Penny91 Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I am 20 years old and have my first real boyfriend, He is 18 years older than I am and we have been coming close to having sex but have not. (really very close!) He spends a lot of money on me and I feel guilty because I can buy whatever i want even ib a college budget. we do some extremely heavy petting which does not really bother me much because I really initated it in the beginning. A few days ago in a more involved moment while he was thrusting on my thighs I pulled my underwear to the side in order to feel him actually touch me "There" in the dampness. As soon as it happened I stopped him and cried because I was scared and did not intend for him to go inside. I wa scrying because I felt bad for making him stop. The next morning he had flowers delivered to my dormitory room. This hurt me so much more and have been crying since. I have nobody to talk to. I do not love him but consider him a friend because we get along so well, I wish he would just take me to a sandwich shop instead of an elaborate restaurant. I started seeing him to satisfy my curiousity about his and my bodies and now he seems to much involved and I do not know how to stop!
Floridaman Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) Penny, this is a difficult situation. I do know your history with this guy through your posts. You seem to want him physically - rather, you want a man to help you lose your virginity - , but emotionally, you're not in love with this guy. You're coming very close to letting him ML to you. He's very close now! If you keep this up, he's going to get closer and it will start feeling more natural. He may even try to slowly talk you into it. You're already comfortable being around him semi-naked. I know I might want to if I were in this situation. That's why it's important to end this if you don't want to become sexually involved. I earlier advised you to break it off with him, or at least stop putting yourself into situations like these. if you're trying to preserve your virginity and save it for the man you ultimately fall in love with- it's not wise to play with fire. I know you want to experience sexual love but please consider waiting to do that with someone you truly love. This is an important stage in your life. I'm not a woman and can't tell you what it means for a virgin woman to lose that part of her life. Perhaps Elaina or some of the other women here could help you with this. But I do know a lot of women (and men) end up with loads of regret.... Edited November 6, 2010 by Floridaman
Author Penny91 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 I threw the flowers away because I felt likw I paid for the with my body. another girl took them out of the waste basket as they were stil fresh. I do not feel tight eating lobster and steak. I had rather have burgers and fries because if the same feelings as the flowers. Possibly you are the only one who can understand
Floridaman Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) Penny, It's clear you're very conflicted about this. As you're leaning both ways but more towards not going all the way with him, please consider cooling this physical relationship down a little. You could set yourself up for a load of regret if you keep this going the way it is. It sounds like you might be lessening your physical involvement or want to lessen it with him. The "steak and burgers and fries" analogy sounds like you don't want to be in the world or social circle this older guy is in. That's a big diff. You're still a college girl. He seems more sophisticated than you in your eyes and you don't really want that kind of life. That should tell you something there. -------Keep holding on and keep with your determination. You still sound like you want to keep your virginity. I'm not going to argue otherwise. I do not want to sound like I'm lecturing you or telling you what you should do. Please don't take it that way. And if you did go all the way with him, I wouldn't condemn you. I really appreciate you looking to me as a friend. That was a needed boost to my confidence. We can talk some more privately in a couple of days. Edited November 6, 2010 by Floridaman
Floridaman Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) ME: This is an important stage in your life. I'm not a woman and can't tell you what it means for a virgin woman to lose that part of her life. Perhaps Elaina or some of the other women here could help you with this. Let me add this, Penny: I lost my virginity at 17-18 in HS. The girl I was with kept telling me "you never try anything..." I had a car and got ideas... So we started petting and it got deeper to where we fell off a cliff and couldn't go back. It was AWFUL. We did that about 3X and none of the times felt great. I know she was loaded with guilt as was I. I think I asked for her forgiveness several years later during a visit to her while I was in college. I was a completely diff. person then and so was she. It affected me deeply and though I dated, I went on a sexual fast for about 5-7 years. I don't think we were in love. I liked the idea of having a GF though. Though she is married with kids and lives in the same town, she didn't show up for the HS reunion I attended this summer. I think she may have had I not been there (she's on FB and am friends with a mutual friend). Come to think of it, I don't think sex ever felt "great" for me until I met my future wife in my early 30s.... I told her though I had sex maybe 5-6X before her, it never felt like "making love" until I met her... Edited November 6, 2010 by Floridaman
Floridaman Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) I threw the flowers away because I felt like I paid for them with my body. another girl took them out of the waste basket as they were still fresh. I do not feel right eating lobster and steak. I had rather have burgers and fries because if the same feelings as the flowers. Possibly you are the only one who can understand Okay.... I understand why you wanted to go to confession. That makes it more clear now... But it doesn't seem like a griveous sin to me. Maybe not more than lust or something (you could do a lot worse in terms of sexual sin). Thanks for the complement, but I'm not the only one who can understand. BTW, we should be able to PM shortly... Edited November 7, 2010 by Floridaman
Author Penny91 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Posted November 8, 2010 Lobster dinners, Steaks, Flowers ride in a Corvette, all make me feel inadequate. I wear jeans, sweat shirts, and eat at McDonalds. Just a mixed up small town girl
Floridaman Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 Lobster dinners, Steaks, Flowers ride in a Corvette, all make me feel inadequate. I wear jeans, sweat shirts, and eat at McDonalds. Just a mixed up small town girl You are the country girl, lady! I love steaks and lobster.... but I'm a lot older than you and college was years ago. I too had different tastes back then and really didn't take girls I dated to expensive restaurants. One I dated a year or so after college... I took this college girl to the Pizza Hut a couple of times! Was I ignorant? I'm sure I wasn't making any great impression on her! ... but you're still a young college gal and will develop tastes as you go on.
elaina Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 (edited) I am 20 years old and have my first real boyfriend, He is 18 years older than I am and we have been coming close to having sex but have not. (really very close!) He spends a lot of money on me and I feel guilty because I can buy whatever i want even ib a college budget.Hello Penny, Floridaman mentioned my name in another post to you on this thread. I thought you were a troll before, and I'm sorry for thinking that. I apologize if I offended you. Anyways, I was a virgin until my wedding night when I was 23 years old. I waited to have sex until marriage for spiritual reasons,and I LOVE sex!!! (though I didn't know it till around the 3rd time... my first time hurt a lot.) we do some extremely heavy petting which does not really bother me much because I really initated it in the beginning. A few days ago in a more involved moment while he was thrusting on my thighs I pulled my underwear to the side in order to feel him actually touch me "There" in the dampness. As soon as it happened I stopped him and cried because I was scared and did not intend for him to go inside. I wa scrying because I felt bad for making him stop. The next morning he had flowers delivered to my dormitory room. This hurt me so much more and have been crying since. I have nobody to talk to.I am sad you were scared and have nobody to talk to. I do not love him but consider him a friend because we get along so well, I wish he would just take me to a sandwich shop instead of an elaborate restaurant. I started seeing him to satisfy my curiousity about his and my bodies and now he seems to much involved and I do not know how to stop! Well, it is very important that you recognize that you don't love him. You need to ask yourself the following questions, k? 1. Do I want to have sex with a man I do not love? 2. Do I want to wait for a man who I love and who I know loves me, and has committed to me? 3. Do I want to end this relationship with this man? It is your decision what you do. One thing that worries me is you seem to have a very vulnerable side to you and I am glad this man stops, but I do not know (and maybe you don't know either) how long this can continue until you decide to have sex with him or he won't stop when you want to. Also, do your parents know about this guy? Are your parents good people who want the best for you? I'm sorry for being nosy and I know you're an adult, but sometimes the people who have brought us into this world can give good advice (though some parents have issues they themselves are going through.) If you'd like to message me or if you have any questions, let me know ok? If you do decide to have sex with this man, I can tell you from experience that for me, sex makes an emotional connection for some women to the men they sleep with. So, even though you are free to do what you want to do, I just want to let you know that you could feel more hurt if after having sex, you and him break up. I know it's awesome and so exciting to explore sexuality! Just please be careful. Sorry if I sound maternal lol. Also, if you believe in God, it is important for many people who believe in God to have sex as a wonderful gift from God between husband and wife. If you want to break up with him, then be strong! Tell him, I don't want to see you anymore in that way, and stick to it, and don't let him talk you out of it. If he continues to pursue you, than threaten a restraining order. That should do it. If he continues, get the restraining order. Hopefully though he will respect your wishes so you won't have to worry about a stalker, yeah? He seems like a nice guy but sometimes that can be just an act to get what they want. ? (No offense to him... hopefully he is genuine.) I just don't know and am worried about you and your safety, to be honest. Edited November 8, 2010 by elaina
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I do not love him but consider him a friend because we get along so well Please for the love of G_d stop seeing this guy. If you think you feel bad now, imagine how bad you will feel when he starts going from pursuing to thinking you are manipulating him and he gets angry and calls you a 'prick tease' or worse. You can't do what you are doing and not expect to have some sort or emotional repercussions. Curiosity is not a reason to dangle some guy along by the d*ck and say you don't love him. It sounds mean to say, but c'mon girl - I'm not going to coddle you - you are TWENTY, a grown woman. There are hard and ugly truths in life and this is one of them: you don't get to play with a man for your own benefit and not end up paying for it in some way. You will not always get what you want, and things will not always go your way. I would say the same to my own daughter. You sound like a very sweet but incredibly naive girl who has gotten herself in too deep. You can't keep this guy as a friend now, or even as your own personal sex toy. It isn't fair to him, and it will only continue to frustrate and hurt you when you find yourself in situations like this. How do you stop? You tell him that you are not prepared to take this any further, and that you do not love him in a romantic way. Do not offer friendship. Do not offer to 'hang out' That is grossly unfair to both of you. Just end it and walk away. He is convinced that he will get inside you sooner rather than later, and it is up to you to end that delusion sooner rather than later.
mitchell Posted November 8, 2010 Posted November 8, 2010 I couldn't agree more. This entire relationship is disturbing. Your first boyfriend is 18 years older than you. On top of it all, you tease him relentlessly. Do yourself a favor and find a nice guy your own age. Do your boyfriend a favor and let him find a woman who likes him and won't tease him relentlessly. Where do your encounters occur? I'd be concerned about teasing this guy like this.
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