francis85 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 As I said on my other thread, I sent my ex a birthday card to which I got no reply. I really want to work things out and start again but it's only been a couple of weeks and the NC is already driving me nuts! I feel that a lot went unsaid as when he broke it off, I was feeling a weird mix of shock/relief/upset (I'd asked if he wanted to break up just a week before & thought we were going to try..). He didn't really give a reason so it was harder to accept and I've since thought about it and realised I was kind of a bad gf. Anyway, is it acceptable to ask him to talk things through yet? Even if we agree to no contact after (we never agreed, he just kind of hinted)? If he never wants to get back together, I'm not sure I'll get through but without some sort of closure, i.e. me apologising and him explaining his feelings, I can't see me ever moving on. I don't want to become a stalker but we had already made dinner plans next week - should I ask if he'll go with me?
bl22 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 since you have already sent a birthday card and got no reply, i suggest not to make contact to apologise. It will make you look weak and desperate, and he will respect you less. NC and he will respect you more eventually, let him make contact.
DustySaltus Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 When you're alone with your thoughts it can be a very difficult time. Use this time to process what went on in the relationship. It doesn't matter whether or not he gives you a reason. In his mind he decided that being without you is better than being with you. By trying to stay in contact with him you letting him know that it's ok for him to treat you like that. We all make mistakes during the course of relationships. But at the end of the day you want to be with someone that will work through those problems and not run away from them. Stick to NC. No correspondence with him whatsoever....begin the healing process for yourself and continue to post here.
2sure Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 No. You should not call him to apologize. No, you should not call him to ask if you are still going to dinner. He broke up with you and it hurts. Nothing is going to make it easier and there is nothing you can call and say to change his mind. Your future self, your near future self...will be glad you did not call.
Cratsky Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Asking for closure is a selfish endeavour, I hope you realise that. It doesn't make a difference whether he explains it or not, he may simply insult you and be quite rude. Would it be worth making contact if there is the chance of beng verbally slapped in the face? It's over and he will have his reasons why he ended it. Regardless as to why, the relevant thing to note is that he has chosen to walk away. So why are you trying to hold on? Why pine over someone who isn't pining over you? No amount of you trying to claw him back is going to change it. The whole point of NC is to re-establish yourself as an individual, get some perspective on why you two didn't work out and to start moving on as an individual. If you're using it as a tool to calm the waters in the hope of him being more receptive is simply setting yourself up for failure as you're going day to day based on an unjustified expectation that he will even want to hear from you. It does get better. Take some time to go through this forum and it may give you some perspective on whether it is apt to break the NC rule or not. NC is to protect you from doing anyting reckless and hurting yourself emotionally. It isn't about the other person at all. Retain your dignity and make peace with the fact it is over.
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