Kamille Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 Yeah, I should be more proactive, good thinking. Actually, right now I am procrastinating on my work so I need to do that instead. I have like no free time Don't you find the best way to be productive at intellectual work is to grant yourself time off? That's the only way I manage to survive. If I limit my "work-time", I'm more focused when I do it and I actually get more done.
Kamille Posted November 10, 2010 Posted November 10, 2010 I just posted on the other thread you started. Shadow, if you're procrastinating by over-analyzing your feelings on LS, than you would perhaps be better off taking a break and doing an activity that will keep your mind off drama.
Author northern_sky Posted November 11, 2010 Author Posted November 11, 2010 I am feeling reluctant to cut him off as a friend. I think part of the problem is I always see guys as doors into a social world. With my ex, I had trouble cutting him off after we broke up because I was scared of losing the connections and potential friends I had made through him. In retrospect, keeping in contact with him for so long was a terrible idea. But at the time I felt like I would be extremely isolated since he was my only social connection here. It turned out not to be worth it, because my ex was lame and hung out with uninteresting people. But J is different. He is cool and well-connected in a way that could potentially benefit my social life and career. The opportunist in me feels like if I can't have him as a boyfriend, I might as well milk his connections for all they're worth. Is that wrong? Also, I can't decide whether the benefits outweigh the emotional risks.
Star Gazer Posted November 11, 2010 Posted November 11, 2010 I think if you are manipulative it's because you immediately prioritize trying to get the men you like to be madly in love with you, at all cost. What Mme Chaucer describes as emotional manipulation, I think of as a misguided attempt at control. You try to control what these guys think about you. I'm having an incredibly difficult time understanding why you think emotional manipulation is different from trying to control what another thinks/feels. Can you explain/clarify??
Author northern_sky Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 He just sent me an email that he wanted to stop in and say hi tomorrow and I told him I'm busy, which was true. He also thought I misinterpreted something he said and got defensive, like he was worried he had offended me. It was satisfying. He responds so predictably to the push-pull. I'm tired of his BS.
welikeincrowds Posted November 12, 2010 Posted November 12, 2010 He responds so predictably to the push-pull. I'm tired of his BS. Hahahaha. How endearing. SP, you're not as conniving as you think you are.
Author northern_sky Posted November 12, 2010 Author Posted November 12, 2010 Hahahaha. How endearing. SP, you're not as conniving as you think you are. Care to elaborate?
welikeincrowds Posted November 13, 2010 Posted November 13, 2010 Care to elaborate? I don't think I need to, do I? I mean that you're just as predictable in your own right.
Kamille Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 I'm having an incredibly difficult time understanding why you think emotional manipulation is different from trying to control what another thinks/feels. Can you explain/clarify?? Yes, to me, the word "manipulation" often involves a certain amount of awareness of the outcome desired. I was pointing out that what we term as emotional manipulation stems from S's need to control outcomes, so it's linked to an unconscious impulse, likely, the impulse to be liked. She doesn't manipulate people because she's malicious, she manipulates people because she prioritizes being liked above all.
Kamille Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 He responds so predictably to the push-pull. I'm tired of his BS. Then stop getting involved in push-pull relationships. You have the power to stop this. Be honest with him about your needs.
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