bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 UPDATE: so we were joking around while texting and she was messing with me and said I had a bromance with my best friend. I said "nah, I wouldn't cheat on you haha" then she says "haha don't worry, we are dating. not technically bf and gf" I laughed it off but was kinda blindsided. I mean she gives all these signs she likes me. we've cuddled a few times. she says she wants to hold hands at the mall. she also told me how she hasn't had a bf in over 2 years, so I don't get the impression there's another guy. so does she have fear of commitment? I'm gonna go for the kiss for sure now, cuz i've started to commit to her and want to be exclusive. she definitely acts like a girlfriend would, if not more so, so I don't know what's up. I need some serious advice now, I am totally lost on how to handle things. and I don't wanna just move on. I have some real feelings for her and I'm not ready to giv that up. help please? :/ if you don't get the story, please read it from my other thread : "how to kiss a girl" or something along those lines. it's on the first page of threads. all advice is appreciated!
Author bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 hi, so I met this girl at homecoming about a month ago. it turns out she's partially deaf but can hear just fine with cochlear implants. we texted for hours and hours and hung out a few times at football games since then. tonight she came to the game and about halfway through, I asked her out. she said yes and asked what I'd like to do first. she mentioned movies, dinner, something like that. so what exactly should I do? I'm pretty sure it will be just me and her, but there may be a friend initially. so she's getting her license soon. I just need good advice on dates, and when to start kissing and being more intimate. we hug on a regular basis, but I'd like to hold her hand and things like that. any advice would be wonderful, thank you! so we've texted every day for at least 3-4 hours a day, never really running out of things to say. I tell her how pretty she is and stuff of that sort(I mean every word of it) yesterday we hung out all day. we cuddled around a fire, then cuddled while watching paranormal activity (I had my arm around her, we were really close, like kissing distance) how do I stay romantic but not clingy? how many dates before I go for a kiss? how to not seem desperate, but also seem in love? we mainly hang out on weekends, and are going on our first real date this weekend. probably dinner and a movie. please give some advice ladies. I've never felt this way about anyone (:
Author bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 hi, so i met this girl at homecoming about a month ago. It turns out she's partially deaf but can hear just fine with cochlear implants. We texted for hours and hours and hung out a few times at football games since then. Tonight she came to the game and about halfway through, i asked her out. She said yes and asked what i'd like to do first. She mentioned movies, dinner, something like that. So what exactly should i do? I'm pretty sure it will be just me and her, but there may be a friend initially. So she's getting her license soon. I just need good advice on dates, and when to start kissing and being more intimate. We hug on a regular basis, but i'd like to hold her hand and things like that. Any advice would be wonderful, thank you! So we've texted every day for at least 3-4 hours a day, never really running out of things to say. I tell her how pretty she is and stuff of that sort(i mean every word of it) yesterday we hung out all day. We cuddled around a fire, then cuddled while watching paranormal activity (i had my arm around her, we were really close, like kissing distance) how do i stay romantic but not clingy? How many dates before i go for a kiss? How to not seem desperate, but also seem in love? We mainly hang out on weekends, and are going on our first real date this weekend. Probably dinner and a movie. Please give some advice ladies. I've never felt this way about anyone (: that's the background story
carhill Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Kiss her whenever you *feel* like it. If I'm reading right, and kids get licenses at 16 where you are, she hasn't had a BF since she was *14*. Shockers, boyfriends at 14. Yikes... Anyway, no worries. Next opportunity, kiss her. And stop texting so much. She'll think you're a girlfriend.
Author bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Kiss her whenever you *feel* like it. If I'm reading right, and kids get licenses at 16 where you are, she hasn't had a BF since she was *14*. Shockers, boyfriends at 14. Yikes... Anyway, no worries. Next opportunity, kiss her. And stop texting so much. She'll think you're a girlfriend. yes, about 16, each of us. what do you mean by the "yikes, bf at 14" part? I'll kiss her during the date tomorrow. I'm trying to text less, but she's deaf, and it's one of the few outlets of communication. she also kinda makes me feel obligated to text her. we get a lot of enjoyment out of it. there's obviously flirtation and stuff involved. but yes, te question is, since we aren't exclusive yet, do I attempt to help seal the deal with a kiss?
carhill Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Hearing disability changes things...written word is a primary communication device. Makes sense better now. Perhaps different in your location/culture, but 14 is pretty young to have already had and broken up with a serious boyfriend. Dating? Sure. Is anyone sexually active here? Do you know any sign language?
Author bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 she has cochlear implants, so she can hear somewhat well. I do not know sign language, but isn't necessary although I'd like her to teach me some just as a bonding type thing it wasn't a serious bf as far as a know. neither of us have been in a serious or long term relationship. neither of us are sexually active. I've never kissed a girl, she's been kissed ONCE in her entire life. I believe she plans to abstain from sex until marriage. from everything that's gone on between us, I think it would go well if I attempted to kiss her what do you think about all this?
denise_xo Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 You might be over thinking this - that 'we're not bf/gf' line is someting someone could say just for some self protection/hiding insecurity, especially at your age. Go with your instincts when you meet her for your date today. If everything's relaxed and you're holding hands and cuddling or whatever, just go for that kiss at a time when it feels right. You can feel it out with some intense eye contact first.
denise_xo Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) hi, so I met this girl at homecoming about a month ago. it turns out she's partially deaf but can hear just fine with cochlear implants. we texted for hours and hours and hung out a few times at football games since then. tonight she came to the game and about halfway through, I asked her out. she said yes and asked what I'd like to do first. she mentioned movies, dinner, something like that. so what exactly should I do? I'm pretty sure it will be just me and her, but there may be a friend initially. so she's getting her license soon. I just need good advice on dates, and when to start kissing and being more intimate. we hug on a regular basis, but I'd like to hold her hand and things like that. any advice would be wonderful, thank you! so we've texted every day for at least 3-4 hours a day, never really running out of things to say. I tell her how pretty she is and stuff of that sort(I mean every word of it) yesterday we hung out all day. we cuddled around a fire, then cuddled while watching paranormal activity (I had my arm around her, we were really close, like kissing distance) how do I stay romantic but not clingy? how many dates before I go for a kiss? how to not seem desperate, but also seem in love? we mainly hang out on weekends, and are going on our first real date this weekend. probably dinner and a movie. please give some advice ladies. I've never felt this way about anyone (: It's definitely due for that kiss if she likes you the last thing she's going to think is that it's clingy. Not being clingy means something along the lines of maintaining a healthy sense of self and giving the other person some space at regular intervals, and remembering to stay confident and strong and taking some control over where you want the situation and relationship to go - don't let her string you along, either. Most women appreciate signs of affection from a partner, so I wouldn't worry too much about physical clinginess unless you never take your hands off her Edited November 6, 2010 by denise_xo
carhill Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Kissing is a natural sign and action of affection and care. Since you're both pretty clear about the sexual connotations of it, in that it isn't a path to sex, then act in a way which is in accordance with your feelings. If you feel affectionate towards her and feel like kissing her, do that. It's not a test that you have to pass to graduate, rather sharing yourself with another human being you care about; letting her know, up close and personal, that you care.
Author bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 thanks for all the help, carhill and denise_xo! so you all think that the reason she says we aren't technically bf and gf is because she has a somehwat fear of us losing each other if we commit to labels? I kinda feel the same way. if we get labels, then it would be easier to just break it off, which would be heart breaking. if we date, but not put labels on it, then I think it will go better and last. it kinda reminds me of (500 Days of Summer) haha. when they aren't a couple, everythings great, but when they go exclusive, things go downhill. so I was thinking, if the most quiet, private place is the movies tonight, then I may kiss her during the movie. good idea? bad? we are getting different rides home cuz she has a soccer game and I'm going to a friends. thanks for all the advice!
carhill Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 Kiss first, worry about boyfriend/girlfriend later During or after the movie is fine.
Author bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Kiss first, worry about boyfriend/girlfriend later During or after the movie is fine. all sounds good to me, thanks man! or lady? sorry haha
Author bsilmb Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Does that look like a girl on the tricycle? haha I was under the impression you were a guy, but i'd be the person to call a girl "man" then get yelled at haha
denise_xo Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 thanks for all the help, carhill and denise_xo! so you all think that the reason she says we aren't technically bf and gf is because she has a somehwat fear of us losing each other if we commit to labels? I kinda feel the same way. if we get labels, then it would be easier to just break it off, which would be heart breaking. if we date, but not put labels on it, then I think it will go better and last. it kinda reminds me of (500 Days of Summer) haha. when they aren't a couple, everythings great, but when they go exclusive, things go downhill. so I was thinking, if the most quiet, private place is the movies tonight, then I may kiss her during the movie. good idea? bad? we are getting different rides home cuz she has a soccer game and I'm going to a friends. thanks for all the advice! No, I was more suggesting that withdrawal is sometimes a strategy to seek out attention or validation, or to hide insecurities. But it's impossible to tell from the information available in your thread whether that's what actually happened. But ultimately actions speak louder than words, so focus on how she behaves around you and take it from there.
denise_xo Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 thanks for all the help, carhill and denise_xo! so you all think that the reason she says we aren't technically bf and gf is because she has a somehwat fear of us losing each other if we commit to labels? I kinda feel the same way. if we get labels, then it would be easier to just break it off, which would be heart breaking. if we date, but not put labels on it, then I think it will go better and last. it kinda reminds me of (500 Days of Summer) haha. when they aren't a couple, everythings great, but when they go exclusive, things go downhill. so I was thinking, if the most quiet, private place is the movies tonight, then I may kiss her during the movie. good idea? bad? we are getting different rides home cuz she has a soccer game and I'm going to a friends. thanks for all the advice! No, I was more suggesting that withdrawal is sometimes a strategy to seek out attention or validation, or to hide insecurities.
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