davisc123 Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 My world started falling apart in February. I am now completely estranged from my ex after a seemingly endless saga. We still work at the same place though, so I do see her on a weekly basis but don't talk. I saw her yesterday for the first time with her new bf, the same person she cheated on me with, and despite all my mental preparation for that moment I just wasn't prepared for the wave of torment. It really flattened me, and all the good feeling I have mustered in the past couple of months vanished. I woke up this morning feeling resentful, sick and dejected. I could barely move out of bed, I just lay there and cried so pathetically. I would probably be ashamed of myself if it wasn't for the fact that I am so low in confidence. I don't mind admitting it, I am just beyond caring. I don't want her back anymore, I am not deluding myself. But the thought of him having the life with her that I so desperately wanted makes me feel ill. What makes it worse is that my friends and family don't realise how much I am still hurting, and I just don't feel like I can tell anybody. On the plus side, I am moving out the area in January for a new job opportunity. It's exactly the type of opportunity I have been seeking since leaving university 2 years ago, and finally I am getting out the rut of being in a dead end job. I don't know anybody where I am moving to, and although I know it will be good to get a fresh start I am worried about carrying this feeling of depression into my new life. I will be isolated to an extent. It's been a hell of a year. I am absolutely dreading the festive period. It'll be the first Christmas and New Year in five that I am not sharing with her. I just want to get it over with. I just had to get that all off my chest, I realise I'm not asking any questions or making a point but I had to do it.
serenemind Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) Hi Davis, I feel for you man. I know exactly what you are going through.....My situation is a little different but i guess the pain is the same. Even i woke up crying a few times.....Its been 25 days since my wife left me. She was doing things behind my back and she is mentally not normal. when confronted she dumped me and move back to her parents. We didn't speak for a week and then she tells me that she is going to make it up to me by being the best wife and yada yada yada. Yesterday we spoke for a couple of hours on the phone.....and at the end of our conversation she hangs up on me crying. Then she called me later and left a voicemail saying its over and she wants to break up and move on. I can tell this and I'm sure God knows i am not lying....I've done pretty much everything for her in life....took care of her like a baby....was there for her every single minute in the last 5 years....helped her get a job, get back on track in life....was there emotionally,physically and mentally. And after all that I get a message saying I hope i meet someone that i could love and share everything, whom I am passionate about and all that stuff ....and finally the last nail on the coffin....and "you are not that person" I wasted 5 years of my life for this woman.....I have been alone and crying for the last 1 month. Its time to become strong and rediscover ourselves. I suggest go complete NC.....moving to a new place helps...meeting new people will help you erase your past much sooner than you think as you will not have many things around to associate it back to the past. take it a day at a time....eat well and take care of yourself. I am gonna do the same.... Good luck and keep posting. Edited November 6, 2010 by serenemind grammar
alwayshoping Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 My world started falling apart in February. I am now completely estranged from my ex after a seemingly endless saga. We still work at the same place though, so I do see her on a weekly basis but don't talk. I saw her yesterday for the first time with her new bf, the same person she cheated on me with, and despite all my mental preparation for that moment I just wasn't prepared for the wave of torment. It really flattened me, and all the good feeling I have mustered in the past couple of months vanished. I woke up this morning feeling resentful, sick and dejected. I could barely move out of bed, I just lay there and cried so pathetically. I would probably be ashamed of myself if it wasn't for the fact that I am so low in confidence. I don't mind admitting it, I am just beyond caring. I don't want her back anymore, I am not deluding myself. But the thought of him having the life with her that I so desperately wanted makes me feel ill. What makes it worse is that my friends and family don't realise how much I am still hurting, and I just don't feel like I can tell anybody. On the plus side, I am moving out the area in January for a new job opportunity. It's exactly the type of opportunity I have been seeking since leaving university 2 years ago, and finally I am getting out the rut of being in a dead end job. I don't know anybody where I am moving to, and although I know it will be good to get a fresh start I am worried about carrying this feeling of depression into my new life. I will be isolated to an extent. It's been a hell of a year. I am absolutely dreading the festive period. It'll be the first Christmas and New Year in five that I am not sharing with her. I just want to get it over with. I just had to get that all off my chest, I realise I'm not asking any questions or making a point but I had to do it. I feel your pain. Im so sorry that anyone has to go through this. The move will be good for you. You wont have to see her and it may make it slightly easier. Just remember that time will heal you. You dont know whats round the corner. The dream girl could be waiting for you in January going through the same thing. Try stay positive. I have no one to talk to either but the lovely people on LS are always here to help when you have exhausted the ears of your family/friends! Just embrace the sadness for now. its not a crime to cry so do it. Ive creid so much over the past 2 months. Now i think im ready to make myself a better person so that the girl I marry will be proud to call me her husband. i really hope things get better, I know it knocked the wind out of your sails when you saw her. But Next time it will be slightly easier and then next time easier still until it only hurts alittle. Remember, you deserve someone that would never do this to you. So just embrace your emotions and know that in time you will look back knowing this made you a better person. feel better x
sacg Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Hi Davis, also feel for you man, I'm still suffering nearly 2.5 years on. Most of that's my fault for not getting her completely out of my life. Your move is a great thing. It's something I tried to do about a year ago to break this cycle, unfortunately it didn't come off. I think a fresh start, a job you want and new people will clear your head quicker than anything. You may feel low when you first get there, being alone etc, but this will pass, I guarantee it. And then all your confidence and self esteem will return. I feel more alone being round my mates we shared and having her only 8 miles away, trust me, i'd do anything to move away and start a fresh. And I know what you mean about friends and family not knowing. they wont, because they're comes a point when we know they've heard enough, and they cant really relate, so we keep shtum. It's just human nature. At the end of the day, its down to us to get through this in the end. Best of luck dude.
sirens_song Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I know how this feels. It seems like things will never get better and you're always going to pine for her and wish she could be yours, right? To put this really simply: You are going to feel like crap for a while. A long while. Don't try and rush the process by denying that you love her and lying to yourself (not saying that you are doing that, I just notice that's what lots of people, including myself, do). Realize that the process you're going through is normal and take it for what it is; a really sh**** life experience. Believe it or not, time heals all. It may not seem like it now, but there will be a time that you won't even think about her. The relationship will be a distant memory and you'll take from it what you will. Just try and keep positive. Remember there is an end in sight! xxx
sirens_song Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Oh yes, and cliche as this may sound, removing all pictures, emails, texts, voicemails, and all reminders of her/your relationship will help IMMENSELY. Moving in January will also be great for you. It will make it a lot less painful to be away and not reminded of her constantly by places you used to go, and of course, seeing her with her new guy. I can't imagine what it's like for you to have to go to work and see her, and seeing her with her new dude... ugh. I feel for you. So yes, get rid of all of that stuff, and you will be off to a great start.
Author davisc123 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Thanks for the kind words everybody, I really appreciate it. Despite how much I still love her I know I can't hide from the pain any longer. I'm just letting it in, letting it do it's worst. I've gone through months clinging on to some level of denial. It's a hard way to learn, and ultimately I've just dragged out the process.
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