The End.

[northern_sky]

HE HAD BEEN CHEATING ON ME! THE DIRTY ROTTEN *******!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ugh.

 

I just found incontrovertible proof through a mutual friend's Facebook. HIS FRIENDS HAD KNOWN ABOUT IT.

 

I feel sick.

 

SO glad they're all out of my life.

 

OMG. What a dick.

 

Honestly, I suspected he was seeing somebody else. His lack of care when you dumped him didn't add up. Also he just seemed like a half-boyfriend. I think a lot of us suspected, but didn't want to alarm you...especially since it was just a hunch. I can't speak for TBF, but I remember she kept harping on the fact that he was untrustworthy. There was something decidedly smarmy about him.

 

Word on following your instincts. You were right on, girl.

Edited December 1, 2010 by northern_sky

[tigressA]

:sick:

 

Your ex sounds like he has issues.

 

No, he's just a #$%^&@%@#$^$%&$@%^#^%#%^&*#^#$@^$@%$@%^&@#%^#%^#$%$%&@#$%^@#$%&@%$&@#$%^#$@%&%@#$%%$&.

 

Perhaps that's a pretty major issue though, now that I think about it.

 

And no freakin' wonder he didn't want pictures of us together on Facebook, or anything about our status on Facebook. He wanted to make sure Miss Piggy didn't know about the facsimile of a fax of a sham of our relationship.

[northern_sky]

No, he's just a #$%^&@%@#$^$%&$@%^#^%#%^&*#^#$@^$@%$@%^&@#%^#%^#$%$%&@#$%^@#$%&@%$&@#$%^#$@%&%@#$%%$&.

 

Perhaps that's a pretty major issue though, now that I think about it.

 

And no freakin' wonder he didn't want pictures of us together on Facebook, or anything about our status on Facebook. He wanted to make sure Miss Piggy didn't know about the facsimile of a fax of a sham of our relationship.

 

How do you know he was seeing her, though? Did one of his friends tell you?

[Surrealist]

If someone had remotely suggested this as a possibility at the time they would of been crucified on here. Some of us raised concerns about this guy and even that was being slammed. Guys tend to know what other guys are about.

[tigressA]

How do you know he was seeing her, though? Did one of his friends tell you?

 

No, they said nothing, which is why I said "F*ck them" and deleted them from Facebook. I discovered the proof through one of their photo albums--it was in my newsfeed because it had been updated with new ones. I was clicking through it and found these older pictures of them--like from last month--and it was clear in the pictures with C and Miss Piggy that they were more than friends.

 

C flaunted his "relationships" with both of us in front of his friends. And none of them said anything.

[northern_sky]

No, they said nothing, which is why I said "F*ck them" and deleted them from Facebook. I discovered the proof through one of their photo albums--it was in my newsfeed because it had been updated with new ones. I was clicking through it and found these older pictures of them--like from last month--and it was clear in the pictures with C and Miss Piggy that they were more than friends.

 

C flaunted his "relationships" with both of us in front of his friends. And none of them said anything.

 

Wow, sounds like they're probably used to that behavior from him. Like, good old C, up to no good again.

[tigressA]

Wow, sounds like they're probably used to that behavior from him. Like, good old C, up to no good again.

 

C thought she was more worthy of being made "public" than I was. He didn't value me at all. I don't think he was even really attracted to me. I was the dirty little secret.

 

The absolute worst part is that I allowed myself to be treated as such. I had my suspicions months ago and I let myself be snowed because I "really really liked" him. And for what reasons? None worth sustaining an even half-decent relationship for.

[northern_sky]

C thought she was more worthy of being made "public" than I was. He didn't value me at all. I don't think he was even really attracted to me. I was the dirty little secret.

 

The absolute worst part is that I allowed myself to be treated as such. I had my suspicions months ago and I let myself be snowed because I "really really liked" him. And for what reasons? None worth sustaining an even half-decent relationship for.

 

Dude, I can totally relate to putting up with a guy's **** because you really, really like him. That's what I did with J, although we didn't have a serious relationship.

 

What makes you think he wasn't attracted to you, btw? I"m sure you're a lot hotter than that chubster.

[xpaperxcutx]

.

 

What makes you think he wasn't attracted to you, btw? I"m sure you're a lot hotter than that chubster.

 

This.

 

Which just makes his " issues" all the more prominent. What kind of a guy dates a woman with baggage over you?

[tigressA]

I'm calm now. Feeling okay.

 

He may not have valued me, but that's perfectly fine because I value myself. By ending our "relationship" I made the statement that I value myself, that I from here on out refuse to be anyone's dirty secret, that you either want me and want to tell the world about it or you don't get me at all, that I get treated with respect and love in a relationship instead of constantly being dismissed, because that is what I feel I am worthy of.

 

NS, I don't think he was very attracted to me. During our physical encounters there was minimal foreplay/affection, and he'd just roll over after. I think I was just a hole for him. He was never affectionate in public or complimentary, either. I AM hotter than that woman, and now I can (well, I have been!) reveling in the company of men who would be proud to have me on their arm.

[LittleTiger]

Yet again, it saddens me to see young women 'ganging' up and dissing other women they don't even know because of something a man did to them.

 

This woman may very well have been in the same boat as you tigressA - clueless about what he was doing. Perhaps she is the injured party here and you are 'the other woman'. Maybe she doesn't know about you even now. It's C who deserves the name calling, not her.

 

Calling her a pasty faced chubster, Miss Piggy and 'a woman with baggage' is rather unkind and unnecessary IMO.

 

I'm also not sure how tigressA being 'hotter' than her is relevant in any way. C obviously finds her more attractive so to him she is 'hotter' than tigressA. That's just life girls - deal with it.

 

Just remember: blowing out someone elses candle won't make yours shine any brighter!

[SmileFace]

Just remember: blowing out someone elses candle won't make yours shine any brighter!

Exactly ..............

[Surrealist]

Yet again, it saddens me to see young women 'ganging' up and dissing other women they don't even know because of something a man did to them.

 

This woman may very well have been in the same boat as you tigressA - clueless about what he was doing. Perhaps she is the injured party here and you are 'the other woman'. Maybe she doesn't know about you even now. It's C who deserves the name calling, not her.

 

Calling her a pasty faced chubster, Miss Piggy and 'a woman with baggage' is rather unkind and unnecessary IMO.

 

I'm also not sure how tigressA being 'hotter' than her is relevant in any way. C obviously finds her more attractive so to him she is 'hotter' than tigressA. That's just life girls - deal with it.

 

Just remember: blowing out someone elses candle won't make yours shine any brighter!

 

Good post!

[tigressA]

Thanks for the chastisement, LT, but I knew that...I was just p*ssed off, naturally, so I vented.

 

I don't feel particularly sorry for her, to be honest. I remember C told me about her and he seemed...almost glow-y. I didn't pay attention to it at the time but in retrospect it's so clear. And he just heaped criticism upon me--he probably made fun of me to her. I know that he and his friends had talked about me because he told me about it once! Saying that I'm a "good person" but could be "easily swept away and taken advantage of"...yeah, I guess they were proven right at least in this situation! I wouldn't be surprised if C AND his friends had been laughing at me all along, knowing he had me snowed.

 

I don't feel sorry for myself, either. Really wish I had trusted my gut...there were SO MANY signs and I ignored them all. No use crying over spilled milk, however. It's a learning experience...always a learning experience...

Edited December 2, 2010 by tigressA

[threebyfate]

Sorry to hear this tigress. Some guys are a waste of oxygen.

[LittleTiger]

Take it as a lesson learnt TigressA and move on.

 

Who do you think is being hurt most by you churning things over in your head and on here? Certainly not C or his friends.

 

There is a lot of positive stuff going on in your life right now and you have a great thread going to remind you of that. So ask yourself what you're getting out of ranting on an old thread which no longer has relevance in your life.

 

You titled this thread 'The End' and yet, more than three weeks later here we are again. What makes you happiest - thinking about C and what he and his 'girlfriend' did or didn't do to you, or thinking about your next date with Mr No3 in your log?

[OceanGirl]

I clearly remember the incident where he didn't answer your calls for 3 days and then claimed to have locked his phone in his car and was too sick to go and get it. THAT sounded like a blatant lie. I even posted this at the time. I didn't know what it meant exactly but it was a big flag.

[Star Gazer]

Yet again, it saddens me to see young women 'ganging' up and dissing other women they don't even know because of something a man did to them.

 

This woman may very well have been in the same boat as you tigressA - clueless about what he was doing. Perhaps she is the injured party here and you are 'the other woman'. Maybe she doesn't know about you even now. It's C who deserves the name calling, not her.

 

Calling her a pasty faced chubster, Miss Piggy and 'a woman with baggage' is rather unkind and unnecessary IMO.

 

I'm also not sure how tigressA being 'hotter' than her is relevant in any way. C obviously finds her more attractive so to him she is 'hotter' than tigressA. That's just life girls - deal with it.

 

Just remember: blowing out someone elses candle won't make yours shine any brighter!

 

FABULOUS post.

 

I'm really disappointed in the namecalling of this woman. And it wasn't just from TA during her venting (which I still don't think justifies it). But I'm honestly not surprised at the reaction...

[tigressA]

You're right, LT. I just saw that and naturally got really p*ssed and wanted to vent to let it out. There's nothing wrong with that. Though we had had our problems I really didn't think he would have done that to me.

 

Ah well. He did, despite my thoughts, and I'm much, much better off now judging from my other thread as you said.

[threebyfate]

I disagree that you should just repress your emotions and move on. If you do this, it will come out full bore possibly at the worst possible time. You should work through this betrayal first. Get all the toxins out and then move on.

 

While my situation was different than yours tigress since it was a five year marriage, I still strongly suggest you work through this if only for a day or two.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm sorry, ms. Tigress. I know it feels like crap now and a terrible blow to your pride ... but aren't you happy, happy, happy that you quit with him way BEFORE you found this out?

[tigressA]

I disagree that you should just repress your emotions and move on. If you do this, it will come out full bore possibly at the worst possible time. You should work through this betrayal first. Get all the toxins out and then move on.

 

While my situation was different than yours tigress since it was a five year marriage, I still strongly suggest you work through this if only for a day or two.

 

Okay. Thank you, TBF.

 

I'm still angry with myself. There were so many things I just flat-out ignored even though my gut was telling me not to. I didn't even post them here. I didn't post anything about this woman who always had come off a little too friendly for my taste.

 

There was one instance--it was the first weekend I had stayed with him, when we got into that fight and he drove me home a day early, and we split for 3 weeks. He was on his computer and I was next to him--I noticed a folder of pictures on his desktop and it was labeled "_____"--the woman's first name. I didn't say anything then but before we got back together I had questioned him about it. He said she had sent him the pictures to make a goodbye collage for her soon-to-be former coworkers. But the peekaboo thumbnails I saw through the folder icon were all solo pics of her. And when he said he was going to go "visit a friend" who was "having problems"--he said it was a he. But I noticed he had been on Facebook chat with that same woman as he was telling me this. Again, I wrongly quelled my suspicion.

 

I guess I just wanted to believe that he really wouldn't want anything to do with her like he had to do with me. But it all adds up. I hate that I didn't trust my instinct, and that I didn't post my suspicions here. I think I knew I would've just had confirmation of what I really didn't want to hear--that he was betraying me with someone else.

[tigressA]

I'm sorry, ms. Tigress. I know it feels like crap now and a terrible blow to your pride ... but aren't you happy, happy, happy that you quit with him way BEFORE you found this out?

 

Oh yes, I definitely am happy about that! I would've gone f*cking BALLISTIC had I found out while we were still involved... I likely would've made an utter fool of myself.

[jerbear]

Good thing you found out now. As you said, it would have been worse if you had found out when you were both together.

[threebyfate]

Okay. Thank you, TBF.

 

I'm still angry with myself. There were so many things I just flat-out ignored even though my gut was telling me not to. I didn't even post them here. I didn't post anything about this woman who always had come off a little too friendly for my taste.

 

There was one instance--it was the first weekend I had stayed with him, when we got into that fight and he drove me home a day early, and we split for 3 weeks. He was on his computer and I was next to him--I noticed a folder of pictures on his desktop and it was labeled "_____"--the woman's first name. I didn't say anything then but before we got back together I had questioned him about it. He said she had sent him the pictures to make a goodbye collage for her soon-to-be former coworkers. But the peekaboo thumbnails I saw through the folder icon were all solo pics of her. And when he said he was going to go "visit a friend" who was "having problems"--he said it was a he. But I noticed he had been on Facebook chat with that same woman as he was telling me this. Again, I wrongly quelled my suspicion.

 

I guess I just wanted to believe that he really wouldn't want anything to do with her like he had to do with me. But it all adds up. I hate that I didn't trust my instinct, and that I didn't post my suspicions here. I think I knew I would've just had confirmation of what I really didn't want to hear--that he was betraying me with someone else.

When we care about someone, our judgements aren't always wise since they're coloured by our emotions. Sure, he threw red flags all over the place but when you want to be with someone, you overlook those issues since you want to trust them. If you look at ANY relationship which includes people, there will be some degree of flaws and issues.

 

But this has been a learning experience for trusting your gut instincts no matter how low-level, until you've pinpointed the problems. Sometimes, it might be nothing. Other times, if there's more than the occasional blip, where is it pointing towards? You're smart enough to be able to step back next time, watch for patterns and actually be able to pinpoint them. Patterns paint the real picture of the person, not just their words and actions alone.