When somebody says "lower your standards" or "stay in your league"

[Kamille]

Maybe those stats indicating that people with degrees stay married longer only show that people with degrees know that breaking a contract(marriage) is not that smart.

 

 

Nope, you misunderstood the study. The results weren't simply that people with degrees tend to marry people with degrees, but that your level of education can predict who you are likely to marry. People with high school diplomas tend to marry people with HS diplomas, people with B.A.s marry people with B.A.s., etc.

[Akherousia]

Because it's human nature to want to have a partner. I also have a thing called a sex drive.

 

 

Ah, so because you have a sex drive, women have to put up with you? How sexist of you. It's human nature to want to help other people so why don't you donate your house to charity? Why don't you dedicate your life to helping out children maimed by mines?

 

Because it doesn't feel as good as sex, right? Don't try to disguise your lust for "human nature". Human nature, do you want to talk about that? About the fact that most males never got to reproduce, but more than 80% of women had children?

 

Do you want to talk about human nature? Then talk about how women want tall guys. Do you want to talk about nature? Then speak of how men are turned on by most women because nature wired themselves.

 

Do you want to speak about human nature? It's human nature for the males to fight each other for resources and for women. Do you want to get your head smashed in by a 7 feet male because you looked at his girlfriend?

 

So? You are not entitled to sex. You are not entitled to "love". You are not entitled to anything. Everything that you see around you was created, invented and dominated because it had to be created and dominated. Because the person that did such a thing had a motive to do so.

 

Get rich or get social status. Do you honestly believe that a woman is going to read your endless whinning and put out for you because you have "needs"(meaning, you want to screw a woman), especially when she knows that most males would sleep with with anyone if the chance was there?

[Akherousia]

Nope, you misunderstood the study. The results weren't simply that people with degrees tend to marry people with degrees, but that your level of education can predict who you are likely to marry. People with high school diplomas tend to marry people with HS diplomas, people with B.A.s marry people with B.A.s., etc.

 

 

Guys don't really care that much about the woman's level of education. Is she hot? She's in. Does he have a degree? he's in, for marriage that is.

 

There's a reason for the beauty industry bringing so many billions and for Universities to make such a killing on degrees such as law, health care etc.

 

The women use the beauty products to attract the college educated man(for marriage) while the men use their social status and the money granted by a high - powered job to get a wife.

 

Unless of course, the guy is extremely good looking. Then, he doesn't have to worry about his education to get a wife. Same can be said about a very attractive woman.

[hydorclops]

Akherousia,

 

Your ideas about attraction seem to be confused. You're taking a little bit of knowledge about evolution and extrapolating it out to an absurdity.

 

I subscribe to the theory of natural selection. I also endorse the idea from Richard Dawkins of the selfish gene, that a human being is just a gene's way of creating another gene.

 

BUT, the factor you disregard is the high degree of complexity that evolution has created. The complexity of human nature reveals that the selfishness of genes is mindless. It is automatic. If genes were completely in charge, we'd still be just a soup of bacteria.

 

There is no ubermind of the gene in our subconscious. Instead, long eons, mutation, and sexual reproduction has created a human nature that tends to follow certain paths. There is no master plan or intelligent design behind genes.

 

People aren't selfish on behalf of their genes. They follow their evolved human nature, which tends to work out on behalf of the genes.

 

Love and attachment are real. They evolved and sometimes, often enough, lead to reproduction.

 

These evolved traits also lead to friendship, altruism, compassion, and loyalty.

[Akherousia]

Great list of anecdotal evidence. You want me to provide one where attractions levels are dissimilar in couples? I thought you didn't dabble in empirical analysis.

 

One where the woman is more attractive than the male or the male is more attractive than the woman? Looks and money(education) are the clickers.

[stillafool]

Why is Brad Pitt always the male conception of what every woman considers the ideal man. This just goes to show how clueless men are about women really want.

 

First off, isn't that about 15 years out of date? Also, IME most women don't consider Brad Pitt their ideal. At least pick somebody more current and less bland with a little charisma like George Clooney or Robert Downey Jr.

 

I think Ryan Reynolds is the hottest guy on the planet (uh, besides my husband that is).

[Kamille]

Guys don't really care that much about the woman's level of education. Is she hot? She's in. Does he have a degree? he's in, for marriage that is.

 

There's a reason for the beauty industry bringing so many billions and for Universities to make such a killing on degrees such as law, health care etc.

 

The women use the beauty products to attract the college educated man(for marriage) while the men use their social status and the money granted by a high - powered job to get a wife.

 

Unless of course, the guy is extremely good looking. Then, he doesn't have to worry about his education to get a wife. Same can be said about a very attractive woman.

 

Sounds like you have a thesis topic. Do a study that proves physical attractiveness is the strongest predictor of romantic partnership and I will believe you. Until then, I will defer to the experts.

[Akherousia]

Akherousia,

 

Your ideas about attraction seem to be confused. You're taking a little bit of knowledge about evolution and extrapolating it out to an absurdity.

 

I subscribe to the theory of natural selection. I also endorse the idea from Richard Dawkins of the selfish gene, that a human being is just a gene's way of creating another gene.

 

BUT, the factor you disregard is the high degree of complexity that evolution has created. The complexity of human nature reveals that the selfishness of genes is mindless. It is automatic. If genes were completely in charge, we'd still be just a soup of bacteria.

 

There is no ubermind of the gene in our subconscious. Instead, long eons, mutation, and sexual reproduction has created a human nature that tends to follow certain paths. There is no master plan or intelligent design behind genes.

 

People aren't selfish on behalf of their genes. They follow their evolved human nature, which tends to work out on behalf of the genes.

 

Love and attachment are real. They evolved and sometimes, often enough, lead to reproduction.

 

These evolved traits also lead to friendship, altruism, compassion, and loyalty.

 

 

"love and attachment" are there to serve a purpose. Most "romantic" feelings end after a period of two years as that's the time that usually takes to raise a baby to relative safety. Most relationships are going to end and they end because the brain is no longer creating those "romantic" feelings. Being compatible is not going to keep a couple together when another woman or man comes along and gets the brain working again.

 

Art is everlasting. The Pyramids are everlasting. Byron is everlasting. Thus love and attachment are mere diversions.

[hydorclops]

"love and attachment" are there to serve a purpose.

 

No they aren't. They are part of an incredibly complicated evolution. There is no purpose in evolution. traits come into existence randomly. If they work, or if they don't get in the way, they continue.

[Akherousia]

Sounds like you have a thesis topic. Do a study that proves physical attractiveness is the strongest predictor of romantic partnership and I will believe you. Until then, I will defer to the experts.

 

There are countless studies done out there that show that women are either attracted to guys who display the dark triad of personality traits(bad boys) or guys with the looks(usually more good looking than the woman herself), height or body.

 

While men were never worried about a woman's education because they can provide for themselves. Men seek for health and beauty(fertility, youth), a woman's education is secundary.

 

Do you think that Angelina Jolie has any problem getting a highly educated man, even a genius, if she wants one?

 

Some people might get married for "compatible personalities" but that's mostly a business transaction, it's not based on lust. On the outside the relationship might seem to work but how many guys and gals come here and complain that they don't find their partner to be sexually attractive?

 

Therefore there is no sex. No sex means the death of any relationship.

[Kamille]

Sounds like green, doesn't it?

 

No, Green believes anyone can have game if they get their act together. I'm thinking this is Meerkat.

[EasyHeart]

I've met many gorgeous women who were boring or dumb as a post. I was not attracted to them.

 

I've met many women with similar backgrounds as mine who were boring or homely. I was not attracted to them.

 

I think to be happy in a LTR, you need to be physically attracted to someone AND you need to have similar values and goals. The latter makes sure you're working together, but the physical spark gets you through the inevitable rough spots.

[Akherousia]

No they aren't. They are part of an incredibly complicated evolution. There is no purpose in evolution. traits come into existence randomly. If they work, or if they don't get in the way, they continue.

 

Well then, since height and muscles and the behavior of the bad boys are still in high demand, I would say that they work as highly successful means of spreading our genes. Where is the love, then?

[stillafool]

The problem with that thought, is that most young, slim girls are attractive. One would have to look hard to find one that wasn't.

 

Really the only thing that affects a woman's attractiveness is her weight. Even then, most young women aren't overweight.

 

So when just about every girl is young, slim and cute; should I purposely try to find one that isn't?

 

Also, the average woman is more attractive than the average man. So of course the guys aren't on the same level as the girls. The number of guys that can be called hot is a much smaller percentage of women that are hot.

 

Are you kidding? There are so many goodlooking guys it isn't even funny. Most men who are tall with a good body are attractive to women. I don't think a goodlooking face is as important to women as most of us like a kind of rugged masculine look. However the "boyish" face is appealing as well.

[Akherousia]

No, Green believes anyone can have game if they get their act together. I'm thinking this is Meerkat.

 

I'm thinking that anytime someone appears with a view that is not romantic or "soft spoken", any of you is going to think that it's a man pretending to be a woman.

 

The paranoia is kinda cute, though.

[Disillusioned]

Whenver sombody has problems attracting the opposite sex you usually hear this which may be good advice but it kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth as far as the dating scene marriage love etc

 

In the sense that people are on levels and only settle for what they can get with how they look or whatever

 

Are most people picked because the perosn inittiating realized he or she just cant do any betetr and not becasue they tohught that person was good looking when they first sae them?

 

I hate the word settle but we all settle in some way for whatever we can get or attract and it may not be what we are that moved by but we cant do any better

 

I know its depressing to break down the whole thing like this but isnt it kind of reality we settle for what we can get with where we are on the social food chain?

 

And if we were allot higher up wed probably be with somebody different?

 

The people who say this stuff have probably not been through a nasty divorce with an incompatible partner.

 

All my party-animal friends (none of whom have ever been married or commitment-minded) go in for the "any old cow" school of thought, but my divorced friend mopes that he wished he'd been as picky as I am when he met his now-ex.

 

Fact is, most people who are looking for a partner have no idea what they want (my divorced friend says so too), and I guarantee nobody else knows what they want either... professional matchmakers and divorce lawyers know this and take advantage of it.

 

However ONE relationship coach backed up my line of thinking when she said you're not being anal if you have a laundry list... you're doing your best to avoid getting into a bad relationship to begin with.

[Akherousia]

Are you kidding? There are so many goodlooking guys it isn't even funny. Most men who are tall with a good body are attractive to women. I don't think a goodlooking face is as important to women as most of us like a kind of rugged masculine look. However the "boyish" face is appealing as well.

 

Yes, that's the point. I'm not going to find an average guy attractive just because he has a degree. I am not interested in getting married. I don't need to. I have my own money. Why would I want a man that is not appealing to me, because he's compatible with me? give me a break.

 

I'm going to find good looking males(as stilfool says) to be sexually appealing. As for love? I was never a fan of Walt Disney.

[taiko]

There are countless studies done out there that show that women are either attracted to guys who display the dark triad of personality traits(bad boys) or guys with the looks(usually more good looking than the woman herself), height or body.

 

While men were never worried about a woman's education because they can provide for themselves. Men seek for health and beauty(fertility, youth), a woman's education is secundary.

 

Do you think that Angelina Jolie has any problem getting a highly educated man, even a genius, if she wants one?

Some people might get married for "compatible personalities" but that's mostly a business transaction, it's not based on lust. On the outside the relationship might seem to work but how many guys and gals come here and complain that they don't find their partner to be sexually attractive?

 

Therefore there is no sex. No sex means the death of any relationship.

Of course she would, she has the baggage of two long term relationships behind her not to mention a brood of children and her body graffiti.

[somedude81]

And I think it's the low self-esteem that comes first. The arm-candy is a way to obtain external validation: "I must be a good person. Look at the hot chick (or guy) I'm with!"

How could the low self-esteem possibly come first?

 

Life experiences shape self-esteem. People aren't born with low-self-esteem. Something has to happen to them for it to develop.

 

If I hadn't been rejected by girls in my teenage years, I wouldn't have developed poor self-esteem.

1) I'm sure that isn't true, you just don't notice the girls who aren't "hot"

I'll use my salsa class as an example since I have to be face to face with each girl in the class for a couple of minutes.

 

Out of about 30 girls, just about every one in that class is at least cute. The only ones who aren't, are the three or four girls that are very over weight. There are a few girls who are heavier but still cute.

 

2) What do you have to offer besides a chip on your shoulder and a rather shallow atttitude about women's bodies?

 

Or you can continue to complain about women on line while bashing their bodies.

Bashing women's bodies? When have I done so?

 

I said a girl was average then everybody jumped on me. I mistakenly thought she was 20 lbs overweight, since I wasn't aware of what the healthy range was.

 

[quote

Do some soul searching and decide what is important to you in a mate (aside from being slim) and then, once you know what you want in a partner, start trying to meet all sorts of people with similar values.

I do know what is important to me in a mate aside from their looks. I do agree that I need to meet more people.

 

My current problem is that when I meet somebody who has most of what I want, I get stuck on her. Eventually I get rejected and I have to meet another person, then she rejects me and the cycle continues. After each rejection I reevaluate what is important to me.

Ah, so because you have a sex drive, women have to put up with you? blah blah

Dude what is your point? Why are you even here? Do you get off from spreading sorrow and misery?

 

Go find some puppies to kick.

Are you kidding? There are so many goodlooking guys it isn't even funny. Most men who are tall with a good body are attractive to women. I don't think a goodlooking face is as important to women as most of us like a kind of rugged masculine look. However the "boyish" face is appealing as well.

Oh, I thought the goodlooking face was the most important factor.

[Kamille]

I'm thinking that anytime someone appears with a view that is not romantic or "soft spoken", any of you is going to think that it's a man pretending to be a woman.

 

The paranoia is kinda cute, though.

 

My guess has nothing to do with gender and more to do with posting and arguing style.

[brainygirl]

The people who say this stuff have probably not been through a nasty divorce with an incompatible partner.

 

All my party-animal friends (none of whom have ever been married or commitment-minded) go in for the "any old cow" school of thought, but my divorced friend mopes that he wished he'd been as picky as I am when he met his now-ex.

 

Fact is, most people who are looking for a partner have no idea what they want (my divorced friend says so too), and I guarantee nobody else knows what they want either... professional matchmakers and divorce lawyers know this and take advantage of it.

 

However ONE relationship coach backed up my line of thinking when she said you're not being anal if you have a laundry list... you're doing your best to avoid getting into a bad relationship to begin with.

 

But you can't have it both ways, either you have a laundry list and realize that the odds of meeting someone who hits every item on the list is very low or you loosen the criteria and are open to meeting, getting to know, and perhaps dating someone who doesn't hit all the items.

 

You cannot have a list of criteria a mile long and then mope because there aren't many people who meet the criteria and the ones that do are so turned off by your attitude that they aren't interested in you.

[Akherousia]

Of course she would, she has the baggage of two long term relationships behind her not to mention a brood of children and her body graffiti.

 

 

Buddy, most women have far more relationships by two by the time women settle down. Still, most women can find a mate to marry them. We're talking about average women. They come with children too. And body grafitti.

 

Why wouldn't Angelina Jolie be capable of attracting any man? She's extremely beautiful, she's probably also terrific in bed and she seems crazy enough to bring another women to the bed.

[hydorclops]

Well then, since height and muscles and the behavior of the bad boys are still in high demand, I would say that they work as highly successful means of spreading our genes. Where is the love, then?

 

One idea is that the bonding between mother and baby and the feelings involved, carried over into interactions between adults. Some random individuals that naturally applied this feeling to someone besides their mother, tended to reproduce more often. Thus now we all have this as part of our nature. We can love our fellow adults.

 

Sure women like men that seem strong and protective, it is an evolved attraction. But they also have the capacity to love them, and form an attachment to them.

 

We may not be monogamous, but we're clearly not all wild swingers either. Sexual jealousy may be an evolved trait that was selected for. This helps pair bonding. Attachment and jealosy,the stick and the carrot.

[Akherousia]

My guess has nothing to do with gender and more to do with posting and arguing style.

 

 

It's fine. It's very cute to see myself being accused of being some guy because I don't agree with you lot, my arguing style doesn't fit in, I get that.

[Akherousia]

One idea is that the bonding between mother and baby and the feelings involved, carried over into interactions between adults. Some random individuals that naturally applied this feeling to someone besides their mother, tended to reproduce more often. Thus now we all have this as part of our nature. We can love our fellow adults.

 

Sure women like men that seem strong and protective, it is an evolved attraction. But they also have the capacity to love them, and form an attachment to them.

 

We may not be monogamous, but we're clearly not all wild swingers either. Sexual jealousy may be an evolved trait that was selected for. This helps pair bonding. Attachment and jealosy,the stick and the carrot.

 

 

You're talking about an hormone. Oystricn(sp?). It's created during sex, present mostly in women. This hormone's purpose is to bind the men to women and likewise. It's not real. It can be created in a lab. It's not love.

 

I've read somewhere that virgins were highly prized because women would become(lifetime) highly attached to the first guy they slept with. Now, I've also read that the more sexual partners a woman has, the less capacity she has to create lasting emotional bonds.

 

I don't know. It might be a load of rubbish. I never got attached to anyone. Never quite saw the purpose of being attached to anyone.