Is there any hope or are we dead in the water?

[illuminarium]

I was in a two year relationship with a guy and am currently 7 months pregnant with his child. I've been under a lot of stress as the only worker in the house and the only one interested in housework/cleaning. I also didn't feel like he was preparing for the baby as he was staying out late with his friends all the time and I was concerned he was going to constantly leave me at home with the baby after he's born. His staying out also affected his ability to look for work and be motivated to take care of our home. In addition I became paranoid that he was cheating (thanks pregnancy hormones) even though his whereabouts could always be proven.

 

I finally hit a wall after he basically stayed out every night two weeks in a row. We broke up and he went to stay with a friend. We didn't have a long involved convo about the whole thing because our fights lately just are never resolved, it's like the same fight every time.

 

Anyway, we had plans for our future, plans to maybe buy a house here or move to a larger city, plans for our family and child. Plans for our careers and education, etc. I do feel that we're essentially compatible and he's the love of my life but something was lost when I got pregnant. He wanted me to keep the baby, attended all of my appointments, talked about the baby, but became distant from me as his girlfriend. Stopped taking me out, stopped even hanging out with me when he was home, he'd sit in his room and play computer games.

 

I feel like we could work things out after he gets his act together and learns how to live without my nagging and assistance. Also, maybe after the baby is born it will all be real for him and he'll have new found life motivation. I also think I can work on my jealousy and anger problems which push him away.

 

However, he's not wanting to speak to me, other than via email (though he's extremely cordial), and he's been signing into a singles site many times a day (I wish I could stop looking!) since the day after we broke up. It kills me to think the baby and I are so unimportant he's trolling the internet for women so quickly. I don't want to mention it or anything because I want to not appear like a psycho ex, at the same time it's literally breaking my heart. What if he moves on and leaves me as a single mother living alone with a newborn?? I asked him that and he didn't think it was a big deal. How clueless is he about babies? I have no support system or family here and he's all casual like it's cool to leave me in that situation. Also, I told if I was going to be a single mother, I would give the baby my last name and he agreed. In fact, he now refers to the baby as that in his emails.

 

Here's why he won't speak to me in person:

 

"As for not talking much, I need a little distance for a while to reestablish personal habits, start taking care of myself, and to set myself in a direction where I'll be someone this kid looks up to around the time he starts getting old enough to get a bigger picture of his dad.

 

 

Also I'm better at organizing complex thoughts in text.. I don't want to accidentally say something wrong."

 

 

 

 

That's respectable and I understand, I still feel the need though to have some discussion about "us." If we're essentially compatible and love one another, plus have a child together who needs two parents, isn't our relationship worth working on?

 

Any advice would be appreciated, especially from men with children.

[illuminarium]

Oh, one more thing- I'd love to implement no contact but our baby has a serious birth defect that will require surgical repair after birth, I have four different doctors and regular appointments so I think he should be kept in the loop.

[Fern]

He's an ******* of the highest order. Run for your life. Why would you WANT this moron in your life or that of your child? Get a lawyer, get whatever child support you need sorted and get OVER this loser as quick as you can. He makes my Ex look like a stand up guy. That's bad.

[tobydog]

This is so terribly heartbreaking to read and you have all my sympathy. To say he is a jerk of the highest order! I agree with what the previous poster says, get a lawyer asap. I wish you all the best for you and your baby. x