ppge4 Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) Don't yell at me. I know it was a STUPID thing to do. If it's any consolation I was about 4 vodka tonics deep. Anyway... We've been broken up for about 8 months now and it has been hell. I've never logged onto his account before but something pushed me to do it last night (damn you Kirkland vodka). The first thing I see is a chat between him and one of his friends from back home. They were talking about his ex (who broke his heart 4 or 5 years ago I guess) and then it progressed into our relationship. It went something like this, HIM: "i just haven't been able to be in a really serious relationship since her (referring to his ex). I've dated girls for a few weeks but then I just move on" HIM: .....it was great getting to know her (now referring to me) and being in an exclusive relationship but it just was never fully "there" for me." FRIEND: "well what? was she ugly?" (a**hole) HIM: "I don't want to sound shallow but I don't date unattractive girls. It's hard to say. I don't know if its that I have ridiculously high standards, if she's not my type, or if it that's she's just so different from my ex. We finally just ended it." REALLY?! Over 7 months of dating and it was never really "there" for you? I mean, I can understand a few weeks and then coming to this conclusion but that's ridiculous. He would tell me that wasn't high maintenance like girls he's dated before and that he loved being around me even if we were just watching boring TV. I feel like SUCH a fool. I've been heartbroken all this time....I felt like I was in love with this guy and the whole time I was just some second-rate girl that didn't live up to his ideal ex girlfriend I had accepted that we are broken up for good, but I thought our relationship meant SOMETHING. Now I see it was just all in my head. Edited November 6, 2010 by ppge4 Link to post Share on other sites
durkadurka Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 Don't yell at me. I know it was a STUPID thing to do. If it's any consolation I was about 4 vodka tonics deep. Anyway... We've been broken up for about 8 months now and it has been hell. I've never logged onto his account before but something pushed me to do it last night (damn you Kirkland vodka). The first thing I see is a chat between him and one of his friends from back home. They were talking about his ex (who broke his heart 4 or 5 years ago I guess) and then it progressed into our relationship. It went something like this, HIM: "i just haven't been able to be in a really serious relationship since her (referring to his ex). I've dated girls for a few weeks but then I just move on" HIM: .....it was great getting to know her (now referring to me) and being in an exclusive relationship but it just was never fully "there" for me." FRIEND: "well what? was she ugly?" (a**hole) HIM: "I don't want to sound shallow but I don't date unattractive girls. It's hard to say. I don't know if its that I have ridiculously high standards, if she's not my type, or if it that's she's just so different from my ex. We finally just ended it." REALLY?! Over 7 months of dating and it was never really "there" for you? I mean, I can understand a few weeks and then coming to this conclusion but that's ridiculous. He would tell me that wasn't high maintenance like girls he's dated before and that he loved being around me even if we were just watching boring TV. I feel like SUCH a fool. I've been heartbroken all this time....I felt like I was in love with this guy and the whole time I was just some second-rate girl that didn't live up to his ideal ex girlfriend I had accepted that we are broken up for good, but I thought our relationship meant SOMETHING. Now I see it was just all in my head. People just say the worst **** when they think that they have power. My ex told me that I made her miserable. Really? Taking you to a 5 star chateau in the mountains for your 23rd birthday was miserable? Just ignore it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 the whole time I was just some second-rate girl that didn't live up to his ideal ex girlfriend It sounds like he goes thru one rebound after the next... Sorry you are hurting ppge4... Maybe this is what you needed to finally move to another.. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 Reason #6,453,230 why you never snoop into someone's privacy. You never find anything worth while. Remember this pain the next time you want to go play junior detective. Don't blame the alcohol either. Maybe he'll see that Gmail logs all IP's that access the account and see a completely different IP address and change his password. Most relationships exit out of the honeymoon stage between 3-6 months. In that stage, things are just so different due to the newness of it all. Once things die down, some people decide that they just dont' want to put in the effort to make things work. My guess is this guy just needed company, then bolted when the good feelings stage passed. Next time you feel like peeping, stop yourself. Turn off your computer. Unplug the internet. Something! Nothing good ever comes of it. Link to post Share on other sites
strangeways Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 TBH I'd of probably done the same if I had the password. Thank God I haven't. Dread to think what she might be saying about me! The bottom line is that you can't really read into anything he says. People say all sorts to justify their actions or relieve guilt; to themselves, to friends, to family. You'll probably never know the truth of it. Let this be a lesson though, don't log in again however tempted you may be. In these cases knowledge isn't power, it's misery. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ppge4 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Share Posted November 6, 2010 Yeah i know snooping is bad. This is really the first time I ever did it...and last. Who knows, maybe he'll always be jaded like this. In the end I guess it sucks for him and whoever he is with. He's tried to call me a few times to check in and see how I'm doing but I've finally blocked him. NC really is the best way to go... Link to post Share on other sites
Nemicron Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 I know how you feel I wasted 3-4 years on a girl that I thought would change And things like that. But All she did was cheat and lie. So I know it really hurts. But you can keep this going in your head. The pain will go away. And I'm sorry to hear someone else went through all that as well. Don't yell at me. I know it was a STUPID thing to do. If it's any consolation I was about 4 vodka tonics deep. Anyway... We've been broken up for about 8 months now and it has been hell. I've never logged onto his account before but something pushed me to do it last night (damn you Kirkland vodka). The first thing I see is a chat between him and one of his friends from back home. They were talking about his ex (who broke his heart 4 or 5 years ago I guess) and then it progressed into our relationship. It went something like this, HIM: "i just haven't been able to be in a really serious relationship since her (referring to his ex). I've dated girls for a few weeks but then I just move on" HIM: .....it was great getting to know her (now referring to me) and being in an exclusive relationship but it just was never fully "there" for me." FRIEND: "well what? was she ugly?" (a**hole) HIM: "I don't want to sound shallow but I don't date unattractive girls. It's hard to say. I don't know if its that I have ridiculously high standards, if she's not my type, or if it that's she's just so different from my ex. We finally just ended it." REALLY?! Over 7 months of dating and it was never really "there" for you? I mean, I can understand a few weeks and then coming to this conclusion but that's ridiculous. He would tell me that wasn't high maintenance like girls he's dated before and that he loved being around me even if we were just watching boring TV. I feel like SUCH a fool. I've been heartbroken all this time....I felt like I was in love with this guy and the whole time I was just some second-rate girl that didn't live up to his ideal ex girlfriend I had accepted that we are broken up for good, but I thought our relationship meant SOMETHING. Now I see it was just all in my head. Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 Did he talk about his ex a lot during the course of your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 This guy did you a favor. If all he is concerned about is looks I feel sorry for his future wife when she starts to age. Good that you blocked that Loser. Link to post Share on other sites
rebeccajones Posted November 6, 2010 Share Posted November 6, 2010 Sounds like it was him not you. He is confused, stuck in his ex. You just didn't realize it. I think it's cool you got the inside scoop. Now you know. I'm sorry you are so hurt. You can move on knowing that he's not ready to have a real relationship with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ppge4 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Share Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) Thanks guys. You are making my sh*tty day much better and ya'll have really good points. Nemicron I'm sorry to hear you went through that. I think anyone who cheats simply has a low self esteem of themselves and just needs extra attention or drama. I hope you've been able to move on? WTRanger - not really out of the blue, mainly when we both brought up the issue of "exes" ....but I could tell he was hurt by her. I should have been clued in when I saw his facebook pictures and all the girls he dated since her looked like replicas. They were all petite blondes. I'm a tall brunette. Go figure... stillafool- I have to admit I didn't totally hate the part about him "only dating attractive girls" but yeah to say that is just pompous. It shouldn't all be about looks. RJ & AC - I hope you all are right. I always thought something was wrong with me but it seems like he's the one that is messed up in the head. Edited November 6, 2010 by ppge4 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveTruthChaos Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 Don't ever let a man think you're unattractive. Look in the mirror - really look, and find what you love about you. Chances are, that's what everyone else loves about you too! You're better off without that messed up excuse for a man! Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 Was that the entire conversation or just a portion you got to snoop and read? Sometimes a person only gets a partial view of a conversation and may have missed the "entire" thoughts and views (content). 8 months of recovery and the pain is still fresh? Perhaps this is the salve you needed to move on..... I believe its 50/50 on breakups no matter how it ended, you are just now getting to see his 50% that he contributed to ending it.... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted November 7, 2010 Share Posted November 7, 2010 stillafool- I have to admit I didn't totally hate the part about him "only dating attractive girls" but yeah to say that is just pompous. It shouldn't all be about looks. You don't mind that he didn't think you were attractive enough for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ppge4 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Share Posted November 8, 2010 You don't mind that he didn't think you were attractive enough for him? I wrote it from memory so maybe I didn't transcribe the conversation clearly. Basically he said to his friend that he wouldnt had been in a relationship/dated me in the first place if I wasn't attractive... but ultimately since I was so different from his first love that he couldn't make it last. This girl obviously f-ed him up. That's definitely something I'll watch out for in my next relationship.... Link to post Share on other sites
Eeyore79 Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 It sounds like he was hung up on his ex, and he couldn't find any specific fault with you, it just wasn't "there". This isn't your fault, he just wasn't ready for a relationship with you. At least now you can let go and be completely over the relationship because you know he was never into it like you were. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ppge4 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Share Posted November 8, 2010 Even though this was a no-no, it did finally give me the courage to delete him from my facebook. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise... Link to post Share on other sites
rebeccajones Posted November 8, 2010 Share Posted November 8, 2010 Yay for you deleting him off FB. It does help some to not know what they are or are not doing! Link to post Share on other sites
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