nonymous Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 My story starts about a year ago. I had a class with a guy who I admired from afar but never really found the chance to talk to. He graduated- I thought- and that was that. About four weeks ago, I just ran into him at a bar. Having just seen his band perform, I found the courage to go up to him and I complimented his music. Turns out, he remembered me from the class, remembered my name, and remembered a few other odd details. He also was back for another semester. One thing led to another, and he ended up buying me a drink, walking me home, giving me a hug, and telling me that we should definitely hang out "sometime". I facebooked him the next day. We facebook chatted a few times, I asked him out for a drink- he said he was busy. That's fine, I can take a hint. That was that. Two weeks later, I'm at a dance that he's playing at. He sought me out from across the dance floor, made conversation, invited me to hang out with his buddies later... that night, we met up again at a bar later, and I ended up back at his place, where we talked until 7am. He made plans for us to hang out later the next day. Good deal. Then, he cancelled twice in a row, always citing homework things and always making plans for the next evening. When we finally did hang out, we had a great time- I thought. We watched a movie at his place, talked til 1 am.... when he abuptly said that he was tired and going to bed. He walked me to the door, said we'd hang out that weekend. Then he remembered he was going out of town- which was legit, we'd talked about it earlier. After that, there was an awkward silence, which he filled with "well, I think we should get drinks sometime. I'll call you." there was no hug, no kiss, nothing... I told him my phone was always on. And then I left. That was a week and a half ago. Tonight, I had him come over to help with some instrument connections- I'm an amateur musician and he'd offered to help with what he could. He came over, helped-which took all of 5 minutes- then talked for a good half an hour and only left because he was getting rapid-fire texts from friends who were waiting for him somewhere. During that conversation, he asked what I was up to tonight. I replied with "nothing, just hanging out here". Awkward silence. So I asked what he was up to. He relied "hanging out with some friends... beer, some bad movies.. you know. " Another awkward silence. Then the conversation turned to something else. Then he left, after emphatically stating that if i needed "anything at all, any little thing, I should just let him know because he'd be happy to help". Did he want to invite me along? Why did he bother to stay and chat if he didn't want to? Why did he bother asking what I was up to if he wasn't going to invite me over or ask me out? I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's probably not interested, but then why be so excited about coming over and helping? I don't know him all that well, but I know people who do, and apparently he's super shy and hasn't dated much. Could he be too nervous to make any move at all? I think I've given him ample signs that I'm interested. What are the odds? Do I stop worrying about it and move on, or should I push a little and see where it goes? I'm not a clingy, pushy type- but we really clicked, and I certainly want to at least pursue some kind of friendship. What do I do?
xpaperxcutx Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 How " shy" is he? If he's really shy then you're both at a standstill. It's like the both of you wanting the other to make a move first, yet neither actually making any. If you're an assertive girl I expect you to at least ask him out.
Author nonymous Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 I don't really know how shy- he's a bit of an awkward person. I did end up texting him after he left, telling him that I had "changed my mind about hanging out by myself and would they have room for one more for beer and movies?" That was an hour ago and I haven't heard back... in his defense, he's probably hammered by now. I'm not the most assertive female- however, I have made some pretty "bold" moves, for me anyway. After our "movie date" I shot him a text saying that I really did have a good time, I hoped he did too, and I'd really like to get that drink after he returned to campus. That seems like a green light to me- and I feel like if he were really that interested, he'd had made some plans. Then again, he's a sort of flighty-musician-poet type, so maybe not. I'm operating based on the "he's just not that into you" theory. Maybe that's a bad idea on my part, maybe I'm being too closed- but I also don't want to waste my time. Except I rarely find someone I really click with.
jimrich Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 re: Awkward silence. .... google: communication skills and learn to speak up, deal with Awkward silences and get what you want.
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