Clearing up the definition of "nice guy"

[aerogurl87]

This is the crux of the matter. There are guys who perhaps don't have the qualities which women consider to be generally attractive, who complain that women aren't interested in them - what they mean is the majority of women (especially the hottest ones) aren't interested. I'm sure there are a number of less attractive women who'd be only too happy to date these guys, but the guys don't want them - they all want the hot chick, and they think that being nice entitles them to have her... because she said she wanted a nice guy, right?

 

The hot chick then complains that hot guys treat her like crap, and the nice guy gets annoyed because he would treat her like gold but she won't date him. So he assumes the hot chick is talking a load of bull when she says she wants a nice guy, because he's a nice guy and she doesn't want him! The thing is, though, when she says she wants a "nice" guy, what she means is she wants a "nice, attractive" guy. If you're not attractive to her in one way or another, it's irrelevant how nice you are.

 

When I say "attractive", I don't mean attractive by some objective standard - I mean you have to be attractive to the person you're aiming at, and some people standards are lower than others. There's someone for everyone, and everyone deserves love... but if you're an less attractive man, it's probably going to be a less attractive woman who's interested in you. If you keep aiming too high, you're probably going to be disappointed.

 

You hit the nail right on the head.

[aerogurl87]

Show me where I typed that.

 

No one is saying it entitles you to anything.

 

The point I'm making is that women say they want a guy to respect them, treat them maturely, etc etc, (in other words nice) if you do that they dont want you, but if you brush them off, cancel, do the typical I'm too busy for you, too good for you scenario, than they come running.

 

Thats what my beef is.

 

There's a difference between being desperate and being available. I think alot of people cross the line into the territory of desperation and that is just not attractive.

[dilectus]

This is what goes through most guys heads:

 

'I want to have sex with a girl. If I tell them lots of nice things and give them lots of attention and do nice things for them and buy them nice things, then maybe they'll have sex with me.'

 

Girls know when a guy is being nice to them because they wan to have sex. They can discern their motives.

 

The fact is, most guys don't actually care about the girl. They care about themselves. They just need the girl to satisfy their own desires.

 

These guys tell themselves that they are just trying to be nice, but really, they are just selfish and horny.

 

And if their motives are not to have sex, then their motives are probably something just as selfish.

 

Truth is, girls like nice guys, but most guys get 'being nice' mixed up with flattery.

[dilectus]

let me rephrase that to avoid confusion:

 

girls like guys who are nice.

 

 

and the reason they hook up with guys who seem like jerks is because those jerks have other qualities that are attractive. Most 'nice guys' are really just selfish, which is even less attractive than being a jerk.

[Surrealist]

There's a difference between being desperate and being available. I think alot of people cross the line into the territory of desperation and that is just not attractive.

 

 

Though there's truth to that, Insanity's post you quote doesn't lend to this theory.

 

Some posts are bordering on the absurd and paranoia. I mean, really, a case could be argued that a 'nice guy' is a serial killer. Serial killers treat their prospective victims very nicely until such time they have their victim entrapped. But are we gonna live life assuming any guy who exhibits 'nice' qualities is a weak, selfish doormat (among other assumptions) that harbors nothing but ulterior motives and should be avoided at all costs, even if it means hooking up with 'jerks' as they, as it would appear, are the safer options?

 

I guess it does. No wonder the dating world is so tumultuous.

[PJKino]

Absolutely, positively, 100% agree! If not tomorrow, then on Monday I'm going to start a separate topic pointing out just how right you are.

 

Essentially, women want the AlphaMale. I'm not talking about men who abuse women. Anyone who physically abuses another person should be in jail. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about men who are natural leaders. Let's take a hypothetical situation as an example. Let's say that there are 50 people on an island (25 men, 25 women). There has to be a leader of that group. That person has to be a guy. Not just any guy. The guy who's a bit of an a-hole, an alpha male. That guy is going to have 4 or 5 guys who will be in his circle. Those guys possess similar qualities as he does. The other 20 guys will be the won't be a part of that circle. Women's natural inclinations is to hook up and mate with the alpha male because he has the best chance of protecting her. This is why men have more sexual partners than women. Now, you might ask how that's possible, since in order for a man to have sex, there must be a woman with him? Because the leaders, these guys who come across as jerks, these alpha males are the ones who are getting sex left and right from women who flock to them. There are not many guys like that, compared to the nice, doormat type of guys, but those leaders are the ones who women go to. So that means that women are having more sex than NICE guys are. This is why nice guys all over the world feel left out that they can't find women to be with.

 

Let me ask the guys a question: In this island of 25 guys, 25 women, will you naturally be the leader, the guy who protects, the guy who calls the shot, the guy who knows what the hell he's doing? If the answer is no, then you're not getting laid. Women will get with the leader OR one of the leaders friends. The ones who end up with the other guys are not the ones who are as hot as the ones who are with the popular guys.

 

Women will settle for a nice guy, but not until they approach 30 and they stop having all that fun partying around and doing nefarious sexual acts with these bad boys who gets their panties all wet. Women will rather get hot and heavy for a bad boy firefighter and reject Pointdexter from the IT department.

 

I had to tell this to a guy on another topic in this forum. Here it is: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t250725/

 

I dont buy the whole alpha beta thing if your a good lookign guy with a decent personality youll do fine with women,an obese guy will not get tons of women becasue hes "alpha"

[Jannah]

Though there's truth to that, Insanity's post you quote doesn't lend to this theory.

 

Some posts are bordering on the absurd and paranoia. I mean, really, a case could be argued that a 'nice guy' is a serial killer. Serial killers treat their prospective victims very nicely until such time they have their victim entrapped. But are we gonna live life assuming any guy who exhibits 'nice' qualities is a weak, selfish doormat (among other assumptions) that harbors nothing but ulterior motives and should be avoided at all costs, even if it means hooking up with 'jerks' as they, as it would appear, are the safer options?

 

I guess it does. No wonder the dating world is so tumultuous.

 

I tend to think every guy I meet who is nice, is secretly a serial killer.

 

Is that wrong?

 

I trust no one.

[Surrealist]

I tend to think every guy I meet who is nice, is secretly a serial killer.

 

Is that wrong?

 

I trust no one.

 

 

Better to be safe than sorry I always say.

[Jannah]

Better to be safe than sorry I always say.

 

[dilectus]

I think we should also realize that there are different types of 'jerks' and different types of girls.

 

There are genuine jerks who get with girls who are desperate or who have low self-esteem. Quality girls who aren't desperate with high self-esteem usually steer clear genuine jerks.

Unfortunately there are a lot of girls with low self-esteem.

 

Then there are the guys that appear as though they are jerks because they don't do the 'nice guy' stuff (which is just selfish flattery) and they will tease girls and make fun of them in playful funny ways. In this sense, I agree that...

 

'women like nice jerks.'