Mellisa Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Hi guys,in regarding to the post"any 25+ virgin here",here's an update of my situation. Last night i went to this guy's place to get my ring back(a traveling brit i had met on a dating site who's leaving in few days).I've known him for a month,went out 5 times.After read some of your views given on the previous topic, i was in the mindset that maybe it's time for me to get laid.I cut to the chase after got there and we started to talk about doing it.After a brief sextual background check,i decided we should have sex that night Well,turned out it was more complicated than i had thought.There were some technical difficulites...After a shower together,we moved it to bed half naked,were kissing and making out.We were both pretty relax and was enjoying the poreplay part and then him started talking like"I have to tell you i'm nervous too,this can happen when a guy likes the girl.."Before that, i had had no idea he could be in any kind of pressure being a virgin i am and considered him quite experienced.If it wasnt for him saying, i wouldnt even notice anything..to me it wasnt much of a big deal at all.Now it got me wondered if it could be that i didnt do enough of a job to arouse him or him being nervous was the case,he seemed to struggle a bit during the process to get it up and he told me to be patient a few times.Anway, it wasnt like hot or passionate at all..I was quite comfortable just making out and lying there and was not in any rush being a virign i am.It took a while for him to get it up after he did something to his penis himself.Put on the condom, he asked if i was ready.I said yes and he went on top of me starting to do it.The minute he started to press his p into my v, i felt the pain, got tense and i kept asking if it went in or not...and then i think he just lost it there and then.I dont know if it's something i did that killed it or he simply didnt find the right way in,or he pulled it out sensing i got uncomfortable..So the first time it failed.Second time, he gave me some jelly for lubrication since i wasnt wet.He seemed to get it up but once with the condom on,he struggled a bit before headed for the second try.Second try, didnt happen either due to the same reason...third time, he suggested me get on top but maybe it was me being tense again we lost it also..As a last resort,he tried puting his finger in there, but gush, it hurted,I just felt very uncomfortable-have never touched there myself.As last, i said"I dont want to do it now, sorry,i'm not ready" So we ended up cuddling a little in bed and talked the long night out-the talking was great.We talked about why he left England,what we want in life, past relationships..the conversation was deep and stimulating;He even told me that i was special and different from the girls he'had met before;I think it was the first time we ever showed any "i like you" feeling in words;I'm attracted to him and i think he's attracted to me although the sextual trial didnt go so well.Since he's leaving next Wed,i dont think i'll have much chance to see him anymore,but he was like"Maybe we should meet next monday and try again.."and"i really want to have you.I'll be so jealous of that luck guy.."dont know if he's joking or serious. It would be great if you can shed some insight on this.My questions are: 1.Does he really like me or he just want to have sex? 2.Should i go there for a next time? 3.What was wrong with the sex/or trying for intercouse?That was the closest i've ever had to an intercouse.How did we do?His dick is not big..Is there anything wrong with my vigina and me? 4.To the girls here,any advice for me as a first timer? Any advice, guys?
Sarah1977 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 1.Does he really like me or he just want to have sex? 2.Should i go there for a next time? 3.What was wrong with the sex/or trying for intercouse?That was the closest i've ever had to an intercouse.How did we do?His dick is not big..Is there anything wrong with my vigina and me? 4.To the girls here,any advice for me as a first timer? Any advice, guys? 1. Sorry, I don't think he really likes you. I think he's stringing you along and telling you what you want to hear to get you in the sack. Obviously, it's working. 2. No. But you will. Despite the fact that you're kind of making a fool of yourself. That's OK, we've all done it. Live and learn, I guess. 3. Nothing wrong with you. But the two possibilities are that he's not that into you or that he's a little sexually dysfunctional. 4. Have sex with someone who actually cares about you. That makes a world of difference. Don't waste your virginity on a player like this.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Wow, sounds like someone had anxiety performance, either that or he's feeling extremely guilty stringing you along just to get a go at your virginity... Melissa, is this the same guy who said he was leaving in a month or so and that it's best you not get attached to him? I'm sorry, but whatever you feel about losing your first time to him, I would ask that you reconsider. "Maybe we should meet next monday and try again.."and"i really want to have you.I'll be so jealous of that luck guy.." This sentence affirms he's a douchebag. Does he want to date you or does he want to get in your pants? The answer is obvious.
Author Mellisa Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 1. Sorry, I don't think he really likes you. I think he's stringing you along and telling you what you want to hear to get you in the sack. Obviously, it's working. 2. No. But you will. Despite the fact that you're kind of making a fool of yourself. That's OK, we've all done it. Live and learn, I guess. 3. Nothing wrong with you. But the two possibilities are that he's not that into you or that he's a little sexually dysfunctional. So he's not that into me that he count even get his dick up to **** me？But still he would give any bs just to **** me? 4. Have sex with someone who actually cares about you. That makes a world of difference. Don't waste your virginity on a player like this. Appreicate the rest:)
Author Mellisa Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Wow, sounds like someone had anxiety performance, either that or he's feeling extremely guilty stringing you along just to get a go at your virginity... Melissa, is this the same guy who said he was leaving in a month or so and that it's best you not get attached to him? I'm sorry, but whatever you feel about losing your first time to him, I would ask that you reconsider. This sentence affirms he's a douchebag. Does he want to date you or does he want to get in your pants? The answer is obvious. Yep, it's that guy.While i was typing those sentences, i did feel something was wrong with what he said..maybe you are right!
Nemicron Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Honestly... lol Well I'd say that has got to be almost the worst first time ever. Girls that are virgins should serious consider having sex with a guy that actually knows what he's doing. You kinda have to work up to that. And I dont even mean the foreplay. There are ways to just ease things so your not being hurt as bad and the pain goes away. May I suggest either finding a guy that does know what he's doing or look up a porn where the girl loses her Virginity and you can see kinda how it should go.
Sarah1977 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 So he's not that into me that he count even get his dick up to **** me？But still he would give any bs just to **** me? Absolutely. A lot of guys just get off on having sex with a virgin. Even ones they aren't particularly into. You're an IDEA to him. Not a person. You could weigh 300lbs and be missing an eye with these guys and they'll still try to be the first to 'deflower' you. Come on, girl. Quit kidding yourself here!
xpaperxcutx Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Absolutely. A lot of guys just get off on having sex with a virgin. Even ones they aren't particularly into. You're an IDEA to him. Not a person. You could weigh 300lbs and be missing an eye with these guys and they'll still try to be the first to 'deflower' you. Come on, girl. Quit kidding yourself here! Oh agreed. Sex is sex. A guy doesn't care about you or your feelings as know as he gets to get himself off. Really if we all didn't have brains, we would be Stepford Wives ( and if you ever read that book, you'll know what I'm talking about).
Nemicron Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I think I agree with Sarah, think you should find someone willing to actually be more careful and is more considerate. Absolutely. A lot of guys just get off on having sex with a virgin. Even ones they aren't particularly into. You're an IDEA to him. Not a person. You could weigh 300lbs and be missing an eye with these guys and they'll still try to be the first to 'deflower' you. Come on, girl. Quit kidding yourself here!
Nemicron Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 not all guys are like that. Its not worth it if the girl doesn't get off. Atleast that how I look at it. Oh agreed. Sex is sex. A guy doesn't care about you or your feelings as know as he gets to get himself off. Really if we all didn't have brains, we would be Stepford Wives ( and if you ever read that book, you'll know what I'm talking about).
Kamille Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 It would be great if you can shed some insight on this.My questions are: 1.Does he really like me or he just want to have sex? 2.Should i go there for a next time? 3.What was wrong with the sex/or trying for intercouse?That was the closest i've ever had to an intercouse.How did we do?His dick is not big..Is there anything wrong with my vigina and me? 4.To the girls here,any advice for me as a first timer? I haven't read the previous threads, so I know nothing about this guy or you, but except for question 4, I don't think you're asking the right set of questions here. 1) Do you like him or do you just want to have sex with him? 2) Do I want to give it another shot? 3) How can I improve my next experience? 1 and 2) How do you feel? You know this guy has no long term potential. Do you feel enough of a sexual attraction to him to want to have sex with him? Do you feel comfortable enough with him to explore your sexuality with him? 3) How can I improve my next experience? A few things stood out to me, but this one stood out the most: Second time, he gave me some jelly for lubrication since i wasnt wet. Question: why weren't you wet? Why was the solution jelly? This tells me that you were disconnected from the event at that point. Any idea why? Also, I agree with Nemicron, your guy sounds inexperienced. When he noticed you weren't wet, he could have gone down on you to get you aroused. Any advice, guys? I was slightly disconnected my first time. I was busy observing what was happening, but fortunately it happened with someone with whom I felt absolutely comfortable. We could talk and laugh about all the mishap. So my advice is, make sure all the conditions are there for you to be comfortable. Doing it with a guy where you wonder if he just wants sex of if he likes you isn't my idea of ideal conditions. My first time was with a guy who I had been dating exclusively but who wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. In hindsight, we were more friends than anything, as we still are today. I don't regret my first time because I didn't have sex with him in the hopes of getting him to like me, I had sex with him because I was attracted to him, I had a great time every time I was with him, we shared the same sense of humor and he made me feel really comfortable. Not to mention, I felt ready to have sex and I had come to that decision on my own.
Sarah1977 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Question: why weren't you wet? Why was the solution jelly? This tells me that you were disconnected from the event at that point. Any idea why? Also, I agree with Nemicron, your guy sounds inexperienced. When he noticed you weren't wet, he could have gone down on you to get you aroused. I disagree. A guy that was 'inexperienced' wouldn't have the jelly 'just laying around' in the first place. He probably didn't go down on her because he doesn't really like her. Like I said before, this guy just wants to get it in. Nothing more.
810 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 1. Sorry, I don't think he really likes you. I think he's stringing you along and telling you what you want to hear to get you in the sack. Obviously, it's working. 2. No. But you will. Despite the fact that you're kind of making a fool of yourself. That's OK, we've all done it. Live and learn, I guess. 3. Nothing wrong with you. But the two possibilities are that he's not that into you or that he's a little sexually dysfunctional. 4. Have sex with someone who actually cares about you. That makes a world of difference. Don't waste your virginity on a player like this. +1 i agree. live and learn. if he is your first guy, expect the feeling of needy and being attached to him. make sure that you know for a fact that you will be OK after having sex with a great possibility that he will be no where to be found the next day ...or you will never see him again.
TaurusTerp Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 OP, have you been to your gyno recently? If a single finger is hurting you, you might want to get that checked out. It is possible that there's another explanation for his inability to "get in".
carhill Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Second the suggestion for the doc, and it should be a gynecologist. Have him/her do a pelvic and discuss the discomfort with penetration. There may be an issue with your hymen. Since you don't touch yourself 'down there', you probably haven't done a mirror exam either. The doc can help. Lose the guy. Next.
Mad Max Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 OP, if you have to ask, the answer is no, you shouldn't. It really doesn't get any simpler than that.
musemaj11 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 And someone said in another thread that its just gonna take a few weeks for a woman to get sexually comfortable. YEAH RIGHT! LOL! :laugh: But still, its one thing to want to have sex because you are horny. But its another thing to want to have sex just for the sake of losing your virginity. Personally I dont think you are the SEXTUAL type. Dont force yourself to like something you dont. If you dont feel comfortable having sex then dont do it.
Author Mellisa Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 I haven't read the previous threads, so I know nothing about this guy or you, but except for question 4, I don't think you're asking the right set of questions here. -You raised good questions! 1) Do you like him or do you just want to have sex with him? 2) Do I want to give it another shot? 3) How can I improve my next experience? 1 and 2) How do you feel? You know this guy has no long term potential. Do you feel enough of a sexual attraction to him to want to have sex with him? Do you feel comfortable enough with him to explore your sexuality with him? -I'm physically attracted to him,probably not sextually...I feel comfortable enough to explore my sextuality with him though since i'm comfortable with him.I enjoyed our talks and the times we spent were fun. I know it wasnt an exclusive dating scene but i'm attracted to him and like spending time with him.He's leaving in a few days and now i'm more towards not doing it with him since i dont want to have the experience for the first time and be left wanting to explore more but cant find someone for a while.I dont expect the first time to be good(and usually they wont be good) ,that's why i'll feel more comfortable if knowing i still have chance to improve with the same guy otherwise it might set a negative tone for my sextuality later on...That's why i dont lose it to a one night stand and want to find a guy who will be there for a while. 3) How can I improve my next experience? A few things stood out to me, but this one stood out the most: Question: why weren't you wet? Why was the solution jelly? This tells me that you were disconnected from the event at that point. Any idea why? Also, I agree with Nemicron, your guy sounds inexperienced. When he noticed you weren't wet, he could have gone down on you to get you aroused. -He went down on me once but i guess it just didnt happen for me...i seems to find it hard to get wet which is another technique issue i think..I dont know it's something with me or simply the guys arent good(have done that with 3 guys who i supposed were experienced) Any advice, guys? I was slightly disconnected my first time. I was busy observing what was happening, but fortunately it happened with someone with whom I felt absolutely comfortable. We could talk and laugh about all the mishap. So my advice is, make sure all the conditions are there for you to be comfortable. Doing it with a guy where you wonder if he just wants sex of if he likes you isn't my idea of ideal conditions. My first time was with a guy who I had been dating exclusively but who wasn't ready to commit to a relationship. In hindsight, we were more friends than anything, as we still are today. I don't regret my first time because I didn't have sex with him in the hopes of getting him to like me, I had sex with him because I was attracted to him, I had a great time every time I was with him, we shared the same sense of humor and he made me feel really comfortable. Not to mention, I felt ready to have sex and I had come to that decision on my own. I can see myself doing it in that situation.
Author Mellisa Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 And someone said in another thread that its just gonna take a few weeks for a woman to get sexually comfortable. YEAH RIGHT! LOL! :laugh: But still, its one thing to want to have sex because you are horny. But its another thing to want to have sex just for the sake of losing your virginity. Personally I dont think you are the SEXTUAL type. Dont force yourself to like something you dont. If you dont feel comfortable having sex then dont do it. Do you think i have yet to explore my sextuality?If i never try, i'll never know..I dont want to miss out on that any longer as i have for the past 25 years..Or maybe you can tell me intercouse is ever rated lol
musemaj11 Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 (edited) Do you think i have yet to explore my sextuality?If i never try, i'll never know..I dont want to miss out on that any longer as i have for the past 25 years..Or maybe you can tell me intercouse is ever rated lol Well, some people especially women have very low testosterone that their bodies simply dont desire sex. Why force your body to do something it doesnt want? Its like you are forcing yourself to eat something even though you are not hungry just because everyone else is eating it and it is supposed to be delicious. You had better off wait until your body tells you that its horny. Like most women, perhaps your body's sexual clock will turn on once you hit 30. And when it does, then you can simply jump the first hot guy that comes into your periphery. You are only going to miss out on something you want. Not something you dont want. So do you know what you want? Edited November 6, 2010 by musemaj11
Author Mellisa Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Well, some people especially women have very low testosterone that their bodies simply dont desire sex. Why force your body to do something it doesnt want? Its like you are forcing yourself to eat something even though you are not hungry just because everyone else is eating it and it is supposed to be delicious. You had better off wait until your body tells you that its horny. Like most women, perhaps your body's sexual clock will turn on once you hit 30. And when it does, then you can simply jump the first hot guy that comes into your periphery. You are only going to miss out on something you want. Not something you dont want. So do you know what you want? How do i know if i'm horny since i've never had any intercouse?Girls, any idea on this?
carhill Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 You get arousal indications, like erect nipples, lubrication, etc, regardless of whether you're a virgin or not. Being a virgin just means you've never done anything about it with your vagina. A man can be 'horny' with nary a woman in sight, and I presume the same for a woman. Easy way to tell for a man is which way his penis is pointing. It's like a weather vane. I hung laundry on mine for years until I gave my virginity up.
Author Mellisa Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 You get arousal indications, like erect nipples, lubrication, etc, regardless of whether you're a virgin or not. Being a virgin just means you've never done anything about it with your vagina. A man can be 'horny' with nary a woman in sight, and I presume the same for a woman. Easy way to tell for a man is which way his penis is pointing. It's like a weather vane. I hung laundry on mine for years until I gave my virginity up. Got the erect nipples but rarely the lubrication..What does that mean?
carhill Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 You should be getting some lube from the Skene's/Bartholin's glands, but vaginal lube may be inhibited from notice by the hymen. This is a real good subject to talk with your doctor about. S/he can examine you and talk about your specific concerns with all the facts in hand.
Kamille Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I am a big proponent of women "exploring their sexuality". It will help you figure out how your body reacts when you are aroused. And, it will make pleasing you easier for your partner. Even figuring out the proper angles for penetration is easier once you know how your body is shaped. And the best bonus: once you know how to please yourself, it's easier for you to know to move so that sex is pleasurable. There are so many arguments for exploring your sexuality, I say start now. Set the mood: take a bath, dim the lights and go seduce yourself.
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