Brian Kent Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 A few weeks after giving birth, my wife had a sexual fling for a few days with someone who she barely knew. Several months later in a moment of sudden guilt she unloaded this on me. This was 16 years ago. I forgave her because I loved her to bits, as I still do but every few years or so and without warning I my mind gets embroiled in the same pain and anguish which I suffered when this first happened. When under its spell I have an urgent need to revisit and mull over every part of her story and in my minds it's as if it happened yesterday. After a few days (sometimes weeks) I manage to snap myself out it, but not before I’ve drowned myself in a lot of pain and negative thoughts. I’m a proud person and have never sought counselling. Can any of you relate to my situation? Do these thoughts ever go away?
shayan Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 brian counseling has nothing to do with pride. In fact, seeing a therapist often shows more confidence and maturity then trying to do things without insight. However, I am a stern believer that we all have the tools to fix ourselves within us if we look hard enough. So here I begin. You've never mourned and let this situation go instead you continue to repress it both emotionally and cognitively. That is why it keeps resurfacing. In order to come to terms with this, you have to accept it and embrace it as something which happened and was nessecary in your life for some reason. Find the reason perhaps to strengthen your love, perhaps to show your wife how much you truly love her (in good times and bad). You have to find a way to attach feelings of goodness to it to reverse the way your mind percieves it in other words. Then slowly as you change the way you see it, it will fade into the darkness peacefully, and your heart's wounds will heal as well. Embrace your wife let go, stop being a product of your past, you don't have to be. This seems like it will take some very deep soul searching and rethinking to resolve. good luck.
Author Brian Kent Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 My post must have struck a chord with more than a few. Advice would be appreciated.
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