typical..he took me for an idiot once again

[lostsoul27]

hi everybody:laugh:

 

i used to be apart of a forum when i was like..13.. and it was a lot of fun (teenage thing) but now my reason is a lot more serious.

 

my boyfriend and I broke up after 3 and a half years, in April. we were having serious issues from about February though, so lets say we've now been apart for 8 or 9 months. he was my EVERYTHING, my life, my soul, my heart.

 

i was really close with his sister, and after about a month of us being broken up, she let me in that there's this other chick that he was always hanging around with..she was sleeping over, they went out constantly, etc etc. i died..naturally. when we spoke about it, he promised me on his life, on our relationship etc that nothing was going on between them. i believed him, i still do. he even introduced us - to show me that nothing was going on.

 

he fought for me back a few times. i refused him though. he put me through HELL before we actually broke up, and my heart wasnt ready for torture again. he tried many times to sort things out, talk about things but i just couldnt.

 

last tuesday night, he asked for me to go over to his on wed, and i said no. because i knew what he wanted and im the idiot who always gets hurt in the end. he had a BITCH FIT..total bitch fit. and he then decided that this girl who is |just his friend|, was worthy of being his girlfriend. so he asked her to be, she said yes. (she has been into him since the beginning)

 

yesterday we had a massive fight about it, he said that she isnt comfortable with him seeing me because hes not over me ---hello?? why are you in a damn relationship if ur not over me?

 

of course everything is my fault....i slept with someone else BEFORE he did [after the relationship obviously]. so its my fault, cos i didnt love him anymore. the reason for me sleeping with someone else was because i was genuinely interested and i saw absolutely no future with my ex.

 

and the worst part is...my ex is 22, i am 20 and the new chick is 19. is it me or is the whole situation really immature and retarded for people of our age?

 

i am so hurt..my heart is breaking. i hate it that hes made things official with her. i dont know what to do or what to think grrr...

 

any help?

 

thanks

[carhill]

I'd distance myself from the lot of them. Nothing healthy going on there.

 

What were the 'issues'?

[loverofloveandstuff]

You've gotta let go! I'm going to suggest you go NC with your ex; it's the only way to get over him. There's nothing to 'think' and there is nothing to 'do.' You guys have broken up and you must get used to that. He might've promised you he wasn't going to get with this girl but things have changed and you are not his girlfriend anymore. She is.

 

If he's not over you, then so be it. I feel sorry for the girl that he is currently with. However, it is not for you to say who he should be dating and when he should start dating.

[lostsoul27]

issues..well my parents didnt like him. okay they did like him, but he wasnt who they wanted for me because they claim we were on different levels, with regards to ambition, education and "social class"

 

also him and i fought about everything under the sun. literally.. he was EXTREMELY stubborn. it was painful. i would cry from frustration cos he would never see my side of anything. at the same time though, i never really listened to him. or i did listen to him but not remember it. that pissed him off drastically.

 

another problem was jealously. he was quite jealous. when we would go out clubbing or whatever, i wasnt allowed to wear certain things that i looked hot in, basically. and i was like okay whatever. but then when we were at the club, he would play pool with the boys and i would be dancing with the girls. he didnt want guys to perve over me but he wasnt exactly showing me off that i was his. it was baaaad.

[carhill]

Thanks. I'll now repeat my prior advice, with emphasis. I'd also suggest taking some alone time to process the 'issues' and perhaps reflect upon your role in them. This helps to foster a better understanding of yourself and what qualities/personality to seek and accept in a new potential love interest. Good luck

[nikayla]

lostsoul27:

 

Since we're in the same age group (I'm 21) and I have been in a similar experience, I am compelled to respond, lol. For starters, his sister is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Her loyalty lies to her brother first, and how could not tell you that he was interested in someone else? Be careful who you call friends and confide in.

 

And how does he know that you slept with someone else? That is your business, and you do not need his approval for your actions...THIS, if anything, should turn you off. You do not want a man who can have his cake and eat it too, but you're only worthy enough to bake it.

 

She's 19, and if she's smart, she will run as fast as she can. I know you're hurt, and I am sure you loved him very much. But can you really imagine being with this man for the rest of your life? After he put you through hell?

 

Girl, I think it's time to move on...good luck building your successful future WITHOUT him!

[nikayla]

issues..well my parents didnt like him. okay they did like him, but he wasnt who they wanted for me because they claim we were on different levels, with regards to ambition, education and "social class"

 

I hate to repost, but "social class" is not an accurate indicator of a good mate. For example, I have friends at Harvard who are dirt poor, but who utilize education and resources to make something of themselves...

[lostsoul27]

@carhill

 

thank you for your words . i have had SOME alone time. during the break up, we had absoultely no communication for about two months, and to be honest, that was the best part. i know for myself that having him completely out of my life is for the best.

 

@nikayla

 

regarding his sister, they aren't speaking. because of this new girl. his entire family despises her because in actual fact,she is bringing him down. she has no morals or values and its obvious. i think that he is desperate, and that she is taking advantage of a broken hearted boy (not man..hehe). he is a horrible person when he is around her, there is a different side of him that i have never seen of him in the five years that i've known him. its disgusting.

 

he knows that i've slept with someone else because i told him. sex was a very special part of our relationship (he was my first). at some point we decided to be sex buddies (huge mistake) because we didnt want to do it with anyone else, in case we did land up back together. we stopped that though, and when he wanted to start it up again i told him..this is why i believe it was his business to a certain extent.

 

i certainly cannot imagine being with him for the rest of my life. in the first two years, as naive as i could be, i was like...wow this is my future husband. we had baby names, we planned we were going to travel. it was really good in the beginning. from about 2.5 to 3 years i stopped seeing the wedding..i couldnt imagine myself in the wedding dress anymore.

 

the social class thing i totally agree with. my parents are very old-school. i also have friends who are not from the same family backgrounds or financial status blah blah. it means absolutely NOTHING to me, thats why i think my parents kept pushing it on me.

[carhill]

i have had SOME alone time. during the break up, we had absoultely no communication for about two months, and to be honest, that was the best part.

 

OK, for purposes of discussion, my perspective on 'alone time' does not include the text quoted below:

 

i slept with someone else BEFORE he did [after the relationship obviously]. so its my fault, cos i didnt love him anymore. the reason for me sleeping with someone else was because i was genuinely interested and i saw absolutely no future with my ex.

 

If that has concluded, and I note the 'genuinely interested' as causing me to wonder about that, then now try some time away from 'sex' and 'genuine interest' to process this ending and moving forward. A relevant item to remember, whether with genuine interest or not, is that there are human beings on the other end of your process when you choose to engage. Like yourself, they have feelings too.

 

Good luck