that girl Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I noticed a thread on how a sweet guy can't get any attention from girls. I don't think that is true at all. I think it is something guys say to avoid looking at themselves. So if you're a nice guy and you're not getting any dates, there are a few things to consider: 1- Are you nice but a little anti-social? If you don't make the effort to talk to women, they can't know how nice you are. 2- Are you perhaps a little subpar looking? It sucks, but everyone wants someone they find attractive. That doesn't mean you're doomed if you're ugly, short, bald, or fat. But do the best you can with what you have. Make an effort with your clothes (casual stuff doesn't have to be ratty), manage your facial hair, try to keep your weight at a healthy level, get a good hair cut, and buy some breath mints. 3- Are you noticing who is into you? Are you fixating on girls who have made it clear they aren't interested? Recently I was at a wedding where there was only one single guy and about 20 single women. One of my friends was interested in the lone single guy so she tried to talk to him repeatedly but she couldn't engage him. The lone single guy had completely focused on another girl, despite the fact that said girl had already told him she had no interest in him. Now maybe he just didn't find my friend attractive (though she is cute), but personally I think he was so focused on winning over the girl who wasn't interested that it didn't even occur to him to interact with anyone else. There were 20 single girls there and the only people he talked to were his guy friends, their significant others, the bride and groom, and a chick who isn't interested. 4- Have you asked out every girl in your social circle? Yeah, I know it is the reverse of the other issue, but it can be a problem too. In my experience it is much rarer, but I've known a few guys who had asked out every single girl they knew. No one wants to be with someone who would take anyone. Everyone wants to feel a bit special. If you ask out a girl and she says no, don't turn around and ask out her best friend. She's going to know she was second choice. If you ask out a girl because you think you were getting the vibe but she says no, take it well. Shrug and say "You can't blame a guy for trying." Be nice to her, but don't think you're going to wear her down. Give it some time before you ask out any of her friends. If one of her friends strikes you fancy, be friendly but give it at least a couple of weeks before making a move. That way she can feel like you asked her out because you like her and not because you're working your way through everyone. 5- Are you not really a nice guy? Cocky behavior is one thing, it isn't my thing but it can be charming. But lots of the dating tips for guys just mean acting like a dick. And truth is, some girls will go for it. They are generally low self-esteem drama queens, but I won't deny it works. Who it won't work with is a girl who is nice and has some self-esteem. She might hang out with you, but she's pretty unlikely to date you. Actual charming people make others feel better about themselves. 6- Do you kind of hate women? Do you think things like "Women never like nice guys!" "Women are illogical!" or "Women like to blame other people and never take responsibility for themselves!" Then you aren't a nice guy so stop complaining about how women don't like nice guys. 7- Do you look too hard for signs that she isn't interested? If you ask a woman if she'd like to go to dinner on Tuesday and she says no, but she could go Thursday she is interested. If she isn't texting you or calling you but she regularly accepts dates, she's either not a phone person, really busy, or feels uncomfortable calling guys who she has just started seeing. It doesn't mean she isn't interested.
Leandro Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I like this post. It's kinda like a check list for us nice guys. Thanks for posting it.
welikeincrowds Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Actual charming people make others feel better about themselves. Well said. This needs to be stressed. "Cocky funny" is Baby's First Charisma. It has its place, but real charm is miles above cockiness. It's selfless. It comes from a place of true confidence.
Leandro Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Im "nice" but unattractive I'm somewhat attractive and nice. I'm working out to become attractive.
SinoXone Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I'm a nice guy unsure about attractive side. Nice guys Unite!!! second post I ever done so far
hearttobreak Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Good post. But, in my experience, I.E. my lovely ex, she was illogical and in the end blamed me for leaving. Saying she was fine and everything was peachy. Then she starts banging another guy after our 8 month relationship ended. Even though I said we should break, she of course tells everyone she dumped me. Typical high school crap in an adults body. And no, I never said I was a nice guy. Just a guy frustrated with women's psyche. So, yes, most women are illogical. Many women take zero blame on anything and blame the dude. It is a fact of life. You take the good, you take the bad, and thats the facts of life. End rant.
Surrealist Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I'm a nice guy.... Imma REALLY nice guy (insert evil grin) who 'wears a yellow dress.' I cannot say I can't get dates because it simply follows that I don't try, but that's something I own completely.
sanskrit Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 6- Do you kind of hate women? Do you think things like "Women never like nice guys!" "Women are illogical!" or "Women like to blame other people and never take responsibility for themselves!" Then you aren't a nice guy so stop complaining about how women don't like nice guys. The world is not a polar land of those who "hate" and those who "love" with nothing in between; the above quoted feminist canard needs to go away. Further, there is no such thing as "kind of hating" something. By the time someone genuinely -hates- something or someone, they certainly don't want to have any discussions nor interactions of any kind whatsoever with the objects of their hatred, they just plain hate. Himmler and Hitler surely had no desire to converse with Jews over whether or not genocide was the right thing to do. That's hate. What goes on here in the dating section of LS, or out in the world when people are griping about their dating experiences, is not. Be wary of people, their POVs, political and otherwise, who overuse superlatives like "hate." It's perfectly legitimate to be annoyed by or complain about one's personal experiences with any group of people without being accused of "hating" them. It's perfectly legitimate to have dating gripes with one or another gender and still think of oneself (and actually be) as a nice person.
Author that girl Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Good post. But, in my experience, I.E. my lovely ex, she was illogical and in the end blamed me for leaving. Saying she was fine and everything was peachy. Then she starts banging another guy after our 8 month relationship ended. Even though I said we should break, she of course tells everyone she dumped me. Typical high school crap in an adults body. And no, I never said I was a nice guy. Just a guy frustrated with women's psyche. So, yes, most women are illogical. Many women take zero blame on anything and blame the dude. It is a fact of life. You take the good, you take the bad, and thats the facts of life. End rant. Ummm, you're also the guy who in another thread is blowing off a girl because she wasn't able to rearrange her life to see you on Saturday. The fact that she suggested Sunday instead is an excuse you're using to blow her off. You are illogical. Your ex wasn't a great woman and your behavior is making it unlikely that you will get a great woman.
Jannah Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I'm a nice guy.... Imma REALLY nice guy (insert evil grin) who 'wears a yellow dress.' I cannot say I can't get dates because it simply follows that I don't try, but that's something I own completely. Shhhhh....That comment is going to put you on the map.
Green Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Nice guy means nothing. A suposed "nice guy" can be a woman beater/cheater liar and dead beat dad... Also a suposed "bad guy" can possess none of those qualities. Bottom line "nice guy" is an undiscriptive unporductive way for guys to vent and feel sorry for themselves only digging their grave deeper. Do woman find exciting guys sexy and boring guys lame... YES. Do you automaticly get dates just for being friendly, polite, and willing NO. Do some guys make a habit of feeling sorry for themselves YES. Does their poor attitude and inaction repel woman even more YES. Is some guy who is just looking to sleep with woman as oposed to some guy who just cries and feels sorry for himself more likely to suceed... probably
JungleLover Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Ummm, you're also the guy who in another thread is blowing off a girl because she wasn't able to rearrange her life to see you on Saturday. The fact that she suggested Sunday instead is an excuse you're using to blow her off. You are illogical. Your ex wasn't a great woman and your behavior is making it unlikely that you will get a great woman. Whoah! Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggghhhht!
Author that girl Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 The world is not a polar land of those who "hate" and those who "love" with nothing in between; the above quoted feminist canard needs to go away. Further, there is no such thing as "kind of hating" something. By the time someone genuinely -hates- something or someone, they certainly don't want to have any discussions nor interactions of any kind whatsoever with the objects of their hatred, they just plain hate. Himmler and Hitler surely had no desire to converse with Jews over whether or not genocide was the right thing to do. That's hate. What goes on here in the dating section of LS, or out in the world when people are griping about their dating experiences, is not. Be wary of people, their POVs, political and otherwise, who overuse superlatives like "hate." It's perfectly legitimate to be annoyed by or complain about one's personal experiences with any group of people without being accused of "hating" them. It's perfectly legitimate to have dating gripes with one or another gender and still think of oneself (and actually be) as a nice person. It isn't legitimate to make negative, broad generalizations about a large, biologically based segment on the population. When you make those kinds of ignorant generalizations about another race, you're a racist. When you make them about another gender you're a sexist. Sure, we all have our moments of frustration or bitterness where we think "Men/Women suck." But healthy, decent people with a little distance from that moment of frustration get that they were being overly dramatic. When you start defending the crazy, you are a woman/man hater and not a nice person.
Green Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I'm a nice guy.... Imma REALLY nice guy (insert evil grin) who 'wears a yellow dress.' I cannot say I can't get dates because it simply follows that I don't try, but that's something I own completely. do u really wear a dress? and why don't u try, don't you have urges!
Author that girl Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Im "nice" but unattractive As much as looks are important, no matter what you look like I think there is someone who would consider dating you based on your looks. I know I've been interested in some funny looking dudes because they were the right kind of funny looking for my personal tastes.
hearttobreak Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Ummm, you're also the guy who in another thread is blowing off a girl because she wasn't able to rearrange her life to see you on Saturday. The fact that she suggested Sunday instead is an excuse you're using to blow her off. You are illogical. Your ex wasn't a great woman and your behavior is making it unlikely that you will get a great woman. I will admit, I was wrong, but I wasn't able to make Sunday. We rescheduled for next Friday. I am no where near perfect, I can admit that. But I am trying to get better.
SinoXone Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Nice guy means nothing. A suposed "nice guy" can be a woman beater/cheater liar and dead beat dad... Also a suposed "bad guy" can possess none of those qualities. Bottom line "nice guy" is an undiscriptive unporductive way for guys to vent and feel sorry for themselves only digging their grave deeper. Do woman find exciting guys sexy and boring guys lame... YES. Do you automaticly get dates just for being friendly, polite, and willing NO. Do some guys make a habit of feeling sorry for themselves YES. Does their poor attitude and inaction repel woman even more YES. Is some guy who is just looking to sleep with woman as oposed to some guy who just cries and feels sorry for himself more likely to suceed... probably That is win rofl
Green Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 As much as looks are important, no matter what you look like I think there is someone who would consider dating you based on your looks. I know I've been interested in some funny looking dudes because they were the right kind of funny looking for my personal tastes. would you go out with a guy who looked like this dude? http://whatthecrap.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/dude.jpg
Surrealist Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 do u really wear a dress? and why don't u try, don't you have urges! Do I really wear a dress? No, just someone got my yellow singlet confused with a dress because it is long so can barely see anything else. WHy don't I try? Number of reasons, not really in the scope of this thread. Yes I have urges.
PJKino Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 As much as looks are important, no matter what you look like I think there is someone who would consider dating you based on your looks. I know I've been interested in some funny looking dudes because they were the right kind of funny looking for my personal tastes. Well i havent seen it yet. Plus i still need to be somewhat atracted to a women, id rather be alone the rest of my life then be with somebody im not attracted to because its all i can get..
Jannah Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 would you go out with a guy who looked like this dude? http://whatthecrap.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/dude.jpg Hey, is that the Big Lebowski dude?
Green Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Do I really wear a dress? No, just someone got my yellow singlet confused with a dress because it is long so can barely see anything else. WHy don't I try? Number of reasons, not really in the scope of this thread. Yes I have urges. well u should try. its worth the risk Hey, is that the Big Lebowski dude? Yes it is, You like drinking white russians?
sanskrit Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 It isn't legitimate to make negative, broad generalizations about a large, biologically based segment on the population. It may or may not be legitimate to generalize, positive or negative. "Women have vaginas" is a solidly legitimate generalization, though I'm sure there are exceptions, doesn't change the validity or soundness of the generalization, and making generalizations (the way we learn 99% of what we learn in life) certainly does not imply "hatred." Interestingly, no one claims that positive generalizations about women necessitate hatred in the generalizer. "Women are more nurturing," "Women are less violent," "Women are ..." Why is that? Seems if generalizations are a determinant of hatred, shouldn't matter whether they are positive or negative. Yet no hue and cry goes up when women are generalized positively. Fact is that almost all people who generalize are doing so with implied experiential qualifiers in place. When someone generalizes "The stars are bright tonight," no one comes out braying "You're ignorant! the stars over Pakistan aren't bright tonight!" Other than in feminista land, mature adults know that generalizations include implicit qualifiers that need not be stated, especially with respect to topics such as dating where anecdotal experience with the opposite sex is the most important guidebook as to how to (or not to) proceed with the oppostite sex in the future. When you make those kinds of ignorant generalizations about another race, you're a racist. When you make them about another gender you're a sexist. That would work out swell, wouldn't it? If feminists could play the "race card" instead of just "standing next to it" and hoping mistakes in perception are made. Merely referencing it does not make it so though, too bad.
Recommended Posts