musemaj11 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 (edited) I recently read a book by Dale Carnegie. In the book something really struck me. He said that a lot of unnecessary disappointments and unhappiness that we feel in life are caused by our feeling that we are entitled to something, that we deserve to get something. So if we rewire our thinking into feeling emotional fulfillment through giving instead of getting, then we will be much happier in life. He also mentioned how Aristotle once said, "An ideal man takes joy in doing favor for others." Basically when you start taking joy by making others happy, then you will stop being concerned about what you would like others to do to make you happy. It gives the true meaning of having the power to control your own happiness. I think this concept of radical selflessness can not only help us in our daily lives, but also in the dating world. Yes, selflessness runs the risk of making you seem like a 'doormat'. But, if being selfless brings you happiness, then so what? Besides, I really think being a doormat and being selfless are totally different. Doormats are not selfless. Usually they expect something in return for their 'sacrifices'. On the other hand, selfless people expect to feel happiness through making others happy. Personally in the past few days I have been experiementing with this idea and honestly I feel much happier. Everytime I did a favor for someone, I felt that I did it for myself. Edited November 5, 2010 by musemaj11
welikeincrowds Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 The joy we take from being selfless remains a bit selfish because, as you say - we still expect to feel happy by making others happy. There's a religious argument about selflessness that takes it further. As I understand it, you do not do service for men for your own joy, but to love God. Joy comes from God's love, but joy in God's love is, in itself, loving God. So, all good comes from God's selfless love, and from a selfless love for God. I'm not religious, but that is a ****ing radical idea.
Author musemaj11 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 The joy we take from being selfless remains a bit selfish because, as you say - we still expect to feel happy by making others happy. Of course at the root selflessness is also motivated by selfish interest. However, unlike the act of receiving, you are in complete control of the act of giving. Example, if you take joy in giving, then you can just give your boyfriend a present everyday and be happy everyday. On the other hand, if you choose to take joy in receiving, then what if you dont get anything? Arent you gonna be unhappy and you have no control over it since the other person has the power to decide whether to make you happy or not??
Author musemaj11 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 But, you're assuming the receiver feels no need to reciprocate. I disagree on that point. Well, how the receiver feels is secondary. The focus is on how you feel first.
Author musemaj11 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Ok, I hear you. Great concept - gonna try it. What I found though, was that most people will try hard to return the favor when they see you genuinely go out of your way to do them a favor.
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