CIE Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Thanks for dropping in. I'll try to keep things brief. I've always been really bad at reading women. So I could use a little bit of help to understand and figure out what I should do next. For a little background, I'm a late 20's guy, and she's a mid 20's girl. Three weeks ago I met a girl at my friend's dinner party. We talked a lot during dinner, as well as afterwords, and we seemed to be enjoying each others company. As I was about to leave I asked her out for coffee, and she seemed interested. I gave her my contact information and she told me to add her on facebook, telling me her name about 5 times within the same sentence. I was ecstatic! Being shy, I don't have that much luck with women, and having a few extra pounds usually doesn't help either. We exchanged messages the following week, and that's where the signals started getting mixed. When I asked her again if she was interested in coffee and/or dinner, she informed me that she was going through something complicated with a past relationship and that we would be in touch. My message was pretty clear, I left no doubt that I was asking her out. But her response has been somewhat evasive but not outright negative. I would have preferred an outright no to "bide your time and maybe". Most of you will probably say to just move on and that if she is interested she'll make the next move. And I'm sure that is the right thing to do. I'm just trying to figure out what she meant. Was she just trying to let me down easy? What does "We'll be in touch" mean?
daisydufas22 Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Thanks for dropping in. I'll try to keep things brief. I've always been really bad at reading women. So I could use a little bit of help to understand and figure out what I should do next. For a little background, I'm a late 20's guy, and she's a mid 20's girl. Three weeks ago I met a girl at my friend's dinner party. We talked a lot during dinner, as well as afterwords, and we seemed to be enjoying each others company. As I was about to leave I asked her out for coffee, and she seemed interested. I gave her my contact information and she told me to add her on facebook, telling me her name about 5 times within the same sentence. I was ecstatic! Being shy, I don't have that much luck with women, and having a few extra pounds usually doesn't help either. We exchanged messages the following week, and that's where the signals started getting mixed. When I asked her again if she was interested in coffee and/or dinner, she informed me that she was going through something complicated with a past relationship and that we would be in touch. My message was pretty clear, I left no doubt that I was asking her out. But her response has been somewhat evasive but not outright negative. I would have preferred an outright no to "bide your time and maybe". Most of you will probably say to just move on and that if she is interested she'll make the next move. And I'm sure that is the right thing to do. I'm just trying to figure out what she meant. Was she just trying to let me down easy? What does "We'll be in touch" mean? I don't know what she means. Once I said that to a guy cause I was going through some emotional stuff and then he contacted me a month later and we went out. Can you ask her if you can go out as friends and take it from there????
Author CIE Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Ideally I would like to keep in touch even if we don't go out on a date. Out of sight out of mind, right? Daisy, did the guy you were talking about keep in touch during that month or did he keep his distance until he contacted you a month later?
lenny Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I would take what she's saying at face value. It sounds to me like she is interested because she could have phrased things way different to let you down easy. I would back off some and let her deal with her complications for a couple weeks before touching base again.
bac Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 To me, it sounds as polite rejection. But, when you are dealing with a young girl, you never know what is on her mind. In other words, she might change her mind in a while spontaneously and contact you. You might want to let her know that you are interested in her and that you want her to contact you anytime when she is ready and available. Say that you are looking forward to her contacting you.
Sabali Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 It sounds like a polite rejection to me as well. Since you two met at a friend's party she was probably letting you down easy. A lot of times when we are socializing with a women, we get a good feeling and we tend to transfer our own feelings to them and think there is some romantic connection there when the woman was only being friendly. This doesn't mean that you can't try to make it more than friendly but you just have to be aware of this. Some times a "twinkle in her eye" is just a twinkle in her eye. I would back off. She has your number. Contact her in a few weeks. If there is nothing then just leave it alone.
Author CIE Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Looks like the consensus so far is to give it a few weeks then another try and it and see what response I get. I don't think I was transferring my feelings on her. Not to the extent you are talking about. I drew the conclusion she was interested by how she responded when I asked her out in person at the party. That's one thing I don't like about people my age these days... It's always SMS this and facebook that. You lose the signs you get when you look into someones face. I've been turned down before, and I think I would have been able to tell what she meant better if she had been in front of me where I could hear her intonation and see her facial expression. I don't want to be pessimistic, so I kind of want to believe she really meant it like she said it. I don't want to give myself any false hopes either, but that's kind of hard to do when all you can do is wait.
welikeincrowds Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 and I think I would have been able to tell what she meant better if she had been in front of me where I could hear her intonation You know, that's why you get her number and call her instead! There really aren't many rules to dating. But there are all sorts of little tricks to avoid typical problems. One of them is to never do email, facebook, text messages, etc. in the first stages. In fact, I just don't facebook girls I want to date, ever. I've never heard a good reason for it, whereas there's a million reasons against. but that's kind of hard to do when all you can do is wait. Nope, you're not waiting. You're not waiting because this: if she is interested she'll make the next moveis not true. Generally speaking, women don't make moves. But that's why it's great to be a man -- you don't have to wait! You're the caller, and you have a plan. You're going to do other things for three weeks, then you'll get in touch with her and ask her out again. No waiting, just executing a mastermind plan. You'll have your definite answer then. Good luck
Sabali Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Many times women are just being nice and try to let the guy down easy. They can really be into your company and give good vibes that way but this is different than romantic vibes. Maybe she is interested and really just don't have the energy to pursue a new dating life. That is why you can check back in a few weeks from now. I doubt this is the case but it is worth a try. I wouldn't turn into her facebook buddy though. Stay away from texting and FBing for now. Only contact her when you check back in in a few weeks.
Author CIE Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 You know, that's why you get her number and call her instead! I realized that mistake as I was walking back to my car that very night. You're going to do other things for three weeks, then you'll get in touch with her and ask her out again. No waiting, just executing a mastermind plan. You'll have your definite answer then. Good luck Not quite what I meant by that, but you are right. I wouldn't turn into her facebook buddy though. Stay away from texting and FBing for now. Only contact her when you check back in in a few weeks. Yeah last thing I want is to be friendzoned over facebook...
that girl Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 I would assume she has a reason for not dating anyone right now. Otherwise, she would have given you the excuse when you asked her out at the dinner. I would give in a couple of weeks and stay in vague contact (maybe just comment on occassional status updates or links). Then bring it up again. If you have a close mutual friend, I would ask them what the deal is.
Author CIE Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 I'm sure that if she was coming out of something complicated it's very possible that she wasn't ready to move on just yet. As many have said, I'll give her a few weeks and see what happens then. Thanks everyone for your input!
Recommended Posts