9Lives Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I feel so bad about this but I still care for my ex and it sucks. He said we are never getting back together so I stopped him from contacting me. He would text me once a month to see how I was doing. Anyway, we got into the last time he contacted me cause I was sick of his stupid texts. Anyway, he told me I would hear from him again and I told him he can expect the same here too. I felt good about the decision cause he already has a another gf and I wasn't going to be the back up. Here comes the bad part....pls don't kill me. Lately I been looking on his gf fb to see if they are still together. I think she knows it cause she put a pic of her and his kids as her profile pic. She never puts a pic of him and her tho but little hints here and there like that which is strange. I know this is a stupid thing to do but I can't stop myself. Another thing I'm glad I stop him from contacting me but truth is I still miss him a lot. I don't knoww how to stop this pain inside. I'm hoping someone will read this and give me some insight to cheer me up and stop the bad behavior of checking his gf fb page. I am so much better off without him. I wish I could stop.
durkadurka Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I feel so bad about this but I still care for my ex and it sucks. He said we are never getting back together so I stopped him from contacting me. He would text me once a month to see how I was doing. Anyway, we got into the last time he contacted me cause I was sick of his stupid texts. Anyway, he told me I would hear from him again and I told him he can expect the same here too. I felt good about the decision cause he already has a another gf and I wasn't going to be the back up. Here comes the bad part....pls don't kill me. Lately I been looking on his gf fb to see if they are still together. I think she knows it cause she put a pic of her and his kids as her profile pic. She never puts a pic of him and her tho but little hints here and there like that which is strange. I know this is a stupid thing to do but I can't stop myself. Another thing I'm glad I stop him from contacting me but truth is I still miss him a lot. I don't knoww how to stop this pain inside. I'm hoping someone will read this and give me some insight to cheer me up and stop the bad behavior of checking his gf fb page. I am so much better off without him. I wish I could stop. You.. just can't, just try and remember how much this experience has hurt you and you need to try and forget about it.
Author 9Lives Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 I know. Its all up to me. How do u stop?
durkadurka Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I know. Its all up to me. How do u stop? I haven't, and my situation is a bit more bizarre than most. My relationship declined from immaturity on both sides, and I seriously can't stand her anymore so what can I say. I'm just bitter now, and I'm trying to meet new people, make new friends,, and live my life.
strangeways Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I am so much better off without him. There's your insight. Right there. You worked it out by yourself. Everytime I think of my ex this is what I say to myself as well as IT'S HER LOSS. As to fb. Defriend him and the gf if you already haven't. I'm thinking of deleting my whole account even though I've been good and haven't looked it it for a couple of months. It's too much of a temptation. It's evil. If you think you're going to look, do something and think I'll do it in an hour, if you still feel the same do something else untill the feeling fades. Durkas right remember what it feels like next time you're tempted.
SunsetRed Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 It just takes time. Be patient with yourself, its all a process. It's helped me to not "force" myself to get over my ex. I was forcing myself to get busy, go out on online dates and do whatever it took to get over him. Now I realize that nothing will help but time itself. Sucks .
Author 9Lives Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 So I'm doing the right thing, right? No contact. Just keep moving and someday I won't miss him right? Am I doing the right thing?
durkadurka Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 So I'm doing the right thing, right? No contact. Just keep moving and someday I won't miss him right? Am I doing the right thing? From my point of view there is no reason to talk to an ex unless they want to talk about resolving issues and getting back together. Nothing good can come out of it, they won't be a good friend, THEY DUMPED YOU, so they clearly don't think that you are good enough. To be friends would be to mortgage your dignity.
strangeways Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Yep. You're doing EXACTLY the right thing. Just takes time.
Author 9Lives Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 From my point of view there is no reason to talk to an ex unless they want to talk about resolving issues and getting back together. Nothing good can come out of it, they won't be a good friend, THEY DUMPED YOU, so they clearly don't think that you are good enough. To be friends would be to mortgage your dignity. Okay. Ia gree. I just feel weak right now. Talking is not a good idea at all. I need to completely get over him. I just needed u guys to keep my mind right. I don't want to go back to the pain and all the mistreatment. I want to be happy
TheMENemy Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 The best cure? Get out, meet new people, find a new bf.
Author 9Lives Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Yep. You're doing EXACTLY the right thing. Just takes time. Okay. I needed to hear that. Seriously
durkadurka Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 The best cure? Get out, meet new people, find a new bf. I disagree, you need to be happy on your own before you can be happy with someone else. If you start dating someone else right away, even a few weeks (or months) after you broke up with your ex, you might FEEL good, but it doesn't fix the underlying issues that led to your previous break ups.
skydiveaddict Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) . I'm hoping someone will read this and give me some insight to cheer me up and stop the bad behavior of checking his gf fb page. I am so much better off without him. I wish I could stop. Quit looking at fb. It will bring you nothing but sorrow. The best thing to do is delete your account. Get a new one once you are healed up. I know how you feel. It has been over a year for me and my heart is still crushed. But you will make it . You can stop, just push that delete button and start your life again. I know it hurts, truly I do. I cant tell you how much I hurt inside, but there is someone out there that truly loves you. You will be ok. You must hang on Edited November 6, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Author 9Lives Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Quit looking at fb. It will bring you nothing but sorrow. The best thing to do is delete your account. Get a new one once you are healed up. I know how you feel. It has been over a year for me and my heart is still crushed. But you will make it . You can stop, just push that delete button and start your life again. I know it hurts, truly I do. I cant tell you how much I hurt inside, but there is someone out there that truly loves you. You will be ok. You must hang on Awwww thanks sky! I'm glad your here for me. Since it has taken u so long....why do u think its taking so long?
skydiveaddict Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Awwww thanks sky! I'm glad your here for me. Since it has taken u so long....why do u think its taking so long? Cause I fell for her hard and fast like no one else. I was sure, totally sure that she was the "one". Finally. there was NO doubt in my mind. But then I was deployed to Afghanistan for a year. We emailed when ever I could, (sometimes hard in a war), but everything seemed fine. When I got back, she was no where to be found. Wouldn't contact me in any way. It's been that way for a year.
olgreeneyes Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 We are all at fault for giving in to the urge to snoop into an ex's life; the invention of FaceBook has been a disastrous tool for most of the heartbroken out there. It is way too easy to "cyber spy" on an ex - I know people who aren't even on FB that find their ex's FB page thru the internet, favorite place it, and check it obsessively. You have to remember that he said you were done, and that the breakup was permanent. Keep in mind that his contact with you is a safety net; you are a backup plan if his current GF doesn't work out.....you are no one's back up plan!! As simple as it sounds, take it day by day....don't look at her FB page! Post on here every time you get the urge to look....we are her to help !! Remember why you broke up, and focus in on making sure you fix anything within yourself that may have contributed to the end of your relationship......STAY OFF HER FACEBOOK PAGE!!!
Cratsky Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 You may like to read up on the stages of grief and slowly moving through them. If you haven't felt the anger of being disregarded, bitterness at all the effort you made to no effect then you haven't truly justified to yourself why this is for the best. How can you not be angry that you wanted it so bad and they didn't? You'll eventually get to a stage where you realise it's for the best but don't focus on getting a new bf right away. Spend some more time on yourself and get things to a better place for you. Forgive your own mistakes too. Nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome. The past is the past.
havehope Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 skydiveaddict: wow I can't believe thats what happened. That is so f-ed up. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's horrible. 9Lives: you can do it! I had to defriend him on fb and block the girl he cheated with. And looking back I'm sooo happy I did. It sucked at the time, but I know it would have sucked more if I hadn't. Its just going to cause you more pain. You can do this - we're all here for you. Ajax said nothing lasts forever, even the tough times.
skydiveaddict Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) skydiveaddict: wow I can't believe thats what happened. That is so f-ed up. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's horrible. 9Lives: you can do it! I had to defriend him on fb and block the girl he cheated with. And looking back I'm sooo happy I did. It sucked at the time, but I know it would have sucked more if I hadn't. Its just going to cause you more pain. You can do this - we're all here for you. Ajax said nothing lasts forever, even the tough times. Thanks Hope. But after all this time I can't believe it still hurts like this. It's just not rational. Hope is right 9 Lives. You CAN do it. Stay tough, even when you don't feel like it. Edited November 7, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Hhhh Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Awwww thanks sky! I'm glad your here for me. Since it has taken u so long....why do u think its taking so long? because you havent got the correct mindset of moving on your thinking about him and what hes doing to often you need focus on yourself look at this as an opportunity to find you dream guy, the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with it i'm 2 months in from my first heartbreak and i wonder sometimes what shes doing then i think to myself what does it matter
Author 9Lives Posted November 7, 2010 Author Posted November 7, 2010 Cause I fell for her hard and fast like no one else. I was sure, totally sure that she was the "one". Finally. there was NO doubt in my mind. But then I was deployed to Afghanistan for a year. We emailed when ever I could, (sometimes hard in a war), but everything seemed fine. When I got back, she was no where to be found. Wouldn't contact me in any way. It's been that way for a year. That makes perfect sense to me. It has to be the answer here. I completely let my guards down and knew I would be so happy with him. I let myself go completely. I normally don't have this hard of a time getting over someone. She is cold blooded and you should see it as a flaw in her and not a reflect of u. My best friend told me it took him two years to get over his exwife cause he loved her so much but now he is totally over it.
Samantha0905 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Cause I fell for her hard and fast like no one else. I was sure, totally sure that she was the "one". Finally. there was NO doubt in my mind. But then I was deployed to Afghanistan for a year. We emailed when ever I could, (sometimes hard in a war), but everything seemed fine. When I got back, she was no where to be found. Wouldn't contact me in any way. It's been that way for a year. I'm sorry. It has hurt you for a long time because you were left hanging. For the life of me I don't get how someone who ever cared about someone in that manner just disappears. It's very cruel and so immature and selfish. I'm sure you are better off.
skydiveaddict Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 That makes perfect sense to me. It has to be the answer here. I completely let my guards down and knew I would be so happy with him. I let myself go completely. I normally don't have this hard of a time getting over someone. She is cold blooded and you should see it as a flaw in her and not a reflect of u. My best friend told me it took him two years to get over his exwife cause he loved her so much but now he is totally over it. Yea, I agree with you. Letting your guard down (as we both did) can leave scars that may never heal. And you're right, she is cold blooded. I really just feel miserable right now. I would never believe she could do that. shows you what I know. Not much.
skydiveaddict Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I'm sorry. It has hurt you for a long time because you were left hanging. For the life of me I don't get how someone who ever cared about someone in that manner just disappears. It's very cruel and so immature and selfish. I'm sure you are better off. Thank you. I'm sure I'm better off as well. I just wish it felt like that.
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