nabin Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Hi all, I have a little situation here and hope you all can shed some light. I have this colleague whom I am rather attracted to and have been on good terms with. I am quite close to her, usually with me taking the initiative to talk to her and to look for her in her cubicle. We seem to be able to talk about anything and can really communicate in the same frequency. I have went on several group outings with her and we had great fun. We talked a lot and know pretty much about each other. She once accompanied me on a 3 hr queue but she emphasized that she's just doing it for a colleague. A very good colleague I must say! Friends and colleagues have been making fun and teasing us, asking whether are we dating. She likes to brush them off with just a smile. A close friend of mine actually ask whether has she considered dating me which she answer a again with just a smile. However, both of us seems to be enjoying the teasing haha. Recently, I tried suggesting going out on some group outings which she didn't want to. Just tried inviting her to a meal during the weekend but she rejected me again, saying she needs to be at home to pack up her house. She has been having a big renovation of her house recently and she said it is in a mess right now. Been a few weeks though. It is also very recently that i realized that I may be falling for her. Have been to a few casual dates previously and she knows about them so she may have thought I wasn't into her. I was keeping my options opened but after spending so much time with her, I realized she may be the one that I really like! Unfortunately, I seem to portray a very 'play-boy' attitude to my colleagues. I am no fool and I feel that she does not want to take things further. She feels comfortable with me but I am not sure whether can our relationship develop further. Personally, I felt that I may have not show enough interest in her but asking her out for dates seems to be fairly obviously isn't it? Can I even make it more obvious? I hate acting desperate and keep asking her out. Somehow, my gut instinct tells me that she may have some interest in me but there's seems to be something stopping her. I am at a loss now so will greatly appreciate if anyone can help me make sense of things. Thank you!
carhill Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Probably better to 'fall for someone' after you've dated them awhile.... Use your 'playboy' attitude and ask out someone else and leave this one alone for awhile. If she remains chatty, like the good friend she is, be sure to share your newfound social life with her. Friends like their friends to be happy. IME, women who promote and respond to flirting and do nothing about it are either in a relationship or ego feed whores or both. It's cheap validation. Costs them nothing but some carbon dioxide and a few smiles. Invest your time in a woman who wants to *date* you.
Sabali Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I was in a very similar situation as yours this past summer. I didn't know what I was doing to make the lady act flakey on me. She was driving me so wild too because she is such a girl-next-door, plain Jane type and I go absolutely weak over those types. What worked for me is taking a big step back and stop pursuing her so aggressively. She eventually came to me and we are dating to this day. So I say back off quite a bit and see what happens. It can be difficult to tell why she is not being so receptive but don't get too pushy.
NeverALover Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 i think that maybe she like the whole secrecy of it all in the beginning but once friends started to get involved and people started to noticed it lost its spark. I would give her some time. She clearly knows that you have feelings for her, she just isn't sure yet what her feelings are and if you keep on asking her out you are going to give her the wrong message. She will start to think that you are desperate or a player if she knows that you are dating other girls at the same time. Let her digest what is going on and if she does have the same feelings for you she will go and find you.
Author nabin Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Thanks all for your replies. Hmm if i were to take a step back, will she take it that I am just playing around with her? or will she think that i am back to dating other girls. She seems a little raw with regards to relationship matters as she does not have a boyfriend before. Will getting my close friend to help me to test her more work? Her birthday is in 2 weeks time and I wonder will she reject me again if i ask her out to celebrate her birthday. Ah getting rejected one time too many is getting on my nerves.
carhill Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 In your culture is it customary for a man to ignore a woman's rejections and pursue her to the exclusion of all else? In our culture, in the US, it could be considered stalking or sexual harassment, if performed in the workplace. However, customs vary around the world. BTW, decades ago when I was young, I often did exactly what you're doing. No successful relationships ever resulted from such a path. YMMV.
NeverALover Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 getting your friend to help might speed things up along, just tell her not to leave until they get an answer, no settling for smiling. Seeing as how she hasnt had a boyfriend before maybe she is just nervous. Her birthday is something big and she should want to spend it with the people she loves so after your friends tries to get more information out of her, if she still doesnt make plans with you for her birthday, i would say that her mind is made up and to move one.
Author nabin Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Nah I am not stalking her or anything like that. What I am worried that the level of interest I am showing is similar to just a normal friend. Hmm I am trying to ask her out either before or after her actual birthday. Hopefully my buddy can help me out here.
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