Scarlett513 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 In this case, the "move" was fairly innocent, I was just testing the waters to see if he would take the bait and get the ball rolling. He works in my building and we always chat/flirt when we see each other but I have no way of knowing if he's interested at all or if he has a girlfriend. I saw him earlier today and then I just figured I'd bite the bullet and send him an email. I made up a story about losing something in the lobby where we chatted this morning and asked him if he might have seen it. That was around lunch but no response. Maybe he was busy today or left early....or maybe I was too bold/transparent and he's not into it. I do think he's a decent enough guy to reply that he hadn't seen it, even if he has zero interest. But I can't help but wonder if my making the first move might have turned him off.
Sabali Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I find a woman making the first move very sexy.
GorillaTheater Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I made up a story about losing something in the lobby where we chatted this morning and asked him if he might have seen it. Depends on the girl. And the move. This wasn't a move, first or otherwise.
waynebrady Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 In this case, the "move" was fairly innocent, I was just testing the waters to see if he would take the bait and get the ball rolling. He works in my building and we always chat/flirt when we see each other but I have no way of knowing if he's interested at all or if he has a girlfriend. I saw him earlier today and then I just figured I'd bite the bullet and send him an email. I made up a story about losing something in the lobby where we chatted this morning and asked him if he might have seen it. That was around lunch but no response. Maybe he was busy today or left early....or maybe I was too bold/transparent and he's not into it. I do think he's a decent enough guy to reply that he hadn't seen it, even if he has zero interest. But I can't help but wonder if my making the first move might have turned him off. That wasn't a move. Why would you even think that it was? Why would he take that as a sign that you're intrested(if you are)? You are being ridicilous if you actually think you made the first move on him. You need to learn the defenition of making a move. The one who first shows intrest by actually saying it to the other person or asking the other person out is the one who has made the first move. What you are doing is trying to lure him in making a move on you.
Author Scarlett513 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Ha, well I guess that just goes to show how little experience with initiating these things. I tend to be kind of shy, so I thought this was pretty bold! I assumed (and worried) that it may have been too pushy, but judging by your reactions, maybe my message wasn't even clear let alone overly aggressive...
Sabali Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Ha, well I guess that just goes to show how little experience with initiating these things. I tend to be kind of shy, so I thought this was pretty bold! I assumed (and worried) that it may have been too pushy, but judging by your reactions, maybe my message wasn't even clear let alone overly aggressive... Walk up and smack him on the @$$ like you meant it! That's a first move!
Aflac2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Absolutely, the girl should make the first move. I already started another thread on this. It's really unfair in the dating world how men are expected to always make the first move. One gender should not be expected to always make the first move. Men are shy and afraid of rejection too. Plus with all the stigma about sexual harassment, rejection, being ridiculed for being rejected, seeming awkward in your approach, and going after someone who's "way out of your league", it's already too much of a burden for guys to always make the first move.
utterer of lies Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Men are shy and afraid of rejection too. Plus with all the stigma about sexual harassment, rejection, being ridiculed for being rejected, seeming awkward in your approach, and going after someone who's "way out of your league", it's already too much of a burden for guys to always make the first move. Grow up. Grow balls.
musemaj11 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I made a move on this one girl today. I asked her "What time it was" .... 1
always_searching Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Yeah...no offense to anyone, but most guys are pretty dense. So, you can guarantee that he didn't analyze your email and determine that you were "making a move." (That being said, most women wouldn't assume an email like that would be an indication of interest--would you?) Making a move is, "Hey, I like you. Would you like to get coffee sometime?" Or even, "Hey, would you like to get coffee sometime?" LOL, but, depending on the guy, he may not get that you like him from that alone. So, flirt--heavily. I mean, to where there is no question that you're flirting. Guys don't take subtle hints--believe me, I've had my fair share of experience. If you act subtly flirty, they take it as "nice." You need to all out HIT ON THEM, like, touch, or, apparently smack their asses (though, I've not tried the latter). So, if you like him, you need to say, either with your words or body-language, that you like him, which doesn't include an email about whether he saw something of yours.
Feelin Frisky Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 It was a move. Just an ambiguous one that a guy who can't read such things can over look. OP, you did however send him a message and he should respond one way or the other. If he doesn't and you read new distance in him it's probably not happening. You placed a ball in his court and now you have to wait for the picture to reveal itself. If he comes back to you and tells you he din't find what you lost, you might boldly and sheepishly tell him you lied to check him out. See what he does. I'm sure it won't hurt. Telling him you lied is kinda cute if you ask me.
Author Scarlett513 Posted November 6, 2010 Author Posted November 6, 2010 Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I did wind up hearing back from him. He apologized for taking so long, was very nice about my imaginary belongings, and then asked a random and unrelated question. I took that as a good sign that he was keeping the conversation going when he could very easily have just said "I hope you find it!" and left it at that. I answered his question and did the "and what about you?" thing. Again I didn't hear back from him. I may hear from him on Monday but I'm taking his lagging responses as a sign of disinterest. I think if he was interested he would make a point to get back to me quickly, no? Maybe his questions were just out of friendliness and I should back off. Like I mentioned, I tend to get shy in these situations. I was thinking of being more blatantly flirtatious in the next email, if he had replied, but I don't want to make a fool of myself or "hit on him" if he has a girlfriend...
green_tea Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I don't think you can read too much into his slow replies - he may be really busy. And I do think it's a good sign that he kept the email going, but if I was you I'd leave the flirting for in person. I think you should try to find out if he has a gf soon though - it should be easy by asking him how his weekend was if you see him on Monday - he can't help but mention a gf if he has one.
dilectus Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 This goes for a couple threads I've read: 'I email him yesterday and he/she hasn't gotten back to me. Does that mean hes not really interested.' 'I texted him/her this morning and he/she hasn't gotten back to me. ....' I don't know if I'm just absent minded or if I'm missing some social rules, but how soon I respond back to someone has little to nothing to do with whether I'm interested in them. If I happen to get the email the moment they send it and I have time to email back, then I will. If I don't have time for a day or two, then I'll respond in a day or two. I know of times that I've entirely forgotten to get back to a girl I really liked. The world is suffering from a plague of over-analyzing.
Jannah Posted November 6, 2010 Posted November 6, 2010 I think in some cases, you have to be straight forward if you want to go out with them, otherwise they might construe it as you are just being friendly. Other times, they will in turn ask you out, the moment you make the slightest contact. There is no way to know for sure from the onset.
Aflac2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Grow up. Grow balls. I am grown and I do have balls. If you want proof, I could put em in your mouth.
Aflac2010 Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I made a move on this one girl today. I asked her "What time it was" .... LOL. That was a good one.
Tim The Enchanter Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 (edited) I am grown and I do have balls. If you want proof, I could put em in your mouth. I like your style. OP - I see this kind of question fairly frequently on forums like this. Women seem to be unclear about whether it's "ok" to approach men they like or "make the first move". Maybe there are strange men out there who don't like women to be forward, but I think the majority of men would be wholly in favour of it. I have never, ever heard of a man rejecting a woman for the simple reason that she made the first move. If he finds her attractive, there is no way that he's going to reject her because of that. Edited November 7, 2010 by Tim The Enchanter
waynebrady Posted November 7, 2010 Posted November 7, 2010 I like your style. OP - I see this kind of question fairly frequently on forums like this. Women seem to be unclear about whether it's "ok" to approach men they like or "make the first move". Maybe there are strange men out there who don't like women to be forward, but I think the majority of men would be wholly in favour of it. I have never, ever heard of a man rejecting a woman for the simple reason that she made the first move. If he finds her attractive, there is no way that he's going to reject her because of that. I fully agree. Any man who don't like women to be forward is gay, simple as that. If a woman get's rejected when approaching a guy it's because the guy wasn't intrested, not because he don't like women to make the first move... Men get rejected all the time does that mean women don't want men to be forward and make all the moves? Rejection is a part of the game, when you approach somebody you take your chances.
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