elastica Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 ... in hope that it will eventually become sg more? I have been reading the forum alot, but I am kind of new here, so hi to everyone. My question is, I guess, pretty straightforward. Say you started to date a woman (that would be me), and after seeing her for a few months, you said to her the following: I have not been seeing anyone else ever since we started dating. I want to provide for you, and I want to give you everything. I want to meet your family, and I want you to meet my family. I love you, and no one can compare to you in my world. However, the woman, for so many different reasons, could simply not "get" what you were saying... But now, she feels the same, and IS worried, because she does not know WHY did you keep seeing her after she went "haha" over you confession (yeah, I know, I am an idiot). More than 3 months have passed, and you are still seeing her. So: After saying all the above to a woman, say, 3 times within a single month, and she would never ever say anything like that back to you, would you keep seeing her? and if yes, why? is it because you would be hoping that eventually it might turn to something more? or just for sex? or because at this particular age (37) you might be too bored to look for a new girlfriend? or because you feel life is boring? Please be honest when answering. I am really curious. By the way, now that I am about to start this thread, I feel that my question is kind of like the opposite of the "general perception" according to which some women do certain types of relationships in hope that it will become sg more.... Wondering if men (can) do the same. So men, can you do the same? Anyway, my question is genuine, because I truly fell in love and I am losing my head over this.
Titania22 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 My question to this is, would you rather she lied about it, and told you she loved you just to please you?
ReturnToSender Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I dont know why, but I do know thats kind of how it went with me when I first started seeing my ex. The first time he told me he loved me and I just smiled at him, thanked him for our date, hopped in my car and was off...once I told him that was very sweet, another time I just went "awe!" ..anything but say I love him back, and that went on for a little over two months before I finally told him I loved him too. When I finally did, he said, Oh I always knew it...but it feels great to hear you say it. and well, I guess thats why he continued to see me... From how I was to and with him, he didnt need to hear it back, he knew the love was already there...just that for whatever reason I couldnt say it. Instead of pressuring me, he just waited til I was ready. At least then he knew I was saying it cause I meant it, and not cause he pressured me to.
Sabali Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I would never be the first to say any thing. I keep my mouth shut. But if I were him and got no response in return to a confession such as that, I am not sure how I would react. I imagine that he continued on dating you because he loved you and couldn't help it. That is what love is, no?
Eeyore79 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 If I said it and got no response, I'd feel hurt but would probably continue dating the person in the hope they'd eventually develop the same feelings for me. But if a few more months passed and they didn't reciprocate my feelings, I'd start to lose interest, and would probably end up dumping them because they didn't love me back and I was wasting my time.
Nemicron Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I'd say that your being used and 99 percent of women lie or play games. So I'd question yourself if she has any of the warning signs about her being interested in someone else. ... in hope that it will eventually become sg more? I have been reading the forum alot, but I am kind of new here, so hi to everyone. My question is, I guess, pretty straightforward. Say you started to date a woman (that would be me), and after seeing her for a few months, you said to her the following: I have not been seeing anyone else ever since we started dating. I want to provide for you, and I want to give you everything. I want to meet your family, and I want you to meet my family. I love you, and no one can compare to you in my world. However, the woman, for so many different reasons, could simply not "get" what you were saying... But now, she feels the same, and IS worried, because she does not know WHY did you keep seeing her after she went "haha" over you confession (yeah, I know, I am an idiot). More than 3 months have passed, and you are still seeing her. So: After saying all the above to a woman, say, 3 times within a single month, and she would never ever say anything like that back to you, would you keep seeing her? and if yes, why? is it because you would be hoping that eventually it might turn to something more? or just for sex? or because at this particular age (37) you might be too bored to look for a new girlfriend? or because you feel life is boring? Please be honest when answering. I am really curious. By the way, now that I am about to start this thread, I feel that my question is kind of like the opposite of the "general perception" according to which some women do certain types of relationships in hope that it will become sg more.... Wondering if men (can) do the same. So men, can you do the same? Anyway, my question is genuine, because I truly fell in love and I am losing my head over this.
musemaj11 Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I dont like the words, "I Love You". I find them meaningless and empty. I prefer to see action.
Author elastica Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 OK guys, first of all, it seems that I need to make it clear that I AM the woman here. And I am the one who did not say ILY back, and did not appreciate that this amazing man was trying to tell me something. So, I am still interested in your perspective.
Author elastica Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 I would never be the first to say any thing. I keep my mouth shut. But if I were him and got no response in return to a confession such as that, I am not sure how I would react. I imagine that he continued on dating you because he loved you and couldn't help it. That is what love is, no? What do you mean by would never be the first to say anything? Yes, he continued to date me, but the problem is, I have this idea, that he kind of "put me off". I don't know how to explain it properly. That he decided well, "it's OK, she does not seem to love me, but I will keep seeing her and have fun and sex with her, or whatever". So I would really like to know if it is possible for a guy to do this.
Author elastica Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 I dont know why, but I do know thats kind of how it went with me when I first started seeing my ex. The first time he told me he loved me and I just smiled at him, thanked him for our date, hopped in my car and was off...once I told him that was very sweet, another time I just went "awe!" ..anything but say I love him back, and that went on for a little over two months before I finally told him I loved him too. When I finally did, he said, Oh I always knew it...but it feels great to hear you say it. and well, I guess thats why he continued to see me... From how I was to and with him, he didnt need to hear it back, he knew the love was already there...just that for whatever reason I couldnt say it. Instead of pressuring me, he just waited til I was ready. At least then he knew I was saying it cause I meant it, and not cause he pressured me to. Same situation here! I also hope that now he can feel that I have feelings for him, too. The problem is I feel so insecure now, because I have imagined myself in a situation like this: I try to tell/show somebody in different ways about my feelings, and they just do not react in any way.. Just like you say you jumped in your car and were off. It would be a huge turn off for me if this person would not appreciate me enough to at least tell me that he understands what I am saying, but he needs time to think ... or anything. So this is why I keep wondering. But I guess that's just me, maybe I am overanalyzing.
sugarmomma Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Do you love him?? If so, why not just tell him. If not, why waste his time??
ReturnToSender Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Yeah, like if a guy did to me what I did to him, by hopping in my car like that, I would have analyzed it to pieces and wouldve been an emotional wreck before he even got halfway down the block LMFAO! But thankfully my ex didnt think like that. Its just his personality... He doesnt worry himself until he actually feels like theres a reason to...we are polar opposites, Im always flying off the wall while hes telling me to calm the F down cause Im working myself into a frenzy over what is probably nothing. And in the end he's usually right *grrr* LoL Since he already had the feeling that I loved him, I guess he didnt think it was anything to stress over that I wasnt saying it back. Which is a good thing he had that attitude, cause my actions mattered and were more important to him than just saying the words, and once I did say it, he was just super happy to hear it...he didnt make the moment crap by being annoyed I didnt say it sooner.
Author elastica Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Yeah, like if a guy did to me what I did to him, by hopping in my car like that, I would have analyzed it to pieces and wouldve been an emotional wreck before he even got halfway down the block LMFAO! But thankfully my ex didnt think like that. Its just his personality... He doesnt worry himself until he actually feels like theres a reason to...we are polar opposites, Im always flying off the wall while hes telling me to calm the F down cause Im working myself into a frenzy over what is probably nothing. And in the end he's usually right *grrr* LoL Since he already had the feeling that I loved him, I guess he didnt think it was anything to stress over that I wasnt saying it back. Which is a good thing he had that attitude, cause my actions mattered and were more important to him than just saying the words, and once I did say it, he was just super happy to hear it...he didnt make the moment crap by being annoyed I didnt say it sooner. That was really cool from him. Thanks for sharing.
TheMENemy Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 You weren't sure, but now you are. Your bf is being patient. Now that you are sure, it's time to tell him.
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