waldro27 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I'm a young man that has recently come out of a 15 month relationship with a wonderful girl. we were so very in love, but sadly we argued and decided to split up. during the split, we talked and decided we'd think about getting back together. I was very excited about this until she kept giving me signals to suggest we weren't getting back together. this made me feel very depressed, and i wanted something to cheer me up. so i started texting this girl i knew, and i was flirting (just to note i was two weeks single at the time). The next day, my ex came over and we had a lovely time and she wanted me back. she then wanted to use my phone to go on facebook, and she read these texts. she ran out of the house, and she despises me. she says she loves me and wants to be with me, but cannot as she does not trust me. I feel as if ive cheated although i haven't, but still want this girl back so bad. how do i get her to trust me enough to come back?
carhill Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 You don't get her to 'trust' you. She either wants to be with your or she doesn't. You were not married. You were not engaged. You were dating/LTR and you 'broke up' and were getting 'mixed signals', hence you decided to pursue other potentials. Do you really think she's been chaste and celibate while 'broken up' with you? Dramatics are just immature. Date someone else.
Author waldro27 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Are you saying that I was not in the wrong what so ever? I mean, i was completely single and free to do as i liked although there was a possibilty of getting back together with her.
brokenamy Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Are you saying that I was not in the wrong what so ever? I mean, i was completely single and free to do as i liked although there was a possibilty of getting back together with her. first make it clear that you understand that her feelings are hurt. BUT you did not do anything wrong. Explain why you texted that girl and make it clear that you didn't do anything. If she wants u she will return, if not. move on. There are great people out there waiting to have you. Good luck.
Author waldro27 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 thankyou for your advice. i just dont want to get half way to moving on to then find out she misses me and wants me back
carhill Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Are you saying that I was not in the wrong what so ever? If your relationship and exclusivity has ended, via being 'broken up', those are the relevant issues, regardless of the 'Cheer's effect' where memories of your intimacy promote a false 'bond'. The relevant part is agreeing that the relationship of 15 months is over. Yes, each may have second thoughts. Yes, there may be desires to reconsider. Yes, something *new* might happen. None of that obviates the fact that it's *over*. She also went through your phone, a big and immature no-no. Her azz would've been out the door just for that. Heck my wife and I never looked at each other's phones and easily could have at any time in our M. Jeez, how immature. You're feeling that tug that all women provide men. We can't get love and intimacy the same from other men and crave it from women. You get your rocks off with them. It bonds you. Now you gotta break that bond. You're 'broken up'. Why did you break up? Heck, my ex-wife an I 'argued' weekly, if not more often. It's normal. Arguing and disagreements don't define the end of a relationship; it's the *what* the arguments are about and the *how* they are conducted which does. What's your story?
Author waldro27 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 She just got sick of the arguments, same ones each time. we said we'd try to make more of an effort to enjoy the time we spent together, i.e go out together more etc. We used to be really happy together, we didn't argue for four months. We had one huge argument about me being inconsiderate of her feelings. since that huge argument we'd argue reguarly and eventually she got sick of it. although the decision to end was mutual it was her who brought it up and suggested it. i agreed with the reasoning just didnt want it to happen. now all of this texting that other girl thing... i'm torn between just forgetting and moving on, or trying to get her back. The fact she was going to be back with me prior to seeing the text messages shows our relationship issues were okay, now this. its like escaping a hurricane then getting hit by an earthquake (couldnt think of a better metaphor) what to do?!
brokenamy Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 thankyou for your advice. i just dont want to get half way to moving on to then find out she misses me and wants me back Don't you get it that is the only way you can tip the scales in your favor because then she will HAVE to work to get u back. We women want to be pursued but sometimes we want to fight for what is ours. we want to conquer you. Make it clear that you love her,then go LC (I don't believe in NC) put her on xtra low in the back burner and take that other girl on a date. The worst thing that can happen is that you will be over her by the time she comes back (and trust me if she is for you, she will stir the feelings back up). GL
bleeg Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 No word of a lie, I've been on this forum for a month and the best advice i've seen is brokenamy's. Touche.
bleeg Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Waldo, Listen...my gf has lost trust in me as well after she found out I was seeing her friend for coffee when in fact, I was seeing her to figure out how to get her back not knowing her friend liked me and had plans of her own and has not turned the table on me. Listen dude. I know you love her but you didn't do anything wrong. No contact is the key to getting her back.
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