the ex is finalllly leaving me alone, thank you.

[paleblue]

Its been a few weeks since I told my ex gf at work, if you have a bf, im not interested in your bs friendship. Leave me alone. Well since then, she appears to have smartened up. No more walks by, making noise, or any anything. The only thing she did right after was walk by a couple times literally stomping her feet like a little baby. Its not my imagination because my co-worker next to me asked “what was that?” And I got that look, like death rays shooting from her eyes. Why so mad I wonder if you don’t care? Then I realized, its not me that she is upset over, its only because she isn’t getting her way. Oh well. Don’t like it - too bad.

 

Prior to this, she was always walking by making noise, showing off, aggravating me, and trying to “be-friend” all the co-workers around me. It was nothing more than an ego stroke for her. Like she still had to be “in charge” of how things were going to pan out even after the relationship was long over. Now she seems to have swung to the complete opposite end of the spectrum, and has literally disappeared, or acts like she is on top of the world. Maybe she is. Good for her. But I think it’s an act. Regardless, little does she know it’s a huge relief to me.

 

Even if she does become single at some point down the road and wants to contact me for “friendship”, I am probably not interested. I used to be. But not anymore. Especially if I have a new girl. I don’t want to disrespect her. So I have realized, this is completely it. the final curtain. So long. But I feel kinda ok with it now. Sometimes yes, I do still feel a little sad, or angry, but then realize why? She doesn’t really care. And I realize I no longer trust one single word that comes out of her mouth or any of her motives. I have 0% trust now in her. It’s really too bad. We used to mean so much to each other, and now we mean so little to one another. How does that happen?? That’s what really makes it sad to me.

 

Now I will just say to everyone out there who has an ex that is driving you crazy, Cut them the flip out of your life! you will thank yourself down the road instead of letting them torture you forever. You may think you want someone back after they left you, but really you will just feel resentment and waste your time on someone who isn’t right for you. One shot, per person in your lifetime. That is all we get. If they aren’t right the first time around, they wont be right the second time around.

[BeagleGal]

I think I may have one of those. My ex broke up with me 7 months ago when he left me for the woman he was cheating on me with. He had gotten her pregnant as well. Not only was he still living with me and very much playing the role of boyfriend but she was also engaged to someone else when they started dinking around.

 

I found out all this through coworkers (ex and I work for same company, different offices). I also found out through his friend, that this new woman is "just a wallet to him".

 

Even after he dumped my ass, he still contacted me on/off and I stupidly for a while, responded. After he got married to her Jul 31, didnt hear from him until his birthday on Oct when he texted and called me after 3 months of NC. I recently found out that his new wife's due date was Nov 1. Something I didnt want to know about but you know how office gossip is. Who do you think I get an email from 2 days ago?? Him. Asking me how I am and how my dog is. Like if nothing happened or was happening. Unreal.

 

Not replied back, nor will I. I have nothing to say to him after all he's done to me. A couple of times I've pretty much told him to fack off but I dont think he's getting the hint or doesnt care. The past couple of days my self esteem plummeted further because I felt so worthless thinking about how he left me b/c I wasn't good enough for him, couldnt provide him a comfortable lifestyle and left me to go for someone "better". He not insulted me in that way but my family as well as he knows we're not a well-off family.

 

So he doesnt deserve to know how I am, he can sit there and wonder why I'm not bothering with his douche bag ass.

 

 

Now I will just say to everyone out there who has an ex that is driving you crazy, Cut them the flip out of your life! you will thank yourself down the road instead of letting them torture you forever. You may think you want someone back after they left you, but really you will just feel resentment and waste your time on someone who isn’t right for you. One shot, per person in your lifetime. That is all we get. If they aren’t right the first time around, they wont be right the second time around.

[paleblue]

Wow Beagle that completely blows he is doing that to you. I don’t even get what he really wants by contacting you, other than to make himself feel better about something. I say don’t reply to his lame attempts at contacting you. Cut him the flip off!! I can totally relate how depressing and everything else it is when we are contacted by our exes. Believe me, your self esteem will come back once you erase him out of your life and take back control of the situation. You’ll feel better when you don’t give him the choice anymore, just like they didn’t give us the choice when they ditched /cheated on us. Otherwise we just keep ourselves down by responding to them. Why? Because our self esteem and dignity suffers when we do. We know we have been wronged. And they are not doing anything to make it right. In this case there is nothing he can ever do to make it right. I find it extremely disturbing on his part that he contacts you after he recently MARRIED. Does his new wife know? Doubt it. It just goes to show you can’t trust him. You don’t want anything to do with this guy. You gave him a chance, he screwed up. Move on dude. I give you a lot of credit for keeping your cool with it.

 

Don’t beat yourself up too bad for responding in the past. I remember mine also acting like nothing ever happened. She just wanted to sweep everything under the carpet like nothing ever happened and everything is cool. Ennttt. Wrong. It just made me even more infuriated asking for my “friendship” . without at least talking to me, or trying to face up and apologize. I doubt our dumpers even have the ability to rationalize, or recognize this aspect of things because they are so caught up in themselves.

 

You are absolutely right. He doesn’t deserve to know anything about you anymore. Not today, not tomorrow, 6 months, or 6 years from now! F ‘em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BeagleGal]

I've come to realize through some time and therapy that he does have some kind of personality disorder. He's not wired like us "normal" people and he's motivated by different things and not good things. He's contacting me for an ego stroke and I was forewarned by a friend of his months ago and a week before the wedding that my ex wants an affair with me or would try to and that he misses me. Oh boo hoo.

Absolutely there is zero he can do to make it right, not now, not ever. He's caused way too much damage. OF course his new wife doesnt know. She'd flip if she did. But you know what, she knew what she was doing when she got involved with him so I dont feel sympathy for her.

Trust me, I'm slowly ready to blow I think. I've kept my cool for so long and I find myself ready to explode.

 

So as hard as it is not to respond to him, I am not going to. He can sit there and stew.

 

Wow Beagle that completely blows he is doing that to you. I don’t even get what he really wants by contacting you, other than to make himself feel better about something. I say don’t reply to his lame attempts at contacting you. Cut him the flip off!! I can totally relate how depressing and everything else it is when we are contacted by our exes. Believe me, your self esteem will come back once you erase him out of your life and take back control of the situation. You’ll feel better when you don’t give him the choice anymore, just like they didn’t give us the choice when they ditched /cheated on us. Otherwise we just keep ourselves down by responding to them. Why? Because our self esteem and dignity suffers when we do. We know we have been wronged. And they are not doing anything to make it right. In this case there is nothing he can ever do to make it right. I find it extremely disturbing on his part that he contacts you after he recently MARRIED. Does his new wife know? Doubt it. It just goes to show you can’t trust him. You don’t want anything to do with this guy. You gave him a chance, he screwed up. Move on dude. I give you a lot of credit for keeping your cool with it.

 

Don’t beat yourself up too bad for responding in the past. I remember mine also acting like nothing ever happened. She just wanted to sweep everything under the carpet like nothing ever happened and everything is cool. Ennttt. Wrong. It just made me even more infuriated asking for my “friendship” . without at least talking to me, or trying to face up and apologize. I doubt our dumpers even have the ability to rationalize, or recognize this aspect of things because they are so caught up in themselves.

 

You are absolutely right. He doesn’t deserve to know anything about you anymore. Not today, not tomorrow, 6 months, or 6 years from now! F ‘em!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[havehope]

just wanted to say that I 'enjoy' (for lack of a better word) reading stories like the both of yours, only because I was cheated on too, and he still has to nerve to sweet text me while dating other people, 1.5yrs later. I'm realzing now its for an ego stroke and he doesn't really miss me like he says. I like reading stories like yours because they give me hope that one day I'll have that F-you attitude too, instead of being sad about it all the time. And when I see people like you who don't want anything to do with their exs and don't want to be friends with them, don't get sad if they hear from them, and don't think they deserve to know anything about you, it gives me hope that I'll be there one day like you guys.

[BeagleGal]

Oh, girl, you give me, at least, way too much credit.

I still get sad and I still feel hurt when I hear from him. And when I hear about him at work, its like the knife just plunging further into my chest. True, I don't want anything to do with him ever because he's a worthless piece of sh*t, but I still hurt and I am not over him. I struggle with coming to terms that I was in love with a facade not who he really is. And I beat myself up almost daily when I think of how stupid I was to fall for his bullsh*t.

Its taking everything in me to not reply back to his email... but I've stroked his ego one too many times since our breakup and I think now its high time I stroke my own and not give him what he is looking from me: attention.

 

I'm sorry you are having a hard time still with your situation. I hope you have kept NC with your ex. Don't let him fool you a second time.

 

just wanted to say that I 'enjoy' (for lack of a better word) reading stories like the both of yours, only because I was cheated on too, and he still has to nerve to sweet text me while dating other people, 1.5yrs later. I'm realzing now its for an ego stroke and he doesn't really miss me like he says. I like reading stories like yours because they give me hope that one day I'll have that F-you attitude too, instead of being sad about it all the time. And when I see people like you who don't want anything to do with their exs and don't want to be friends with them, don't get sad if they hear from them, and don't think they deserve to know anything about you, it gives me hope that I'll be there one day like you guys.

Edited November 4, 2010 by BeagleGal

[havehope]

I think you should get credit! I can't even imagine what you've been through and how hard it was in the beginning. What he did to you is so f-ed up its disgusting - Look how far you've come! I thought I was doing okay and then I have this huge setback thats lasting months for no reason and I feel like I'm back to day 1. Partly is beccause the NC isn't there fully yet, its in waves. (coming soon I promise) I don't break it, but I reply... leading me to realize the ego stroking thing. I've realized so much during this last period of NC that I know I need it 100% otherwise I'll never get to where you guys are. Anyways, both of you have come a ways and I think you guys should know other people get encouragement from it

[paleblue]

Havehope – You definitely will get sick of it one of these days when you’ve had enough. You will move on and wont care so much anymore. He wont even be a blip on your radar screen. And all these feelings you still have – will be gone. I promise! You will realize wow I’m sick of this crap and there is so much more going on in life out there with other people. It’s been over 2.5 years for mine. I never felt like I was able to catch a real break to clear my head because I would hear from her on a regular basis. I felt like I was under someone’s thumb. It sucks and life is too short to waste time on people who make us feel like this.

 

I completely admire dumpee’s who just cut it right off. Boom. Over. Done. Bye-bye to your sorry dumper a@@. Then dumpers, trying to sweep things under the carpet like nothing happened. It is so completely aggravating to me. Sometimes I think they are in denial. Like there is the version they fabricate in their mind what happened, And then there is reality. Ever notice how they never seem to remember just how cold, and how they made us feel after what they did?? It’s cause they cant relate to us. So no thanks to dealing with that again!

 

Never thought I would feel this way about mine. Thought I was going to my grave loving her. But she has caused too much pain with her uncaring ways. To this day she still show’s no real substantial concern for me. She still acts like nothing, but yet wants me, to make her, feel better by being what? Her friend with conditions? I’m just done. I am completely altered by everything now and have lost that feeling to even want too. Just like she wanted me too. Request granted. Now deal with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Hang in there guys. It does get better. Stay strong. And listen to that little voice inside telling you what you know is right.

[havehope]

Looking back, If I could go back to the day I found out he cheated, I would have done NC cold turkey, no second thoughts. I wish I did that. I know I wouldn't be where I am now, over a year later, still upset over what he did.

 

Paleblue - I can't believe you have to see her at work. That takes alot of strength. I don't know how you do it, but more power to you for it. I'm glad to see that you've come such a long way - thats so great for you! if others can do it, then I know I can to. Reading on LS helps... Thanks for your encouragement. Thats funny you mention the voice telling you what you know is right - I feel 100% that he and I are not supposed o be together. Just a little voice that tells me this is right. Idk where it comes from or what, but its an incredible help when it randomly pops in my head. Now I just got to get that voice to tell my heart that!

 

BeagleGal: yeah... I miss who he was when I fell in love with him, not the person he is now, but its hard to separate that sometimes. how do you move past what he did to you? the images of them and everything? I get so upset when I think about it, even so long after