I have told him that I don't know what I'm feeling just yet, sometimes I'm attracted and sometimes I'm just not. He understands, but doesn't want to wait forever, which I totally understand. The more I'm with him, the more attractive he gets. I think a big part of it is that I'm simply scared and nervous about dating in general. I'm not use to these feelings or being with a guy, so it's scary. We've only been dating for a week, so I think I need to give it more time. I believe personality trumps physical attraction but at the same time, it still needs to be there. As for the kiss, it was my first time kissing a guy. Of course it's going to feel weird right? The thought of kissing him doesn't revolt me and I'm kinda hoping we can practice and get it right. I'm not dating him out of guilt. I genuinely want to hang out with him. At this point, my mind is battling my heart. My heart is telling me to take a chance and be with him but my mind is doing everything it can to make me run and hide. The more I think about it, the more confused I feel.
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