kasax Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Greetings, Just stumbled upon these forums while looking for answers to my situation. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and it has been the strongest love i ever felt. I could say it's my first real love. Maybe because this is the first girl ive ever had such a bond with, my feelings are so strong, but I am also a very very sensitive person. For the good and for the bad. I am originally from Spain, and I moved to the US just to live with her. Ive been here for 2 years now and I miss my family and specially my friends like crazy, but I know I can't live without her in Spain. I have never regretted leaving my job and everything behind and starting a new live in the US for her. Not until lately. She has had a depression for a long time. She was also abused by her uncle when she was 7 and up to 18. I've always been very supportive about it and always dealt with her depression and never doubted her.. but it's harsh in the long run. It's been such a long period of crying every day, her being destructive when she "Freaks out" and blaming everything on me (she always regrets it later). I am recently considering if all this is worth it. On the other side, she finally accepted to go to a counselor and we are going next week. We tried this once but focusing it on the sexual abuse she went through, and not on her depression. It went bad... she didn't wanna see a psychologist for a long time. So here i am, after an arguement this morning that made me stand up and say... wait a minute.. can I live with this? I dont even enjoy our relationship anymore. We are together 24/7 because we NEED each other. I need her, I think i am obsessed with her actually and if she is sad or crying I feel like **** and sometimes have anxiety attacks over it. I can't see myself breaking up with her for two reasons: One, if im shacking and having panic attacks after a little arguement because she is late for class, Idk how i'd deal with breaking up. Second, deep down on me I know i love her.. and she is actually deciding to go to a counselor to fix this. She doesnt want to be depressed and knows that its not my fault and lloves me just as much as I do. Another small detail is that we live in the same small tiny room because im waiting to move in to my new apartment. We share a 9 feet by 6 feet dorm every day. I feel like I need my space and I think this might be the solution and wouldn't need to go overboard on it. Anyways.. my head is a mess so here I am hoping someone can enlighten it up a bit. Thanks a lot everyone.
Alobar Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Hi Kasax, Your situation sounds remarkably like mine. I moved states because she was moving roughly 3 years into our relationship. I went 1000 miles away and left all my friends and family for her. She also was sexually abused by 2 uncles when she was younger and it really messes her up. She's been in and out of counseling but she fights it every time. For a while her sex drive was shot completely. She never expressed her feelings about this and so when I wanted sex she would usually give it to me and then feel terrible about herself afterwards (apparently). She now has major trust issues with me because she feels like i violated her when she didnt want to have sex. She recognizes that I didn't do it intentionally but that is how she feels. My advice, talk to her about it. I'm not going to say "leave her man, its over!" because A) you don't want to hear that and B) you wouldn't listen anyway. I don't even know if it'd be the right thing to do. It sounds like she's dealing with a lot emotionally and you two lean on each other heavily. That needs to stop. I think you need to start doing things on your own. i.e., if you drive her places, let her drive herself. If she wont go shopping without you, let her go shopping without you, etc. It's important that you both feel you are able to sustain yourselves or else you won't be able to sustain a relationship. I feel exactly the way you do. It's difficult to enjoy being with her. I bet she finds it difficult to be with you. It's over-saturation of one another in my opinion. If you are constantly leaning on each other and feeling each others pain that severely, you'll both be incredibly insecure.
Author kasax Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Wow alobar... thanks a lot. Our situation is definitely very similar. I am sorry that you are going through what you are.. because I know how it feels. And at the same time I am very thankful for your advice, because I see you totally understand how I am thinking and feeling.. I didn't mention her sex drive, but it's also very low all the time. And me being horny constantly doesnt help her.. she feels very preassured with that. I will try and make a step towards being more independant and let you know.. I hope your situation gets solved sooner or later.
LoveTNT Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply.
Alobar Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Wow alobar... thanks a lot. Our situation is definitely very similar. I am sorry that you are going through what you are.. because I know how it feels. And at the same time I am very thankful for your advice, because I see you totally understand how I am thinking and feeling.. I didn't mention her sex drive, but it's also very low all the time. And me being horny constantly doesnt help her.. she feels very preassured with that. I will try and make a step towards being more independant and let you know.. I hope your situation gets solved sooner or later. It's absolutely my pleasure. I really hope any advice I can give will help you. I know that you feel like you've put all of your eggs in one basket here. It's true. Both of us have. That's why decisions are so tough to make. Again, the best sexual advice i can give is to NOT pressure her or approach her for it (oh my god this is so crucial i cannot emphasize it enough). My sex drive is high also. I would have sex every day if I could. These girls are NOT like that. Sex for them is very emotional and if done wrong, it can have lasting scars. Be very patient with her if you want to be with her. That can be oh-so-difficult sometimes, I know, but it is necessary. If you feel like venting at all about anything, just post here and let it out. I'll help you as much as I can.
Author kasax Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 It's absolutely my pleasure. I really hope any advice I can give will help you. I know that you feel like you've put all of your eggs in one basket here. It's true. Both of us have. That's why decisions are so tough to make. Again, the best sexual advice i can give is to NOT pressure her or approach her for it (oh my god this is so crucial i cannot emphasize it enough). My sex drive is high also. I would have sex every day if I could. These girls are NOT like that. Sex for them is very emotional and if done wrong, it can have lasting scars. Be very patient with her if you want to be with her. That can be oh-so-difficult sometimes, I know, but it is necessary. If you feel like venting at all about anything, just post here and let it out. I'll help you as much as I can. You are right on the sex part. I have experienced that myself too. Although not as bad. She said she felt violated once, but she also said she felt better after we did it, so I never talked to her about it again. Maybe I should ask her how she feels about that. If you don't mind me asking, has your girl gotten anything out of the psychologists she visited? How often does she "loose it"?
Alobar Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 You are right on the sex part. I have experienced that myself too. Although not as bad. She said she felt violated once, but she also said she felt better after we did it, so I never talked to her about it again. Maybe I should ask her how she feels about that. If you don't mind me asking, has your girl gotten anything out of the psychologists she visited? How often does she "loose it"? To be honest, I don't think shes gotten much out of the psychiatrists visits, but I think she fights them on it. She never really "looses it", it's more of a quiet mental breakdown that can manifest itself in other ways, i.e. trust issues. Your gf may benefit a great deal from some professional help, though. Everybody's different when it comes to this stuff, and it seems like her sexual appetite is bigger than my gfs (or ex gf ). Just make sure to always keep in mind how she feels sexually. Keep the discussion open between you two. Don't get mad at her or freak out.
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