After two magnificent years, this is my story

[alimpo83]

Hello all,

 

my name is Antonio and I'm from Portugal.

 

About two and a half years ago, while starting a working project with my brother and some friends, I knew my ex. She was a friend of a friend, and as we needed an RP and she was studying it, she was contacted and started working with us. I noticed her the first moment, she was beautiful and taken, I was a guy who liked living for the moment, and and casual relations. I was happy with it, but hoped to know a real woman, I wanted a long term relationship, but was not avidly trying to find a wife or something like that. I was always an outgoing guy and most of the time I got women all around me. I make them laugh and usually they like my company. When I don't have a girlfriend, I like to party and such, but when I have one I really don't look to other women, I'm 100% faithful. At the time I was 24, almost 25.

 

I knew her and suddenly my heart was taken. We talked first because of the working project but then we started having conversations about many things, and all of a sudden we tried to find reasons to be with one another. Every situation was great to talk. There were many people in the project, but we always ended up the two of us. At the beginning, she just enjoyed her new friend. She had a boyfriend for 5 years ( I knew that later, and that she was not happy with it) but she never let me pass the line with her, until she broke up. Before that, I had dinner with her a couple of times, I'd meet her when she got out of work, and we had great times, as friends.

My heart was already taken, and hers too. She fought with it for the first month or two, but the second time we reconnected and restarted having dinner and talking more she fallen in love with me. She ended her relation, but for the last 2 or 3 months she thought a lot about me, and she figured out that old relation to be lost. We started dating, and the first times were marvellous. We really started loving each other, and for the first months the passion was at it's most. It lasted more than a year, that phase.

After a year or so, she started talking about a future life together. Marriage, kids, living till we were old together. She gave me presents, I gave her too. We were always there for each other. She ended her college degree and got a job. She had rough times and wanted to quit, but I supported here and she manage to overcome her difficulties. I gave her strength to continue following her dreams, she helped on keeping mine too. And we created new ones, together. That really created on my mind the idea that this woman was for life. I was 26 and she 21, but she was always a responsible, hardworking and focused woman.

We stopped get out that much, we prefered to stay at home, loving and cuddling each other. It was normal, since we've ended college and when you start working, it gets harder and harder to get out that much.

I'd do everything to make her feel better (not changing myself, but trying to make things work, realistically) and she did the same. I gave much because I got the same.

We didn't argue (except for those small misunderstandings and such) and we love each other to the fullest.

On the second year, we've decided to have a dream travel. We chosen the trip in March this year, a cruise through the mediterranean. During March, April she still worked on that company she didn't like, and she told me she was getting fed up with the working routine, but didn't had nothing to do with me. She continued to give me everything I gave to her. We worked hard to get that dream cruise, and in August we went to Italy, France, Spain and Morocco. The best 12 days of my life. Everything went by perfectly, we bounded even further, on all levels.

We came back and she went to her old part time job, at the weekends. To make more money, she accepted to work on Fridays and Mondays. I supported her, so that she would get more money, be more occupied and happier. She is now taking her master's degree, and decided to go to London next year. I'm taking a Graphic Design degree and we talked about going together to London, months ago. She was thrilled with it, the idea of us being together in the UK. I was too!

While going back to her part time job, she knew new people. New guys and girls, she started to go out more. That was never a problem on our relation, trust was always the base. But then she started to act a bit different with me, less love and care. Small things, but I noticed and confronted her. She said she was feeling a bit disconnected from me, and wanted to be irresponsible and go out, have flirts if she wanted to, and not having to give satisfactions to no one.

I told her to think what we had and while thinking, not contacting me. Her girl friends at the part time job "helped" her make the decision, always supporting her on dumping me, she was too young, and blablaba.

Everyday she sent sms or called, to know how I was. I didn't take it, not being able to be with her but still she contacting me while I requested her not to, to think it over. We broke up, she didn't wanted to continue with me. She said she liked me, but right now she wanted to live other things. She cried a lot when I went to her house to get my things, she didn't want I took them back. Her room is all about me, photos, old flowers, paintings and drawings. She told me "don't get out of my life, please continue to be my friend" and such. We broke up on a Thursday and everyday she sent me a sms, wanting to know how I were. That drove me crazy, even more than on the "thinking about it" phase. She didn't want to be with me, a guy who always love her, helped her and told her she was great, but yet she continued to communicate. I had to call her telling her to stop. She talked to me in a bad way on the phone, like saying "you love me, but don't want to talk? OK, much better then." Some days later I sent an email, telling about my life (I shouldn't, but I couldn't take it any longer, that absence) and she sent sms, telling she felt bad about me, but didn't want to be with me the same way. I finally sent an email telling her we should really get apart the most, always with respect and such. She was happy with the email. We promised to treat each other well, and in the future get together for a coffee or so.

 

I tought "well, I never treated her wrong, and this way I'll never will. I don't want to treat wrong a person which I tought to be the "one".

 

Everything was going well, but after a couple of days of this email, I opened my facebook account and she posted on her mural she was having wild nights, driking and falling over, while her girl friends praised her to continue to have fun and guys on those wild nights. I was devastated, only to find out on a picture from a girl friend, that she was even kissing other girls, the FOLLOWING day we broke up.

 

I called her and in a calm voice I told her she could do what she wanted with her life, but I was not to be disrespected publically, by putting photos and comments on her facebook account like that, one week after we broke up. She yelled on the phone. I didn't, always kept myself calm. She told me she went to my facebook account too and didn't like it either.I don't have anything on my facebook that would do her say that. We hung up, and I thought that was it. After 10 min, I received a sms from her telling she was really sorry (about 5 times) the way she talked to me on the phone. And 30 min later another sms telling the same thing, and that she wanted us to "be great friends".

She posted a photo on the beach, only showing her feet, but she was not alone, of course. That was something we wanted to do soon, seeing a sunset on the beach, but the weather was really bad and we had to skip. Her friends continue to praise her, for "the great life" she is now having. She's living with someone else the dreams we had, it's horrible.

 

No one, near my family, friends and such, understood her reactions before and after ending the relation. The truth is, I don't either.

 

I've always treated her as a queen, because I got the treatment of a king. We were perfect together, all of a sudden, everything's gone.

 

 

Sorry for the big text, but I had to talk about it with more people!

[Fern]

Give her some space. Don't have any contact with her for a while. It will make you feel better and allow her to figure out what she wants.

[alimpo83]

Thanks for the fast reply. I'm doing that, I think she is having or starting a rebounce relation with some guy, the opposite of me. Well, in the meantime, I'm rebuilding my social life, and had pleasant surprises while doing so.

[Capital P]

If what you said up there is true dude then you did real well after the break up.

I would say that at some point you became too clingy, because thats what always puts the other person off.

But when it came to it you acted like a man and whatever she does from now, which will most likely be ****, she will know you arent the guy she can **** with.

And that will leave her attracted to you for a long time

[alimpo83]

Capital P, thanks. That was really what I did, and maybe at some point, I became too clingy but because we always gave the same to each other, and continued giving more and more. But yes, I took the wheel of the relation in the end, because I have to get on with my life. It costed like hell, telling her not to contact me no more, taking my things of her house and such, but had to be done. She wasn't expecting that, believe me. At first she said she didn't want to break up, but didn't want to be with me so much. I told her I didn't want a 20 or 30% girlfriend. To me it has to be the full thing!

And yes, I believe that for now at least she'll continue doing ****.

[alimpo83]

Today I posted the following in my facebook account ( i'm a painter, and write and such):

 

"Being great is not to hate who treats us bad.

Being great is to love always, without fears or doubts.

 

Because the one who doubts, doesn't love no one (not even himself)."

 

 

My ex doesn't speak to me in fb, everytime I enter she leaves shortly after, but today, she clicked the "Like" command about my comment.

 

She is really messed up, I don't find another explanation, and is trying to mess me up too. By using the "Like" command, she's clearly showing she checks my fb account regularly, even after our conversation about it.

[alimpo83]

Well, after the "like it" on fb, on sunday she wrote on her mural, that a part of (her love, affection and whatever) was gone, but on the other hand she still wouldn't let go and was still suffering the consequences of her action. Her friend told her that she would never forget, and that would took time to move on, but if that's what she wanted, she would.

 

And I think she hasn't got a new bf, which I tought in the past. (Saturday my brother saw her, with just her girlfriends, having fun at night).

 

Why is she doing this type of things? She knows I don't check her fb directly, but read what appears on the mural, she checks mine too. She is reacting like it was I who didn't want to be with her. I was the one who imposed her the NC alright, but I was the dumpee.

 

Should I do something?

[Fern]

No!

 

Don't do anything. She ended it. If she wants you back she knows where you are. She's reacting like this because she wants you to still want her. The way you have reacted so far - NC etc - is making her second guess herself. If you approach her now she'll lose interest.

[alimpo83]

Yes, I'll stick to the original idea then. I think she's second guessing, since the last time we spoke, right after breakup. Let her dwell in the past and guess where I am and with who I am. She was always jealous when I talked with other women (that she knew I've had a relation or almost, or just because they were attractive). She knows that If I want, I'll find someone else.

She hasn't contacted me yet because of her girlfriends, always "supportive" of her decisions.

 

BTW, she now won't leave facebook or messenger when I come in, yesterday I was online while she was too, and didn't say a thing. She's feeling that NC, believe me.

[alimpo83]

Another day. Today was the day that we fullfilled a two year relation. It's being hard not to remember how we started. Man, it's hard like hell! Today is going to be the hardest day of NC ever. I want to talk to her... We broke three weeks ago and it's hell..

[alimpo83]

Another day. Today I'm much better.

 

My ex is getting a little mad I think. She's posting messages for me to see in her mural. After saying to her girlfriends in fb she's still taking the consequences for her actions and she doesn't feel allright, she yesterday wrote "go away little monsters (in my head)" .

 

She sent me a link to like her store on fb, which I made the rebrand a couple of months ago. She posted a pic with her brother and she looks like crap. Really, her eyes swallowed like hell (she only has her eyes like that when she cries a ton) and overall she looks bad!

 

I won't do a thing. She created those monsters the day she went away. I suffered and still suffer (each day less), maybe it's her turn. Haven't broke NC (it's been like 3 weeks or so) and she's getting mad about it!

[alimpo83]

These past few days have been a hell of a ride. I've started dating another girl, and thought everything was going allright, I didn't thought about the ex no more and wanted to be with the new girl (I've met her like 3 years ago, but we've lost contact since, until like two weeks ago). But yesterday we had sex. In the middle of it, I closed my eyes and my ex popped up in my head like crazy. The problem is that now I'm not sure if I want to continue with this new girl, but she's crazy about me. I thought everything was allright and wanted to be with her, until that freakin' moment!

 

What should I do? I'm having urges to contact my ex. And while wanting to do so, it's different from when we break up. I now think I could handle reconnecting with her, without falling apart. Yet I'm still afraid of that move!

 

BTW, my ex still hasn't got a new rebound boyfriend or such. Some flirts and such are possible, but nothing more. And she continues posting in fb the hard times she's living and the help she's getting from her friends.

Edited November 18, 2010 by alimpo83

[poorguy]

I could be wrong but it sounds like your ex has the grass is greener syndrome??? DO NOT contact her

[alimpo83]

Well, too late.

 

After what happened yesterday while having sex with another girl, I sent my ex a message.

 

"Hello Kelly! It seems we haven't talked for so long! Since we've done it for the last time, I have gotten out, been doing new things, met new people and had new experiences. Today I woke up, feeling light, and remembered you. Remembered you not with bad feelings or whatever, but as someone I'd like to have a coffee or share a meal, chat and talk about things! I don't know how you feel about this but after this time, I'd like to see you again. I don't want to loose you as a friend, never did! But time had to go by so that I could deal with that! Kisses"

 

After I sent the message, I thought she wouldn't answer. For the first time, I've checked my facebook, seen her pics having fun with girl and boyfriends showed up and I felt nothing. I didn't felt bad or whatever. I think my emotional bond is gone, but not the physical one. I don't know.

 

But as she went to lunch,at 12:00, I immediately got her answer, she saw it and responded right away ( while working, she doesn't have her cellphone with her, she has lunch at midday):

 

"Hello Antonio. I can't express how happy I am for knowing that. I've been willing and wanting to call you and knowing how you have been for so long, but I knew I couldn't do it, even because you had told me not to. I was really very happy when I saw your sms! We could have lunch some day.. but now only next week, because now I am working... :/ I have a break Tuesday. What do you think? Kiss "

 

Man, women are crazy. The thing I'm still feeling is only physical, it's strange. She'll always be hot for me, or course. I really don't know what to think, but for the first time, I'm not dwelling on it, or not stop thinking about it and such.

Edited November 18, 2010 by alimpo83

[alimpo83]

Another day, It's becoming almost a diary.

 

I've had sex the past night with the new girl. Felt good, my ex didn't popped on my mind. Yet, she is still present and after it, I remembered her many times. Of course it can't be compared, because of the time I've met the new girl, but sex with the ex was much better. In every aspect, and that is leaving me pissed as hell. Yesterday we got out at night (me and the new girl), and I was talking to some of her friends. One of those is really actractive and we talked for quite some time and I felt attracted to her too. I've known her in the past, but haven't talked to her for quite some time and yesterday was really nice.

Meanwhile, one girl that I talked to a couple of times and gave a ticket to a concert, started texting me, she's really cute too.

 

Damn this big mess! I'm usually not like this, and the fact that I'm being stormed by beautiful women is really messing with my head!

 

The only thing I know is that I want to meet my ex. We'll see after that.

[alimpo83]

Well,

 

yesterday I sent her a sms to meet today, as we talked before. She didn't answer and today, when I woke up, I sent her another one:

 

"I'm sad. You didn't said anything after we talked about lunch on tuesday. I wanted to talk about the person I've met, which I'm with and who I like a lot, of the projects I have and what I'm about to do in a short time. I know people around us wouldn't find very common you and me to meet again, but that doesn't mean a thing! I thought we were above that! I really wanted that we had a long and unbreakable friendship, but it seems you don't want to be my friend I just want to tell you that I wish you have a happy life, really! If one day you try to find me again, do it with a open heart, as I've always done with you!"

 

Well, Chapter Closed.Period.

 

Hard like hell! She was someone I gave EVERYTHING!

[alimpo83]

Yesterday i deleted my ex from my facebook account.she sent me email asking me why lol then she started calling and after four non responded calls she begged on a sms for me to answer.we talked on the phone a bit and are going to have lunch on thursday.she said her phone had trouble and she didnt received my other sms. What do you think?

[alimpo83]

I just came from having lunch with my ex.

All went well, we had fun most of the time, with some ackward moments. At some point she said it was strange getting together again, but at the same time she was enjoying it. And she didn't like the fact I erased her from my facebook, she was really pissed! And while not talking about anyone in particular, she is was annoyed by the fact that the girl i used to date before her now attends classes at the same school i do. I told her and she " I know that, I'm not dumb!" while making a very f****** ** face! We were together for a couple of hours, then we talked about getting back together for another lunch next week or so. And even starting to get out at night again. One of her male friends called her during our lunch and she didn't want to talk with him, she dropped that call and said she was going to meet him in a few hours. She told me she wanted "peace and quiet" for the time being, maybe she is casually dating him, maybe not. The guy is a moron. I'm dating too, so.

I felt on the goodbye a huge tension, we gave two kisses in the cheek, and our arms crossed and didn't want to let go. But then, each one went separate ways.

 

The NC worked, because she didn't want to see me for some time and now she wants to get back together to have fun again. I'm not pressuring her in any way and every now and then we'll get together. We'll see after that.

[alimpo83]

I would like some advice! I'm a bit lost! There's much more to be said about yesterday's lunch, but probably the most important is that she said "i wanted to go back to summer, when we were on the cruise. And when we woke up, took a bath and went back to bed again..." ****! That was way too real for me!

[alimpo83]

I sent a very short email saying to her I couldn't add her to my fb again, because of some strange error it gave (it's true). I told her to add me instead,which she did right away. I told her it had been good seeing her again, her full answer:

 

"hello antonio.

I've requested you to add me in fb.

I've also enjoyed being with you a lot the other day. It made me feel great! Let's keep talking more often. Kisses *****"

[Fufu]

Is she just trying to be nice to you? So she will feel less guilty of breaking up with you?

 

if you are questioning her words towards you, perhaps you can ask her an ultimatum question.

 

"Do you want to get back together or not?"

[alimpo83]

I'm getting to that real soon, after we meet again or maybe a third time. Her fb messages I saw after (re)adding her : her girlfriends keep saying "I know how you're still feeling, I'll always be there for you" and blablabla like that. She is sending mixed signals to me, in a very clear way lol.

 

She is feeling like s***. And that I'm enjoying, after what she did. But I'm willing to rebuild or restart.

[alimpo83]

I've sent her a mail telling her how I feel.

 

I love her, but she treated me like s***.

And basically told her if she feels something for me and is willing to try, OK. If not, I'm out of her life for good, at least until I don't think about her as a gf.

 

I don't know if there are moderators here, but please close this thread.

 

If something happened worth mentioning, I'll post in second chances (not gonna happen).