How do I stop being so damn sexually-charged all the time?

[always_searching]

I seriously think I must have an over-production of testosterone or something, because I think about sex all the time. Seriously. I mean, maybe it's because I have yet to fully experience it, but I am always thinking about sex.

 

Now, some of you may not find that problematic, or may even think it's great to hear that a woman thinks about sex as much or moreso than the average man. However, it is extremely problematic for me! I'm trying to live a good Catholic life, and it's difficult to do that when you're having to go to confession every week because you can't stop entertaining inappropriate thoughts!

 

So, questions:

 

 

1. Are there any other women on here who have this problem? Because, I'll tell you, only two of my (girl) friends can empathize with me--all the others are non-sexual, only interested in sex as a means of having children, and/or generally chaste. So many of these girls are married, and have told me that they hate having sex, only have it when they absolutely have to (husband is desperate, kind of thing); and, I have to say, I feel extremely sorry for the husbands. That being said, I feel extremely sorry for most men: if most women have a libido that low, no wonder so many men cheat! I mean, my God, if I got married, I would be all over my husband all the time--sex every night! If he wasn't up for it, or had a "headache" very often, I would be in trouble!
   
2. How can I "take care" of this issue? And the obvious answers of "go have sex" don't apply. Believe me, if I weren't Catholic, I would get on birth control tomorrow and go out and take care of this problem, but, unfortunately (or fortunately), that is not the case. I suppose I could go out and find someone who has husband potential, do the arbitrary dating, and eventually get married. However, I'd rather not marry someone just for sex, or marry for any reason at this point in my life. So, the best thing I can think of to do is to exorcise. However, when I exorcise, I find that I only get more...uh..."charged", so to speak. I mean, I can't win! Then there's the cold shower, but I can't take more than a couple of showers a day, and I think about sex a couple of times an hour. I'm thinking of wearing a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it whenever I think of it, but I fear I may just become a masochist, which would ultimately make the situation worse.
   

Edited November 6, 2010 by always_searching

[Nemicron]

MAy I ask some personal Questions?

 

If you have sex all the time. Do you feel like your actually wanted afterwards?

 

Do you think that guys only think about that? Specially when they are with you?

 

IF you can answer yes to those. I'd say that maybe its possible that your kinda like some people that feel that sex is the only way to get close to another person and its a form of showing love. In which case, its simply that you just looking for something and not actually getting it. So You just end up being more and more horny.. Just an idea I might be wrong though.

 

 

I seriously think I must have an over-production of testosterone or something, because I think about sex all the time. Seriously. I mean, maybe it's because I have yet to fully experience it, but I am always thinking about sex.

 

Now, some of you may not find that problematic, or may even think it's great to hear that a woman thinks about sex as much or moreso than the average man. However, it is extremely problematic for me! I'm trying to live a good Catholic life, and it's difficult to do that when you're having to go to confession every week because you can't stop entertaining inappropriate thoughts!

 

So, questions:

 

 

1. Are there any other women on here who have this problem? Because, I'll tell you, only two of my (girl) friends can empathize with me--all the others are non-sexual, only interested in sex as a means of having children, and/or generally chaste. So many of these girls are married, and have told me that they hate having sex, only have it when they absolutely have to (husband is desperate, kind of thing); and, I have to say, I feel extremely sorry for the husbands. That being said, I feel extremely sorry for most men: if most women have a libido that low, no wonder so many men cheat! I mean, my God, if I got married, I would be all over my husband all the time--sex every night! If he wasn't up for it, or had a "headache" very often, I would be in trouble!
   
2. How can I "take care" of this issue? And the obvious answers of "go have sex" don't apply. Believe me, if I weren't Catholic, I would get on birth control tomorrow and go out and take care of this problem, but, unfortunately (or fortunately), that is not the case. I suppose I could go out and find someone who has husband potential, do the arbitrary dating, and eventually get married. However, I'd rather not marry someone just for sex, or marry for any reason at this point in my life. So, the best thing I can think of to do is to exorcise. However, when I exorcise, I find that I only get more...uh..."charged", so to speak. I mean, I can't win! Then there's the cold shower, but I can't take more than a couple of showers a day, and I think about sex a couple of times an hour. I'm thinking of wearing a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it whenever I think of it, but I fear I may just become a masochist, which would ultimately make the situation worse.
   

[always_searching]

If you have sex all the time. Do you feel like your actually wanted afterwards?

 

I've not had sex (vaginal or otherwise) with a man, which is a major part of the problem. Maybe I'm building it up in my mind, when, in fact, it isn't all that great. But...I'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS I HAVE IT!

 

Do you think that guys only think about that? Specially when they are with you?

 

I do think that most guys think about sex a great deal, but not that they only think about sex, or think about sex with me, specifically.

 

IF you can answer yes to those. I'd say that maybe its possible that your kinda like some people that feel that sex is the only way to get close to another person and its a form of showing love. In which case, its simply that you just looking for something and not actually getting it. So You just end up being more and more horny.. Just an idea I might be wrong though.

 

I'm wondering where you got these notions from my original post...

 

No, I don't go around having a ton of sex--I want to have a ton of sex. Also, I'm not meaning to imply that I want to have a ton of sex with a ton of different people--I'd rather have a ton of sex with one person. Finally, I certainly don't think sex equates love, unless you mean eros, which is Greek for a unitive, possessive kind of love.

[Nemicron]

well I'm just saying it could be possible. But why dont you just rape some guy then?

 

I've not had sex (vaginal or otherwise) with a man, which is a major part of the problem. Maybe I'm building it up in my mind, when, in fact, it isn't all that great. But...I'LL NEVER KNOW UNLESS I HAVE IT!

 

 

 

I do think that most guys think about sex a great deal, but not that they only think about sex, or think about sex with me, specifically.

 

 

 

I'm wondering where you got these notions from my original post...

 

No, I don't go around having a ton of sex--I want to have a ton of sex. Also, I'm not meaning to imply that I want to have a ton of sex with a ton of different people--I'd rather have a ton of sex with one person. Finally, I certainly don't think sex equates love, unless you mean eros, which is Greek for a unitive, possessive kind of love.

[always_searching]

well I'm just saying it could be possible. But why dont you just rape some guy then?

 

Um, cause rape is illegal?

Edited November 6, 2010 by always_searching

[jean-luc sisko]

Just be yourself. I think religion can lead to mental ill-health/wellbeing, since it is controlling and attempts to guilt people into doing things.

 

Religion is relative, everything is. maybe develop your own interpretation of your religion. You shouldn't sacrifice yourself simply because some priests say so.

[BambooLand]

I can relate.

 

I'm 32 and still a virgin, but I have a need to masturbate a lot. I find masturbating tends to get it out of your mind for a day or so, but then WAM! something sets you off again and you cannot think about anything other than feeling or rubbing yourself. This is a real problem and I have that fetish that helps me out in that respect(no need for intercourse), but I tend to "indulge" myself to often and sometimes, at inappropriate times.

 

I know what you're saying. So hard to concentrate on things when that damn urge creeps up on you all the time. It sucks.

[always_searching]

Just be yourself. I think religion can lead to mental ill-health/wellbeing, since it is controlling and attempts to guilt people into doing things.

 

Religion is relative, everything is. maybe develop your own interpretation of your religion. You shouldn't sacrifice yourself simply because some priests say so.

 

Jean-Luc! LOL, how are you giving advice? I thought you lacked common knowledge?

 

 

The thing is: I don't want to be a relativist. I went through that phase, and it didn't bring me any closer to truth or make me any happier. The sacraficing of self is difficult though, and I do definitely feel like I have done so in many respects; but, the way I see it, it's all for the glory of God. I just wish God would help me out a little and either get me a husband, or make me a stoic.

 

I can relate.

 

I'm 32 and still a virgin, but I have a need to masturbate a lot. I find masturbating tends to get it out of your mind for a day or so, but then WAM! something sets you off again and you cannot think about anything other than feeling or rubbing yourself. This is a real problem and I have that fetish that helps me out in that respect(no need for intercourse), but I tend to "indulge" myself to often and sometimes, at inappropriate times.

 

I know what you're saying. So hard to concentrate on things when that damn urge creeps up on you all the time. It sucks.

 

Hi, BambooLand--

 

I am glad I'm not alone in this problem! Yeah, masturbation was helpful. Unfortunately, I no longer have that as an option since converting. I try prayer, and it can help to a certain extent, but, it doesn't help indefinitely.

 

I have to say, this is the most bizarre thing to have a problem with. God help the first man I sleep with. I think I may kill him...

 

[BambooLand]

You don't pleasure yourself? I have no idea how people can NOT do that.

I feel for you, seriously I do.

 

I wish I could give better advice, but I have no idea what you could do. Perhaps look at pictures of Larry King or naked pics of 70 year olds may help your "thoughts" lol.

 

Oh and I wouldn't mind being "killed" by you lol.

[skydiveaddict]

I am catholic too. And i must say i admire you for keeping your feelings/wants in check, as I am a complete failure in that area.

[always_searching]

I am catholic too. And i must say i admire you for keeping your feelings/wants in check, as I am a complete failure in that area.

 

Well, you see how well it's going for me: I'm losing it.

 

 

However, I have to say, I don't think I'm giving enough credit to prayer and the Eucharist. After mass today, I have to say, I feel really silly for lacking better will-power and for having posted this...I think I will just have to go to daily mass. It seems to be the only thing that helps me. Granted, I have to go pretty regularly for it to have a lasting effect.

 

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. It's either mass or mortal sin. As good as sin sometimes sounds, I really have to just suck it up and "give it to God."

 

[always_searching]

Perhaps look at pictures of Larry King or naked pics of 70 year olds may help your "thoughts" lol.

 

:lmao:

 

Wow, that would definitely do it. Else I would end up with some strange fetish for really old men.

[somedude81]

Yeah, masturbation was helpful. Unfortunately, I no longer have that as an option since converting.

Oh God....give me a break!

 

Catholicism prevents you from masturbating?

 

Always_searching, I think it's time you search for a new religion. God doesn't love Catholics any more than He loves Christians.

 

Masturbating and fornicating is not going to get you kicked out of heaven.

 

Do yourself a favor and do some research on the history of the Catholic church. Frankly I think it's amazing that people are actually Catholic after what the church has gone through.

[ShadowU54321]

I'm a male and I still have yet to have sex and I just masturbate to rid the urges of wanting to bang. It's just human nature to want to masturbate so why not do it for the sake of your sanity, I would go crazy if I didn't!

[bac]

 

1. Are there any other women on here who have this problem? So many of these girls are married, and have told me that they hate having sex, only have it when they absolutely have to (husband is desperate, kind of thing); and, I have to say, I feel extremely sorry for the husbands. That being said, I feel extremely sorry for most men: if most women have a libido that low, no wonder so many men cheat! I mean, my God, if I got married, I would be all over my husband all the time--sex every night! If he wasn't up for it, or had a "headache" very often, I would be in trouble!
   
2. How can I "take care" of this issue? And the obvious answers of "go have sex" don't apply. Believe me, if I weren't Catholic, I would get on birth control tomorrow and go out and take care of this problem, but, unfortunately (or fortunately), that is not the case. I suppose I could go out and find someone who has husband potential, do the arbitrary dating, and eventually get married. However, I'd rather not marry someone just for sex, or marry for any reason at this point in my life. So, the best thing I can think of to do is to exorcise.

You have a lot of beliefs which are not reality for many people.

The problem might be mostly in your attitude because everyone wants things that they can not have.

If you want to get rid of your sex drive, you should stop thinking about sex at all, especially as a pleasurable/desirable experience.

Masterbation and sex with different hot males do not help with the problem, at least for females. It just makes it worse by turning your attention to sex and ultimately to lack of it.

IMO The only thing that can help somehow is to have a regular, long-term sexual partner such as a husband or a serious BF. Sure, your friends are not crazy about sex with their long-term partners.

[always_searching]

You have a lot of beliefs which are not reality for many people.

 

Like what? I am Catholic, so that is a belief that is not reality for many people. Everything else I state is factual--that is, my stories relating to friends and their situations are from their own mouths, my "belief" regarding the information has nothing to do with it.

 

The problem might be mostly in your attitude because everyone wants things that they can not have.

 

But, I "could" have sex. Nothing except my Catholic faith is stopping me. Oh, or do you mean that it is precisely because my faith tells me I can't have premarital sex that I desire it? If so, I think not, as I desired it before my conversion. I just never acted upon it because I didn't find the "right person."

 

If you want to get rid of your sex drive, you should stop thinking about sex at all, especially as a pleasurable/desirable experience.

 

Yeah...that's easier said than done. It's not as though I am always consciously thinking about sex. It pops into my head at some serious inopportune times. I try not to entertain the thoughts, but, hey, I'm not yet a Saint.

 

Masterbation and sex with different hot males do not help with the problem, at least for females. It just makes it worse by turning your attention to sex and ultimately to lack of it.

 

What do you mean "masturbation and sex with different hot males do not help with the problem, at least for females? Why the gender discrepancy? Also, if they are getting sex with different hot males, as you put it, how would their attention be turned to the "lack of [sex]"? For the record, I'm not looking for sex with different hot males, I'm looking for lots of sex with one "hot" male.

 

IMO The only thing that can help somehow is to have a regular, long-term sexual partner such as a husband or a serious BF.

 

I agree.

 

Sure, your friends are not crazy about sex with their long-term partners.

 

Is this a question or a statement? I mean, it looks to be a statement, but I don't understand the "sure." Do you mean that you understand why my friends wouldn't be crazy about sex with their long-term partners. Or, are you asking me if I am sure?

[tman666]

Another classic example of why so many devout religious people (especially Catholics) seem to have a tendency to marry very young and become young parents.

 

THINK with your BRAIN about if this is something you want for yourself. You're only human, and us mortals have basal, primitive desires that need to be met for a balanced and healthy life.

 

I'm not about to start some sort of war here between the devout and the skeptical, for it is irrelevant. What is relevant is that you're a human being, and that the decisions you make as an adult have real and lasting consequences. I think you may find that weighing the pros and cons of each of your options, you may find that masturbation is a minor "evil" compared to the consequences of promiscuity and/or marrying someone under the yoke of satisfying your natural and repressed sex drive.

[bac]

Like what? I am Catholic, so that is a belief that is not reality for many people. Everything else I state is factual--that is, my stories relating to friends and their situations are from their own mouths, my "belief" regarding the information has nothing to do with it.

 

 

 

But, I "could" have sex. Nothing except my Catholic faith is stopping me. Oh, or do you mean that it is precisely because my faith tells me I can't have premarital sex that I desire it? If so, I think not, as I desired it before my conversion. I just never acted upon it because I didn't find the "right person."

 

 

 

Yeah...that's easier said than done. It's not as though I am always consciously thinking about sex. It pops into my head at some serious inopportune times. I try not to entertain the thoughts, but, hey, I'm not yet a Saint.

 

 

 

What do you mean "masturbation and sex with different hot males do not help with the problem, at least for females? Why the gender discrepancy? Also, if they are getting sex with different hot males, as you put it, how would their attention be turned to the "lack of [sex]"? For the record, I'm not looking for sex with different hot males, I'm looking for lots of sex with one "hot" male.

 

 

 

I agree.

 

 

 

Is this a question or a statement? I mean, it looks to be a statement, but I don't understand the "sure." Do you mean that you understand why my friends wouldn't be crazy about sex with their long-term partners. Or, are you asking me if I am sure?

 

Sorry for misunderstanding. I did not mean the word 'beliefs' about your faith. I did not mean a word about the religion.

I was talking about your sexual expectations as your beliefs about sex.

 

As for masterbation, it helps for males because they have some fluids produced by the balls and the prostate. It is a decent load of fluids which has high concentration of testosterone which is produced in the balls. It is a natural reaction for males to masterbate to relief sexual pressure. When they get rid of their sperm, they get rid of the physical fluids with a lot of testosterone. After that, they have a drop of testosterone in their blood. That is why they feel low sex drive right after sex and for some time later. The level of testosterone in blood is responsible for intensity of sex drive. Because you are a female, you have no load of fluids to get rid. Also, your level of testosterone is low naturally. IMO There are plenty of women who have never masterbated in their life and they have no problems with that.

Edited November 12, 2010 by bac