Author tigressA Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Then why would you tell him you think you loved him? Why would you mention it at all? To punish him, TA. That's the cold part of this exchange. I don't blame you for wanting to punish him. But I'd prefer if you observed that this is what you were doing. Yeah, of course I did it to punish him. Are you happy now?
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Yeah, of course I did it to punish him. Are you happy now? As long as you admit it. And not facetiously.
Author tigressA Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Whoa, whoa, whoa, no point arguing semantics! It doesn't matter what we were or weren't because we aren't anything anymore! :bunny: And of course I admit it non-facetiously. I'm just in a really giddy mood; everything is so funny! lol
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 And what kind of answer could he have given? THE exact one I expected and wanted. What one would that have been??
luvnpain Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Guess I missed that thread acknowledging a gf/bf relationship. Last one I saw had him correcting her that she was not his gf but his "very, very good friend". By the end of that one she claimed she didn't want that title blah blah.
Author tigressA Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 What one would that have been?? The one I said he gave me, you silly! Love you, SG.
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I've lost a lot of respect today. He's going through a hard time, including dealing with the sudden death of a loved one. You willingly give him space. You then punish him for taking the space that you willingly gave him, by deciding to end it with him. Rather than just tell him that it's not working for you, you tell him you love him. You tell him you love him, and then you leave him, to punish him...again. To make him feel another loss. Wow. Your signature is appalling right now. I'm glad you're giddy and laughing, TA... but I'm very sad and disappointed.
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Guess I missed that thread acknowledging a gf/bf relationship. Last one I saw had him correcting her that she was not his gf but his "very, very good friend". By the end of that one she claimed she didn't want that title blah blah. They weren't BF/GF. One of the posters is saying they were in order to solidify an otherwise weak argument. The one I said he gave me, you silly! Love you, SG. you too, TA. I just want to see you happy, TA... but not like this.
threebyfate Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 It was simple...he messaged me on Skype, saying he got my emails. We are on the exact same page as far as how we feel about each other and what our commitment level is--we are committed solely to each other and to making a serious partnership/marriage viable down the road. There is absolutely no question of that. He also apologized for the "friend" comment. What we disagree on is the semantics of "bf/gf". I explained to him my view--that the commitment we have now is equal to being bf/gf. He explained to me that if he mentioned the word "girlfriend" to his family/friends, they would start planning the wedding--it's that serious for him (just like you said, Jerbear). And we both agree that we are not ready for that yet. The compromise: He willingly acknowledged himself as my boyfriend and me as his girlfriend according to my viewpoint, and asked me to remember the titles do carry much more meaning for him.Maybe this post might ring some bells.
Author tigressA Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 you too, TA. I just want to see you happy, TA... but not like this. I can hardly stop laughing! I've been like this for the last 10 minutes and I don't know why! If this is what a post-breakup time for me will feel like every time then I want all my future relationships to fail. :laugh:
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I can hardly stop laughing! I've been like this for the last 10 minutes and I don't know why! If this is what a post-breakup time for me will feel like every time then I want all my future relationships to fail. :laugh: Man, I hope he's laughing too. You know I you, and want what's best for you. I do think that ending this relationship is what's best for you. But not this way. Although, what's done is done, you can't take it back. I can only echo JustJoe and welikeincrowd's comments, a million times over. That you're actually laughing about this disturbs me to a deep level. There's one person in this thread that's as cold as ice, and I didn't think it would be you. I still don't. You're sooooo better than that. I hope this is some sort of bizarre-o reaction...
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Maybe this post might ring some bells. Indeed maybe the update since that quoted portion would: I have been ridiculous. I have continually tried to force things to develop with C the way that I want them to, the way that I expect them to, rather than just enjoying the time we get and letting things develop naturally. We hardly know each other at all. I don't want the title now. I can't even see why I wanted it in the first place. It's become clear to me that both of us have yet to prove the other worthy of being boyfriend/girlfriend material. After my friend was done literally crying to me about how much it hurt being away from her BF, I thought, "I don't feel even a bit of what she is feeling now, about C, when we're away from each other." That's because we don't have much of a connection yet. I think back and can see and feel how utterly exhausting my prior behavior has been. But whatevs... AS TA HERSELF SAID, it was just semantics.
threebyfate Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Indeed maybe the update since that quoted portion would: But whatevs... AS TA HERSELF SAID, it was just semantics. Nowhere do I see her expressing the above quote directly to C about recanting their relationship titles. T, did you have a discussion with C. about recanting b/f and g/f titles and he agreed?
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) Nowhere do I see her expressing the above quote directly to C about recanting their relationship titles. T, did you have a discussion with C. about recanting b/f and g/f titles and he agreed? It matters to A, what her relationship status was in HER mind. Doesn't it? She callously dumped someone who thought he was her BF by email. But she expected high standards from someone she didn't consider to be her BF, or think she had a connection with. Does that make sense? Not really. But really... Why are you arguing about this? She's already said IT DOES NOT MATTER. It was just semantics. It's over: Whoa, whoa, whoa, no point arguing semantics! It doesn't matter what we were or weren't because we aren't anything anymore! :bunny: Edited November 8, 2010 by Star Gazer
threebyfate Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Nowhere do I see her expressing the above quote directly to C about recanting their relationship titles. T, did you have a discussion with C. about recanting b/f and g/f titles and he agreed?T, can you respond to my question?
welikeincrowds Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 T, can you respond to my question? Hahaha, oh wow. A call and a raise. I can't wait to see your hand.
threebyfate Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Hahaha, oh wow. A call and a raise. I can't wait to see your hand. No hand. I prefer the information directly from T which makes it fact, rather than conjecture on anyone else's part. T might well have had this discussion. If so, that's fine too.
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Whoa, whoa, whoa, no point arguing semantics! It doesn't matter what we were or weren't because we aren't anything anymore! :bunny: First hand info from TA, right from this thread.
welikeincrowds Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 No hand. Oh, OK. I thought you were getting at something. I guess you're just clarifying a detail? Although I guess it would be nice to settle on one definition. "BF/GF", "future spouse", "very very close friend". All of these have been used to justify behavior at some point. So confusing.
threebyfate Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Nowhere do I see her expressing the above quote directly to C about recanting their relationship titles. T, did you have a discussion with C. about recanting b/f and g/f titles and he agreed? T, can you respond to my question?One more time T. Did you or did you not have a discussion recanting titles directly with C?
Author tigressA Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 T, can you respond to my question? No, I didn't have that discussion with him, TBF. SG, I think it is some bizarre reaction. I do feel rather calm now, though. I've felt calm after other breakups I've initiated too. Maybe I am cold. I do feel bad for the way I went about it. I did essentially make him suffer another loss. I thought he deserved it for taking me for granted. But what's done is done. No sense in trying to take it back.
threebyfate Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Thank you tigress. So the next time someone else throws around the FWB titles or suggests that it was all in your head, then the response will be as it should be and as it was, "no, they were b/f and g/f".
welikeincrowds Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I do feel bad for the way I went about it. But what's done is done. No sense in trying to take it back. Hm, I can't say I agree with this. An apology isn't a denial. It's an expression of regret. And you've just expressed regret. I'm not saying it makes sense for you to apologize at this point. But I don't see a justification for its dismissal entirely.
Star Gazer Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I do feel bad for the way I went about it. I did essentially make him suffer another loss. I thought he deserved it for taking me for granted. But what's done is done. No sense in trying to take it back. That's exactly what you did, based on your perception that he was taking you for granted. Whether your perception was accurate is really of no conference given your intent. That was almost malicious, A. I'm certainly not trying to make you feel bad... But seeing you acknowledge that the way you handled it was wrong is a GIANT relief!! I'd like you to take some time and consider why you backpedaled and didn't want the title, but wanted HIM to have the responsibilities of the title. Sleep on it.
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