Evil thoughts

[siuys]

I can't believe I actually have evil and vindictive thoughts. I guess I have a bruised ego at the moment, and trying to get over xMM is a painful process although I believe I am doing quite well considering.

 

Last night in bed, when I was thinking way too much, I actually thought about telling his W. I even rehearsed the telephone dialogue, and what I would say to her, and how.

 

I know I won't do it. What will I achieve by doing that? Inflict more pain for everyone and what will I get for myself? Nothing, really. I do care about xMM despite him ending it. I could see his mental tug of war. Deep down I hope his M works out. I hope to see him one day and can be a friend because I know he is a decent person. Unfortunately, I just met him at his weakest moment.

[BB07]

siuys it's normal to be angry and to vent and have fantasies about paybacks. Instead of acting on them you can vent them here instead of doing something destructive and that you might regret.

 

Hugs.....

[desertIslandCactus]

I can't believe I actually have evil and vindictive thoughts. I guess I have a bruised ego at the moment, and trying to get over xMM is a painful process although I believe I am doing quite well considering.

 

Last night in bed, when I was thinking way too much, I actually thought about telling his W. I even rehearsed the telephone dialogue, and what I would say to her, and how.

 

I know I won't do it. What will I achieve by doing that? Inflict more pain for everyone and what will I get for myself? Nothing, really. I do care about xMM despite him ending it. I could see his mental tug of war. Deep down I hope his M works out. I hope to see him one day and can be a friend because I know he is a decent person. Unfortunately, I just met him at his weakest moment.

 

I'm sure you will get through the vindictive stage .. just let it pass.

 

As an LS member, What I witness far too often - is the MM coming back to the OW, and her giving into him ...

 

So you See: you have bigger problems than letting the wife know.

 

Rebuild your life and get strength .. you will need it .

[siuys]

Thanks for the reminder, desertisland. For some reason I don't think he will come back. I really hope not. I think it's time he really gave his M a go, and leave me alone. I won't tell his W as it's just a silly power game. I am working on my strength, and if he does contact me again, hopefully I will have moved on and can tell him no.

[Confused4Now]

Thanks for the reminder, desertisland. For some reason I don't think he will come back. I really hope not. I think it's time he really gave his M a go, and leave me alone. I won't tell his W as it's just a silly power game. I am working on my strength, and if he does contact me again, hopefully I will have moved on and can tell him no.

So is this your last post for sure? nah I'm just kidding!!!:love: Post all you want I know how you feel....I can tell you this when you dont' have your thoughts there in exposing xAP you're getting there. I don't even care about either one of them.

[worlybear]

I can't believe I actually have evil and vindictive thoughts. I guess I have a bruised ego at the moment, and trying to get over xMM is a painful process although I believe I am doing quite well considering.

 

Last night in bed, when I was thinking way too much, I actually thought about telling his W. I even rehearsed the telephone dialogue, and what I would say to her, and how.

 

I know I won't do it. What will I achieve by doing that? Inflict more pain for everyone and what will I get for myself? Nothing, really. I do care about xMM despite him ending it. I could see his mental tug of war. Deep down I hope his M works out. I hope to see him one day and can be a friend because I know he is a decent person. Unfortunately, I just met him at his weakest moment.

Ummm. I'm having problems with your definition of "decent."

What's decent about cheating?

[siuys]

Hahaha very funny Confused4Now!

 

In my opinion, life is not that simple - he cheated therefore he's not a decent man. We are all humans, we make mistakes, we get confused, we enter into a mental tug of war, we succumb to our feelings, we act illogically... I have 'cheated' myself and would not say I am not a decent person. I got involved with a MM does not make me evil and questionable as a person.

[fooled once]

I can't believe I actually have evil and vindictive thoughts. I guess I have a bruised ego at the moment, and trying to get over xMM is a painful process although I believe I am doing quite well considering.

 

Last night in bed, when I was thinking way too much, I actually thought about telling his W. I even rehearsed the telephone dialogue, and what I would say to her, and how.

 

I know I won't do it. What will I achieve by doing that? Inflict more pain for everyone and what will I get for myself? Nothing, really. I do care about xMM despite him ending it. I could see his mental tug of war. Deep down I hope his M works out. I hope to see him one day and can be a friend because I know he is a decent person. Unfortunately, I just met him at his weakest moment.

 

I remember fantasizing about the same thing.

[jwi71]

I can't believe I actually have evil and vindictive thoughts. I guess I have a bruised ego at the moment, and trying to get over xMM is a painful process although I believe I am doing quite well considering.

 

Last night in bed, when I was thinking way too much, I actually thought about telling his W. I even rehearsed the telephone dialogue, and what I would say to her, and how.

 

I know I won't do it. What will I achieve by doing that? Inflict more pain for everyone and what will I get for myself? Nothing, really. I do care about xMM despite him ending it. I could see his mental tug of war. Deep down I hope his M works out. I hope to see him one day and can be a friend because I know he is a decent person. Unfortunately, I just met him at his weakest moment.

 

I'll tell you a story.

I assure you its 100% true.

Because its mine.

 

My xWW had an EA and PA. I caught them early on. It was all the hell you can imagine and then some. However, she swore up and down and to everyone that it was over and done with. I was beginning to believe her tbh. Mostly because I was monitoring like a jail warden and she was coming up clean.

 

One day, completely out of the blue, I got an email from a person. It was an email my now xWW had sent asking for this person's help. Help in lying to me so my xWW could meet her lover.

 

That person, who had actively helped my now xWW in betraying me, up and grew some honesty and integrity. It doesn't really matter WHY this person acted just that this person did.

 

You might be tempted to think, oh no...hell all over again. That, this person who forwarded to me this email had caused ME pain. My children pain. I didn't. In fact, I am now and always have been THANKFUL for that person. This person FREED me.

 

Was it hell? Yes. But not because this person "ratted her out".

Did I lose the house, the cars, et al? Yes. But not because this person "ratted her out"

Did I sink into a deep depression lasting some 12-18 months? Yes. But not because this person "ratted her out".

 

In fact...I am nothing but GRATEFUL.

 

Just sayin'

[Lachicauna]

I'll tell you a story.

I assure you its 100% true.

Because its mine.

 

My xWW had an EA and PA. I caught them early on. It was all the hell you can imagine and then some. However, she swore up and down and to everyone that it was over and done with. I was beginning to believe her tbh. Mostly because I was monitoring like a jail warden and she was coming up clean.

 

One day, completely out of the blue, I got an email from a person. It was an email my now xWW had sent asking for this person's help. Help in lying to me so my xWW could meet her lover.

 

That person, who had actively helped my now xWW in betraying me, up and grew some honesty and integrity. It doesn't really matter WHY this person acted just that this person did.

 

You might be tempted to think, oh no...hell all over again. That, this person who forwarded to me this email had caused ME pain. My children pain. I didn't. In fact, I am now and always have been THANKFUL for that person. This person FREED me.

 

Was it hell? Yes. But not because this person "ratted her out".

Did I lose the house, the cars, et al? Yes. But not because this person "ratted her out"

Did I sink into a deep depression lasting some 12-18 months? Yes. But not because this person "ratted her out".

 

In fact...I am nothing but GRATEFUL.

 

Just sayin'

 

I completely agree with this!!!

 

Being a BS, I would have to say that you should tell the wife!!! She deserves to know the truth!!! Give her the option of staying with him, or leaving him, or whatever she decides to do!!!

 

Why in the world should he get off and just go on with life as if nothing ever happened??

 

I say tell her!! I am sure she will be upset, but I do believe she will be greatful in the long run.

 

The thing is, you might want to get yourself together first and not do it out of spite, but do it because the wife deserves to know and because the husband doesn't deserve to get off scotch free!!!

 

Just the opinion of a BS who was told about broken NC by the OW!!!

 

Hope this helps!!

[siuys]

Wow jwi71 and Lachicauna. Thank you for your response. I am so sorry that it happened to you. I never thought I'd be in this situation, and even be thinking about telling xMM's wife! I understand where you're coming from. I am not sure about telling his W because I really don't want to inflict pain. Sometimes I question if total honesty is indeed the best policy. You would think so, but sometimes I just question that. I know his M will very likely end if she knows. It may also end without her knowing. I feel like it's none of my business now, and because I truly care about him, I hope he can find the courage to tell her, or somehow work through the issues himself, and make his M work. Maybe I am naive, maybe his M will never work, I don't know.

 

But like Lachicauna said, I need to first get myself together, and give it some space first, and then think about it. I also don't want to be vindictive, and act like this just because he's chosen to work on his M. I am also a little afraid that he may come after me! I don't know if this is even a possibility, but when people get angry, anything can happen. And I think why would I want to get into this s*** all over again?

 

Anyway, thanks for your response, and I hope you two are ok, and not in pain...

[siuys]

I simply cannot believe I've been having thoughts of telling is W again. I guess I want to hurt him, and not let him get away with pretending to his W that nothing ever happened, and that they can now continue MC to mend the M. I know it will take him a while to even be able to work on his M due to our A/R. I feel horrible and vindictive with these thoughts, like I am unable to handle my pain and hurt in a decent kind of way.

 

At the same time, I ask myself why I want to inflict more pain, to destroy a family, to get revenge so to speak only after i told him i loved him. it's all so warped.

 

I'm not doing anything... I just needed to let my thoughts out.

[whichwayisup]

It's okay to think, just please, don't get the urge and go through with it. You'll regret it and the drama, questions, reaction you'll have to face afterwards. It isn't worth it.

 

Cliche, but the best revenge for you is to work through the pain and come out on the otherside of the rainbow feeling good and happy, never look backwards. Your own happiness is what counts, not his. WHO cares about his marriage, what they are going through, what lies he is and isn't telling her.

[BlackLovely]

I feel bad for you dear. I think it's normal to have revenge fantasies, they can even be healing. As long as you never act on them, you're fine.

It's your mind, think whatever you choose. It sounds like you are trying to convince yourself not to do it, which is good, yet scary.

[siuys]

Thanks for the response. Just what I needed. I won't do it. I guess I just can't believe I would actually think those thoughts it's insane. I am moving on, slowly but surely. I have deleted everything that could remind myself of him. It's a bitter lesson, this whole thing with an MM, but it IS a lesson, and I have learnt a lot, despite the pain.

[East7]

I have been through this stage too. Everyone who is thrown under the bus is strongly tempted to tell.

 

Then I realized that the only motivation of telling the BS was revenge, nothing but revenge.

I didn't take the action to telling BS because I ended with the question:

"What if I tell ? What benefit would I take, the BS hate or/and gratitude ? WHO CARES ?" who cares if their marriage works or not, I am not part of a triangle R anymore, I am out of that. If they are going to live a lie, try to make it work or divorce, I don't give a damn, it is their problem, not mine ! I am not going to waste my time thinking about a M that is not my business.

 

I hope this reasoning can help somehow.

[siuys]

Thanks for the response. I am speechless in a way from your experience, oxfordsocks. And East7, I have to say, my thinking is more in your direction. I have pretty much decided not to do it. It won't do me any good, and won't help me move on. It's none of my business anymore now, and whether their M works out or not, it's not my concern anymore.

 

I have to admit I am struggling today. It's only been 3 days since he ended it so I guess it's still raw. All in all I am doing better than when I was putting up with his swaying, but I miss him like hell. I won't contact him while I still have a bit of self respect and dignity left. I just sit with my pain and then it goes away. It will come back, but I know it will go away again. Damn this whole thing. I wish I never got involved.

[siuys]

oxfordsocks, i guess i am shocked at MM and BS seemingly making good of everything? Are they delusional? I am sorry you're hurting. I know how you feel. I try not to think too much about it and move on. Let it go I tell myself.

 

And what happened? I literally just got an sms from him – "You got the email but did you get it? I am still deeply in love with you and I haven't given up." Well, wtf does that mean? It has only been 3 days. of course he's still in love with me! This guy cannot make up his mind, and is screwing with my head. I will not reply him, and may never do. I am starting to really lose respect now.

 

Thanks oxfordsocks, i may pm you another time as it's late over here... take care.

[East7]

. And East7, I have to say, my thinking is more in your direction. I have pretty much decided not to do it. It won't do me any good, and won't help me move on. It's none of my business anymore now, and whether their M works out or not, it's not my concern anymore.

 

I have to admit I am struggling today. It's only been 3 days since he ended it so I guess it's still raw. All in all I am doing better than when I was putting up with his swaying, but I miss him like hell. I won't contact him while I still have a bit of self respect and dignity left. I just sit with my pain and then it goes away. It will come back, but I know it will go away again. Damn this whole thing. I wish I never got involved.

 

It is always interesting to have other people's experience but every situation is unique as the fingertips. The oxfordsocks and jwi71 actions are based on their actual circumstances but it doesn't mean that we can take the same actions.

I am always against telling. There is only one exception : If the BS contacts me and ask about what happened, I would be honest and tell the whole story but I wouldn't actively contact the BS by my own initiative. I am out of that !

 

From what I have read and experienced myself, the heartache is hell during the first 3 days, then you start to feel better. Then it takes approximately 3 weeks to really feel alive again and to start moving on. You will look at things differently. What can disturb the process is breaking the NC. It will just reopen the wound.

 

You will surely miss the MM, but I realize that we miss the person that he/she used to be in the A, not the person we discovered after the 'bus accident'. Once heart and mind cooled off, you will notice that when the trust is collapsed, you will not have the same feelings. Maybe one day you will think that you would never want that kind of person back.

 

Think about this : No man is worth your tears and the one who is worth it will never make you cry.