hitbyatruck Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 A question for BS's & WS's who have attempted reconciliation post affair/leaving: In your experience, what role do you think guilt minimization played in the "runner" returning? My "Second Chance" turned out to be an exercise in guilt reduction on my ex's part. After 6 or 7 weeks this became apparent to both of us. 10+ years together. 2yo kid. She has affair with mutual friend. We split. Kid goes back and forth. She gets engaged after 6wks. (Many people find this highly amusing!) Comes back after 4mths. Will not or cannot cut ties/contact with OM despite my urging and prediction that recon will fail otherwise. Leaves for OM again after 8wks. Claims to be independent. If you don't give 100% recon can't possibly succeed.
You Go Girl Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 She's afraid to be alone? A guess? Tell her NC until she gives up OM. You still have to have LC for shuffling the son back and forth, etc., but keep it business. 180 and take care of you. I don't think all runners return to alleviate guilt. Some mean it and will give their all. It's easy to tell which is which, where's their head? Grounded or in the clouds?
Author hitbyatruck Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 I told her straight out - it will be polite child related discussion only. If she wants anything more (and I'm pretty sure that deep down she does want my friendship) it will depend on her total removal of OM from her life - something she is not willing to do. She doesn't seem to understand pride & principle - doesn't get that beyond kid-biz it is either me or OM. If it weren't for my child, bless him, I would go 100% NC.
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