My ex girl friend cheated on me and completely totalled my life.

November 5, 2010

Well I guess I'll try and start from the beginning. My ex I met about 3-4 years ago. And things were going ok. She had 2 little girls of her own. But things were ok but for about that first year she was showing signs of lying about things. Plus she wouldn't really let go of her ex and kept contacting him all the time. She always had an excuse for everything and stuff. But because I loved her I put up with it and the kids. Anyway, after a year she decides to join the military. I really didn't like the idea but I couldnt exactly make her not go. So I stayied at home and took care of her kids and everything while she was at boot camp and all that. Come to find out she was flirting with a bunch of guys and girls while she was away. Now I dont really know if she actually slept around or not But I suspect she was. But always lying about it. And getting upset when I'd try and even ask her about it. I'd even write her everyday. And was worried sick about it. Anyway, she gets out of Boot camp and the kids and I drive up to VA just to be with her. Then I find out thats she flirting around while the kids and I are even there. And plus on top of that she blows all the money we had on clothes and stupid stuff. I ended up having to even borrow money from her parents just to pay for rent. And her kids and I were even staving at times because she's spend all the money. But instead she would blame me for it. instead. WEll it went on like that and off for 3-4 months. Then the kids and I went back to Denver while she did extra training in MO. But while she was there she's get all drunk and Screwed a couple people. Finally she came back and tried to work through everything. But I also found out she gave me something. I'll explain that later. But not long after that even her and I got into this huge fight and maybe 5 hours after we fought she Picked up some guy at a 7-11 and screwed him and then a day later screwed some Army guy on our bed even. But instead of owning up to it. Like most women she blamed everyone else. WE fought about it and everything and I agreed to come back on a trial basis. But the guy she picked up on a 7-11 came back and tried to rob us at our own apt at gun point. I ended up having to beat him up and my ex still didn't even have any remorse for what she did. All she could say was I'm sorry. After she put all of us in danger. And to top that off because she couldnt keep her legs closed and wouldn't stop going out and partying. We ended up getting kicked out of our apt. In the mean time her lil girls were the ones suffering and she didn't even give a crap she just kept being a slut. And lying to me all the time. PLus hanging out at strip clubs and I think she was screwing a few more guys behind my back. But I never had any proof. But instead she made me feel crazy. But I knew something was up but I could never prove it. And of course she always had an excuse for everything and also she was getting text messages from different guys and Then deleting them before she came home. And BTW we ended up having to live with my parents while we were looking for another apt. And she would keep going out and parting and then even one night she came home with Hickies all over here neck saying that she was forced to drink. And all this BS. Plus she didn't have the car because the people at this party she went to wouldn't let her drive it away. So she told me another excuse that she hitched a ride by some random guy as she was walking along the streets. By this time I told her I'm going to leave her. So she started up this lil thing to get me introuble. Because Colorado has these laws that they believe a women over a guy. And said I was trying to choke her and come after her with a knife. I didn't even touch her. But the thing is there was 3 witness that I didn't even know, that saw what really happened. And the cops didn't even give a crap and hauled me off anyway. So I was stuck in Jail for over a month and in the mean time she was screwing everything she could. And getting trashed. Meantime she still didn't give a crap about her own lil babies. Eventually I got out but not without a huge price. I have to figure out how to pay for all these fines and classes. But I didn't even have a job because I was watching her babies all the time.And I have 3 years from last July to pay for all this crap. Or I go back to jail. And to top that off I found out she gave me herpes. To make things even worse I had to move because not long after I got out of jail she had some guy move in with her into a apt in another building not far from where mine was in the same apt complex.

So now I dont trust women. And I damn sure dont trust the Army, Or anything else. And I have to take these flippin pills that make me sick. And I get nightmares every night. And I'm fighting myself everyday to not totally lose it. The worst part for me is honestly, I didn't do anything to deserve any of this. All I wanted was my own lil family and to settle down. But the stupid chick still goes around and screws everything. And there is no justice for any of the crimes she's done. And still she doesn't have any remorse for any of the crap she's done.

November 5, 2010

Man, is there a way to just leave the bitch? So far, you've done everything right.

Keep doing it buy leaving her ass. Just look for what's the best for the kids and move on.

I had a similar experience twice. I suffered but nobody who doesn't care doesn't deserve that a good person waits for her.

Shake it and move on. You can do it.

LNM

November 5, 2010

So I guess I'm wondering how do I get over all this. I'm going out of my mind.

November 5, 2010

Man, is there a way to just leave the bitch? So far, you've done everything right.

Keep doing it buy leaving her ass. Just look for what's the best for the kids and move on.

I had a similar experience twice. I suffered but nobody who doesn't care doesn't deserve that a good person waits for her.

Shake it and move on. You can do it.

LNM

I did leave her. But its still bothering me everything went really down hill. Starting around july 29th

November 5, 2010

Why did you put up with her cheating on you? It seems like she slept with tons of guys before you finally decided to bail. A woman with 0 self respect and love for herself isn't going to have any for anyone else. You're finally out of this hell and no matter what situation you're in right now, think about it this way - you're atlast focusing on improving yourself, not getting beatdown by her lies/infidelity, and not wasting your time looking after her kids. The real victims in this entire situation are her kids... They're going to grow up so ****ed up - probably be just like her.

Take this experience as a huge lesson to value yourself and to break out of something that makes you miserable, because this girl played the **** out of you.

November 5, 2010

To be honest I think I was sticking with her because of the kids. I pretty much raised them myself. And taught them both how to walk and eat and how to speak. Things like that. But I still get nightmares and things like that. And I've become totally bitter with anger towards women. My ex told me every single line in the book and I've heard almost every excuse.

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is how do I find myself again after being brainwashed so badly. And why wouldn't a person like that get punished for her crimes. And now I'm having a hard time trying to start all over. Can't seem to find a job anywhere here in Colorado

Why did you put up with her cheating on you? It seems like she slept with tons of guys before you finally decided to bail. A woman with 0 self respect and love for herself isn't going to have any for anyone else. You're finally out of this hell and no matter what situation you're in right now, think about it this way - you're atlast focusing on improving yourself, not getting beatdown by her lies/infidelity, and not wasting your time looking after her kids. The real victims in this entire situation are her kids... They're going to grow up so ****ed up - probably be just like her.

Take this experience as a huge lesson to value yourself and to break out of something that makes you miserable, because this girl played the **** out of you.

November 5, 2010

I know it hurts to hear this but she isn't ready to settle down. The best thing you can do is give her space, let her do her thing and be there for her when she needs you. She seems a little immature and and unsure of herself. If she comes to you and then runs off with another guy let her go. She'll come back. The LAST thing you should do is confront her and try to change her. She needs to grow up and there is nothing you can do about it. I gaurantee she will find you much more sexy if you shrug it off and not worry about it. She is going to sleep around regardless of how you feel. You might as well make it harder for her by making her think twice which is the better man, you (the more confident one) or some guy on the side. Hang in there dude, and go out and meet people. If you have other options then it won't hurt as much, even if the other option isn't as attractive.

November 5, 2010

As far as I'm concerned I'm through with it. And at this point I wouldn't care if she got hit by a bus. In my mind theres no excuse for the things that she has done. And I've found that there are so many women that are just like her. And all of them have some sort of excuse or lie that suppose to make it ok for the things these people have done. You can't tell me anything otherwise. So if I have a bad attitude because of it. So be it. I know for a fact that if there was another girl out there that has gone through worse or the same they wouldn't be acting the same either. And all the people I've met that cant even own up to the stuff they have done. Instead blame it on someone else. HAving a great attitude and being a caring person got me into this mess in the first place. So maybe being bitter will be totally different.

I know it hurts to hear this but she isn't ready to settle down. The best thing you can do is give her space, let her do her thing and be there for her when she needs you. She seems a little immature and and unsure of herself. If she comes to you and then runs off with another guy let her go. She'll come back. The LAST thing you should do is confront her and try to change her. She needs to grow up and there is nothing you can do about it. I gaurantee she will find you much more sexy if you shrug it off and not worry about it. She is going to sleep around regardless of how you feel. You might as well make it harder for her by making her think twice which is the better man, you (the more confident one) or some guy on the side. Hang in there dude, and go out and meet people. If you have other options then it won't hurt as much, even if the other option isn't as attractive.

November 5, 2010

Wow I just now saw your story, good backstory too for the thread I was replying to. I really feel for you. Ive always had this theory that the screwed up women always end up with great guys, and I have to go develop an addiction or start sleeping around if I want a decent guy. Yeah I wont do it, its silly, but man it still kills me when I hear something like this and cant help but think seeee! The pychos get all the good ones!

After all of that, kudos for being able to say its not even an option for her to be in your life again. She and her lifestyle are toxic. Its painful that the kids are going to have to be subjected to all that, and its commemdable how much you love and care for them, but at the end of the day, they are her responsibilty not yours...theres not a lot you can do for them unfortunately.

Right now, you can only deal with yourself and trying to pull yourself together after what shes put you thorugh. As for how to do that.. Well...lemme figure that one out for myself and as soon as I figure it out I promise get back to you on that!

November 5, 2010

Well it was terrible having to deal with that. And I'm still having to deal with the crap that she caused. Its the main thing that gets me so annoyed is stupid people that dont fess up for that they have done. And somehow all I've seen is that everyone lies in some way or form but they done own up to it. I'm sure if you could make everyone fess up to their secrets then people like some of them I've met on here wouldn't have any more excuses. Thats what really gets me.

Wow I just now saw your story, good backstory too for the thread I was replying to. I really feel for you. Ive always had this theory that the screwed up women always end up with great guys, and I have to go develop an addiction or start sleeping around if I want a decent guy. Yeah I wont do it, its silly, but man it still kills me when I hear something like this and cant help but think seeee! The pychos get all the good ones!

After all of that, kudos for being able to say its not even an option for her to be in your life again. She and her lifestyle are toxic. Its painful that the kids are going to have to be subjected to all that, and its commemdable how much you love and care for them, but at the end of the day, they are her responsibilty not yours...theres not a lot you can do for them unfortunately.

Right now, you can only deal with yourself and trying to pull yourself together after what shes put you thorugh. As for how to do that.. Well...lemme figure that one out for myself and as soon as I figure it out I promise get back to you on that!

November 5, 2010

Well it was terrible having to deal with that. And I'm still having to deal with the crap that she caused. Its the main thing that gets me so annoyed is stupid people that dont fess up for that they have done. And somehow all I've seen is that everyone lies in some way or form but they done own up to it. I'm sure if you could make everyone fess up to their secrets then people like some of them I've met on here wouldn't have any more excuses. Thats what really gets me.

Yeah... a bit like my ex's idea of an apology was "Im sorry you had to get hurt" no remorse for what he did, actually he never has said that anything he did was wrong. The closest hes come is by saying he was a jerk, but yet to actually own up to anything hes done. Non-romantically, exact same story from my mom.

Some people just cant accept that they are at fault for anything, and will go as far as to mentally remove themselves from causing someone they supposedly love and care about the amount of pain that they did.

I dont get it.

November 5, 2010

I dont either. You'd think instead of parting and play games with people they should focus on something else. Or a family or something. The funny thing is most women dont settle down before 30.

I've actually know this one girl that totally messed this one guy up. He is bi polar or pstd or whatever it is now. She messed him up so bad and caused him to crack. And she was proud of it. Like a badge or a honor. And with people like that out there you seriously think they all deserve respect. lol I really dont understand.

Yeah... a bit like my ex's idea of an apology was "Im sorry you had to get hurt" no remorse for what he did, actually he never has said that anything he did was wrong. The closest hes come is by saying he was a jerk, but yet to actually own up to anything hes done. Non-romantically, exact same story from my mom.

Some people just cant accept that they are at fault for anything, and will go as far as to mentally remove themselves from causing someone they supposedly love and care about the amount of pain that they did.

I dont get it.

November 5, 2010

I dont either. You'd think instead of parting and play games with people they should focus on something else. Or a family or something. The funny thing is most women dont settle down before 30.

I've actually know this one girl that totally messed this one guy up. He is bi polar or pstd or whatever it is now. She messed him up so bad and caused him to crack. And she was proud of it. Like a badge or a honor. And with people like that out there you seriously think they all deserve respect. lol I really dont understand.

While in my hey day of agonizing over my ex (more than I do now i guess I should clairfy lol!) A friend told me that Im not supposed to understand... that my brain isnt wired to understand the motives behind that sort of behavior, and if it were, then it would be just as natural and normal for me to be that way, which Im not.

That sort of made me feel better, for maybe a few weeks, but I still slip into my "but why?! I dont get it!" modes. Her reasoning does make sense though.

Ive been wanting to settle down ever since I was 19 and had my daughter...too bad I keep choosing men who end up being confirmed bachelors. Im realizing its my own little self sabotage...I must somehow subconsciously purposely choosing guys who will never commit or settle down cause my ex's, ranging in age from 32 to 53, are all way too similar for it to be coincidence.

November 5, 2010

Holy crap!

I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered through all of this, it is completely unacceptable. The pain dealing with infidelity is extreme, I can't imagine infidelity on top of being robbed, falsely accused and kept from children that you have a bond with. As well as the herpes.

I know that things must look very bleak and bitter but they actually can only get better from here on out. Are you still in contact with your ex?

All I can tell you is that it isn't women, it is screwed-up women.

It also sounds like your ex is a sex-addict at the VERY LEAST. Sexual addiction is present in about 15% of the current population. The numbers have risen over the last 20 years as awareness etc. increases. Sexual addicts use sex without attachment to escape whatever they are feeling.

Something tells me that you think caring is taking someone's crap and trying to work through their problems with them.

Is there any hope of establishing a relationship with the little girls?

Allowing her to continue to walk all over you and make excuses, justifications, and outright lies is not caring, that is co-dependency. It is draining yourself and your life away to fit someones moods. You cannot live like this in any sustainable way.

I had to start reading the 12 steps for co-dependents in order to realize what I was becoming. You should never feel like you have lost yourself in a relationship, relationships should enrich your life, you should both be heading towards your dreams together. Relationships should bring joy, not robberies and infidelities.

Do not just trust your feelings on how to select a mate in the future. Do not open your heart too soon. Date slowly, getting to know the person and see that their words match their actions. Do not open yourself up too much at first, because if an unhealthy woman sees how much you are willing to give, she can sniff that out. If a healthy woman sees how much you respect yourself, she will not ever take advantage of that.

You need to draw your lines very firmly and not budge when things get rough. Never, never accept shoddy treatment like that. Anyone that treats you like that is not worth accepting shoddy treatment from.

How do you get through this now? By giving yourself as much joy and respect as you can. Give yourself a break each day and give yourself time to grieve. DO NOT have any contact with this parasite unless it has to do with the kids.

Do not give up on yourself or your life, it is not totalled yet, it is damaged but that can heal.

What is your mother like? Did you have much contact with her growing up?

November 5, 2010

Actually to answer your question. I've heard her mother is a bigger slut then she is if you can imagine that. lol

And no the kids aren't actually mind. But as you said I did bond with them. I dont get to see them at all or anything like that. But I do find it hard to walk by the baby section at a store without remembering the past.

As far as the herpes thing. I do have it under control now. And I wont spread it to anyone. But never the less it terrible to have to deal with it. Considering I wasn't unfaithful and thats the reward I got for it.

To be honest I have no idea why she's like that with sex. Everything she has now and the job and everything has been because of me. I supported her and the kids for a longtime. Thats why I have to laugh at some guys comment on one of my threads. That I should take a long hard look at myself. LOL That kind of stuff doesn't really matter anymore when You've lost everything. I only have this computer. And a few clothes and a DVD or 2. She took everything else. And I'm having trouble finding a job.

I do hate to admit it. But yes I was co-dependent for a while. But I kinda got stuck into that mold. There is no excuse for any person to behave like that. Not just the cheating but the twisting of a person's mind. And I will be honest. I dont really know who I am anymore. I dont really care anymore after all that.

As far as for the healing part. WEll to be honest being that I'm not able to get back on my feet yet without being able to find a job. That isn't helping.

As far as my mother and I we are close. I was brought up right. Always been poor but no biggie. I was brought up with having a big heart and always caring. But that hasn't gotten me anywhere.

I'm not giving up on myself. I gave up on people. And the Army. I dont believe in things like love. I really dont think its real other then some sorta hallmark moment. Samething with Christmas. And honestly, I dont understand people. Why would you do the things my ex did? Or why would some random girl, go and screw a person's life up just for fun. Or a guy going over and getting a girl knocked up and then bailing. These forums are full of people being screwed in some way or form

Holy crap!

I am so sorry to hear that you have suffered through all of this, it is completely unacceptable. The pain dealing with infidelity is extreme, I can't imagine infidelity on top of being robbed, falsely accused and kept from children that you have a bond with. As well as the herpes.

I know that things must look very bleak and bitter but they actually can only get better from here on out. Are you still in contact with your ex?

All I can tell you is that it isn't women, it is screwed-up women.
It also sounds like your ex is a sex-addict at the VERY LEAST. Sexual addiction is present in about 15% of the current population. The numbers have risen over the last 20 years as awareness etc. increases. Sexual addicts use sex without attachment to escape whatever they are feeling.

Something tells me that you think caring is taking someone's crap and trying to work through their problems with them.

Is there any hope of establishing a relationship with the little girls?

Allowing her to continue to walk all over you and make excuses, justifications, and outright lies is not caring, that is co-dependency. It is draining yourself and your life away to fit someones moods. You cannot live like this in any sustainable way.

I had to start reading the 12 steps for co-dependents in order to realize what I was becoming. You should never feel like you have lost yourself in a relationship, relationships should enrich your life, you should both be heading towards your dreams together. Relationships should bring joy, not robberies and infidelities.

Do not just trust your feelings on how to select a mate in the future. Do not open your heart too soon. Date slowly, getting to know the person and see that their words match their actions. Do not open yourself up too much at first, because if an unhealthy woman sees how much you are willing to give, she can sniff that out. If a healthy woman sees how much you respect yourself, she will not ever take advantage of that.

You need to draw your lines very firmly and not budge when things get rough. Never, never accept shoddy treatment like that. Anyone that treats you like that is not worth accepting shoddy treatment from.

How do you get through this now? By giving yourself as much joy and respect as you can. Give yourself a break each day and give yourself time to grieve. DO NOT have any contact with this parasite unless it has to do with the kids.

Do not give up on yourself or your life, it is not totalled yet, it is damaged but that can heal.

What is your mother like? Did you have much contact with her growing up?

November 10, 2010

Actually to answer your question. I've heard her mother is a bigger slut then she is if you can imagine that. lol

Usually this kind of thing is patterned.

And no the kids aren't actually mind. But as you said I did bond with them. I dont get to see them at all or anything like that. But I do find it hard to walk by the baby section at a store without remembering the past.

As far as the herpes thing. I do have it under control now. And I wont spread it to anyone. But never the less it terrible to have to deal with it. Considering I wasn't unfaithful and thats the reward I got for it.

That really sucks.

To be honest I have no idea why she's like that with sex. Everything she has now and the job and everything has been because of me. I supported her and the kids for a longtime. Thats why I have to laugh at some guys comment on one of my threads. That I should take a long hard look at myself. LOL That kind of stuff doesn't really matter anymore when You've lost everything. I only have this computer. And a few clothes and a DVD or 2. She took everything else. And I'm having trouble finding a job.

A lot of times narcissists and sex addicts simply cannot see and accept the torment their behaviours cause, that's why it is super-important to set solid boundaries to protect yourself from them.

I do hate to admit it. But yes I was co-dependent for a while. You would have to be to stay in that kind of relationship. But I kinda got stuck into that mold. Often co-dependents are traumatized by their partner's behaviours and try anything to help their partner stop being out of control, or cover for them so they don't feel ashamed.There is no excuse for any person to behave like that. Not just the cheating but the twisting of a person's mind. Ugh, I totally get that! And I will be honest. I dont really know who I am anymore. I dont really care anymore after all that. it takes a little time to resettle, meditation is wonderful to help clear your thoughts.

As far as for the healing part. WEll to be honest being that I'm not able to get back on my feet yet without being able to find a job. That isn't helping.

Take 5-10 minutes out in the morning before your job search to just meditate.

As far as my mother and I we are close. I was brought up right. Always been poor but no biggie. I was brought up with having a big heart and always caring. But that hasn't gotten me anywhere.

Good for your Mom. Having a big heart is a good and rare quality, but you must realize that this is a precious gift and you can't give a good caring big heart to someone who is going to just step on it and kick it around for fun. Or trip over it because they can't see it in their own darkness. You have to guard your heart because if you don't it gets jaded. be cautious with your heart.

I'm not giving up on myself. I gave up on people. And the Army. I dont believe in things like love. I really dont think its real other then some sorta hallmark moment. Same thing with Christmas. And honestly, I dont understand people. Why would you do the things my ex did? I wouldn't. Beneath my self-respect.Or why would some random girl, go and screw a person's life up just for fun. DunnoOr a guy going over and getting a girl knocked up and then bailing. Screwed-up.These forums are full of people being screwed in some way or form

Is it love that you don't believe in, or someone loving you. Because you were probably in love, and therefore that was real. If you have the belief that you can't find love, then you would need to look at why you wouldn't make the cut. If I were you (and I'm not, I'm Canadian ) I would commit to find no less than love and not settle ever, ever again. Find someone who respects you and knows the gift you bring to a relationship.

November 10, 2010

Kind of you to say. I dont see it as being that simple at the moment. She just goes on and has a great life and fun all the time. And doesn't even deserve it. I even heard she's dating someone now. Since when do people that are really bad deserve to be happy. When is she gonna pay for all the crimes she committed. When do I get that? There isn't anything like real justice anymore. The good people get punished by Murphey's law and the bad aren't punished at all hardly.

As far as this love thing no I dont believe in love at all anymore. People always let you down no matter who they are in someway.

Is it love that you don't believe in, or someone loving you. Because you were probably in love, and therefore that was real. If you have the belief that you can't find love, then you would need to look at why you wouldn't make the cut. If I were you (and I'm not, I'm Canadian ) I would commit to find no less than love and not settle ever, ever again. Find someone who respects you and knows the gift you bring to a relationship.

November 10, 2010

Kind of you to say. I dont see it as being that simple at the moment. She just goes on and has a great life and fun all the time. (Someone who has impulse control problems that are that bad isn't really having fun, she is having escape.)And doesn't even deserve it. I even heard she's dating someone now. Since when do people that are really bad deserve to be happy.

When is she gonna pay for all the crimes she committed. She is borrowing against her own life collateral, she already has 2 children and wrecked relationships, she has no self-control and no genuine affection for anyone.

When do I get that? Why would you want to be the spectator in a life that to you no longer holds any value, take a step back, do you really want to watch a trainwreck? There isn't anything like real justice anymore.
Justice doesn't necessarily come in the space of a lifetime.

The good people get punished by Murphey's law and the bad aren't punished at all hardly.

As far as this love thing no I dont believe in love at all anymore. People always let you down no matter who they are in someway.

Love is that part that fills in the blanks when this happens. We can receive love and give love. When we give love, it is a sacrifice that usually involves forgiving someones involuntary shortcomings.

She may have ripped the **** out of you and she will do it to others too because she hasn't learned anything from it yet, but what you have now is: your freedom from being lied to and emotionally controlled, freedom from being cheated on, life experience telling you a little bit more how to find a decent partner (some people never have this), whatever you have will be yours, not because you trampled someone's dignity and manipulated someone else out of their time and support.

November 10, 2010

I know but it isn't easy. Just trying to turn my life around and everything.

Love is that part that fills in the blanks when this happens. We can receive love and give love. When we give love, it is a sacrifice that usually involves forgiving someones involuntary shortcomings.

She may have ripped the **** out of you and she will do it to others too because she hasn't learned anything from it yet, but what you have now is: your freedom from being lied to and emotionally controlled, freedom from being cheated on, life experience telling you a little bit more how to find a decent partner (some people never have this), whatever you have will be yours, not because you trampled someone's dignity and manipulated someone else out of their time and support.

November 10, 2010

Kind of you to say. I dont see it as being that simple at the moment. She just goes on and has a great life and fun all the time. And doesn't even deserve it. I even heard she's dating someone now. Since when do people that are really bad deserve to be happy. When is she gonna pay for all the crimes she committed. When do I get that? There isn't anything like real justice anymore. The good people get punished by Murphey's law and the bad aren't punished at all hardly.

As far as this love thing no I dont believe in love at all anymore. People always let you down no matter who they are in someway.

I venture to guess that from the way you describer her and her lifestyle, she really isnt all that happy. If she was, and had any respect for herself, she wouldnt be such a train-wreck. Dont wish on yourself whatever shes trying to make pass for happiness..or compare what you deserve to what she has, cause I can tell you already, you deserve a whole lot more than that.

November 10, 2010

I know but it isn't easy. Just trying to turn my life around and everything.

I have to resculpt my life too, I hear you.

November 10, 2010

She have a car and a job that she barely does any work. She has plenty of people that she sleeps with and now I've heard she supposedly found some guy. I just dont think its fair at all. Why is it people like that get evreything handed to them. And people like me get screwed at every turn. And not even in a good way.

I venture to guess that from the way you describer her and her lifestyle, she really isnt all that happy. If she was, and had any respect for herself, she wouldnt be such a train-wreck. Dont wish on yourself whatever shes trying to make pass for happiness..or compare what you deserve to what she has, cause I can tell you already, you deserve a whole lot more than that.

November 10, 2010

She have a car and a job that she barely does any work. She has plenty of people that she sleeps with and now I've heard she supposedly found some guy. I just dont think its fair at all. Why is it people like that get evreything handed to them. And people like me get screwed at every turn. And not even in a good way.

Nothing she has is her's she doesn't even have proper control of her sexual functions. She gets things handed to her because she entices people to give things to her, and then she burns them. Some people are parasitic. If you aren't, you will not be able to live the same way.

So:

Would you rather have more things and be a parasite?

Have nothing and give to parasites? Live off of the fact that you periodically feel good about helping someone that really didn't need the help and will hit the next person on the list when they are done with you or you with them? (sorry, run-on)

Have control over your life and make your own way and have your own things, that you worked for?

You can be any of the above.

November 10, 2010

Yeah...I second what Dreaming said.

Would you be willing to be like her to get what she has? What does she really have that you want anyway? I have to talk myself into that at times... Like when I see a married couple, getting out of a really nice car, the kids in tow, and I can imagine they must have a nice home too... and shes this bag of a woman who you can tell can never be pleased. And i do think...wtf no fair! Wheres my husband and our kids, and car and house?! WTF does she get to have it and I dont!

But Im pretty sure at the end of the day that whatever her life is like, and whatever she had to do to get to the point where I saw her and her fam in the parking lot, is not anything I would want for myself. The grass is greener syndrome... Ill get mine when its my time. (i hope)

November 10, 2010

Often I see only a few possibilities when it comes to relationships:

1. Two healthy people get together and respect each other, set positive boundaries and goals together.

2. One parasite and one co-dependent get together, the parasite sucks the life out of the co-dependent while the co-dependent lives off of the rare positive feedback given by the parasite, while both people are unsatisfied and wanting more. (sometimes after coming out of a draining relationship the co-dependent thinks, "well screw this, I am going to go take over the world" and becomes a parasite in their next relationship, perpetuating the cycle.)

3. Two parasites get together and suck the life out of each other briefly, it implodes and then they move on. Often they will masquerade as someone very giving, whoops.

Notice how co-dependents who don't expect much from their partners don't get much. Expect more for yourself, but not in a way that harms the other person.

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My ex girl friend cheated on me and completely totalled my life.

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